


Almost Perfect

by LadyReylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Except They're Already Doing It, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mentions of Cancer, Prostitution, Sex Work, Slow Burn, So much angst, also, because of the angst later on, but not yet, but the fluff in necessary, kind of, waaaay more fluff than I expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 97,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22424152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyReylo/pseuds/LadyReylo
Summary: After recovering from a life threatening brain tumour, Ben has lost his confidence in sex and relationships. So he gets in touch with Rey, a specialised sex worker, to help him get over his anxieties.Rey has always had to fight to survive and is still struggling to get by. But when she lets her carefully built walls down around her new client, things will get far more complicated than she ever could have imagined.—A sex worker AU with feelings
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1974
Kudos: 2243
Collections: Stuff I love so much I even created a collection so I can read it again at some point





	1. Chapter One

“You need to get laid.” The growl that followed should have warned the ginger man to not press any further on the matter, but Hux always took pleasure in Ben’s pain. “Seriously, I know a girl.”

Ben schooled his features and counted as he breathed in and out slowly, the urge to do something with his clenched fists was hard to suppress as they walked around the hospital corridors.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m not kidding, Solo.” Hux pulled out his phone and started scrolling through emails. “I had a patient tell me about this girl. He was young, attractive, horny. He didn’t like his ileostomy,” Hux shrugged as if having an exposed piece of bowel in one’s stomach was nothing. Not everyone was an oncologist and comfortable with those kind of adjustments in their life. “Didn’t want anyone to see it. Anyway, there’s this website where he found a local girl that you can sleep with who is specialised with all kinds of medical conditions. Pretty girl. Fit.”

“I doubt that is actually a specialty.” Ben would have been tempted to roll his eyes, but he was still trying to calm himself and focus on Hux’s words rather than his anger.

“He showed me a picture of her in a follow up when I asked how he was adjusting. I swear to God so many patients think we’re therapists. Here.” Hux moved his phone across to show a photo of the young pretty brunette, her eyes sparkled with joy. The photo was obviously cropped, a man’s arm thrown around her shoulders. “I got her details, vetted her. I think she’d help you get out of whatever the fuck mood you’re stuck in.”

“Vetted? Do I even want to ask?” Ben watched at the redheaded man blushed quicker than he thought the arrogant dickhead would have.

“Not like that! I just wanted to make sure she knew how to navigate a stoma bag. She was clever.”

“Not clever enough to not be a prostitute.” Ben muttered, opened a set of doors leading to the staff lockers.

“I think she referred to herself as a ’specialised sex worker’ actually.” A quiet swish noise from Hux's phone, signaling a sent email, caused Ben to slam his locker door shut a little too hard. “There, I’ve forwarded you her details. Email her.”

“I do not need to get laid.” Ben shoved his bag over his head and gave a pointed look at the other man. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t need a prostitute-”

“Sex worker.” Hux corrected, before Ben promptly grabbed him by his white coat, throwing the shorter man into the lockers. The sound of metal creaking made it seem worse than it actually was, but proved effective as two other doctors rushed out, suddenly having somewhere else to be.

Ben moved his face closer to the short mans. “If you ever mention this again, I will punch you so hard in the mouth you’ll need an NG tube until your kid graduates.” He let him go, the redhead managing to catch his footing as Ben stepped back.

“Jesus, Solo. I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help.” Ben adjusted his bag on his shoulder, adjusting his collar before he made to leave, but not before Hux could get the final word in.

“It’s been a year, Ben.” Ben closed his eyes before pushing open the door. In. One. Two. Three. “And as much of a prick as you are, I'm actually worry about you.” Out. One. Two. Three.

Walking out of the hospital, Ben tried to ignore the weight of his phone and the one unread message that sat there waiting for him.

\-----

Rey had a routine. One she had to stick to by the letter, or she would run out of time and not manage to get everything done. It involved a thick diary with copious amounts of notes that she was often teased over in the garage, but to her it made sense, to her it kept her focused and stopped her feeling overwhelmed. It was a lifeline.

But today was one of those days when something went wrong and now she had to spend the rest of the week juggling and rearranging things. As frustrating as that was, she wouldn’t have change it for anything.

Han just got a new batch of cars imported from the UK. The generous donation meant they had received more than three months’ worth of cars in one go, a huge deal for them. But the shipment meant Rey had to come in early to start cataloguing them and their issues, working through lunch and staying late, which meant she got to the hospital later than usual, after visiting times had finished. Luckily Rose had let her stay. But that meant she didn’t leave until 10pm, when it was too late to go raid the local supermarket for discounted food for dinner and lunch the next day. Not that Rey was too upset, she’d gone days without food before, she didn’t mind doing it again if it meant getting back on track.

However, now it was midnight, her stomach twisting from not eating all day and knowing her next meal wouldn’t be until tomorrow night. Her mind buzzed, unable to switch off from which cars her and Han needed to work on first. She was excited about it but irritated that it was only 5 hours before she had to be awake and her body and mind were refusing to relax and let sleep take over.

Rey huffed as her phone dinged. Rolling over on the worn mattress, she picked it up from the floor next to her where it charging. It was a bad habit, sleeping next to her phone, but the fear of missing a phone call was too much to ever let her part more than arm’s length from it.

The bright light of the screen made her wince, but it was soon forgotten when she saw an unfamiliar email address pop up.

From: Solo, Ben (ben@solo.com)  
To: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
Subject: Your Services Query  
Message:

_Dear Miss Johnson,_

_You have been recommended to me by a colleague. I have a few questions I would like addressed before possibly enlisting your services. Please let me know what details you also require, and I will endeavor to answer them._

_1\. Your website states you are a specialised in dealing with various medical conditions, please elaborate your experience.  
2\. Are you taking new clients? _

_Kind Regards,_

_Ben Solo_

Rey reread the email, not sure what to make of it. Was this serious? She knew from the account the email was sent to exactly what “services” this guy was talking about, but usually the emails she got had an air of awkwardness and sometimes self-deprecation, yet this one… it was formal and stern. Panic rose, like she was mid-interview for a job she didn’t even applied for, but she quickly pushed it down as she hit reply.

From: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
To: Solo, Ben (ben@solo.com)  
Subject: RE: Your Services Query  
Message:

_Hello Ben,_

_Thank you for your email. I am more than happy to talk about my experience with you, perhaps I could call you? I find it’s easier that way._

_I don’t have any regular clients at the moment, so am available to see you most nights with 24 hours’ notice._

_I have attached my contact details, as well as my terms and rates. If you have any questions, feel free to email me or call._

_Many thanks,_

_Rey_

It was a bit more formal than her usual replies, where she had to comfort the person and make them feel more at ease with the idea of hiring her. She hit send before putting down her phone on the floor and rolling onto her back. The prospect of a new client making her pulse spike, in both excitement and anxiety, her mind already planning what the extra funds from one visit would go towards.

Her thoughts were interrupted with a buzz and gentle ringing. Grabbing for her phone, her brow crinkled when she saw an unfamiliar number. Was he really calling her back this quickly?

Rey sat up on her mattress and tried to sound like she wasn’t in bed. “Hello?”

“Rey Johnson?” The voice was deep, deeper than she expected, and a little gravelly, but perhaps he was just a little husky from sleep.

“Yep, that’s me. Is this Ben?” Rey swung her legs off the mattress and pushed herself up, grabbing her diary from the other side of the room.

“Yes.” He cleared his throat and continued. “Armitage Hux gave me your details.”

“Oh!” Rey switched on the bedroom light, wincing at the brightness. “I remember him. He wasn’t very familiar with sex workers in my area.” She laughed slightly at the memory of that phone call. “He wanted to make sure I wasn’t taking advantage or anything, I like to think I passed his judgement.”

“Well, he is an expert on judging people.” Ben confirmed, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“So are you a patient of his? I honestly didn’t think doctors were allowed to prescribe something like this.” She tried to joke.

“Something like that.” His voice was still profoundly low, a rumble in her ear as she sat on the edge of her mattress, her legs stretched onto the floor. “How old are you Rey?”

It wasn’t an odd question, just odd timing. Usually details on her appearance and age came up later in the conversation, when people were more comfortable with the idea of having sex with her and suddenly remembered to check if she was attractive or not.

“23.” She heard him exhale. “And how old are you?” She asked defensively. Rey hated being judged by her age, mostly because she never felt as young as the number implied. A hard life had that effect.

There was a long pause before he finally replied. “34.” Rey smiled, proud she’d called him out on how judgey that question was.

“All perfectly legal then.” She said with a smile. “Do you want me to go over my experience?”

“Please.” Ben’s voice was so low, she almost didn’t hear it.

“You don’t need to disclose your health at the moment, Ben. But I am completely comfortable with a range of things. Previous clients I have been with have had catheters or stoma bags. One facial reconstruction. But my most common clients are gentlemen with recent amputations or-” She was trying to imagine why he was calling, hoping she would make him feel more at ease.

“What about cancer?” He interrupted her when she took a moment to breath. Her shoulders sunk as she pictured this poor man on the other side of the phone, she could feel her face fall as she nodded before remembering he couldn’t see her.

“I’ve dealt with cancer before.” She said softly.

“Good. Right.” She could almost picture him nodding curtly with his clipped tone.

“Can I ask what you want, Ben? Just so we’re on the same page.”

There was a long pause and Rey worried he might hang up. “I… I don’t really know right now.” Rey understood, most of her clients felt the same. “I just know I haven’t had sex in a long time.” He sounded sad, but before she could dwell on it, he cleared his throat and spoke again. “What details do you need?”

“Ben." Her voice was soft, full of empathy. "We don’t have to talk about details now. Just making this phone call and reaching out is a big step-”

“18 months ago I had a malignant brain tumor removed from my temporal lobe.” Rey froze, suddenly unable to breathe. “I have undergone treatment, including several surgeries, radiotherapy and chemotherapy.” She had to blink several times to clear the tears forming in her eyes. “I experienced seizures on a daily basis during treatment, but am now in remission, having had no symptoms or seizures for 12 months.” Rey swallowed hard.

“Okay.” She tried hard to keep her voice steady and professional, hoping she sounded kind and not scared. “Thank you for sharing that Ben. It sounds really tough, I’m glad you’re better now.”

“It could have been worse.”

“And are…” Rey cleared her throat. “Are there any remaining medical conditions that led you to me?” She flicked through her diary to a blank page, scribbling down notes.

“I had brain cancer.” He half snapped, as if she hadn’t been listening.

“And are now in remission.” She repeated back to him. “I don’t want to offend you, but usually once people are recovered from something like this, and comfortable again, they don’t need someone like me.”

“What if I’m not comfortable? Never mind. This was a mistake.”

“Wait! Ben, please don’t hang up.” Rey stood up, her diary falling from her lap to the floor. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything.” She scrambled to pick up the papers that had fallen out. “Of course it takes time to heal completely, not just physically. I… I think I can help.”

“The seizures-”

“I’m first aid trained. I had a client with epilepsy, I know it’s not exactly the same, but I can handle seizures.” Rey took a deep breath, not realising she had been holding her breath. “Ben, please, let me help you.”

There was a long silence, her breathing and her heartbeat in her ears the only sound she could hear. “Are you free tomorrow evening?”

“Yes. Yes I am.” She flipped to tomorrow in her diary. “What time?”

“I get home just after 8.”

“That’s perfect. I can do 8.30?” He gave a short confirmation. “If you could just fill out the forms I’m sending over, it’s just details like address and stuff in case there are any emergencies.” She got another short yes from him before she continued. “I have a few terms which I sent over earlier, so if you could read and sign those that would be great. And payment-”

“Your rates say $200 an hour, is that correct.”

“Yes. I understand it can be a little steep-”

“No. Its fine.” Rey smiled a little as she wrote the time and his name down. “What’s usual to start with, three hours? Four?”

Rey almost choked. $600 was enough to make her cry in relief. “Lets say 3 for now. We can go as slow or as fast as you want.” She tried to sound calm and collected. “I know this is already moving quite quickly, but I think these things are easier over the phone. Are there any no go areas?”

“I… I need to move slowly.” Rey swore she heard a growl, but maybe she just imagined it. “I don’t trust myself.”

“I understand.” She didn’t, not really, but she could move slow if that’s what he needed. “It was nice to speak to you, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Rey.” She hung up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, phone still in her grip, suddenly exhausted. Plugging her phone back in to charge, she laid down and almost instantly feel asleep.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment or a give a quick kudos. I really appreciate them.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a busy day at work, Rey pays a special visit to someone...

“Rey, did you have a right side, front door for a 2010 Ford Fusion?” A gruff voice pulled Rey away from the car bonnet she currently had her head under.

“Let me check.” She grabbed her notepad and flicked back a few pages. “Yep. A silver Ford Mondeo.” She translated the American version to the British equivalent. “Written off because the axle and the left side wheel bearings are unsalvageable. The right side looks good though.” She looked up from the paper with a smile, ready for a challenge. “Need help?”

“I think we’ve got an easy fix, that door, some new tires and lights and it should be good to go.” Han ran a hand over his jaw and took the notepad off her, looking for the wanted cars details. “Where is this one being kept?”

“Out back, by Chewie’s favourite spot.”

“Thanks Kid. Want to grab a torx and we’ll get started?”

Rey rolled her eyes at the affectionate nickname and grabbed the screwdriver from her belt with a smile.

“Ready!” They headed out and Rey took a moment to look at all the cars in organised chaos around the yard. Some would think it looked like a tip, a place where random car parts went to die, but Rey knew better. The Millennium Falcon Project saved her life.

Years ago, Han got bored with just being a Senator’s husband and had the idea to take his hobby and do something good with it, with the support of the Senator of course. Now his shop had been running for over 10 years, taking broken and unloved cars, fixing them up and giving them to the homeless and less fortunate. They weren’t pretty - most of the time they didn’t match - with different coloured doors and hoods, or odd seats - but they worked and they changed lives. Rey knew from personal experience.

5 years ago her and Finn applied for a car and Han took pity on them, offering them not one, but two, and jobs as well. Suddenly they went from huddled up together on the street, to having safe, secure cars to sleep in, access to running water and steady money. Finn adjusted to it quicker than Rey did, he thrived with skill and confidence, chatting to people had always come easier to him. One of the many things she had always been a little bit envious of.

It took her a while to trust that Han was genuinely nice and this wouldn’t all be taken away from them; it took weeks before she let her guard down enough to smile at the older man as he told a joke. Then it was like opening floodgates. Han became the father figure she always wanted, Chewie the family pet, and Finn continued to be her big brother. They worked hard, learning how to fix cars and help others, not having to just look out for themselves anymore. The job became her life. But nothing stayed perfect forever.

“Did you say silver?” Han called out to her.

“Yep. Registration ending in SBL.” Han grumbled about British licence plates under his breath as he continued to hunt for the car. “You really think we could get this fixed up today?”

“That’s the idea, Kid.” Han spotted it and waved Rey in the right direction. “Why? You got your eye on it?”

“You know I’d never give up Speeder.”

“That ugly rusted red thing? I’m surprised it still works.” Han opened the car door, inspecting it.

“Of course it does. I’m the one fixing it all the time.”

“Surely its time you upgraded to something better. Don’t want you getting stuck, breaking down on your way to work one day. Who’d make the coffee for when I get in?” Rey knew his teasing was just to cover up the fact he cared.

“I have a family on the waiting list that could really use a 4-door car.” Rey changed the conversation. She didn’t like talking about money, especially around Han. “Think we can get it signed off and on the road by the end of the week? I could get them to pick it up Friday morning. I think she said she works every morning but Fridays.” Rey flicked through her notepad again, searching for the lady’s details and availability. “Yep. Here she is.”

“When are you gonna let me get you a computer? It’s not natural seeing someone your age writing everything on paper all the time.”

“I like my notes.” Rey shrugged. “Besides, I wouldn’t even know how to use it if you got me one.”

“Bullshit, you use that phone just fine.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Rey pointed her screwdriver at him before reaching over and helping him start to take the door off.

“I’ll let you know by lunch, but it looks likely. If you can get the paperwork sorted.” Han grunted as he yanked the door off after the last screw was removed and wire detached, dislodging it from the rest of the car. He put it down carefully on the ground and sighed. “Listen,” Rey knew that tone, she knew Han wasn’t comfortable with whatever he was about to say. She just hoped it wasn’t about the usual things he tried to give her unwanted advice on, like money or boys or Finn. “I hate to ask this, but this family… you think Leia could meet them when they pick up the car?”

“You mean, do I think they are a good press opportunity for Leia's reelection campaign?” Han sighed, confirming her suspicions. “I’ll ask when I tell them about the car. They’re nice people, they’d be really grateful.” That was Rey’s way of saying yes. After all, she was grateful enough to Han to have done the same press pieces when she was younger, the posed photos next to him and his wife. She cringed just at the thought now.

“Thanks, kid.” Rey lifted the door, using the side of her body to support some of its weight.

“Don’t mention it. Where is this going?” She was always good at changing the subject. Something her and Han had in common.

“My station.”

She nodded and headed back, dropping it off before returning to cataloguing the next car which only needed minor repairs. At this rate, they could get two or more cars ready for a Friday morning pick up, and that would only generate more good news for the story Leia was after.

Quickly checking her phone, no messages, she got to work again. Keeping busy meant it would be easier not to think about food, or rather, the lack of food she’d had today.

An hour later, her phone pinged, and she grabbed it to see an email waiting for her. Looking around the shop she saw Han raising the car he was working on up on the lift. She washed her hands and headed to the bathroom before opening the message.

From: Solo, Ben (ben@solo.com)  
To: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
Subject: RE: Your Services Query  
Message:  
Attachment: Ben Solo – Terms of Service.doc, Ben Solo – Questionnaire.doc

_Dear Miss Johnson,_

_As requested, find attached the completed forms and the signed terms._

_I look forward to seeing you this evening._

_Kind Regards,_

_Ben Solo_

She opened up the attachments and checked he had filled them out correctly before relaxing on the lid of the toilet. If she got $600 from tonight, that would mean she could pay two months of rent right away, which meant the money she got from donating blood could sort out her food and gas, so her wages from Millennium Falcon could be saved. Rey let out a shaky breath. Ben may have just saved her butt this month, she just hoped she could help him in return.

\-----

The drive to the hospital felt like it took forever. Knowing she had an appointment always made her anxious to get there earlier than necessary in fear that she’d miss her time slot. Rey ended up walking into the hospital ward half an hour early.

“Hi Rey!” A cheery voice greeted her from behind the nurses’ desk.

“Hi Rose. How are you?” She made her way over, taking off her coat.

“Good! Today a lovely lady bought in chocolates, an early ‘Thank You’ gift as this is the last time she’ll visit before Thanksgiving.” Rose offered the box of chocolates to Rey, who gratefully accepted one, her stomach reminding her she hadn’t eaten anything except a few biscuits from the garage in the last 2 days.

“That’s nice. Thank you.” Rey bit into the chocolate, gooey caramel hitting her tongue. “Wow, these must have been expensive.”

“I know, right!” Rose said with excitement. “If I’m honest, I think they are guilt chocolates. She only visits her son every other month.” Rose tucked the box behind the desk and lifted her hands defensively. “Not that I should judge, but she lives like 10 miles away. She has no excuse.”

“Maybe she’s busy.” Rey offered.

“You’re busy, yet you come every day.” Rose countered.

“Yeah, well, not everyone can afford fancy guilt chocolates. Time is all I have to give.” Rey cleared her throat, trying to ignore the sadness that crossed the young nurse’s face.

“Speaking of giving. This is the TV show I was talking about.” Rose handed her the DVD case. “This is only Season 1, my sister has the rest of them.”

“LOST.” She said quietly, reading the DVD cover and flipping it over in her hand, not having the heart to tell Rose that she doesn’t have a TV, let alone a DVD player. “Thanks Rose, this is really sweet of you.” Rey tucked it in her bag and smiled broadly at the shorter woman. “Any news?”

“Sorry, Rey. Everything has been the same today. But the doctors are doing their usual Tuesday rounds soon, and I think they have you scheduled for an update. Maybe they might have some new options?” Rose managed to always sound hopeful, in any other circumstance Rey would have thought her naïve, but she was genuinely thankful for her optimism.

“Hopefully.” Rey looked over at the bays. “I’ll go in and say hi before they get here, if that’s okay?”

Rose smiled softly. “No problem.” Rey returned the smile with a small one of her own.

It took 24 steps to get from the nurses’ station to his bed. She knew because she took this little walk every day. 24 little steps that made her feet feel heavier with each she took.

“Hey Finn.” She greeted as she reached the foot of his bed, her hand gently smoothing the wrinkled sheets. This week they were white, with cartoon images of food dotted over them, with the words ‘Happy Turkey Day’ written in bright red and orange letters in the centre. She saw them in Target on sale last December and knew she could keep them for now.

Finn loved Thanksgiving.

It was a special day when they lived on the streets, getting to go to two or three food shelters and stuff their faces with as many helpings of cheap turkey and potatoes as they could. Their bellies hurt by the end of the day as they wrapped up warm and tried to safely store the food they managed to sneak away in their pockets for tomorrow, talking about what they were thankful for. Finn’s enthusiasm was always infectious. He was always able to make elaborate stories from the things that happened that year as if they were epic adventures, rather than happy accidents like the time that he got a new jacket because that man forgot it on the park bench.

Rey tended to be more grateful for the financials, like the twenty bucks Finn found in the pocket of said jacket.

She ran her finger around the cartoon picture of a pie and smiled. “It’s Thanksgiving next month.” She told him quietly. “I always remember how you used to count down the days for it? And I would always moan because you would always get so excited even though it meant we’d be colder.” Rey moved around the bed and sat next to him, her fingers stroking his lightly. “And remember that first year at Han and Leia’s? You bought them that horrible apple pie! I told you a $2 pie couldn’t taste good, but you insisted we had to bring something. Not even Chewie would eat it and he eats anything.” She laughed, remembering the way the giant hairy dog had walked up to the dessert, taken one sniff, then walked away. 

“I’ll bring you a nice apple pie this Thanksgiving if you want. We always said we were going to try and make one ourselves, but we never did, did we?” She said after a while, mentally figuring out how much that would probably cost.

“Miss Johnson?” A familiar voice interrupted her one-sided conversation.

Rey stood up quickly and wiped her eyes quickly, sniffing. “Dr Phasma, it’s good to see you. Thank you for setting aside time. I know you are very busy.”

“It’s no problem, Miss Johnson.” The tall blonde woman said, moving back the curtain to reveal several other doctors. It was their weekly exchange. “You don’t mind if I update my colleagues before we chat, do you?”

“No, no I don’t mind. Go ahead.” Rey gave them all a weak smile, embarrassed to have been caught being emotional in front of strangers. She stood awkwardly as Dr Phasma picked up the clip board and handed it to the group of interns to each flip through.

“Patient is Finn Johnson, 25 year old male. Hit and run in May 2018, resulting in Traumatic Subarachnoid Haemorrhage. Emergency surgery was performed to stop the bleeding and relieve pressure. Patient experienced several rebleeds and has been in an unresponsive coma-“

Rey started to fade out the words, watching the young doctors each look back and forth between the chart, Finn, and her. One offered a small smile, but most looked bored. She knew there wasn’t anything they could do to help him, she’d been told too many times that it was just a matter of time, letting his brain heal itself and hopefully one day he might wake up on his own. But that didn’t make it any easier when Dr Phasma asked what the next steps would be and everyone agreed the same treatment. Time.

But Rey knew it wasn’t just time. It was money as well. Money to pay for the bed, his medicine, his doctors. Rey could give time. Money was the issue. And she had been fighting every day since the accident to ensure she had enough money so Finn had the time he needed to heal.

“Mrs Johnson?” One of the interns said, trying to get her attention.

“Miss. It’s Miss Johnson. Finn… Finn is my brother.” She ignored the perplexed looks a few of them gave her. They wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Apologies, Miss Johnson. Was the last MRI Mr Johnson had back in June 2018?” Rey grabbed her diary from her bag, flipping through pages until she found the one she needed.

“June 29th 2018.” She confirmed. “Why?”

The doctor ignored her question, choosing to speak to his superior instead. “Dr Phasma, do you think it’s worth doing another MRI and comparing, enough time has passed to see if there has been any significant healing. We could see the rate of healing, if any, and get a clearer picture if it’s worth waiting or if he could become a donor-”

Rey couldn't help the gasp that escape her throat.

“Get out, Dr West.” The young man’s mouth opened to question why, but the blonde woman didn’t give him a chance. “I’ll deal with you later. Now get out.” He left quickly.

Rey was shaking as Dr Phasma approached her. “I’m very sorry about what he said, Miss Johnson. It is not his place to make comments like that.”

Rey nodded, her anger building as she tried to stay calm. “It’s fine.” She shut her diary and took a moment to breath slowly before putting it back in her bag. “It’s fine.” She repeated, mostly to herself.

“Let’s move on-” Dr Phasma started before Rey spoke.

“Wait. Is he right? About getting an MRI and comparing them? That rate of healing thing?”

“It would give us new information about Finn’s brain, and new information would help us get a clearer picture about what to do next. I would recommend it, Miss Johnson.” A kind smile made Rey nod in agreement.

“Thank you, Doctor.” They all slowly filtered away, closing the curtain behind them.

Rey looked down at Finn. Her hand coming up to touch his face lightly. The face that used to constantly be lit up by smiles, but was now so peaceful… so un-Finn like… It set determination in her bones as she quickly slipped out, grabbing her diary as she went and headed to the nurses’ station. The young doctor from earlier turned bitterly and walked down the hallway in the opposite direction as soon as he spotted her.

“Rose?”

“Yes?” She said, wiping a bit of chocolate from the corner of her mouth, her brow crinkled in concern.

“How much is an MRI?” Rey opened the diary, flipping through to find the page she was after in Finn’s care section, making a quick note.

“Gosh, you’re looking anywhere between $1000 and $3000, depending on what doctor you got to read it. Let me check.” Rose replied, quickly typing on her computer to find out more details. “Here we go, this hospital the cheapest with a random Attending is $1060.”

“And the best doctor?” Rey asked, scribbling down the price.

“Gosh, for Head of Neurosurgery that would be…” A quick scroll and Rose let out a whistle as she found what she was looking for. “For just the MRI, he would be $3360. Rey-”

“That’s fine.” Rey frowned and wrote down the cost.

“I wouldn’t go for him anyway, Rey. I’ve met him. Total asshole surgeon.” Rey knew Rose was just saying that to comfort her. “I could book you with an Attending if you want? I can probably get an appointment before the end of the month.”

“Book it with the Head of Neurosurgery. I want the best.” Rey said, determined, circling the cost in her diary. “Please, Rose.”

The young nurse just nodded. “Okay. I’ll see if I can get you an appointment, but it might take a little longer.”

“I don’t mind. It will give me enough time to save up the money.” Closing her diary, she checked her phone for the time. “Shit. I have to go.”

Running back to Finn’s bed, she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay strong for me, okay?” She pulled back, placing a gentle kiss where their skin was just pressed together moments before. “I’m going to get you the best doctor I can, and maybe next Thanksgiving we can finally bake that apple pie together.”

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'm planning on updating twice a week, but please leave me a comment or a give a quick kudos as I really appreciate them and they help motivate me.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
>   
> _In the next chapter..._
> 
> Rey and Ben finally meet!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has her first appointment with her new client, Ben Solo.

Rey double checked the address on her phones sat nav after she’d parked up on the driveway at 8:27pm. This place was a lot fancier than she thought it would be, no wonder he said $200 an hour wouldn’t be a problem. Her battered rust coloured car stood out like a sore thumb in this neighbourhood, especially next to his shiny black BMW. Not that she cared. She loved Speeder, named ironically as it couldn’t handle going more than 60 miles per hour, and she brushed her hand lovingly over the hood as she reached into the back seat and grabbed her bag.

Rolling her shoulders, she knocked on the door, noticing the doorbell after it was too late and cursing to herself. It was only about twenty seconds later when she made out a shape approaching through the patterned glass. She swallowed, preparing a warm smile as she waited for him to open the door, last minute anxiety rushing through her as she wished she had worn her hair down, instead of in buns.

Ben Solo was not what she expected.

He was tall, and broad, his frame taking up most of the doorway. His hair was longish and dark. It wasn’t a style she usually found attractive, preferring shorter lengths, but his looked so thick and silky and healthy, Rey had already made it her mission to card her fingers through it - if he was comfortable with that of course. Finally, her eyes focused on his face. A few moles littering his skin as her eyes darted around, scanning his features before settling on his. A small, barely audible gasp betrayed her professionalism as she stared at dark honey coloured eyes, made all the darker by his pale complexion. He had an odd face, but it fascinated her.

“Ben Solo?” She finally asked, lifting her hand out towards him to shake.

He looked down at her hand perplexed, before slowly dragging his eyes back up to meet hers. “Rey Johnson?”

“Yep.” She beamed at him, hoping to make this as easy as possible. He reached out, his hand hovering inches from hers, the intent clear, but he was obviously struggling to decide if he should shake it or not. His eyes raked over all of her, assessing her and she suddenly felt like a piece of trash on the street, insecurities popping up that she pushed down. He didn’t know her history and couldn’t be judging her on that, all he knew was she was polite. She was pretty, and she was here to help him. Rey kept her hand out firmly, but it suddenly felt heavier. “It’s nice to meet you, Ben.” She pushed her arm a little further forward, watching him looking down. She took a moment and glanced at his hand, noting how massive they were, before looking back up.

Something must have clicked into place as he quickly closed the gap, gently clasping their palms together, finger wrapping around hers and giving it a short shake before dropping it just as suddenly.

“Likewise.” He stepped aside, letting her into the house.

“You have a lovely home.” Rey commented, even though everybody’s home was lovely to her. “Do you have any housemates?” It was easily a three bedroom house, and it was always good to know if there would be any interruptions.

“Just me.” Rey nodded, mentally working out the various ways he could afford this and trying not to feel bitter. “Can I take your coat?” He offered his hand as she shook off the heavy material. She thanked him, smoothed out her white tee as he hung it up, looking around the hallway and trying find out as much about him as possible. Apart from the gym bag that was tucked in a corner, there wasn’t a lot of details to decipher.

He gestured for her to head towards the living room and she sat down on the sofa, waiting for him to awkwardly decide if he should join her there or sit on the armchair on the other side of the coffee table. She smiled warmly when he slowly lowered himself onto the far end of the sofa with her.

“Thank you for filling in the paperwork so quickly. Usually I have to remind people.” Rey prided herself on being able to be friendly but professional in these situations.

“It’s fine. I’m used to forms.” His voice was low and quiet, yet she could easily feel each word. Life must be easy for a guy with instant command like that. A voice with gravitas, Finn would call it.

“Good. Well those were the only ones I need, so no more forms from me.” She smiled, glad when he met her eye and she saw his shoulders relax a fraction, her eyes crinkled in happiness. This was going to be fine. This would work, she told herself. 

Rey only had one client she had to refuse once she’d met them. It turns out the initial contact had been from the client’s mother pretending to be him, and only when Rey visited the house and the mother was there as well had Rey realised what had happened. She held the young man’s hand as she apologised and wished him all the best before she cornered the mum in the hallway as she left, a hard stare and pointed finger directed towards the older woman who should have known better, and Rey told her as much. The trembling lip had made her pause, hugging the woman as she cried about her son, how he’d never had a girlfriend, how he didn’t have long left and always fancied Keira Knightley, so when she’d seen her profile picture and the fact she was British, it just made sense to her to hire him a girlfriend for the day. Rey comforted grieving woman but made her swear not to do this ever again. Sometimes Rey wonders if that boy ever did meet a girl before he…

Rey shook herself out of that train of thought and focused on the man next to her. He was big, definitely 6’2 or 6’3. And not just tall, his shoulders were wide and she could tell under his dark long sleeved jumper that he was strong. He didn’t look like her usual client, but she had to remind herself that he had been in the clear for a year now. He didn’t look like she had to be gentle with him at all. Rey’s eyes widened as she realised what she had just thought.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” She asked, her attention snapping back.

“A drink. Would you like a drink?” Ben was so focused on her face, she could feel it start to heat. “I have coffee, water, Coke, or… tea?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” She scrunched up her nose. “Did you only offer me tea because of my accent?” She teased.

“Maybe.” Ben finally returned her smile with a small one of his own, barely noticeable but it felt like a victory.

“I have a confession. I never understood the whole tea thing.” Rey admitted with a shrug. “I didn’t really drink it growing up. I only ever fancied it when I was cold or when it was raining.”

“My mother loves it. So does my uncle. I didn’t realise there were so many types, then one day after my mother did the grocery shopping for me, I suddenly discovered a whole shelf full of tea. Herbal, fruit, green…” He shook his head as he exhaled lightly as he laughed. “You should hear them arguing about it, the right ways to brew it, how hot the water should be.”

“Sounds like a fun Christmas.” Rey teased.

“Don’t joke. Last year was… colorful.” Ben ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, half on the arm of the sofa as he tilted his body to face her better. Rey tried to ignore how soft his hair looked and how it seemed to instantly fall back into place perfectly. 

“They must have been happy that you were healthy again.” Rey said carefully, steering the conversation back to the reason she was here. Friendly but professional, she reminded herself. She placed a hand on his knee and it was easy to make her smile kind as she looked up at him.

“They were. Although not as happy as when I got sick.” Ben muttered, looking down at her hand.

“I’m sorry?” Did she just hear him right?

“Nothing.” Ben cleared his throat. “So this… How does this work?”

“Well, let’s focus on just tonight, sometimes that’s all people need.” Rey didn’t like getting too ahead of herself, she remembered the 3 hours he mentioned during their phone call but he could so easily get uncomfortable and say no after 3 minutes and she’ll walk away with nothing. “The first thing is if you actually want to still go ahead? That you don’t think I’m some hideous monster that repulses you.” She joked, a little bit of self-deprecation to help lighten the tension.

“You aren’t hideous.” His deep voice shot straight to her belly and Rey had to shift on the sofa before continuing, pretending it hadn’t affected her.

“We’ll take it slow, like you said, maybe tonight we’ll just kiss or touch each other a little.” Rey began to lightly run her hand over his thigh and knee, as if to demonstrate what she meant. She didn’t stop as she continued. “Or if you want to move a bit faster, we can. You just have to talk to me, Ben. Tell me what you want. I’m here for you. Does that sound okay?” He nodded and Rey nodded as well. He took instructions well. “Good. Communication is really important. I will ask for consent before I do anything new, unless you’ve asked me to do it already. And you need to tell me if you are worried about anything.” She let her hand pause on his thigh and gave it light squeeze. “What were the signs that you were about to have a seizure?”

“Warning signs were, er, stiffness in my hands and arms, confusion and out of body sensations, deja-vu and mood swings.” He rattled them off quickly before pausing. “And I… I felt angry. It would last about 30 to 60 seconds before the seizure started.” Rey nodded as his hands clenched into fists.

“And you’d recognise these symptoms?” Ben nodded. “And your seizures, Ben. Can you tell me what I need to know about them please?” She kept her voice calm and neutral. She knew this would be the hardest bit, but once they had had this conversation, everything would be become much smoother.

He stared just past her head as he spoke, and Rey started to rub his leg again, moving closer to him on the sofa carefully. “I had tonic-clonic seizures, I would fall down unconscious and thrash violently. They lasted around 2 minutes and I usually… I usually vomit.”

“That sounds really awful. It must have been upsetting to lose control like that.” Rey reached up with her other hand and placed it on his arm. “If this happens with me, Ben, what would you like me to do?”

Ben nodded, closing his eyes and schooling his breathing. “Call an ambulance, get them to take me to Long Beach Hospital. Do you know where that is?”

“I know it.” If he noticed how her hands tensed, he didn't say anything. 

“Move anything that I could hit, but don’t touch me until you’re sure it’s over, then get me in the recovery position until I wake up. I usually come back after 5 minutes.” Ben paused and looked at her hand on his arm. “And if we’re naked then I’d... I'd appreciate some help getting dressed.”

“Of course. You must be exhausted after all that.” Ben just nodded and Rey had a feeling nodding when words were too hard was a habit of his. “Do you want me to contact anyone else, a family member?”

“My mother. You can text her from my phone.”

“Thank you. Ben?” He looked up and she smiled gently. “Is it alright if I kiss you?” Her eyes were fixated on his, which were intent on taking in her whole face at the same time. Warm honey flickering between her eyes, her nose, her lips, her hair, before they focused back and returning her gaze. He nodded again, his tongue quickly darting out to wet his lips.

“Yes, Rey.” Her name sounded so weighty coming from him. She liked it.

It only took a few inches before her lips were floating just out of reach from his and she was reminded of them meeting earlier, how he assessed her slowly before finally closing the gap between their hands. It was a dance, her waiting for him to sort through his thoughts before letting him make the final move, after all, her services were about building his confidence so he could do this with other women, not about hers.

She saw the split second he decided, but it was too quick to fully register, a twitch of his jaw, a small sharp inhale, his hand lifting from his side to cradle the back of her head and pull her to him, it all happened at once and she found her lips slanting over his. He was a good kisser. She had no doubt he had had plenty of practice before he had been ill. He was rich, handsome, psychically fit and fuck, his voice would be a turn on for anyone. Kissing Ben Solo was easy and electric.

Her hands stayed put, squeezing just enough to remind him where they were, but not wanting to overwhelm him. Carefully Rey moved on the sofa, turning so her weight was on her knees and she could hover above him, wanting to press her body into his but knowing it might be too soon. He was the one who specifically asked to take it slow and she had barely been there 20 minutes. Ben, either on instinct or long forgotten skill, noticed her slowly repositioning and used it to his advantage, shifting himself to lay back more on the sofa arm and letting her straddle him as he relaxed into the cushions, into her.

His mouth was fierce, moving against hers with a hunger and desperation she wasn’t expecting, his other arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her body flush against his. Rey had to move her hand off his thigh and next to his head to hold her weight better.

There was a slight hesitation in him as she felt his tongue reach out, gently brushing her upper lip as if asking for permission, Rey simply parted her lips as she moaned, which Ben took advantage of. She could feel his hand in her hair, his fingers brushing her scalp, she could feel his whole body underneath her, solid and warm, she could feel his tongue teasing and exploring her mouth. It was easy for her to get lost.

This wasn’t like her other clients, Ben had confidence and a passion she wasn’t used to seeing.

He pulled back slowly, peppering her mouth with smaller kisses until he buried his face in hollow between her neck and shoulder as his hands rubbed up and down her back. His breathing was laboured and it took a moment to realise hers was as well, their chests pressing together with each pant. He was staring at her with a mix of emotions, and Rey, who usually credited herself on being able to read people, couldn’t figure out what they were. Arousal, nervousness, confusion… and fear? Her eyes flickered over his face, dropping to his mouth, feeling her body screamed to kiss him again but denying it.

“Wow.” Rey let out a soft laugh, noticing his hand reaching up to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear, but quickly tucking it back herself. “Are you sure you even need me?” She joked, there was no denying her attraction now, as she sat back, although still in his lap. Ben Solo was an attractive man. “Because that was hot.” Rey bit her lip and couldn’t help but smile when she saw his eyes go wide before dropping to where she was currently sat.

“I need you, Rey.”

A shot of fire rushed to her belly and Rey shifted again, it was going to be hard to pretend her body didn’t react to his voice. “How are you feeling? Any stiffness?” She asked, suddenly worried as she reached out and gripped his upper and lower arms as if she could feel his symptoms, making a mental note of how huge his forearms were. A long sleeved sweater should be illegal for a man like him.

“Just the expected kind.” Ben groaned, letting his head falling back, exposing his creamy neck that Rey instantly wanted to bend down and lick.

“Was that a joke, Ben Solo?” She asked, an eyebrow raised.

“I feel fine.” He said, ignoring her teasing with a pointed look. “It’s just been a while.” He took a long exhale, clearing his head.

“Do you want me to move?” His hands instantly grabbed her hips, keeping her in place and answering her question. “Right. Then do you want to keep kissing?”

“Just kissing.” Rey was about to bend down when a fleeting note of panic crossed Ben’s features, causing her to pause. “Do we need a safe word? In case I feel a seizure coming on.”

“This isn’t BDSM. You should feel comfortable enough to be communicating with me at any point.” She explained softly. “But if having a safe word would make you feel more relaxed, then we can do that.”

Ben nodded, his eyes focusing just over her shoulder again. “Kylo. That’s what we used to call the tumor.”

Rey’s eyes softened instantly. Ben wasn’t the first client of hers to give their illness a nickname. “Kylo.” She repeated, nodding.

“It means sky in latin.” Ben’s grip on her hips tightened, anchoring himself to something in front of him instead of the past. He let out a bitter laugh as he looked at his hands circling her, they must have looked huge around her small frame. “It kind of looked like a cloud, according to my mother.”

“Kylo. Well I hope we don’t ever have to use that name.” Ben didn’t respond, his eyes still trained on her hips. She wriggled them, feeling the stiffness he spoke about earlier. “Would you like to kiss me again, Ben?”

He nodded, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back to his chest.

His lips were soft and warm, with just the right amount of firm pressure as he moved them against hers. Rey couldn’t help but think how good this was, passionate - a passion she made sure to match - but not sloppy. Rey darted out her tongue this time, making Ben groan and open his mouth, welcoming her. He tasted like cinnamon and sugar and something else. Like a Cinnabon, and not the crappy kind the employees used to give her and Finn in the evening on the street, when they were cold and hard around the edges. No, Ben was warm and soft and delicious.

She didn’t know how long she laid on top of him, making out like a couple of teenagers, but it was glorious and Rey kind of hoped things would move a little faster. His hands had snuck up under her tee and he seemed fascinated with stroking every inch of skin he could find, although always halting as he reached her bra. He was either nervous or respectful, she liked that.

“Shirt.” He managed to mutter. “Would you mind if I took off your shirt?” Rey sat back, reaching for the hem before his hands stopped her, gathering the thin white material between his fingers instead and slowly pulling it up and over her head. Rey lifted her arms to help, throwing the piece of clothing onto the other chair before looking down at him. Those honey eyes had gone dark and Rey was hit with a wave of insecurity. What if he didn’t like that he could see her ribs a bit? What if he didn’t think her breasts were big enough? What if he though her bra was too practical and not sexy enough? Her doubts were gone the second his hand reached out and splayed across her abdomen. He bought his other hand to move over his face, a look of awe as he looked up at her. Rey was certain he was trying to subtly wipe his eyes, so she looked away, knowing this could be an important moment for a man and not wanting him to feel self-conscious about it. She tried to remember their phone conversation and figure out how long exactly it had been, but now wasn’t really the moment.

“That’s nice, Ben. You have nice hands.” Gentle encouragement always helped, and as if to prove her point, his hand thumb stroked her stomach softly. She couldn’t read his expression. “I can take my bra off as well, if you’d like?”

He shook his head quickly. “Not tonight.” He muttered, staring at his hand on her belly, his dark eyes heated and almost lost. “This is good.” Rey sat as still as she could while his hands explored her exposed top half, drifting lightly over her arms, fingertips skimming her rib cage, thumb rubbing her spine, mapping her body with his hands and eyes. She shivered under his delicate touch, feeling incredibly sensitive.

He must have thought she was cold, suddenly he sat up and started to kiss her shoulders and collarbones as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to warm her up. “This is perfect, Rey.” He buried his face in her neck again, breathing heavy, hips lurching forward as his arms tightened around her. “So fucking perfect.” His voice was gruff, his hips jerked wildly again and Rey knew what was happening.

“Is this okay, Ben?” She asked, rubbing her pelvis against his, giving him the friction he was after. He nodded into her shoulder. “I like this as well.” She assured him, knowing that sometime men felt guilty after they finished and she was left like some random tool they has just used. Dragging her hips purposefully, her hands grasped at his shoulders to use as purchase as she pressed harder and faster against him.

“Fuck.” Ben groaned into her neck, pulling her down hard by the hips, his hands setting the pace before one mistimed jerk caused Rey to lose balance and have to hold onto the sofa arm to steady herself. “Fuck!” Another hard shudder, his fingers dug into her hips tightly, pushing for more resistance, a long exhale against her skin let her know he was finishing, she held on tighter and slowed down. His breath was hot and wet on her neck, and Rey reached up to twist her fingers in his hair, stroking it slowly until he was ready to move away.

She wasn’t sure how long they were there for, but when he finally moved back, his hand wiping over his face fast and roughly before looking at her. “I’m sorry. That has never happened before.”

Rey nodded. “It’s okay, it was fun, I liked it.” She slowly climbed off his lap, squeezing her knees together tightly as she perched on her half of the sofa. “Did you like it?”

He was rearranging his limbs awkwardly, and she wouldn’t have been surprised if he excused himself to go to the bathroom, but he didn’t. “Fuck, Rey. I haven’t…” He waved his hand around vaguely to imply his orgasm. “In two years.” That made her eyebrows shoot up for a second before schooling her features, grateful he wasn’t looking at her. Two years? Not even on his own? She wanted to ask but stopped herself. “So yeah, I liked it.” Ben leaned over, his hand cupping her jaw as he angled her face up to meet his in a slow, contented kiss.

“Good.” She breathed as he pulled away, his hand still cradling her face. He was watching her a little too closely than she was used to, his blown pupils scanning her face again with a quizzical look. Rey suddenly felt uncomfortable, her shoulders tensing as she gave him a quick kiss before moving away. “Do you mind if I have something to drink now?”

Ben must have noticed the change in the room, clearing his throat. “Sure, you can help yourself, the kitchen’s just through there.” He pointed behind towards the hall and right. “I’ll just go… change.” Rey nodded, following him to the hallway before he climbed the stairs and she had a moment to collect herself as she ran the tap and downed a glass before refilling it.

Ben was… intense. There was no other way to describe him. From his height and build, the way he spoke so carefully, to the heated gazes where she was the sole subject. Ben Solo certainly wasn’t like her usual fumbling, nervous clients, and that might be a problem. Rey didn’t care for sex, she never got anything out of her meetings, and on the rare occasions she did it was because they wanted to practice going down on her with only one hand or the nice man with the facial reconstruction who wanted to see if he could 'still eat pussy like he used to'. Those were nice orgasms, but she was still able to detach herself from them in the moments after. Ben had her itching to reach into her jeans there and then to finish what he started.

Maybe it was the way he held her close, not at all timid. It made it feel more real. Rey straightened her back as she took a gulp of water, she was just going to have to get over it.

Rey took a moment to look around the kitchen. It was big and nice looking, and it had one of those breakfast counters like the family kitchens in TV shows. Rey walked around it, noting the full wine rack and the fruit bowl overflowing with bananas. The fridge was one of those fancy double doored ones with an ice machine built in. She’d never seen one in real life, taking a moment to open one of the doors and see how it worked. Her mouth dropped open at all the organised tupperware stacked up on top of each other, full of pre-prepared meals and the lines of bottled Fuji water. He was obviously a fitness fanatic, she could tell just by the size of him, but this was another level. A health nut, she made a mental note. 

Ben clearing his throat snapped her back to reality and she quickly shut the fridge door as if she’d been caught. “Sorry.” She muttered, noticing Ben had changed into a pair of dark sweatpants but still had the same dark long sleeved jumper on, her white tee in his hand was a stark contract in colour. He held it out slightly for her.

Rey put down her glass as she kindly took it, turning it the right way before pulling it over her head.

“Thank you.”

“Do you want something to eat?” Ben offered, head nodding toward the fridge.

“Oh, no. Sorry, I was just being nosy.” She admitted, ignoring the way her stomach groaned at just the mention of food. 

“I hope you didn’t find anything too out of the ordinary.” Ben came around her, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, twisting the top off. Rey couldn’t help but notice how small it looked in his hand.

“Nope. Just that you keep apples in the fridge.” She wrinkled her nose but her smile let him know she was teasing.

“They last longer that way.” He quirked an eyebrow at her, as if she said something insane.

“Yeah, but who wants to bite into a really cold apple?” Rey countered.

“I use them for smoothies.” Ben informed her. Rey’s mouth fell into a little ‘o’ as she understood his logic. “I could make you one? I have strawberries, blueberries, even pineapple if you want?”

Rey smiled at his offer, this sometimes happened after the first meeting, the guilt making him feel like he had to offer her something more.

“That’s okay. I’m good with my water, thank you.” She ignored the tightness in her stomach as she reached for the glass on the countertop, if she nipped to the shop on the way home she could see if they had any discounted bread, she definitely had some cheese back at the flat and a few packets of butter she had pocketed from the hospital, she could make a grilled cheese.

He reached round and opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and holding it out to her. “Here, take a bottle at least.” Rey reluctantly accepted it, thanking him again. Ben stepped back, taking a swig from his. “I should thank you.”

“What do you mean?” Rey opened the bottle, popping the lid in her pocket so she could reuse the bottle later. The cool liquid helped her feel less warm as she stood in front of Ben, his eyes watching her again like she was some great masterpiece he needed to understand.

“You are more than I expected.” Rey’s forehead crinkled at that comment, but he continued speaking before she got the chance to ask him what he meant. “What’s your schedule? I usually have Tuesday, Friday and Sunday evenings free. I’m supposed to have Saturdays off but am usually on call.” He pulled his phone out of his sweats and began tapping. Rey assumed he was pulling up a calendar app. “And I can one out of three Thursdays.”

“Hang on.” She ran to the hallway where she had dropped her bag and pulled out her diary. “I’m free every evening, except Saturdays. I don’t usually do day time but if you need me then I could probably arrange a Saturday or Sunday with advanced notice?” Rey quickly wondered if Han would even care if she stopped coming in on Saturdays as she was the only one there and it was technically meant to be one of her days off.

“Book me in for Tuesdays and Fridays. Same time.” He said it so casually that Rey almost couldn’t believe how easy this was for him. Approximately 3 hours, 2 times a week would mean an extra $1200. Relief flooded her as she scribbled Ben’s name onto the next weeks pages. “If you could book a Saturday in soon that would be preferable, then we could go out somewhere.”

“Go out?”

“Yes. To practice dating.” He must have noticed her confusion. “Is that alright?”

“It’s usually just sex.” Rey said, feeling stunned.

“Will that be a problem, Rey?”

Rey found herself immediately shaking her head. “Nope. Not at all.”

“I haven’t dated since Med School, before… I assumed you helped clients refamiliarize themselves in those areas as well.” Ben’s voice was so low, it practically rumbled through to her as she realised how deep his self-consciousness must really go.

“If that’s what you need, Ben. I will be happy to help.” She smiled softly from across the breakfast bar. “Although you are a very handsome man, a doctor even, who has been nothing but nice to me all evening. I don’t see how you would have any trouble on a date.”

A hint of a smile graced the corners of Ben’s mouth and Rey got the sudden urge to nudge him. “I wasn’t always.”

“Wasn’t always what?”

“Nice.” He had suddenly gotten closer and Rey gasped at how his voice shot through her. He took the opportunity to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her body into his. “Can I kiss you, Rey?” She nodded silently as he closed the last inch to bring his mouth to hers.

It was hard and deep and Rey was sure she moaned way too loudly as he tangled his other hand in her hair and she stood up on her toes to get closer to him. He pulled back too soon, but judging by his swollen lips, time must had sped up at some point. “I’ll book this Saturday off.” She promised in a slight daze.

“Please.” Could it be classed as begging when his voice was so commanding? Rey pondered as Ben took a moment before checking his phone. “It’s only been two hours but as I committed to three I’ll send you the full amount.”

“I can stay another hour if you’d like.” Rey felt bad, him paying for more than he got.

“I have a surgery tomorrow morning.”

“So you’re a surgeon?” Rey grabbed her diary and held it to her chest.

“I’m a resident at Long Beach.”

“That explains why you want to go there if you had a seizure.” Rey mused as she screwed the lid back on her water bottle, getting ready to leave. She briefly wondered if Ben knew of Finn, but Long Beach was the biggest hospital in California, the chances of him being a surgeon familiar with her brother’s case were tiny.

“If I have a seizure it means I can no longer perform surgery.” Rey looked up at him, his eyes suddenly distant and hard.

“Oh. But you’ve had seizures before?”

“That was when I was going through treatment. As soon as the tumor was removed my symptoms could have been long term, thankfully it seems they weren’t, but…”

“You’re still worried they might come back.”

“I had my first seizure while I was fucking my ex.” He said it so simply, yet the bitterness was clear. It felt like a punch in her gut. Total comprehension of the situation dawned on her and Rey suddenly felt the urge to hug him or run away scared now she knew how much this weighed on him. On what this meant to him.

“I’m sure that won’t happen again, Ben. We’ll take it slow. We’ll be prepared. And I’ll be there if anything happens.” She reached out and stroked his arm.

He shuddered, lost in a memory. “If it happens, if I say Kylo, just get to the other side of the room from me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I will. And I won’t.” She squeezed his arm before letting go. She hesitated, unable to leave him like this. “Hey, have you ever seen LOST? My friend just lent me the DVDs and I’m not sure if I should bother or not.”

Ben’s eyes widened and Rey knew she’d struck gold. All that sadness and doubt immediately vanished, replaced by a stress-free and animated man. “You haven’t seen LOST? It was the biggest show on TV 15 years ago, how did you miss it?”

Rey just shrugged, she didn’t think admitting she was living on the street so didn’t have time to watch TV would go down well. “I think I was a little too young for it?”

“You’re in for a treat. Some of the best characters are in that show.” Ben smiled, suddenly looking five years younger and a little goofy, it looked good on him.

“I have the DVD.” She reached into her bag and pulled out the silver and blue DVD, handing it to Ben.

He laughed immediately, having seen something on the cover. “I forgot about Boone!” His excitement was evident, and Rey nudged him.

“If it won't be too late, do you want to watch the first episode with me? You could explain all the obvious stuff I miss.” He was tempted, his lips forming a line as he weighed up the choice. “It would be good dating practice. Netflix and Chill or something like that?” That seemed to tip the scales and he looked up, practically beaming at her.

“This show has some of the best twists ever written. I can’t wait to see you react to them.”

Ben told her to go back to the living room and get settled into while he grabbed snacks. Rey was overjoyed as he bought out some chips, carrot sticks and dip, and she had to control herself not to shove too many in her mouth at the same time.

“Close your eyes while I sort out the disc menu. It might have spoilers.” Ben instructed her and Rey laughed.

“Come on! Surely it won’t make a difference.” She protested but covered her eyes anyway.

“I just want it to be a total surprise for you.” Ben sat next to her, throwing his arm around the back of the sofa and around her so she could rest against him.

“What’s this show called again?” Rey joked as the large title slowly appeared on screen, zooming closer and closer. She looked up to see Ben focused ahead, his features soft and his eyes bright from the glow of the TV.

“Focus, Rey.” He reminded her, sensing her looking at him. It was easy to relax against him, Rey thought as she watched the man on screen open his eyes, looking up at some trees. It almost didn’t feel like work, she mused as Ben held the bowl of chips out for her to grab another handful.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment or a give a quick kudos. I really appreciate them.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> _In the next chapter..._
> 
> Poe pisses off Rey.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a busy week as Rey helps people at her jobs.

Rey yawned. She was halfway through hoisting an engine up on chains and out of the car she was working on, unable to cover her mouth. 

“Late night, kid?” Han commented over his mug of coffee.

“Yeah, actually. I stayed up late watching the first two episodes of LOST. You ever seen it?” Rey made grabby hands and Han half smirked as he poured her a mug, adding copious amounts of milk and sugar before handing it to her. Just the way she liked it.

“God I remember that show. Leia and my son were obsessed with it. They used to call each other after each episode to talk about it.” He softly shook his head as he reminisced. “He’d just gone off to college and I don’t think Leia was taking it very well.”

Rey listened as she sipped her coffee.

“That’s nice, him calling every week.” Han never really spoke about his son. Rey knew there was weird history there which meant he rarely offered any information and Rey never pushed for it. It was easier for both of them to just focus on the work, instead of their pasts or lives outside. Work was both of their escapes from the world.

“Until he didn’t.” Han grumbled. “The only thing I remember about LOST is-”

“Ah! No spoilers please.” Rey covered one ear with her hand.

“Whatever you want.” Han chuckled as he downed the rest of his drink and went back to his station. “Leia and her campaign manager are gonna stop by later, they want to go over Friday. Are we looking good for having those cars sorted by then?”

“I sorted the paperwork for the Ford this morning so that’s good to go. I’m working on the Hyundai now and if you can locate a new side and back bumper for the Toyota then I can work on that tomorrow.” Rey stifled another yawn. “I’ve called Tabala, the Mum I told you about, and she’s fine with a couple of photos and a short interview. She’s just grateful to have a car.”

“Right.” Han let the word linger in the air. “Good.”

Rey sighed. “Tabala has three kids. Nate, Bae and Tam. They’re cute kids. She’s bringing them along as well.” Rey had to force herself to unclench her jaw. “Is that okay for Leia?” She saw Han’s shoulders relax and she had to stop herself from bashing around too hard, looking for the wrench on her work bench.

“Thanks, Kid. I know you don’t like this stuff but-”

“Without Leia’s job and publicity, we wouldn’t have funding, and without funding we can’t help people”, Rey interrupted. She knew the spiel, but it didn’t make her happy about it.

“It’s a necessary evil.” They shared a small smile.

“I know.” Rey took a large gulp of her drink, finding the strong liquid a little harder to swallow now. “And you’re the boss man, Mr Organa.” Rey saluted him with her wrench before moving around the engine to get to the problem area.

“Just make sure the car looks good, for the pictures.”

“Shame I can’t do the same for you.” Rey teased, before an oil stained rag hit her in the face. “Hey!”

\-----

Rey ran out to the nearby shop on her lunch break. She wouldn’t usually buy herself lunch, choosing to make something at home and bring it in, but she didn’t get the chance to go to the shop last night after Ben’s so she didn’t have anything prepared and she really needed to eat something.

Grabbing a soft pretzel, and pocketing as many packets of mustard, ketchup and pepper she could get away with, she checked her phone, opening the banking app, and smiled when she saw more money in there than yesterday. Ben had insisted paying her for 4 hours by the time she left, having watched 2 episodes in a row rather than the initial 1 like they planned, and Rey already had another evening and a lunch 'date' scheduled in with him this week; so while she still felt guilty for spending $3 on lunch, she also knew she had no other choice and had more money than usual to justify buying it.

Opening her texts, Rey took a huge bite out of the pretzel as she walked back to the garage, chewing on it slowly. She smiled when she saw Ben’s message from last night confirming the bank transfer, thanking her again, and reminding her to take Saturday off.

She was looking forward to whatever this ‘date’ he had planned was. It was completely new for her and she knew she should probably feel bad for letting him pay her for something that wasn’t sex, but he had made it seem so normal that she hadn’t had time to really think about it until now. She hoped it wasn’t anywhere fancy - she only had one nice dress and she was pretty sure she spilt something on it the last time she'd worn it. Rey shook her head. It was a lunch date; she was pretty sure people didn’t go to fancy places just for lunch.

She tore an edge off her pretzel and dipped it in mustard before shoving it in her mouth just when she spotted the fancy Chrysler 300C outside the garage. It had tinted windows and looked so shiny Rey could use its surface as a mirror. She could only dream of working on something so beautiful.

Leia must have arrived. Wolfing down the rest of the food, Rey jogged back to greet her. As much as she hated Leia using them for good PR, she liked the older woman. She was the only mother figure she’d ever had. And maybe she’d let her look under the hood of her car at the HEMI engine she knew was in there.

“Rey!” Leia opened her arms to hug her and Rey gestured to her dirty overalls, but Leia just ignored the younger woman’s protests and kissed her on the cheek. “How are you, my dear?” Her voice was instantly warm and comforting.

“Really good, thanks.” She beamed, her hand being taken and squeezed gently.

Leia dropped her volume as she continued. “And how’s Finn?”

Rey’s smile faltered a little. “The same. Well actually, he’s getting an appointment with a specialist to do some new scans, see if there’s been any changes.”

“Oh, that’s good news. Let us know if you need any help, I know the bills can’t be cheap.” Her kind eyes made it easier to pretend everything was okay.

“Finn’s insurance is still covering it.” She lied. Finn didn’t have insurance. Neither did she. That was always a luxury they couldn’t have dreamed of.

“Then let’s hope there is good news.” She squeezed her hands one last time before letting go. “You remember Poe, don’t you?”

Rey blinked away the wetness in her eyes as she looked behind the shorter woman to see her colleague approaching. “Yes, it’s nice to see you again.” It was stretching the truth a little. Poe rubbed her up the wrong way. He wasn’t a horrible person, he just assumed things and it infuriated her. She made sure her best smile was fixed in place and held out a hand which he happily shook.

“Likewise. Han was just telling me about the lovely people you are getting ready for on Friday.” Rey knew when someone was fishing for information. There was no point beating around the bush with small talk, so she quickly rattled off the details about each family and each car they had ready for them, while Poe typed notes in his phone.

“And how do you allocate the cars?” He asked as they walked around the Ford that was ready.

“Usually on size. Tabala has three kids so she needs room for two baby seats in the back, so she needed at least a 4 door to get them in and out.” Rey explained. “Reliability plays into it as well. We always try and repair cars as best we can, even when they are out of the shop, but more dependable cars go to most suitable people, usually people with kids who rely on them more.” Rey stroked the hood fondly. “Whereas our smaller or less reliable cars tend to go to younger, single people who can make do if it suddenly doesn’t start one morning, and we need to come out to take a look.”

“Like you?” Poe asked so nonchalantly that Rey knew he didn’t mean to offend her, but that didn’t stop Rey’s back from getting up.

“Yeah. I got one of the quirky ones, but even 5 years later it still works.”

“And you were how old when Han helped you out and gave you a job?” Poe was fishing again, trying to be charming with that smile. Rey was done with it.

“This PR thing isn’t about me, Poe.” Her eyes hardened and she suddenly felt like she was back on the streets having to be defensive all the time.

“I know, I know. It would just be such a good story for the charity.” He held up his hands acting all innocent, like she was the one being unreasonable.

Rey stared at him, her mouth set in a thin line as she watched him try to play down what he wanted.

“Han!” Rey yelled, eyes still trained on Poe. The sudden shouting made him flinch slightly.

“What?!” The older man shouted from the other side of the garage. Rey could hear Leia exclaim a ‘For Goodness Sake’ at the noise.

“Tell Poe I’m not a PR story!” She continued to call out, not blinking as she watched him roll his eyes.

“She ain’t a PR story, Dameron.” Han echoed, his gruff voice carrying through the workshop, before disappearing back into his office with his wife. Rey smiled sweetly as Poe threw up his arms in disbelief.

“Fine! I’m just trying to help you out, as well as Leia, you don’t have to be so difficult about it.”

“I’m not being difficult.” Her jaw was clenched and she knew she was being stubborn, she just wasn’t going to admit that to him. “I’m fixing up three cars, I lined up three perfect people in less than three days, all for this story for Leia. So, don’t tell me I’m being difficult when you try and push your luck with me.”

“Fine.” Poe huffed, locking his phone and putting it back in his pocket.

“Fine.” Rey grabbed a random tool and threw it into a toolbox, the sudden clattering noise making Poe start as he walked past her, back to his boss. She smiled secretly before straightening her shoulders and getting back to work, taking her frustrations out on some rusted bolts until they left.

\-----

The rest of the week passed by so quickly and soon Rey found herself showering on Friday morning in the cramped bathroom at the back of the Millennium Falcon building. She was grateful for the warm water, washing the last of the sleepiness from her bones, and as she ran her all-in-one shampoo and conditioner through her hair. She wondered if Han knew why she took advantage of the free showers at work. When she moved in, her landlord told her straight away her flat didn’t have a shower, and he had no intention of fixing the shared one on the ground floor. If Han had noticed that she used it every morning, sometimes twice a day if she was seeing a client, like today, then he doesn’t say a word. And it meant Plutt charged her $50 less a month in rent so it worked out for everyone she supposed.

Slipping on her least dirty overalls, she put all her wash stuff back into a tote bag and hung up her towel to dry, before heading over to the pandemonium that was sure to have started in the workshop.

Leia and Poe were already there, with two other campaign people Rey recognised in passing from Han’s annual BBQ that summer, but she didn’t know their names. The press were due in about an hour and then Tabala half an hour after that, so Poe was currently walking around with the two women, pointing out spots where certain things would happen. He had set up a seat in Han’s office for Leia to do an interview, strategically making sure the garage floor could be seen over her shoulder.

Poe had briefed her when she arrived, saying Rey would only be in one photo with Han and that she would be needed at her station working, but quietly, so she could be seen in the background while Leia’s interview took place. Rey scoffed at Poe's idea that she could actually work without making noise but nodded anyway. This would be good for the charity, she reminded herself.

Rey spotted a table that had been set up with food and drink, it was probably meant for press but that didn’t stop her from heading straight over and popping a mini croissant in her mouth and pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Rey!” Leia didn’t give her a chance to avoid the hug this time, wrapping her arms around the younger woman. “You look lovely, my dear.”

“I put a bit of make up on.” Rey admitted, if grocery store brand foundation and a bit of mascara and lip gloss could really count as make up.

“You don’t need it.” Leia said kindly, giving her a wink. “How are you today? I told Poe to leave you alone.”

Rey laughed softly. “He doesn’t need to avoid me, he’s a great guy, I like him. He’s just a bit too arrogant.”

“You don’t need to tell me. That’s why I hired him.” Leia tucked a piece of hair behind Rey’s ear, the gesture was so simple and gentle it surprised Rey how much it affected her, and her heart clenched at the motherly affection. “Your hair looks nice down.” Leia mused before Poe interrupted them.

“Rey.” He greeted her with a curt nod. “Leia, I need you over here for a moment. Kaydel, can you show Rey what you are doing with Twitter?”

One of the young women rushed over with a laptop in her arms, she smiled broadly and shook Rey’s hand excitedly. She must have been around the same age as her, but a few inches shorter with gorgeous blonde hair, and filled with more positivity than Rey was used to this early in the morning.

“Hi, I’m Kaydel, it’s nice to finally meet you Rey.”

Rey smiled at the blonde woman. “Hi.”

“Did Poe tell you about the Twitter page?” Rey’s forehead crinkled up as she shook her head. “Well, we know you have a website, but it’s a little out of date and we thought the best way to reach the most people would be with a Twitter page.” Holding out the laptop so Rey could see a page with their logo and name at the top. “We’ve already tweeted some stuff about the charity and what it does over the past few days, but we’re going to be tagging it in all the posts about today, and we’ll get some content for future posts as well, like a fun ‘getting to know you’ piece.” Rey’s smile faltered as she scrolled up and down, looking at the few tweets and photos they had already posted.

“This is…” Rey swallowed. “Great. This is great.” She forced her smile this time. “Finn, my brother who used to work here, he wanted to do something like this for ages. He’s better with computers then I am. He’ll love this.”

“Cool! Well this laptop is for you, I have a printed piece of paper with all the passwords and a weekly Twitter schedule for you to follow, just something simple, like on Fridays a cute picture of a car you worked on that week, or Mondays some links to your contact details for anyone who needs them. Maybe a few selfies with happy customers.” Kaydel was obviously in her element. “But while the re-election campaign is in full swing, I’m still going to be logged in to this account so I can post things and answer any potential press questions that it receives.”

“Oh, good. I’m not sure I could handle that today.” Rey wasn’t sure she could handle this on any day, but she caught Han’s eye who just shrugged.

“No problem, that’s what I’m here for. If you have any questions, or if you have anything you think you could post online, just let me know!” Kaydel ran off to help somewhere else and Rey had to take a moment to breathe as she pulled out her phone.

Two texts greeted her and she felt her stomach knot. Opening the first one from Rose, it was just confirming Finn was now on the waiting list to see the Head of Neurosurgery, something she could have found out tonight when she stopped by to visit him, but she was grateful Rose kept her as up to date as possible. And the other was from Ben. She opened it and smiled, he asked if 8.30pm later was still okay and told her the next episode of LOST was a Kate-centric one. She quickly replied to both and tucked her phone away as the first batch of press started to filter in.

\-----

Rey had seven minutes to spare as she pulled up to Ben’s house, she thanked the traffic gods for being kind, having rushed there from the hospital. Double checking her make-up in the rear-view mirror, she twisted her hair up into a bun and sprayed some more deodorant before getting out of the car, grabbing her gaudy handbag, just in case. God she loved that bag. It was silly and sort of childish, the tacky plastic watermelon shaped thing. She thought it was cute, having found it in a rubbish bin one day outside the market she usually shopped in. It was empty, obviously thrown away as the fastener on the strap had broken, but Rey wasn’t put off by it. She had fixed it the next day at work and now she didn’t part from it. It held everything easily, including her giant diary, and the few bits she took to appointments with clients. It was fun and cheerful and colourful, something Rey needed more of in her life. And if people judged her for it, well, she could have been judged for a lot worse than having an immature handbag.

She rang the bell this time and Ben was there straight away to open the door for her, stepping aside to let her in while leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek at the same time. Rey was surprised at the ease he greeted her, like a friend rather than a… whatever she was to him.

“I made lasagna. I forgot to check if you ate meat so its vegetarian, I hope that’s okay?” She had almost forgotten how deep his voice was. Its deep baritone seeping like honey in her ears.

“Ben, you didn’t have to make me anything.” Rey insisted. “But I actually need to go food shopping and that does smell amazing.” She smiled as she took off her shoes.

“It’s in the oven now, will be about another hour. I thought we could eat while we watched TV.” Rey picked up on his subtle way of him saying he wanted to do the sex stuff first, then they can eat and chill out after. She just nodded and took off her coat, hanging it up before turning to see Ben’s face taking in her body. Her simple jeans and white tee weren’t anything fancy, but he seemed fascinated by them. Rey quickly looked down to check there wasn’t an oil engine stain on it.

“Sounds good to me.” Rey put her weight on one hip as her eyes took in his black jeans and black jumper. It seems they both had usual outfits. “So… I never got the grand tour of this place.” Ben seemed to snap back and get her hint as he showed her around the ground floor, including an office that was bigger than her entire flat, and a garden complete with covered pool. While these features were standard for a house in Long Beach, these were impossible luxuries from her perspective.

“And up here are the three bedrooms.” Ben’s hand rested on her lower back as he guided her up the stairs to the landing. “And bathroom.” He opened the door to the bathroom and Rey almost cried at the size of the bathtub. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a bath and this one was beautiful. One of the old fashioned roll top ones with metal feet that looked like little animal claws, she could almost imagine lay back in it and closing her eyes.

“This is where my parents stay when they stay over.” He said as he showed her the second bedroom.

“Do they still come over?” She asked as she walked around the bed, looking out the window that overlooked the street in front of the house.

“Not really. They only live 20 minutes away so usually drive home now. But they stayed a lot when I was going through treatment.” He sighed, only a small sound that could have easily been missed, but Rey noticed. She was tempted to delve deeper into the story there as they left the room but thought it best not to. “And this is my bedroom.”

“Hmm.” Rey smiled as she took in the large bed. Of course, he would have a large bed, he was the size of a fridge.

“What?” She looked up to see his confused face.

“Nothing.” She smirked as she walked in, noting a door that must lead to an en-suite or walk in wardrobe. “It’s just whiter than I was expecting.” She wasn’t wrong. The walls were pristine, the sheets matching with a light grey blanket that looked so soft Rey wanted to rub her face in it, and large windows made up the wall that led to a balcony facing the garden.

“Were you expecting it to all be black?” Ben asked, amused. He gave her a half smirk as he leaned on the doorway as she explored, arms folding over his chest.

“Well, yeah.” She waved her hand at his outfit as if to justify her assumption. He chuckled as Rey slowly fingered every book on the shelf as she made her way to the balcony doors to take in the view, being careful not to leave any smudge marks on the glass. Everything was so neat and precisely placed, not at all like the chaos Rey lived in, where clothes were thrown in a pile on the floor or flung on the chair by her bed. Her bed which was never made - if you could even call a mattress on the floor a real bed – and her sheets were only washed once a month when she managed to set aside time for chores like visiting the laundromat. “Must be nice to not have any noisy neighbours.” Rey pondered as she looked out the window and across the garden. Plutt was constantly banging around the building, moaning that she left too early and got in too late as if it was any of his business. And there had been more than one occasion when she’d returned home to find him in her flat, looking in her fridge or rifling through her mail. She shivered at the thought of how many times he'd done that and she _hadn’t_ caught him.

“It is.” Ben had walked across the carpeted floor and stood behind her, his body warmth making her shiver for completely different reasons. “Do you like the view?” His tone was darker than she was expecting. Rey spun around slowly; his hands found her hips as she turned.

Her own hand flew up to his face on instinct, cupping his cheek. His skin was so pale, a stark contrast to his dark hair, and littered with moles that gave him more character than she could have thought possible. Everything about his face was a little bit off, his nose too big, his lips too full, his brow too pronounced, and she would bet good money that his hair hid a pair of prominent ears, but all of it together? It worked. He was striking and gorgeous.

“I prefer this one.” She admitted, guiding his face to meet hers, not that he needed much guidance.

His mouth felt so good, she couldn’t help the little moan that escaped her throat. He growled in response, his fingers digging into her hips and she was sure there would be bruises tomorrow. He pushed her into the glass - clearly _he_ didn’t care about smudges… His hand coming up to cradle the back of her head. When they pulled apart, they were both panting.

“Do you want to get on the bed?” She breathed, her arms winding around his neck.

“Fuck, you are making it hard to go slow.” Ben growled again, using his arms to lift her up, her legs winding around his waist, walking them backwards until he could sit down on the edge of the soft duvet.

“What do you want, Ben?” Rey was straddled on his lap, peppering his mouth with kisses as her hands tangled in his hair. She needed his guidance; she didn’t want to rush him.

“I don’t know.” He groaned, his tongue pushing into her mouth. She lightly pushed him down on the bed, never letting their mouths part, one hand supporting her weight while the other moved down between them and reached for his belt.

“How about this?” She skillfully undid the buckle and began to kiss down his neck, over his shirt, her intentions clear as she carefully got off the bed and knelt on the floor between his legs.

“Yeah.” He sounded breathless but given how hot and heavy things had just gotten, she wasn’t surprised. “Yeah, that would be nice.” He almost sounded delirious and Rey had to look up to check on him as she slowly pulled down on the zip. His hands ran over his face, cupping his jaw before falling on the bed next to him.

“You remember the safe word, right?” Ben nodded, exhaling deeply. “I need you to say it, Ben.”

“Kylo.” She hated making him think of something so awful, especially when the mood needed to be the polar opposite, but he wanted a safe word and she had to respect that, and that included making sure they were both mindful of it.

Her fingers tucked under the top of his jeans and she gently tugged them down, hoping he would get the message and lift his hips to help her. He did, and quickly the dark denim was on a pile on the floor. Practically crawling up his legs, her hands rubbed his thighs and the firm muscles, making Rey’s eyes widen a moment when she truly could appreciated how big they were. She kissed everywhere her hands touched and when they reached his boxers, Rey was pleased to see he was ready for her.

She started off slow, curling her fingers around him through the thin material, letting her finger tips trail up and down his length and over the patch of hair that poked just above the elastic, before finally slipping them off his hips and down his legs so she had complete access to him.

Her eyes slowly darken as she took him in.

He was uncircumcised, she noted, but then again, most of the people she’d been with were. He was big. Far bigger than anyone she had ever been with before, but he wasn’t disproportionately huge. Considering how tall and broad he was, it made sense. And he was thick. She swallowed, trying not to feel intimidated but also wondering if he would fit when the time came. He looked around the same width as her wrist and… and that just wouldn’t work, Rey chewed on her lip. But now wasn’t the time to worry about that.

Shifting on her knees, she focused on him, how his skin was a shade of reddy-purple that made Rey’s tongue poke out and lick her lips. She looked up and caught him staring down at her, his eyes a dark chocolate colour and mouth slightly parted, mirroring hers.

Curling her hand as far around his girth as she could, he groaned loudly and threw his head back. Rey began to lick slowly, starting at the tip, swirling her tongue around before wrapping her lips around the head, encasing it completely.

“Fuck.” He hissed. She could just see his fist in the corner of her eye clenching and unclenching.

She was glad for the soft carpet under her knees as she purposefully rubbed her thumb in small circles on the underside of him as she kept teasing him with her mouth around the head of his cock.

Ben didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. His right hand came up to stroke her face softly, then grasp at her hair, only to move and clench up in the grey blanket. She liked having this effect on him, liked the little uncontrolled grunts and gasps he made she as she relaxed her jaw and took him as far as he could go in her mouth to help lubricate him, before letting him go and pumping her hand a little faster.

“Fuck, Rey.” He groaned, deciding to prop himself up on his elbows so he could look down at what she was doing. “Jesus Christ!” Rey smiled at his reaction, her mouth stretching around him, he obviously liked what he saw.

Slowing down for a moment to let her lips ghost over his sensitive tip, Rey then increased her speed and tested the water by cupping his balls lightly. She was rewarded with a wild buck of his hips.

“That’s it. Fuck you are so good at this.” He said, encouraging her with a strained voice, and Rey took note as she moved her mouth under him and licked around his balls until he was a gasping mess. Her hand increased in pressure after a few minutes, her tongue working non-stop, sucking and teasing his sack. “Fuck. Fuck!” His hips jerked, legs tensing as he came over her hand and wrist with a few long, almost violent spurts, and a long deep moan that she almost felt rumble through him.

He fell backwards on the bed, eyes glazed. She moved so she was laid next to him, making sure to keep her messy hand away from the clean sheets. “You okay?”

“Fuck, Rey.” Was the only response she got before he grabbed her head, pulling her down into a sloppy but enthusiastic kiss. His fingers strong and rough in her hair in sudden need. “That was… fuck…” He breathed, laying back again, his arm resting around her as she laid half on his chest. It was a little bit of an awkward angle, but she didn’t want to complain, not when he was still in that post-orgasm stage. “You are amazing.” He muttered, kissing the top of her head as he laughed. She wondered what must be running through his head, but given the daze he seemed to be in, she didn’t expect it to be much more than sated bliss.

After a few minutes, she slowly pushed herself away from him and headed out to the bathroom he had shown her earlier. Washing her hands, she was grateful she scrubbed them earlier so none of the usual oil and grim was embedded under her nails. The soap was lavish and smelled amazing, leaving her hands silky smooth as she dried them. Checking the bottle, it wasn’t a brand she had heard of, but it looked fancy. 

As she returned to his bedroom, Ben had pulled his jeans back on, redoing the belt before running his hand through his hair. He looked like a sexy advert, and she briefly wondered what kind of product he would be selling. Probably watches, or something that didn’t require him to be shirtless but where he was anyway.

“How was work?” She asked, lingering in the doorway. It felt like she was watching a famous movie star as he pulled his shoulders back in a stretch and relax, blowing out a long breath. It was fascinating to see his in this lethargic and satisfied.

His hand ran through that glorious dark hair again, trying to tame it to stay out of his face. “Long.”

“That sucks. Did that surgery on Thursday go well?” Rey watched captivated as he stalked over to her. She didn’t move but tilted her head up so he could easily lean down and kiss her.

“Perfect.” He bragged as he pulled away from her, a lopsided smirk pulling on his lips and dimples Rey hadn’t seen before suddenly making themselves known. It felt familiar, his smile, and it made him look years younger. She chuckled and let him guide her towards to stairs. “Let’s get some food in you.”

“I can’t believe you made lasagne for me.” Rey laughed as she headed to the kitchen, the smell of tomato and herbs hitting her nose.

“And garlic bread.” He added, grabbing a tray and putting the dough on it before adding it to the hot oven.

“Ah, now I see why you wanted to do all the kissing and stuff first. No garlic breath.” She teased, perching on a stool at the breakfast bar. It was very easy to be around him, especially now when he was stress-free from an orgasm. “Need me to help with anything?”

“Actually…” He grabbed a chopping board and some lettuce, cucumber and a tomato. “Can you make a salad?” Ben held out a knife for her too take.

“Is this some kind of surgeon test? Seeing how well I can cut things?” Ben laughed, it was warm and easy, his eyes sparkled with it. Rey wanted to make him do it more.

“I swear I won’t judge.” She began chopping the lettuce, badly, putting it in a large glass bowl he had put next to her. She ignored the way his eyebrow raised at her lack of finesse. “What do you do, anyway? Your day job?”

Rey focused on not cutting herself, using her concentration on her task as a way to avoid his gaze. “I work for a charity.” It wasn't technically a lie.

“Anything I’ve heard of?” He held up a bottle of wine in a silent question.

“No thanks, I’m driving.” Rey said quickly. “And no. It’s quite niche.”

Ben groaned and she raised an eyebrow at how stubborn he suddenly sounded. “You can’t have lasagne without wine.” He poured two glasses, placing the less full one in front of her.

“You’re quite demanding when you want to be, aren’t you?” Rey ignored the glass and started chopping the tomato. She glanced up to see his staring at her as he slowly swirled the deep red liquid before taking a sip.

“I get it from my mother. And my father.” He shrugged. “Don’t avoid the question. What kind of charity do you work for?”

“You wouldn’t have heard of them. It helps low-income families.” Rey smiled as she scattered the cut cucumber into the bowl. Rey stood up and walked over to the table and placed it next to the plates Ben had already put out.

“Sounds very rewarding.” Ben was still watching her as she came back, picking up the glass of wine and sniffing it cautiously.

“It is.”

“And why do you do _this_ , Rey?” His tone was serious, and she could almost have guessed this was where the conversation was heading when he started observing her like a hawk, his eyes dark.

“We don’t talk about that, Ben. It’s not professional.” She said, her voice firm but kind, hoping that it would shut him up, and it did. Although she knew he wouldn’t stop wondering. They never did.

“You're right. Sorry.” He took a bigger sip of wine before putting it down and opening the oven. “Sit down, I’ll bring this over.”

She followed his orders and soon she was eating the best meal she’d had in months. She actually groaned as she chewed the first forkful, grabbing a slice of garlic bread and taking a massive bite before she’d even swallowed the first. She caught him observing her again, his eyebrows raised. “What? This is amazing.”

“You eat like a scavenger.” He commented with a chuckle, slowly starting to eat his own meal.

“I’m hungry.” She said, as if that was enough of an excuse to wolf down food in company. Rey would have usually felt embarrassed, but this was too tasty not to enjoy.

“I can tell.”

“You are an amazing cook.” Rey took a small sip of wine, forcing herself to slow down.

“Thank you. My mother and I cooked a lot while I was off work.”

“A stubborn woman who can cook. I like her already.” Rey commented and Ben only smiled back.

“Maybe one day you’ll meet her.” She knew he was lying, it was just the polite thing to say.

“Maybe.” She returned the lie. After all, that wasn't what all this was. He was just practicing intimacy with her, whether that was physical intimacy, like sex and blowjobs, or things like this, dates and cooking meals, it wasn’t really for her. It was for the next woman.

Ben Solo was a good man.

It was easy for her to see that. He behaved like a gentleman and treated her kindly. Everything he did screamed that she was unnecessary, that he was perfectly fine and ready to date someone he cared about.

But then she remembered their first phone call, about how he didn’t trust himself. And then there was the safe word and how he was paranoid he’d have a seizure as soon as they had sex, like that last time he had been with someone. A seizure that would take away his licence to perform surgery and devastate his career. There was more at stake here than a bad date, Rey reminded herself as Ben told her a story about accidentally putting a plastic chopping board in the oven, melting it and ruining the food and his oven at the same time. She laughed so hard she almost forgot again that this wasn’t a real date. Almost.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment or a give a quick kudos. I do love reading them! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes an unexpected date with Ben.

Rey almost tripped as she entered the Whole Foods, assuming she had gotten the wrong address even though she’d triple checked it. She looked around, not expecting him to be there, but to her surprise, Ben Solo was looking at his phone, leaning against an empty shopping cart.

She made her way over to him, not sure what was going on. “Hey.” She gave a small wave, clutching her bag strap on her shoulder, suddenly feeling silly for wearing her one nice dress and underwear.

He quickly shoved his phone in his pocket and reached an arm out, holding her as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Rey.”

“Are we in the right place?” She quirked an eyebrow up at the fresh food aisle.

“You said you needed groceries, I needed to grab a few things, and this seemed like something couples do.” He shoved both his hands in his pockets and Rey could almost see his confidence leaving him as his posture became smaller.

“This is a great idea!” Rey tried to assure him, pushing her bag on her shoulder more securely. “I do need food.” Just not this full priced, expensive food, she mentally added.

“Right.” He seemed to be running something through his mind, before nodding again. “Right.”

“I don’t need much.” She said, already trying to justify why she wasn’t going to get much, while she mentally worked out how much money she could reasonably spend today.

“Well, I’m paying so feel free to treat yourself.” He started to push the cart slowly down the first aisle.

“You don’t have to, Ben-”

“Rey, let me do this. It was my idea.”

“I can’t-”

“Please.” He interrupted her, halting in the aisle and turning to face her head on.

“No.” Rey told him firmly, holding up a hand on his chest. “No, Ben.”

“Fine.” Ben half sneered after a long silence, turning his head away, his resentment at not getting his way clear. “But I’m buying you lunch.” Rey knew not to push back.

She sighed as he put some bananas in the trolley and Rey picked up an apple. He was making assumptions about her life and was trying to fix them. This often happened with regular clients who couldn’t understand why she did what she did, but it usually took a few weeks, not a few nights, before they started guessing and trying to be her knight in shining armour. She was going to have to do something about that, but not now.

“How many avocados do you need!?” She exclaimed when she saw his huge hand holding at least 6.

“I have one a day.” He looked surprised at her shock. “They’re good in smoothies. Want one?” He held out the biggest and Rey had to snort at how silly he looked.

“Unlike most Millennials, I’ve never had an avocado. I wouldn’t even know where to start with that thing.” She wrinkled her nose at the offending dark green and bumpy fruit.

“You’ve never had an avocado?” He was now just openly gawking at her.

“I know, I’m a rubbish 23 year old. I’ve never had avocado, I don’t understand almond milk, and I hate pumpkin spice lattes.” She laughed and Ben groaned.

“Is it too late to hire a different girl? Because there is something clearly wrong with you.” Rey threw her head back and laughed. “I’m not kidding. I don’t believe in most of that shit but now I feel like it’s my job to educate you.” Grabbing a packet of blueberries, he practically threw them into Rey’s side of the cart. “You’re going to need those.”

“What for?” She almost whined, eyeing the price on them before he walked further down the aisle.

“I’m going to teach you how to make overnight oats.” Rey groaned, a little overdramatically, but Ben didn’t seem to mind, he actually seemed to be enjoying their banter.

“I don’t even know what that means but it sounds gross.”

They finished their shop, Ben practically filled the cart with fruit and vegetables and meat whereas Rey’s mostly consisted of sugary cereal, tinned soup and a loaf of white bread, much to Ben’s horror. She assured him she already had stuff at home but they both knew that was a lie.

As she put her food in her car, Ben leaned on the door of his BMW. Did he really have to be so obviously well off? She bit her lip, despite her bitterness at his wealth, it certainly looked good on him.

“Change of plan. I’m not buying you lunch.” Ben strolled over to her, leaning down to capture her lips with his. It was almost bruising, and Rey knew why the plans were changing. “I’m going to make you something instead.”

“Oh really now?” Rey responded, suddenly glad she wore her nice dress.

“We have to start your training, and that starts with the most millennial thing I can think of.” His hands were on her ribs and he attacked her lips again, licking into her mouth. She could taste cinnamon on his tongue.

“And what’s that?” She asked, half dazed at his sudden attention.

“Brunch.” He smiled against her mouth.

\-----

“Okay, it wasn’t bad, but I just don’t think it’s worth raving on about it like everyone does.” Rey explained as they walked from the kitchen to the living room.

“One, they are tasty. Two, they are full of fibre, Vitamin A, C and E, and potassium, not to mention health fats.” Ben counted on his hand, following her and turning on the TV.

“What even are 'healthy fats' anyway?” Rey asked, doing air quotes before tucking her feet under her body.

“I know you’re being stubborn, but I’m pretending you’re not. Monounsaturated fats are the healthy fats because they are proven to improve your cholesterol and lower the risk of heart disease.” He explained before choosing a Spotify playlist through the TV to listen to.

“And I’m supposed to just trust you?” Rey raised an eyebrow and gave him a pointed look.

“Well, I am a doctor.” That smirk was back, bringing along its cheek dimple friends. He cockiness felt vaguely familiar as she groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Oh god. Please don’t use that line on women.” Rey shoved him lightly and he did her the courtesy of rocking backwards into the sofa cushions before sitting up straight again.

“You set me up for it.” He said, defending himself.

“I don’t care how good avocados are, waffles will always taste better.” Rey confessed, throwing her hands up and watching Ben’s smirk relax into a smile.

“I can’t argue with that.” He put the remote on the coffee table and sat back.

Hanging out with Ben was a whirlwind, but she loved navigating it. One moment they could be brimming on the edge of an argument, the next they were at ease and joking around together, then the next passion could overtake them and their hands would be on one another. It was a new and interesting dynamic with a client, and Rey would have to sit down and think about the long term if they kept going at this rate.

Including their time together today, Ben had paid her $2400 so far. For a man who said he wanted to take it slow, this was the most she’d seen a single client in one week and she had to keep reminding herself not to let any lines get blurred. He was a client. And when her services weren’t needed anymore, he wouldn’t see her again.

“No LOST today?” She commented, looking at the album he had picked to play instead. Rey wasn’t into music so didn’t recognise the name of the singer or the album cover displayed on the screen. It sounded nice though, the man playing guitar and singing about his scars being markers, and the lines on his face were souvenirs.

“I thought we could do something else.”

“Did you now?” Rey tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She didn’t usually like having it down but having it up didn’t suit the style of the floral dress she wore so she made an effort to brush it and even use the last of her mousse to try and style the waves into something nice. “Remember what I said about communication, Ben.” She teased. She knew where this would eventually lead to when he suggested going back to his house, but Rey relied on open conversation to make sure they were on the same page and manage expectations.

He took a deep breath in, his eyes darkening as he stared at her. He looked serious. And sexy.

“I want to you to play with my hair, while I play with your pussy.”

Rey’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ as her jaw went slack. She was not expecting that. And she wasn’t expecting the pulse that ran down her spine and ended in her belly either. Swallowing, her mouth suddenly dry, Rey nodded. “That sounds good.” God, she hoped her voice didn’t sound as pathetic as it felt.

Ben practically crawled over to her side of the couch, his hulking body covering hers as his mouth caught hers. It was slow at first, painfully so knowing what his plans were. His hands seemed more focused on playing with her hair and cradling her face than what he had said, but her patience was rewarded when he nipped at her lower lip, earning a gasp from her as his swiped his tongue over hers.

His mouth set a path of hot wet kisses along her jaw and down her neck as his hand went on a different mission, snaking under the skirt of her dress and Rey thanked God that she wore the dress today.

His fingers trailed over her underwear and he groaned into her neck when he found her already wet for him. “So fucking wet.” She thought he said, but it was muffled against her skin and she couldn’t be sure, her mind was too busy buzzing with anticipation to really focus anyway. He rubbed through the thin material for a few moments before hooking his finger around the edges and pulling away from her. Rey lifted her hips as he used both hands to guide them down her legs and off her body.

She relaxed and spread her knees for him, her dress still covering some of her modesty, but she welcomed him. Him and those dark eyes that couldn’t look away from between her legs. His hand went back searching again and he continued to pay attention to her neck, licking and kissing every sensitive spot that made her moan.

It was Rey’s turn to groan as his ran a finger slowly up along her core, circling the bundle of nerves at the top. “Fuck, Ben. Right there.” She could feel him smirk into her skin as he kept pressing into her hot flesh. Her fingers wound up in his hair, tugging gently as he expertly teased her clit between two fingers until she was gasping, her hips rocking against him, needing more friction.

“You are so fucking hot, Rey.” His fingers sped up and Rey threw her head back, her eyes squeezed shut, wanting to give him more access to all of her. “So fucking perfect.” He kept stroking, determined to make her lose her mind. “Do you like that?” She bit her lip and nodded in agreement. She wasn’t far away from coming, but she needed more. As if reading her mind, she felt his fingers move lower, bending two so they slid inside her easily.

“Fuck!” They both cried out at the same time. Rey was panting, his control over her was making her delirious as she rocked against his hand harder faster, she wanted everything he could give her.

“So God damn beautiful, Rey.” Ben’s mouth was wet and hot against her skin as his fingers twisted and pumped inside her. He pulled away from her slightly, not so far that she couldn’t still hold onto him. Her eyes opened and she saw his head dropped down. Some of his hair had falling forward, obscuring his face, but Rey could still see his parted lips, his gaze burning as he was watching his own hand between her legs. She moaned at how attractive the whole situation was. “You don’t even know…” The pad of his thumb came to rest just over the hood of her clit, applying pressure, and Rey’s hips bucked. His free hand pressed down on her pelvis, keeping her in place as his other hand pumped and rubbed and curled, making Rey whimpered nonsense at him.

“Keep going.” She was so fucking close now, her abs clenching as she tried to rock forward, tugging on his hair, blunt fingernails digging into his scalp as her whole body tensed. “Right there. Please, please, please!”

Her muscles contracted around his fingers as her legs and abs twitched sporadically. She didn’t know why, but she laughed, feeling silly for being so overwhelmed by him. Her fingers still stroking his hair affectionately. Her back collapsed into the soft sofa cushions and she had to cover her face with one hand as she giggled again.

“Everything okay?” Ben had moved so his face was level with hers. Rey just nodded, pulling his in for a sluggish kiss as she caught her breath, humming into his mouth, pleased. Satisfied.

“Sorry. That was just…” She beamed at him. “You are really good at that.” He returned her grin and leaned in for another kiss.

“Maybe you should be paying me today.” Ben jested and it made her laugh again.

“Maybe. Definitely.” After a few more moments, Rey finally sat up, smoothing her dress down. “How about you?” She asked, feeling more serious all of a sudden. “Was I- was that okay?”

“Perfect.” That arrogant smile was back, sort of lopsided but utterly charming.

“Do you want me to…?” She left her question open, her eyes quickly glancing down at his crotch.

“No.” He shook his head lightly, his other hand coming up to brush through his hair. “No, I just really wanted to do that.” He stood up but not before swooping in for another quick kiss. “Let me go get you some water. And clean up.” He picked up her underwear from the floor and held them out for her to grab. Thanking him, she watched him walk to the kitchen, returning a few seconds later holding out a chilled bottle of water for her.

She cracked open the lid and took a long sip, her eyes fixated on Ben as he stretched, then ran his hands through his hair again before sitting back down on the sofa, one leg casually thrown over the other. Ben Solo was a good man, a generous man, an interesting man, Rey mused, and that, she decided, made Ben Solo very dangerous.

\-----

Munching on the apple she bought from Whole Foods, Rey spent most of the drive to Long Beach Hospital humming a tune that was stuck in her head and noting how it was the nicest, crispest apple she had had in a long time. It was a nice day, sunny but with a small breeze that meant having her windows open actually helped cool the inside of her car. The AC had never worked, one of the things Finn complained about the most living in California, but Rey didn’t mind, she was used to the heat now.

As the light breeze brushed her skin, she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this content, certainly not since Finn’s accident. Work was busy, but so rewarding. She would be able to make a bigger dent paying off Finn’s medical bills this month. And she hadn’t had time to feel alone all week.

Rey froze, suddenly realising why she felt so happy that morning. Ben. He had quickly inserted himself into her life and filled up a space she didn’t know was empty.

She was lonely. Shutting herself off from people and never letting her guard down was meant to keep her safe when she was a kid, alone on the streets. Then Finn had come along and been her only family for so many years. They didn’t need anyone else, they would always take care of each other. And then Han, and while their living arrangements improved, her mindset stayed the same. The way she always kept herself safe. Close everyone else off. Except Finn.

Finn was the only one who knew about her family. Finn was the only one who knew how bad her life had been. Finn was the only one she spoke to, or hung out with. Finn’s was the only opinion she cared about. And then he was gone.

The stress of his accident and injuries broke her and the only person she wanted to confide in and get comfort from was the one person she now couldn’t. In the 18 months since the hit and run, Rey hadn’t had anyone to talk to, to hang out with, to be her friend.

Han was her boss and as closed off with his feelings as she was. Leia was a mother figure she looked up to, but their relationship wasn’t close, not really. And Rose was sweet and caring, but she was just doing her job.

Then Ben came along, and while he didn’t know any other aspect of her life apart from her second job, in a single week she now had someone that wanted to spend time with her. To hear her opinion on things. To share interests with. To have fun together. He treated her like a friend and Rey suddenly realised that was what had been missing in her life. Not just Finn, but the friendship he provided.

A horn beeping behind her pulled Rey out of her thoughts. She quickly turned into the hospital car park and shut off the engine.

She had to be careful. Ben was just a client. And while she enjoyed being in his company, watching TV and cooking together, she needed to be aware that it would end once Ben was happy he could maintain a regular relationship without fear of his seizures returning. And Rey knew that day wouldn’t be very far in the future.

Rey sat and grabbed her diary, turning to a page with contact details and notes Rey had written down after the that first meeting. Grabbing her phone and dialing, Rey exhaled and waited for them to pick up.

“Rey?” The curious voice greeted.

“Zorii, how are you?” Rey tried to sound casual.

“Pass. Why are you calling me? Do you have a client to refer?” Rey was tempted to roll her eyes at the other woman’s bluntness. Only once did Rey have to pass on a client’s details to Zorii, and only because he didn’t want to be with someone the same age as his daughter, which Rey couldn’t really argue with. If she was honest with herself, it would have actually made her uncomfortable if he was okay with it.

“No, nothing like that. I wanted to ask if…” Rey played with the car key in her hand as she tried to find the right words. “Have you ever stayed friends with clients after… after they don’t need you anymore?”

“Fuck, Rey. You better not have fallen in love, ‘cause if you have I’m hanging up.”

“God no! It’s not that. It's only been a week, but I’ve seen him a couple of times.” Rey closed her eyes. “It’s weird. He’s weird.”

There was a long pause. “Weird how?”

“I don’t know. He wants to practice dating, not just sex. He took me grocery shopping.” Zorii laughed down the speaker. “That’s weird, right?”

“No. Not at all. Rey, honey, you aren’t just there for hand jobs and sex training. Most men can buy a doll off Amazon if that’s all they wanted.” The phone went quiet as the other woman said a muffled ‘thank you’ to whoever she was with on the other end of the line. “You are there to comfort them, ease their anxieties about relationships, and that includes being a fucking girlfriend, not just a girl friend for fucking.”

It made sense, it was all stuff Rey knew. So why did it feel so wrong? “This is the first person that’s been like this.”

“Then make sure you keep your wits about you. You’re a smart girl, Rey. Help him get what he needs, but don’t get attached. Simple.”

Rey was silent for a moment. It didn’t seem that simple.

She heard the older woman sigh. “Rey, your non-sexual characteristics are what make you good at this job. If you’re finding this new emotional connection too challenging, distance yourself. He obviously wants intimacy and the girlfriend experience, so give him that but with the illusion of mutuality.” Zorii spoke carefully as she continued. “Honey, you need to present a fake version of you, tell him fake details about the fake life of his fake girlfriend, so when he asks you the usual boyfriend stuff, _you_ are constantly reminded that it’s a lie but the details only _deepen it_ for him.”

“So you want me to lie?”

“Only about shit that doesn’t matter. Your empathy and emotions can all be natural, have fun with this guy and don’t feel guilty. It sounds like you like him, but plant rotten seeds, little traps to catch yourself and remind yourself it’s all bullshit.”

“And you do this?”

“Rey, I’m a Professor of Psychology and a sex worker. I do this every day of my fucking life. Now fuck off. I have to pick up my kid from little league.”

A choked laugh escapes Rey’s mouth. “Okay. Okay, I think I get it. Thanks Zorii.”

Zorii didn’t say anything straight away. “Not that I care, but I hope you’re okay.”

“I am. Bye.”

She didn’t expect a reply.

Her head fell back against her head rest. She could do this, and it seemed like she had asked for advice earlier enough that it would be easy to start doing this and not contradict anything she may have already said.

\-----

“FUCK!” Ben threw the nearest object he could find, luckily it was a book and not anything breakable. However, the wall faired less well, the plaster now caved in and cracked. It didn’t stop his anger, but it certainly helped express it.

“Jesus, Ben. They were practically gone before they even got on the table.” Hux breathed, trying to comfort him. “There was nothing you could have done.”

“That’s not true!” Ben picked up another book, hitting the same spot as before with incredible accuracy, making Hux wince. “I was fixing it, I was almost done. Then that moron screwed it all up!”

“She bled out, her injuries were too much. Even if you did fix her spinal cord, there’s no saying her heart would have held out any longer than it did.” Hux tried to reason with him, but Ben wasn’t listening, his blood pounding loudly in his ears.

She was only 30. Just taking a walk to get some fresh air on her lunch break. He didn’t know the exact details, maybe she was on her phone or had headphones in and stepped out, maybe the truck driver was distracted and didn’t notice her in time. It didn’t matter how it happened. All Ben knew was two of her vertebrae had been crushed, and hundreds of tiny bone fragments were lodged in the tissue surrounding her spinal cord. For hours Ben had carefully picked out the fragments, assessing the damage as he went, finding tears and fixing them. It was slow, detailed work, encircled with other surgeons working on other injuries at the same time. Five hours in, Doctor Enric Pryde, orthopaedic surgeon and certified prick, waltzed into the O.R. to start working on her comminuted femur fracture, and ten minutes later a bone shard cut through an artery and she was gone.

If his hands weren’t still sore from pulling out over a hundred tiny bones pieces, Ben could have strangled that man.

“Pryde is a butcher.” Ben sneered, pacing the room like a caged animal. “He will never be allowed in my O.R. again.”

“He’s Head of Orthopaedic surgery. You can’t kick him out.” Hux sighed. “Even if he is a twat.”

“And I’m Head of Neurosurgery. My department is the second highest billable after Cardio, and I’m saying that man will never step within ten feet of me again in this hospital if he knows what’s good for him.”

“Good luck telling Snoke that.” Hux scoffed and immediately realised it was the wrong thing to say when another book was hurled at the wall, missing his head by inches.

“I need to get out of here.” Ben ran his hand through his hair, grabbing at things on his desk and shoving them in his bag.

“Woah, woah. You are in no state to drive.”

“I’m fine. I have plans and I’m already late.” Ben said as he checked his phone.

“Plans? I thought you weren’t seeing your parents until Thanksgiving.” Ben hated how much Hux knew about his life. He still couldn’t believe the ginger-headed doctor actaully _befriended_ his mother during all those hospital visits. But then again, Hux was known for brown-nosing, and who better than the Governor of California to suck up to when he got the chance. The traitor.

“It’s not my parents.” He hissed, shoving on his coat.

“Oh. Oh!” Hux looked positively delighted when he figured it out. “Good for you, Solo. You could really use a shag, the mood you’re in.”

“Fuck off.” Ben slammed the door behind him, not caring as he headed out of the building. He really needed to forget about today, and luckily Rey was coming over. Rey with her gorgeous face, her soft body and her kind heart. Rey would help him feel like himself again. Rey always made him feel like his real self, not Doctor Solo, not Governor Leia Organa’s Son. Just Ben. Just comfortable and relaxed Ben. Happy and content with his life because he was with her and no one else was there to ruin it.

Fuck, he couldn’t wait to see her again.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment. I love reading them and the really mean a lot to me.
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben both let off some steam.

It started off with a little lie, and not even to his face. Traffic was awful on Tuesday getting to the hospital before heading to Ben’s so she gave him a quick call.

“Sorry, I had to work late and still need to nip home to feed my cat so I’m going to be a little late.”

“That’s fine. I’m not home yet either. It’s been a bad day. I’ll see you when you get here.” He said. “Do you need food?”

“That would be amazing! You want to vent about it later?”

“No, not really. I’m making salmon.”

The salmon was delicious, they ate it on their laps while watching another episode of LOST, a blanket thrown over both of their laps.

“So, everyone gets their own episode?” Rey asked, before shoving a fork full of broccoli in her mouth and chewing eagerly.

“Pretty much.” Ben was watching her, his face somewhere between amused and horrified at the way she ate.

“But Jack’s had two now and we haven’t even had one about Sawyer.” It was sort of a whine, but she didn’t care that much.

“Be patient. We’re only on episode six.” Ben noticed she had nearly finished and moved his plate closer, pushing some of his potatoes onto hers. “His episode will come.”

“I like Sawyer. I just want to know more about him.” She stabbed one of the potatoes he gave her, popping it in her mouth and smiling broadly at him as a grateful acknowledgment of him sharing.

“You fancy the bad boys, then?” Ben teased, setting down his empty plate on the coffee table and shifting under the blanket to curl his arm around Rey’s back.

“He’s all flirty and mysterious. I like that.” Ben chuckled, twisting a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of her messy bun. “What? Jack’s kind of boring.”

“I thought you’d like that he’s a surgeon.” Lips pressed into her neck and her dinner almost forgotten in her lap as she leaned into it.

“Surgeons are such goodie two shoes.” Rey said with an over the top eye roll. “Just because he has his fingers all up in someone’s spine every day, doesn’t mean I should automatically be impressed. It’s kind of lazy writing if you ask me.”

Ben chuckled into her skin, his hand snaking around her back more so his thumb could just start stroking the edge of her breast. “What would impress you, Rey?” His voice was dangerously low, full of purpose.

“The important stuff, you know, his hair.” Ben laughed, using it as an opportunity to move closer and get slightly better access to her breast. She wanted to raise an eyebrow at his high school level of suave but thought better of it. “And his body.” Rey sighed dramatically, skillfully moving her plate to the coffee table and out of the way before winding her hand into his hair and resting at the nape of his neck. “Now, if you gave me a surgeon with great hair _and_ a hot body, then I’d definitely fancy him.” She teased.

“Would you now?”

“Absolutely.” Rey nodded, humming her confirmation as his lips trailed up her neck and found the hollow space just behind her ear, gently closed his mouth around it and sucked. The groan that Rey made should have been shameful. His other hand had snaked its way under the blanket, playing with the hem of her tshirt. “Ben?” His groan as his lips sucks and nipped at her sensitive skin was her only response. “Do you want to play with my tits tonight?”

It didn’t take long for her shirt and bra to come off, and Rey felt oddly powerful as she straddled his lap, his head now eyelevel with her chest, her hands on his shoulders while his were resting on her hips. Maybe it was the height the position gave her, or maybe it was the complete look of adoration in Ben’s eyes as he took in her bare chest for the first time. It didn’t matter, all thoughts flew out of her mind when his plump lips wrapped around her right nipple and sucked. Hard. Pulling his mouth away, there was a loud pop as he let go of her flesh.

“Fuck.” The skin of her nipple had contracted into a tight pink bud, the sight of which Ben obviously enjoyed as he come back and circled it with his tongue. Not to feel left out, his right hand came up to cup her free breast. Rey almost felt bad as how big his hand looked in comparison to her lack of size, but he didn’t seem to mind and he rolled its weight around in his hand, his fingers delicately dancing over the taut flesh, only to change tone and pinch her nipple between two of his fingers, then slow down and massage them again. It was dizzying, and slightly overwhelming, all the attention he was giving her.

Usually Rey didn’t get turned on much with someone touching her boobs, but when Ben swapped sides, sucking hard again on the new breast, she realised she was starting to pant in need.

She gasped when his hand came down and slapped her breast, the skin still wet from earlier, and it seemed to snap Ben out of his haze. “Is this okay?” He asked, his big brown eyes looking up at her full of concern. Rey just nodded and tangled her hands in his hair, urging him to get back to what he was doing.

It was a little rougher than what previous men she’d been with had been like, but then again, those men’s hands always just fumbled and grabbed, the were no sureness or skill in their actions and it never did anything for her. But Ben. Ben’s expertise and confident hands were something completely different, and Rey was enjoying it. Really enjoying it.

Another hard suck and her nipple fell from his mouth with a glorious wet sound. Rey looked down, her eyes heated with lust as she saw how swollen Ben’s lips were from all the attention he had been giving her. She watched as he took both her tits in his hands, pushing them up and towards each other, his thumbs barely grazing her sensitive tips of skin as he just watched, mesmerised at the look and feel of them in his hands. He moved back, this time kissing the top of each curve he was creating. “Please let me come on your tits, Rey.” He voice was almost pained. “It doesn’t have to be now, but fuck, one day, please let me rub my come all over your pretty little tits.” He took both nipples and tightly squeezed them again. It was just on the edge of pain as a shock of pleasure shot through her.

“It can be today.” A voice she barely recognised as her own replied.

Everything about Ben wasn’t like her usual clients. He wasn’t weak or sick, he wasn’t lacking in skill or confidence. He looked at her and really saw her, rather than a future hypothetical person he really wanted. And suddenly she felt naughty, like she shouldn’t be fascinated by him and he shouldn’t really be enjoying her this much, because it was _her_ he was fucking, not a means to an end like she usually was.

Ben flipped them over, so her back was on the soft sofa cushions and he was standing over her now, his cock out and in his hand, his wrist moving to pump himself quickly. Rey looked up at him, his face fixated on her chest while his other hand still traced circles around her breasts. She found her arm sneaking past the waistband of her jeans and her hand dipped into her underwear to find them wet. Using her fingertips, she rubbed her clit at the same pace as he pumped himself. Both their hips jerking as they got close.

“Fuck, Rey. Your tits are so fucking tiny.” Ben leaned forward, his cock hovering just above them. He must have noticed her touching herself. “You like touching your pretty little pussy while I come on your pretty little tits, don’t you?”

Rey moaned, her hips lifting as she felt the start of her orgasm. “Please, Ben.”

“Yes. I like it when you touch yourself, Rey. Fuck, yes.” He hissed the last few words and then Rey felt the first hot splash on her chest just as her inner walls started to clench.

“Shit.” Ben was breathless as he got to his knees, leaning down and kissing her soundly. “Fuck I needed that.” Rey remembered his comment on the phone earlier about his bad day, but not wanting to talk about it. Suddenly his intense sex request didn’t seem so out of the blue. It was stress relief.

“That was nice. A little intense, but nice.” She smiled into his mouth before patting him on the cheek. “Want to help me clean up?” A small nod of her head down implying what she meant.

“No. Not yet.” Still on his knees, Ben half draped himself on her lap, looking up her as his hand drew lazy patterns through his come. She hadn’t realised how red her skin had gotten from all the attention until the contrast of his pale skin was next to it. Rey just smiled, finding his dazed but focused expression endearing, letting her head fall back on the sofa and steady her breathing as he kept running his finger over her chest in a hypnotic way.

She didn’t know how long she lay there, but it was starting to get cold.

“Here.” Ben went to get up and move the blanket over her, but Rey stopped him.

“It’ll get messy.” She protested.

“I don’t care.”

“But I do.” Rey sat up and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll just clean up quickly and put my shirt back on.” She pressed a small kiss on the side of his mouth before heading to the upstairs bathroom. She knew he had some wash clothes in there that she could clean herself with.

Coming back downstairs, fully dressed again, she found Ben skipping through the episode they had missed, trying to find the last scene they had actually watched, he had his head propped on one hand, his fingers in his slightly messy sweaty hair.

“Hey.” She stepped over him to get to her spot on the sofa, grabbing her drink and downing the rest of it before she noticed Ben looking at her. His face full of worry. “Everything okay?” On instinct, she quickly checked his hands and arms for stiffness and any other sign of an impending seizure, but found none.

“I’m sorry, Rey, I shouldn’t have done that. It was crass.” Putting down the remote, he sighed. “Just because I had a shit day doesn’t mean I can treat you like that.”

“Like what, Ben? I don’t know if you noticed, but I really enjoyed what we just did.” The guilt didn’t leave him. “We all have shitty days and need to vent from them, and yeah, while I don’t usually do _that_ …” Rey didn’t think it was appropriate to say ‘tit play’ when he was feeling bad about it “…with guys, I liked it. A lot. I’m just glad you were okay with the fact I don’t have any boobs.” Rey teased.

“What?” That seemed to get Ben out of his own head. He sounded almost shocked at what she had just said. “Your breasts are perfect.” The conviction in his voice almost made Rey want to believe him.

“Come on. They’re tiny and I’m fine with that. You don’t have to pretend for my sake.” Rey waved her hand and grabbed the blanket, covering their shoulders with it.

“Rey, I don’t know if you noticed,” Ben echoed her words as he pulled her against him under the blanket. “But I have a kink for tiny tits.”

Rey laughed, snuggling up to his shoulder. “Thank God! Now where were we, this was a Charlie episode, right?”

\-----

“Are you fucking kidding me?” It was only 8am on Friday and Rey was already pissed off, holding up a magazine as she marched over to Han. “Where is that stuck-up, half-witted arsehole!?”

“Such a pleasant girl.” Poe said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he made his presence known.

“You!” She slammed the paper into his chest. “What the hell is this?” Poe looked down at the photo as if he didn’t already know what she was talking about.

“This is a charming photo of a young woman playing with some children.” He rubbed his jaw, having the audacity to look pleased with himself right in front of her.

“You had no right to take that photo.” Han took the magazine and began to study it. It was a sweet moment they had caught on camera. While Tabala was doing a brief interview about how the charity is helping her, not just with a car, but with funds to contribute towards insurance and gas, Rey had taken her three kids away to her work station and kept them busy, entertaining them by teaching them different tools and what they did. The photographer had snapped the photo just as Rey had knelt down with Tam, the youngest of the three kids, in her arms and propped on her hip, as she supervised Nate using a screwdriver on a scrap piece of metal.

“I didn’t know which photos they were going to use.” Poe held his hands up in that defensive way Rey hated, he thinks it would get him out of any trouble, but not with her.

“Bullshit. You said this was going to be a small fluff piece, one photo of me. In what universe is _8 pages_ a small fluff piece?”

“I think it’s a nice photo.” They both ignored Han.

“I’m sorry for getting more publicity for this charity. How could I be so horrible? Would you like a written apology in my blood or my tears?” If this had happened five years ago, Rey wouldn’t have hesitated punching him.

“Poe, not everyone wants their life to be out in the public like yours and Leia’s. You told them about my past and now it’s out there online for anyone to find. You had no right to do that without my permission. And all that footage they took of me…” Rey let out a frustrated noise as she turned around, looking for something to hit but finding nothing. “You knew what they were doing, don’t pretend you didn’t.”

“Can you blame me? Han is married to Leia, people know who he is, but this young pretty girl who was homeless until she found the charity, and now works for it helping others! The press were asking more questions about you than Leia, and if I didn’t give them the details then it would have been a dead story.” Poe laughed, the disbelief evident. Running his hand over his jaw before continuing. “Have you even asked Han how many donations he’s had since the story ran? Do you know how much Leia’s numbers have improved with voters? Do you even care?”

Rey sighed, she looked at Han who just shrugged and handed the magazine back to her. “You should have told me.” She pointed out, but not wanting to argue anymore. “I had to find out from a nurse at the hospital.” Rose had been so happy for her.

“I should have. That, I’m sorry about.” Poe smiled, a regular smile without any of his usual fake charm. “But you can be a pretty scary woman when you want to be.” She rolled her eyes and looked down at the other photo, the one of her and Han. It was nice. It was taken out the front so the garage and logo could be seen in the background. They were laughing about something between some of the posed photos they had made them do. It was natural. They looked like a father and daughter, not just work colleagues. Her face softened looking at it. “How about I make it up to you? Let me take you out tonight, we can get dinner together somewhere.”

Rey’s head shot up as she glared at him. “Unbelievable.” She muttered, turning on her heel and heading to her workstation.

“I take it that means no?” Poe called out behind her. Rey just rolled her eyes and grabbed the heaviest looking long metal object she could find, lifting it up and hitting one of the metal benches with it a few times before throwing it down onto the floor.

When she turned back around, Poe and Han had gone.

\-----

Rose had text her. She had forgotten her sweater and didn’t want her to worry she’d lost it. Rey quickly text her back saying she’d pick it up tomorrow and thanked her.

“Sorry, just my Mum texting me.” She lied, having to hold back a cringe at just how big of a lie it was.

“Is she in England?” Ben asked, loading the dishwasher.

“Yep.” She popped the P and sipped at her wine. She let herself have half a glass with him, nothing more, and only when they had food.

“Where in England did you grow up?” He asked, leaning back on the kitchen counter, his dark eyes full of warmth and genuine interest. Rey let her eyes linger on his body and how unfair it was that he was that attractive.

“London.” That wasn’t really a lie. “My parents moved over here when I was 8 for work, hence the accent. When they moved back, I stayed.” Again, it wasn’t really a lie, just a guess at what the truth could have been.

“I don’t blame you, I hated London. It was so dirty.” Ben held up the wine bottle as if to fill up her glass, Rey just shook her head, her hand covering the top of her glass. “But it was cold and raining the whole time I was there so that probably influenced my opinion of it.”

“Nope, you pretty much have it spot on.”

“Do you see them often? Your parents?”

“Not as much as I’d like.” Sadness stained her voice.

“Do you have any other family here?” Ben asked, topping up his glass. Rey thought of Finn. He was her family.

“No. It’s just me.”

“And your cat.” Ben added.

“Yes. And BB.” That was the name of Finn’s car. She’d found photos on Instagram from a cat owner and saved a few to her phone in case Ben ever asked to see pictures.

It was so domesticated, them chatting in the kitchen, clearing up after dinner, sipping wine. And she would be lying if she said Ben didn’t look insanely hot in his dark grey sweater and fitted black jeans. She’d made a joke when she arrived about his change in wardrobe, he had just smiled and kissed her on the cheek like he usually did. Rey swung her legs and hopped off the kitchen stool. She didn’t want to lie anymore.

“Are we going upstairs or staying down?” She asked, her meaning obvious. She had initially thought tonight would be the night they finally had sex, but Ben was being so relaxed and casual, taking his time making dinner and cleaning up. She knew it wasn’t going to happen today. He wouldn’t be this calm otherwise.

“Down. I have something for you, actually.” Rey tensed. Gifts. Fuck. She should have known gifts would be next. Anytime someone started feeling close to her they got her a gift. Usually little things. One guy got her a necklace with an R on it, he had said it was for Rey but his name also began with an R so she took his intentions with a big pinch of salt. One got her an iPhone when he saw how smashed up hers was. He played it down, saying he had just upgraded his phone so it was just his old one, but Rey checked the cost of the new industrial strength protective case he’d also got her and it was nearly $100. Her favourite was probably the scarf she got as a Christmas present, she liked that scarf, it was big and doubled up as a blanket. That one she didn't feel too bad accepting, especially when she found out he had knitted it himself as part of his physical therapy. 

She followed him into the living room, wondering how she was supposed to react. What if it was something ridiculously expensive? What if it was something ridiculous kinky? She didn’t know which would be worse. Rey was glad she walked behind him so he didn’t see her wince at that ideas her mind was jumping to.

“Close your eyes.” Rey did, her mouth parting for a second to lick her lips. “Breathe.” She realised she was holding her breath. Ben chuckled. “Reach out.” She held out her hand, facing up. She felt something be placed in her palm, it must be the size of her hand, but felt light. “There you go.”

Opening her eyes, she broke into a smile. “What is this?” Looking down, there was a little cartoonish Doctor toy sitting in her hand. Her fingers wrapped around it, giving the soft foam a squeeze.

“It’s a stress reliver. A pharmaceutical person came into work today, gave them out to everyone. I thought it was… I thought you might like it.” Rey looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t this. “It would make a good cat toy. For BB.”

And like that, the affection that bubbled up inside her turned heavy in her stomach. He got it for her cat. A cat she didn’t have. A cat fake ‘Rey’ had. The ‘Rey’ he thought he knew. But that wasn’t her. This wasn’t real. She wanted to curse Zorii, her advice worked too well.

“Thank you, Ben. I think BB will love it.” She leaned up and placed a small kiss on his lips. “Is this what you look like in your coat?” She said, poking the toy’s belly.

“Are you asking if I look like a round cartoon man while I wear my white coat?” He quirked an eyebrow up at her and Rey winked.

“I’d like to see it someday, you in something other than black.”

“And dark grey.” He pointed at his sweater.

“And dark grey.” She agreed.

They watched two episodes of LOST before Ben fell asleep on the sofa. She gently woke him up, saying she had to go and didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. Ben’s hand wrapped around her wrist. He might have been sleepy but he was still strong as he tried to stop her.

“Stay.” He mumbled.

“Sorry. I can’t.” Rey gave him a sad smile and leaned down to kiss him gently, admiring how pouty his lips got when he didn’t get his way.

“Hang on. Let me get up, walk you to the door.”

Rey pressed her hand on his chest. “I’ll let myself out. I just wanted to say bye.” Ben rubbed up and down her arm, before pulling her down to him by it.

The kiss was slow and lethargic. Rey was tempted to sit back down and continue it, but he moved back. His eyes not even opening afterwards. “Goodnight, Rey.”

“Goodbye, Ben. Go to bed.” He tried to protest but slowly stood up, heading upstairs. She left his house, her bag in one hand and the little squeezy toy in the other. It was way past midnight and she was meant to be at the garage at 8am tomorrow for another car pick up. But seeing Ben’s dreamy smile after he kissed her goodnight, it was totally worth it.

\-----

Han was in the garage the next day as well, and he wasn’t happy about it. He walked in with a large Starbucks coffee in his hand and grunted as he handed her one as well then put a small paper bag on her work bench. He let Chewie off his lead, and the large dog lazily walked over to his bed, laying down immediately. Rey was a bit jealous of him.

“Good morning.” She said, her voice equally tired. “What are you doing in on a Saturday?”

“Donation.” Was all he grumbled as he went up to his office.

Rey smiled at him as he left. She opened the little brown bag, smiling at the bagel inside. In three bites it was gone, but she felt a million times better. “Thank you!” She yelled up to his office, a grunt was all she got in return.

An hour later, she had finished the paperwork and handed over a set of keys to a new person. Han came down to shake their hand just before they left.

“Nice kid.” He commented once they’d gone.

“Yeah. He’s got an interview for Dominos already lined up now he’s got a car.” She smiled as she filed away the papers.

“Speaking of food.” Han started. Rey tilted her head and gave him a confused look. They weren’t speaking about food at all. But then Han has always been terrible at segues. “Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving this year?”

“No, why?” She never cared about Thanksgiving, not like Finn did. There were a couple of years where Han and Leia invited them round, but last year it has been too difficult with Finn in the coma, and they were going through their own thing with their estranged son who had gotten back in touch with them. Rey didn’t want to intrude on whatever family reunion they had going on.

“Leia wanted to know if you wanted to join us again this year.” Han shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

Rey’s mouth formed a tight line as she thought about it. “What about your son?”

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He’ll be miserable whatever happens.”

“You’re sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“Rey, just say yes. Leia always gets more food than we need, I know you’ve got the time off as the shops closed. Come stay a few nights with us and help me keep Leia company.”

“Will Luke be there?”

“When isn’t he? He missed you last year. We all did.”

Rey smiled and nodded. “Okay. But I need to see Finn for a few hours.”

“That’s fine.” Han gave her a sad smile, the one he always did when she mentioned Finn. “I’ll tell Leia. She’s going to be thrilled.”

Han went to leave but paused at the door when she called out to him. “Han?” He turned his head. “Thank you.”

“No problem, kid. Now get back to work.”

Rey laughed as he went back to his office. She pulled out her diary and marked out the days around Thanksgiving and smiled. It was nice to feel part of a family.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them!
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey introduces Finn to Dr Ben.

“Hey Finn.” Rey said, sitting on the chair next to the bed. “I can’t stay very long today. I have an appointment at 7.” One of her old clients had text her asking if they could talk to her that evening. She hadn’t seen him in a few months, but that was normal. There were two kinds of clients Rey had, ones who needed her temporarily and for a brief amount of time to build their confidence, and ones saw her less often, but ongoing. Snap was the latter.

Snap was a funny and friendly man, one she genuinely got on with. She remembered the first time she heard his sad story, his amazing football career, his scholarship all sorted, his future planned. Then the tragic accident on the field that left him paraplegic. It took him a long time to adjust and depression hit him hard at first, especially when all his friends went off to college and he was left behind. But Snap had been in a much happier, healthier place when he contacted her for the first time.

Turns out all his friends had moved back home and were slowly getting married, having children and settling down. Snap didn’t want that, he had discovered a love of languages and was now a successful translator, getting to work from home and travel the world when required. But just because he was busy with his job and didn’t want the hassle of a relationship, didn’t mean he didn’t miss sex. The only problem was, it had been ten years since he had last been with someone and that was before his accident. Rey understood and at their first meeting they gotten on really well, he seemed confident and funny, always smiling which made him more handsome than people would have assumed. But when they went to his bedroom all that bravado disappeared.

Rey helped him and soon they fell into a pattern, he would call her every few months, usually when he had just gotten back from a trip, she would go around, then they wouldn’t speak again until the next time. She scratched an itch, he once said, and Rey didn’t mind. So, while it was a little unusual of him to schedule a phone call instead of just ringing her to book an actual appointment, Rey didn’t think anything of it. She just wanted to be in a private place while talking to him. A lot of sensitive, and sometimes explicit, stuff can come up.

“I got you a present.” Rey beamed at Finn. “I know the doctors only see you for a minute a week during rounds, so I thought I’d get you a more permanent one.” Pulling out the small stress toy, she made a little ‘ta-dah’ sound and carefully placed it on his bedside table next to a photo of them, making sure the little toy was facing Finn so he could keep a watchful eye on him.

Ten minutes later Rose popped her head around the corner.

“Oh! Hi Rey, sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No problem, I was just telling Finn about something that happened at the garage today.” Rey straightened her back and stretched, her stiff shoulders cracking. “How can we help?”

“I… er, I just needed to empty Finn’s catheter bag.” Rey looked down to see the things Rose was holding.

“Shit. Sorry. I should probably get going anyway.”

“No, it’s fine, it can wait.” Rose was always so nice. She placed the equipment on the bed and leaned on the edge of the frame. “How are you, Rey?”

“Really good. Work is busy, but we’re helping more people than ever before since that article. We’ve had so many donations and people offering old cars, it’s a little overwhelming.” She admitted with a laugh.

“That’s great!”

“How about you?”

“Same old. My sister is home for Thanksgiving this year, but I have to work.” The sister in the army, Rey reminded herself.

“That sucks.”

Rose just shrugged; her enthusiasm unaffected. “She’s back for a whole week so I’ll have plenty of time to see her. And my shift will be done by 8, so I’ll have the whole evening to spend time with her. Oh, hey! Who’s this guy?” Rose spotted the new little doctor.

“It’s just toy.” Rey grabbed it, giving it a gentle squeeze before showing it to Rose.

“Cute! Does he have a name?” Rose poked her finger in his belly and pressed down, watching it slowly expand again.

“Ben.” Where did that come from? “Doctor Ben.” She said, feeling silly. It was just because Ben gave her the toy, it didn’t mean anything, she told herself.

“Well hello Doctor Ben. I look forward to working with you.” Rose was just messing around, she tickled his chubby belly with her finger, but it made Rey feel less like an idiot for bringing it in. The shorter woman carefully put him back on the table. “You can never get enough Doctors in a hospital.”

“I should go.” Checking her phone, she saw it was nearly 7 and she wanted to get to her car for the phone call.

“I’ll only be a minute, honestly you can stay; I didn’t mean to chase you away.”

“I think I’ll skip seeing his bag full of wee, but thanks.” Rey wrinkled up her nose. “I just don’t think I could look at him the same again afterwards.”

Rey said a quick goodbye and promised she’d be there longer tomorrow, Rey kissed Finn on the forehead and made it back to her car just as Snap’s name flashed up on her phone. She swiped her finger over the screen at the same time as shutting her car door.

“Hello.”

“Rey! How are you?” Snap’s jolly tone instantly make her smile.

“I’m great, thank you, how are you? Been anywhere nice recently?”

“Oh, just Korea last month.”

“The good one or the bad one?” Rey was terrible with geography, something Snap knew and teased her about at any chance he could.

“The good one. You don’t come home if you go to North Korea, Rey.”

“Whatever.” She said, not meaning it.

“Rey, can I ask you a massive favor?”

“Sure.” She opened her diary, ready.

“Are you free this Friday night?” Rey opened her mouth to say no but he didn’t give her the chance. “I have a date.”

“A date? That’s great news!” It took her a moment to process what he had asked. “I’m really happy for you, Snap. But why do you need me?”

“I’ve never been on a date, not since the accident, and I was… I was hoping you could help me get ready. Pick out an outfit, give me some advice. I know it’s out of your remit, but I’m a bit anxious. I really want this to go well.”

Rey frowned. She was with Ben this Friday. But she could hear the insecurity in Snap’s voice. This was a big deal, one she was technically meant to be preparing most of her clients for. Her frown deepened as she nodded. “I’ll have to just quickly rearrange something, but I’m sure I can help.”

“You are the best, Rey.”

“No problem. Now tell me everything! What’s her name? How’d you meet?”

Snap gave a warm laugh. “Her name is Kare. We met online, we’ve been talking for a few weeks and it’s… she’s really great, Rey.”

“I’m so happy for you.” They continued to talk for another few minutes, before agreeing a time for her to come over.

Hanging up, Rey was instantly filled with dread at having to cancel on Ben. He made it clear from the start that Tuesdays and Fridays were his days, and to change that with less than a week’s notice made Rey feel sick.

She typed, deleted, and re-typed the message three times before hitting send, watching as the little writing changed from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’. She swallowed hard before nearly jumping as her phone started to ring.

“Ben.”

“I’m at work. Thought it would be quicker to call.” Rey could hear hospital sounds in the background. She looked over at the building she just left, knowing he was in the same hospital, wondering which department he worked in.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m sorry to do this, a work thing I couldn’t change has come up.”

There was a beat and she could almost picture his mouth doing that thing it does when he’s thinking. “Which work?” His voice sounded too low and had a dark edge to it. Was he annoyed? Angry?

“My charity.” She lied quickly. “My boss is having a staff get together because it’s been really busy lately, kind of a blow out, but mandatory. A mandatory blow out.” She stopped herself before she kept rambling.

“Oh… I can do Thursday instead? Or Saturday.”

“I can do either of those.”

“Can you do both?”

“Yes.” Mouth suddenly dry, she wished she’d topped up her water bottle before she left the hospital.

“Good.” He still sounded tense, as she heard him slowly breathe in and out over the tiny speaker. “Stay over Saturday night.”

“Ben, I can’t.” She sighed. She knew he was feeling vulnerable because she was changing their plans. He was being territorial. “I’m not allowed to.” It was easier to pretend there were rules. She was met with silence and while she was usually fine with silence, this was freaking her out. “Plus, I have to feed my cat.” She was grateful for the excuse.

“Fine… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Thank you for being so flexible.” With a small smile, she said goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And Thursday. And Saturday.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Me too.”

Hanging up, she ran a hand through her hair. Looked around the car park, her mind wandered. It was busy. Lots of people leaving from visitor hours, doctors and nurses finishing their shifts. What were their lives like? What worries did they all have? Rey sat back in the drivers’ seat for a minute, imagining what other life she could have had. She would have made a good artist, she thought. She was good with her hands. Or maybe a baker.

Turning on the engine with a sigh, she shook herself out of those fantasies and drove to the grocery store to buy whatever food she could find before heading home. It was going to be one of those lonely nights, she could tell. Maybe she could treat herself to a bar of chocolate.

Pulling out of the car park, she saw a middle-aged couple sitting on a bench on a small patch of grass, one of those ones the hospital designed so patients could go outside but not walk too far. They looked around their late-40’s, maybe the man was in his early 50’s. They were just sitting there, holding hands. It made her heart clench.

Yeah, she decided, she was going to get herself the biggest bar of chocolate she could afford.

\-----

“I can’t believe you’ve never had an oat flapjack.” With the way Ben gawked at her, she was tempted to look down at her shoulders to see if she had sprouted a second or maybe even third head.

It was their regular Tuesday evening. Rey didn’t protest anymore when Ben made her dinner, in fact, she had just assumed he would be making her food whenever she came around now. Today had been his day off, and she could tell. Ben looked like he had actually got a decent night’s sleep, there was a pile of freshly washed and folded laundry at the bottom of the stairs, and he had sweet potato and chickpea Buddha Bowls pre-made in the fridge for them, continuing her education on millennial food trends.

“I prefer chocolate.” Thinking about how she gorged on the bar of Dove last night, or Galaxy as she knew it when she was a kid in England, until she felt a little bit sick.

“But flapjacks!” His words carry a level of grief she wasn’t expecting. “With raisins, and pumpkin seeds, and cranberries.” He talked with his hands more now, especially when he was passionate about something. It was a good sign, that he was comfortable around her, but it was awfully distracting at the same time - now she knew what he could do with those fingers… And tonight, it felt forced; all his words and movements seemed jerkier, and restlessness radiated off him. “They’re healthier than chocolate, much more filling as well.”

“I just prefer chocolate.” She repeated with a shrug.

“I use chocolate chips. Sometimes.” Ben protested meekly. “I’ll make you some.” A cupboard door was open before she could respond. She narrowed her eyes at his actions and suddenly it clicked. Her jaw went slack and her face softened.

“Ben, you don’t have to-”

“I don’t have chocolate chips, but I could make you a hot chocolate to go with it when they are ready.” Rey’s eyes widened as he grabbed a jar of honey and a container of pumpkin seeds with just one hand. His fingers wrapped around them both with ease, emphasising how long and strong they were.

He’s a surgeon, she reminded herself. He has to have good hands.

“Ben.” Standing up from her usual seat at the kitchen counter, she walked around and held his forearm, stopping him dead as he went to take a giant bag of oats from another cupboard. “Ben. Let’s go upstairs. We can make flapjacks later.”

His shoulders sunk, his head dropping to look at her. The longing in his eyes caught her by surprise. “Rey…” He practically whimpered.

She nodded, understanding what this meant to him, knowing how anxious he must have been all day. “I’ll help you.” It was promise. A promise he took a long time digesting, his jaw working as he dealt with any remaining hesitation he had. A promise he must have needed as suddenly a weight lifted and Rey found herself wrapped in his arms, his mouth dwarfing hers in a fierce kiss.

She gave a small gasp as he picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist instantly, a gasp he took advantage of as he deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore hers, and before Rey realised it, she was being carried up the stairs.

“My bag!” Ben’s growl at her request made her giggle. Carefully he turned and went back down the few stairs they’d already climbed, bending down but still fully supporting her so she could grab her bag and sling it over her shoulder before continuing their way to his bedroom.

Within seconds of him placing her on his soft bed, her shirt was gone, replaced with his mouth trailing hot, hard kisses and firm hands touching every inch he could. Pulling at the edge of his sweater, she twisted her fingers into the soft fabric before tugging it up. It was like a dance, they silently knew everything each other wanted, responding to the little cues with seamless movements like it was already choreographed. It wasn’t long before they were both in just their underwear, a step apart from each other, panting and finally taking a moment to fully comprehend what was about to happen, to grasp the reality of it all.

“Ben, remember to talk to me. Tell me what you want, tell me if you like or don’t like something.” He hummed acknowledgement, dark eyes raking over her body, so intense she could swear she felt herself heat up at each part of her they trailed over. “And you remember the safe word?” God, she hated bringing that up, her body tensed at the thought of Kylo, she couldn’t imagine what that reminder did to Ben, but they had agreed on it and she had to respect their established rules. They were there to keep him safe and secure after all.

“Kylo.” His fists clenched and Rey noticed his bare forearms for the first time. They were thick, strong muscles clearly outlined underneath his skin. Her eyes moved up and she didn’t realise her tongue had darted out to lick her lips as she took in his shirtless torso.

He was beautiful. She wanted to reach out and touch his defined pecs, hesitating as if she were a naughty schoolgirl trying to touch a marble statue on a museum school trip. A hand reached out before thinking, touching just over his heart. He wasn’t marble, he was warm, and smooth, and alive, and hers to touch.

“Rey.” His voice deepened as he leaned forward to where she sat on the edge of the bed. His lips found her ear and licked the shell, making her shiver. Her fingers grasped at his sides as he pushed her backwards onto the bed, his body hovering over hers, and she felt deliciously overwhelmed by his presence.

“You are so big”, Rey gasped, her hands rolled over his shoulders and down his arms, which were tense with holding his upper body over hers.

A smile broke out on his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he looked away from her for a second. “Don’t say stuff like that, Rey.”

“Oh? Sorry.” A finger outlining his abs. “But wow. If I’d have known what you were hiding under all those black sweaters, I would have burned them.”

“Fuck.” His knee worked its way between her legs at that comment. “If you stay stuff like that, I’m not sure I can stop myself from burying into that pretty little cunt of yours.”

“Oh!” Rey said, eyes widening in realisation. He wasn’t self-conscious, he _liked_ the compliments. A little too much by the way he was now grinding his hips into hers. His mouth was on hers again, burning her up and making her toes curl. But he was right. This was moving too fast. With a gentle hand on his chest - and fuck she was obsessed with his chest now - she spoke softly. “Hang on, lets- lets slow down a little.” Her words were breathless, and she was having trouble believing what she was saying, but Ben seemed to agree as he nodded, his dark hair tickling her neck from where he was nestling kissing on her shoulder. “We’ve got all evening.”

Using the hand already pressed against him, she slowly guided his back onto the bed. She quickly reached into her bag, and returned, being careful to lay her body next to him. Laying on their sides, their bodies pressed against each other, their kisses were slow and lazy and a little haphazard as her hand worked its way back down his body and slipped into his underwear, pulling his erect cock out.

“Condom.” She explained as she paused to tear it open and skillfully roll it down his length, thankful he was erect enough to do this now rather than later.

She played with him slowly, relishing in the feel of him in her hand, which seemed to give him some relief as he groaned into her mouth at every other stroke. Then he pushed away from her mouth, like two magnets being forced away from one another, both panting from their heady kisses as if they had just run a race.

He started to trail wet kisses down her neck and began to suck but stopped himself. Rey turned her head to the side, giving him more access.

“It’s okay.” He didn’t need any more encouragement as he wrapped his lips around her skin and drank everything he could from it. Rey groaned, having forgotten how sensitive that junction on her neck could feel when there was this much attention being paid to it. She didn’t care that she would have to wear her hair down for a few days, or tell Han she dropped her phone on her neck while reading in bed, or some other ridiculous lie, because the way Ben’s mouth felt, the little nips of teeth and tender licks he was giving her, they were all totally worth it. She wondered if it was a territorial thing as well, when he finally stopped and pressed a short, sweet kiss into the tender spot that was already starting to deepen in colour.

Pulling back to look at her, his eyes were dark and full of desire, his mouth swollen and wet and slightly agape with disbelief. Rey smiled sweetly, her other hand coming up to stroke his cheek. “Ben”, she said hopefully, not knowing exactly what she was hoping for.

He pressed a slow kiss to her lips, his hands skillfully unhooking her bra and slipping it off one shoulder, moving to leave a kiss on the spot the strap just sat. Rey slid the garment off and threw it away from the bed, not caring where it landed as long as she just wasn’t wearing it anymore. Ben was obsessed with her breasts, Rey mused, as his hands cupped them, gently massaging the flesh. She didn’t know why, most people seemed a bit disappointed in her lack of assets, but not Ben. His hips bucked as she moved her hand to mirror his actions but on his balls.

“Fuck.” His voice was almost animalistic, his forehead pressed into her sternum, his breath hot on her nipples before his began to suck on them, undecided on which to focus on.

“Oh God.” Somehow his hand had strayed down and was now stroking long, slow lines up and down between her legs. She was embarrassing wet. She would never admit it, but the most useful lesson Zorii ever taught her was to lube herself before seeing any client where sex was going to happen. It had saved her from some awkward situation before, when clients weren’t very skilled. Or were impatient. But she didn’t ever have that worry with Ben. He was… He knew exactly what she needed and she was incredibly attracted to him, which made this much easier. Easier to pretend.

“So wet.” He rolled her nipple around his tongue at the same pace and his finger started rolling over her clit.

“Ben.” It was half choked, and it was her turn to buck her hips. “This is nice.” She cried out as his fingers applied just enough pressure to cause her to lose her breath. He continued and Rey didn’t know how fast or slow time was passing. “That’s really nice.”

There was a shift on the bed and Ben was gone from her side, leaving her suddenly cold and her hand empty. Rey opened her eyes. When had she closed them? And she saw him by her waist. Lifting her hips, she watched him look in awe as he slowly pulled her underwear down her legs. The wonder etched onto his features was heady and Rey thought she could get drunk on that kind of admiration.

“Is this okay?” He looked up at her and she nodded. “You need to say it, Rey. Your rules, not mine.”

She laughed, grabbed her chest. “Yes, please. Ben, I want you.”

Ben smiled up at her and she would kill to make him smile like that again. He slipped off his boxers at some point, then climbed gently over her, parting her legs with firm hands so he could slot between them.

Rey was glad she was facing him again, her hand rising to stroke his cheek. His fear was back, he looked a little lost, his pretty dark eyes avoiding hers all of a sudden. “You okay?” She whispered, smiling reassuringly.

“Yep.” He said through gritted teeth, using his hand to line himself up with her entrance.

“Ben. Wait. Look at me.” Rey tucked a stand of hair behind his ear. They were bigger than she was expecting, but they suited him. After a moment he caught her eyes. “I’m here for you.” She kissed him. It was slow and tender, and she swore it made him shiver. “You’re not alone.” She whispered, their eyes locked together, shining with desire and hope.

Her assurance changed him, infused him with the confidence he needed.

“Neither are you.” He bent down to kiss her. It was gentle, and calm, and perfect, she thought. And just as gently, and calmly, and perfectly, he moved his hips forward, pushing into her.

Rey gasped. She knew he was big. She had held him in her hands so knew exactly how much bigger he was compared to other guys she’d been with, but she didn’t realise how much of a stretch that would mean to accommodate his thickness. And fuck he was thick. Ben slid in easily to start with, probably because of how wet and desperate she was, but she wasn’t expecting the twinge as he pressed deeper.

“Fuck.” He breathed. “Are you alright?” His eyes were wide, full of worry and Rey nodded.

“Just a little bigger than… you’re quite big.” She explained, trying to avoid talking about other guys while he was inside her.

“I can just stay like this, I don’t have to go all the way in.” Ben said quickly.

“You’re not all the way in?” Rey said, half in alarm and half joking, she looked down to see there were still three or so inches waiting. “Fuck, Ben.” She laughed. “It’s okay. Just… just kiss me.” He obliged, and a moment later Rey moved her hips up to take all of him.

“Shit, Rey.” He hissed, dropping his head to her shoulder. Testing, he moved out then in again gradually, letting a long exhale of air out at the same time. “You… Fuck, you’re tight.” He kissed her appreciably, Rey returned it eagerly. She was utterly fascinated by him. The way he looked, the way he talked, the way he felt inside her.

He was moving slowly, never quite pulling all the way out, never quite pushing all the way in. It was maddening. It went on for seconds, minutes, she didn’t know how long. Rey groaned, her hands covering her face as she tried to push down the urge to flip their bodies over and ride that glorious cock until she came all over him again and again.

“Are you sure this is okay?” He asked softly, his neck muscles taut as he strained to keep in control.

“Ben, if you don’t fuck me right now, I might scream.” She admitted, her hands grasping at his hips, pulling him as deep as he could be inside her, gasping at her own doings.

Ben didn’t need any more encouragement, his mouth capturing hers hungrily, his hips thrust, meeting hers in a delirious fury of desire.

With one hand tangled in his hair, the other on his hips, helping them keep in time with each other, Rey couldn’t help but close her eyes and moan at how incredible this felt. It was impossible for her to keep control, and she could practically feel all the worries float away as he shoved all the way to the hilt inside her. She was full of him, and it felt filthy and amazing.

It was hot, and heavy, and fuck, she loved it. Letting out a mewling sound - one that she would have felt ashamed of if she didn’t completely mean it - as he pushed into her at that exact angle that she knew she needed.

“That’s it. Keep going.” She encouraged him, mostly for selfish reasons. “Right there.” Her words trailed off into a moan and they must have encouraged him as Ben propped himself up, looking down at where their bodies met, completely mesmerised as he sped up.

Rey stroked his cheek, her thumb grazing softly over a beauty mark, despite the urgency of their bodies.

“Rey, I’m…” Ben turned his head to kiss her palm. “Fuck…” His was biting out his words and Rey knew he was close. And for a selfish moment, she knew she was as well, her orgasm building at every thrust, if he could just keep going for one more minute. He seemed to read her mind, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling and reciting something Rey couldn’t hear and didn’t recognise, his plump lips moving around silent words.

A few more hard slaps of their hips, his cock pressing deep inside and hitting that spot she thought only her sex toys could touch, Rey felt her abs clenching, her hips losing the rhythm, her body curling up uncontrollably as she grasped at his arms. “Fuck, right there!” She could feel her vagina walls clench around him as she came.

“Fuck, Rey.” His voice was a roar to her ear. His hips wildly slammed into her, causing her to gasp as he hit a little too deep. He groaned a long, guttural noise in time to his hips as they thrust almost violently a few more times, not even moving an inch at a time but needing the friction, before he grunted a few times and collapsed on top of her, a shudder rocking through him as he came and Rey panicked.

“Ben, are you okay?” Her worry only increased when he barely moved on top of her. “Ben, you need to talk to me.” He groaned, lazily pushing himself off of her and rolling over onto his back. She felt immediately empty at the loss of him.

“That was… perfect.” His hand came to rest on her stomach, as he rolled over slightly to face her. “You are perfect.” Rey hid the wince as she kissed him softly. He was being too nice about her.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

Ben rolled back and laughed. They took a moment to control their breathing. “You have no idea…” There was a shift in the bed and Rey looked up to see Ben sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands rubbing his eyes and face quickly, a tell tale sniff letting her know he was trying to stop himself from crying, before taking off the condom. He stood up, his back still towards her, and headed to the door in the corner of the room, which Rey now assumed was an en-suite.

She laid back, staring at the ceiling. Did that really just happen? Thinking back on all her other clients, she had never gotten that swept up before; hell, she’d never had an orgasm from just penetration before! She was kind of hoping the sex would be bad, or at least the same as everyone else, so she could hold that against him. Reassure herself that he was just a normal client. But Ben was a whirlwind in every aspect of their relationship; it was dangerous how well they worked together.

She looked up just as he came back in the room. His boxers were back on which she would have been disappointed about except he looked so good, the dark charcoal a stark contrast to his smooth pale skin, accentuating how massive his creamy thighs were as the fabric stretched around them.

“You have no idea what this means to me, Rey.” His slightly red rimmed eyes confirming that he had shed a few tears. He just stood on the other side of the room, too far away from her. He looked like her wanted to pace back and forth, but he stood, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “I thought… I had convinced myself…”

“That you would have another seizure.” She finished for him. He nodded, taking a couple of steps to close the space between them. Giant hands cupped her face and his honey eyes searched hers.

“Rey… I never… I don’t…” Ben sighed and Rey wanted to beg him not to stop, desperate to hear what he was going to say. His eyes went wide. “You need to eat.” And like that, he was gone. She could hear him practically running down the stairs to fetch food. She took that chance to grab her underwear and her shirt, before nipping into the en-suite.

Using the toilet quickly, Rey put on her clothes before looking in the mirror. God, her hair was a mess. She undid the buns and ran her fingers through them, working out some of the knots before twisting it into a ponytail. Her mascara had somehow survived, and her lips were red and swollen from all of the attention, yet she looked relaxed, happy. She looked thoroughly fucked, she decided.

Once she thought her appearance looked salvageable, she opened the door and found Ben on the bed with a tray carrying two bowls, two bottles of water, two glasses, and two sets of cutlery on it.

“Hi.” God, that sounded lame.

The warmth of his lopsided smile erased any doubt Rey had. “Hi.” He looked younger, maybe because his hair was a little messy, maybe because a years’ worth of fear was finally gone from his mind.

Carefully sitting on the bed, being mindful not to tilt the tray and make a mess, Rey tucked her legs under the soft grey blanket. “This looks amazing. Thank you.”

The warmth from his body as he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek radiated and she smiled, pressing her face closer.

“I should be thanking you.” He held out a fork for her, which Rey eagerly accepted and began to stab at the food, spearing two chunks of sweet potato and putting them in her mouth. “That was… Sex has never been… You are amazing. Thank you.” He said as Rey slowly chewed.

He was overwhelmed with emotions, clearly. And if she was honest, so was she, happiness for him flooded her veins. “So were you, Ben. And you had nothing to worry about.”

“Perhaps.” He began to pick at his own bowl.

“I do have a bone to pick with you though.” Rey pointed her fork at him, watching his eyes widen as a flash of panic shot through him. “It is a sin for you to keep this body hidden under a sweater all the time. Not when you have all these abs and muscly arms, oh, and those hip things.” She moaned as if she had just been kicked in the gut. "I love those hip things."

He laughed, it was a magnificent sound, full of warmth like melted chocolate, and not a hint of bitterness. “I knew you only wanted me for my body.”

Rey shrugged as they continued to eat. She couldn’t think of a time when she felt so satisfied. Her body sore, but content. Her mind momentarily care-free as she laughed with a friend. A friend who happened to make her laugh, look after her and have the hottest body she had ever seen. Ben quickly kissed the tender spot on her neck where he had left a love bite, his hand rubbing her shoulder blades at the same time, which caused her to beam in bliss before catching herself.

Ben’s eyes sparkled as he talked about something from earlier that day and Rey suddenly realised he was everything she didn’t know she wanted.

Fuck.

She had a crush on Ben Solo.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you already left kudos? 
> 
> Then feel free to comment instead! 
> 
> I love comments, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) where you will see some of the mood boards I've created for this story. One day, when I figure out how to insert images on AO3, I will go back and put them all in each chapter :-S 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben bake, and Rey sees an old client.

It was fine. It was just a crush. A feeling of love or admiration for someone, often when a romantic relationship wasn’t a possibility. She knew that because she’d Googled it. Rey could handle having a crush, she told herself; it was a manageable situation and knowing she had a crush was the first step.

She’d had a crush on a client before; Snap Wexley. He was funny and kind and good looking, but he hadn’t made her feel as aroused as Ben seemed to do so effortless.

Rey tried not to think about it, or the way her heart seemed to beat a little louder when she thought about Ben. But it was Thursday night, two days since they had finally had sex, and she'd just pulled up on his drive, still trying to convince herself everything was fine as she re-did her hair again because it didn’t look right the first time. Or that she only wore her nice dress because it was the first thing she grabbed, and not because she wanted to make an extra effort for him.

There was also the fear that their appointments might stop now that they had had sex and he'd proved to himself he didn’t have a seizure. It happened, things changed afterwards, and while Ben made an effort on Wednesday morning to text and make sure she was keeping tonight and Saturday free for him, she couldn’t help but feel he might not want to keep paying her now he knew he was fine to date women regularly. Ones he didn't have to pay...

He kissed her on the cheek like he always does, and suddenly all her anxieties vanished. Ben was here and he looked so relieved to see her, it made her wonder if he had had the same worries she did.

He was wearing a black tee, the thin material stretched over his broad shoulders and chest perfectly showcasing how muscly he was, and the short sleeves pulled tight around his thick arms. Was this because of what she said the other night? Because he looked completely drawl worthy, it wasn’t fair, not when she was trying to downplay a crush.

“How are you? How was work?” He asked, taking her bag and coat and putting them away.

“Good, work is finally calming down.” In the three weeks since the massive import of cars came in for them to fix up, and a week since the article hitting newsstands leading to an influx in business phone calls Han hated, things were slowly leveling out. They still had loads to do, but with less interruptions, it meant Han could work on the floor again and it wasn’t just her fixing up everything. Rey had set aside an hour to try and figure out all the social media stuff Kaydel had set up for them but gave up when she failed to log in to Twitter after three attempts. “What about you?”

He leaned down to kiss her gleefully. “I had the best surgery today.”

“Oh really? Why, what happened?” Rey was curious about his job, especially because she kind of wanted to know what department he worked in so she could make sure to avoid it when visiting Finn.

“I won’t bore you with it. But I was fucking great.” Another quick peck and he walked to the kitchen.

“And humble.” She teased, following behind.

“I’m a surgeon, humble isn’t in my nature.” Ben’s hands found her hips, lifting her up and spinning as she entered the kitchen. “Fuck, you are beautiful.” He lowered her on the kitchen island, stepping between her knees and kissing her soundly, a hum in his throat. He was so easy and confident in his affection.

“You are in a good mood.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I have a job I’m great at, I have a girl that is the best, and we’re about to make granola flapjacks.” He stepped back, and while Rey missed the warmth and solidness of his body, the energy in his eyes and his dimpled cheeks as he smiled completely made up for it.

Looking down at the counter next to her, several jars and containers were lined up next to a big saucepan. It wasn’t that much of a surprise, they had forgone baking the other night and chose to stay in bed and watch TV, but Ben had promised her they would make flapjacks, just so Ben could prove to her they were better than chocolate. Rey seriously doubted it, but she agreed.

“The infamous flapjacks.” Picking up a jar of honey, Rey wondered how much all of this cost. “I can’t help but notice there aren’t any chocolate chips here…”

“That’s because we’re making Solo flapjacks. The best of the best. They don’t need any cheap chocolate to win people over.” He helped her hop down so she could wash her hands.

“Just because people like chocolate, doesn’t make it a cheap trick.” Rey countered.

“Here.” Passing her a measuring spoon, he ignored her and told her how much of the oats to weigh and the seeds to mix in instead. Rey cringed as she spilt some out of the side of the saucepan as it heated up. “Careful.” He was behind her, his firm body pressed perfectly against her. The thin dress she wore did nothing to protect her from the heat that filled her. “Keep stirring until they go golden brown.” He instructed before returning to the chopping board where he was cutting up some dried cranberries.

“Is this you’re Mum’s recipe?” She remembered him talking about his mother helping him cook while he was sick.

“My Dad’s actually. He got it from a British girlfriend he had in the 70's, and they are the only thing he knew how to make from scratch. He always made them when he annoyed my Mom, as an apology. When I got old enough, he roped me in to help.” Ben chuckled, the knife making a methodical sound as he chopped. “Looking back, we made this every week. He annoyed her a lot.” He clarified.

“That sounds nice. Your dad making treats to get out of your Mums’ bad book.” Rey mused, not taking her eyes off the oats in case they burned.

“Did your parents never argue?”

Rey froze, realising her mistake too late. “Maybe. They were always at work. I didn’t see them much.” She held her breath and Ben seemed to accept her answer. “Are these done?” She asked, letting him peer into the pan to check.

“Perfect.” He leaned down to kiss her neck before telling her what to do next.

It was seamless, moving around the kitchen together, him telling her what to do, giving her little directions as she did it, stealing moments of affection whenever he could. A touch of his hand on her hip, his lips pressing quickly to her skin, a smile when she looked at him to ask a question. They worked well together. And not long later, Rey was smoothing the mixture into the metal tray with a spatula, ready to be baked.

“I hope they taste nice. I could make them for Thanksgiving.” Rey said offhandedly, finding the careful strokes levelling out the flapjacks really relaxing.

“What are you plans?” Ben began to pepper kisses along her neck, taking a moment to kiss the darkened bruised spot he left two nights before.

It was such an American thing, Rey thought, asking Thanksgiving plans, assuming people had them, and they were some big deal. She wondered what Ben would think if he found out she used to spend Thanksgiving walking around the city with Finn between homeless shelters getting as much free food as they could before curling up in their makeshift beds that night outside.

“My boss invited me to his. Him and his wife usually do something, but I didn’t go last year. So, it will be nice to go back.” Rey looked down at her handiwork, proud of what they had done. “Is this okay?” Ben nodded and grabbed the tray, placing it in the oven. Rey leaned back on the island and watched him move with a grace she still couldn’t believe such a large man could possess. “What about you?”

“I’m at my parents again.” He wiped his hands with the towel that was thrown over his shoulder and leaning back himself, facing her. “I told you we had some difficult years. Thanksgiving is part of… part of the healing process.” Rey nodded, not really understanding. “I wanted to talk to you about it actually. I know it’s still four weeks away, but I wanted to sort out the days I could see you around then?”

“Are you sure you’ll still want to, you know, see me?” Rey asked, tentatively.

“Yes. I do.” The way his eyes pieced hers, heat flashing in them, it reminded her of the brown sugar they melted earlier. Hot and dangerous, but smooth and delicious at the same time.

“Do you want to re-evaluate our schedule at all, not see me as frequently now we know you… now you know the seizures won’t be a problem.” Rey tried to make it easy for him, pretend her feelings wouldn’t be hurt or that she wasn’t so desperate for the money.

“Just because I didn’t have a seizure one time doesn’t mean it can’t still happen.” Ben said quickly, as if it should have been obvious to her. “I can’t accept just one positive result, that’s not good practice.”

She was sure she must have looked like a fish, her mouth hung open. “Oh. Okay.” She nodded, relieved. “I’m glad.”

Closing the small space between them, Ben’s hand cradled the back of her head as she tilted up to look at him. “So am I.” He kissed her, it was sweet, cinnamon with sugar, she thought in a daze.

Not long later Rey grabbed her diary and they put down the dates for the next few weeks, Rey mentally working out how much money that would earn her at the same time. She almost felt like crying when she realised all these appointments would basically pay her rent for the next year with some left over for food and gas, meaning all her wages could go directly on Finn’s medical bills. She wanted to hug and thank Ben but didn’t. Couldn’t. He couldn’t find out why she needed this so much, she couldn’t have him look at her with pity in those big brown eyes. She would hate it.

Turns out they planned to be gone for Thanksgiving around the same days, leaving the Wednesday afternoon and back home on the Saturday morning, him for work and her so she wasn’t outstaying her welcome at Han and Leia’s. They just planned to see each other like usual on Tuesday and then hang out on the Sunday instead.

Ben turned to the oven after they had arranged everything. “I think they’re done.” Grabbing the towel, he pulled the hot baking tray out and placed it on the stove surface. Rey bent her face down to smell the warm sugary goodness, and she moaned with pleasure as the sweet fumes filled her nostrils.

“If they taste as good as they smell…” Rey brushed her fingers through Ben’s hair - God she loved how soft it was - “I may have to eat my words.”

Ben smiled. It was sort of goofy, all teeth and dimpled as he admired her. He looked like he was close to saying something, but he must have changed his mind; the goofiness suddenly vanished and was replaced with something unreadable, something guarded. “We’ll have to wait a bit for them to cool down before we can eat them.” He finally said, and Rey was desperate to know what was just going through his mind. But instead she just nodded. “Do you want some dinner?” He asked, moving away from her and opening the fridge, bending down to see what food he had.

“Sure.” Her voice was quiet and kind. His sudden change in mood left her feeling unsettled.

“Tacos?” He asked, looking over his shoulder at her.

“That sounds amazing.” She smiled; it felt a little forced. “Need help?”

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe set up the living room, we can eat in there and watch the next episode of LOST.” He called out as he gathered a few bits and put them on the counter.

“Okay.” Walking to the living room, she couldn’t help the fear rising in her chest. She wanted to claw at her throat as her felt her breathing get a little panicked. Pulling out her phone, she text Rose, saying she won’t make it tomorrow to visit Finn, then Snap confirming their appointment, anything to distract herself. Ben wasn’t leaving her, she tried to reason with herself. He had just booked four weeks’ worth of appointments with her. Maybe that was what spooked him, maybe he didn’t want to keep paying her for this.

Her fears fled ten minutes later when Ben walk into the living room, balancing two plates in one arm and holding two glasses of water in the other. His smile chased every insecurity away and after he put the food down, he leaned over, placing a gentle, intimately slow kiss on her lips. They were fine. Maybe it was just a work worry he had suddenly thought of, or he remembered something about Thanksgiving at his parents that he had forgotten.

Ben moved Rey so he could curl around her, his large hand grabbing the remote and pressing play. Rey gasped in delight. “Is this a Sawyer episode?”

Ben chuckled, his chest vibrating rippled through her. “I knew you’d like this one.”

\-----

“I have treats!” Rey called as she entered the garage the next morning, Chewie’s ears poked up, looking up from his bed to see what the noise was before deciding not to bother and resting his head back down.

“What are these in aid of?” It was only 8am but Han’s right arm was already covered in oil. He must have come in early today.

“I just did some baking last night and made more than I could eat.” She held the Tupperware box up to prove her point. “I thought we could munch on some and there will probably be enough if you wanted to take some home for Leia.”

Han walked over slowly, wiping his hands on a dirty cloth tucked into his belt. “What are they?”

“Granola Flapjacks.” She opened the lid to show them off. Having eaten two last night with Ben, Rey knew how delicious they were, and she rarely got to brag about her cooking. “With raisins, cranberries and pumpkins seeds.” Han quirked an eyebrow as he took in the six carefully cut squares, wrapped in baking paper.

Later when they were taking a break over coffee and flapjacks, Han spoke, mouth half chewing. “These are great, kid. Where’d you get the recipe from?”

Rey closed her eyes as she savoured the buttery, sugary snack. “A friend.” She said, smiling to herself.

Han only grunted and headed back to his office. He turned just before he began to climb up the stairs. “Make sure you check all the tweet stuff on the laptop this afternoon. Kaydel emailed me saying there’s lots of good stuff on there, whatever that means.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. You know what I’m like with that social media, twitter crap.”

Still, Rey stopped an hour earlier than usual and headed to the reception desk, opening the small laptop and waiting for it to turn on. She followed the instructions step by step and was glad this time to see a homepage as she logged in to their Twitter account successfully.

**6 Following. 1,977 Followers.**

Wow. That was more than she expected. She found the button that showed their tweets and saw what a great job Kaydel had been doing, retweeting people and news outlets that mentioned them, thanking people for support and linking them to the donation page on their website.

A little bell at the bottom had a number over it, Rey clicked on it and was automatically shown all the people that had been talking about them. Loads just saying what a great charity it was, most saying it was things like this that made Leia the obvious choice of re-election. Scrolling the comments Rey quickly learned the man Leia was standing against had unresolved allegations of sexual harassment. News that surprised Rey as Han, Leia, or even Poe had never mentioned it. She found herself respecting Poe a little more for not playing dirty, even if the arsehole that opposed Leia deserved it.

Rey looked at the piece of paper Kaydel had made for her, there was a weekly schedule and next to Friday she had written “Post a pic of a car you worked on this week.” Rey sighed, grabbing her phone and walking to the little FIAT she had finished just that afternoon. Snapping a quick picture, she text it to Kaydel whose number was at the top of the sheet, asking if that was okay and if she could post it as she didn’t know how to get photos off her phone and onto the laptop.

Kaydel immediately read it and text back, her excitement clear with about seven unnecessary explanation marks to prove her point. _So cool!!! You should take a thumbs up selfie with it so I can show Leia!!!!! :-)_

Leia knew how terrible Rey was with technology. Chuckling at the idea of impressing the older woman with a selfie, Rey flipped the camera screen and posed, a huge toothy grin on her face. She couldn’t confidently hold the phone so didn’t want to risk a thumbs up, then sent it over. The three smiling emojis with hearts for eyes let her know Kaydel like it.

Rey closed the computer and headed to the shower. She knew she wasn’t going to Snap’s for anything sexual, but she didn’t want to turn up covered in sweat or grime either. It meant a lot that Rey could keep her day job secret from her evening one. So far no one had figured out she was a mechanic and she wanted to keep it that way.

After she was changed, she detoured via Han’s office before leaving.

“Don’t forget the flapjacks for Leia.” Rey put the plastic container on his desk.

“Cute selfie, kid.” Han commented, holding his phone up.

“I’m sorry?” Rey walked over and saw the picture she had taken 20 minutes ago of her on their Twitter timeline. “Ugh. Bloody politicians. Kaydel was just meant to show that to Leia.” 10 likes already though, Rey felt a little impressed with that.

“Don’t give them an inch. I had to learn that the hard way.” Han huffed and locked his phone. “Have a good weekend, and thanks for these. They really are great.” He held up the box in appreciation.

“Don’t eat all of them. Bye!”

\-----

“You look amazing!”

Snap Wexley came out of the bedroom, a pair of dark grey jeans, a cotton white shirt and a light grey wool blazer on.

“You sure?” He asked, tugging on the collar of the blazer, unsure of it.

“One hundred percent.” Rey went over, leaning over to adjust the collar, smoothing it down with care. “I would date you.” Her fingers carded through his hair, helping it sit just right with the product.

Snap scoffed. “I doubt that. Plus, it looks like I’d have been a little late.” His eyes zeroed in on the love bite that had been exposed as she leant over.

Rey’s hand flew up, covering it. “That’s not… I mean…”

“I know your rules, so that,” He pointed at what was hidden behind her hand. “That didn’t come from a client.” Her hand fell as she looked at the ground. “Hey, I’m happy for you. Who is he?”

“I’m here for you, Snap. Not to talk about me.” Rey deflected. “This blazer is great, is it custom?” She noted how it was a little shorter in length, so it didn’t catch in his wheels.

“Yes. Now stop trying to change the conversation. I’m getting nervous and need distracting, tell me about him.” Snap grinned at her; he knew just how to guilt her into giving more information than she was supposed to.

“I can’t tell you his name, because you’re wrong, he… He is a client.”

Snap’s eyes widened, but not in shock, in excitement. “Really? Wow. He must be someone special.”

“He’s still a client, it’s just a crush.” Fuck, it felt good to admit it. “I don’t know. It’s different.” She sat on the sofa, Snap coming up next to her. “It’s more than just sex. I mean, it’s always more than just sex,” Rey tried to explain, not knowing how. “I mean, you know. It’s not just sex, even when it is.” Snap nodded, understanding. “But he treats me like a girlfriend. It’s only been three weeks, but he cooks me dinner, we talk, we watch TV.” Rey let out a self-deprecating laugh. “We’re watching LOST.”

“You’re dating.” Snap summed up.

“But he’s paying me. I don’t think he actually wants a girlfriend. I think it’s just the company.”

“That seems nice.” Snap seemed to consider something for a while before speaking. “Rey, I like you, you’re a nice girl, and I don’t presume to know you, but you’ve always come across as sort of lonely to me. And sad. I mean, you don’t do a job like this and keep it secret when you have loads of friends hanging around.” Snap reached out, taking her hand in his. “I think you deserve to enjoy the boyfriend experience as well. Enjoy it while it lasts, and when it’s over, if it ends, then I know you’re tough. You’ll move on and be all the richer from it.” Her forehead wrinkled up as she listened. His advice was surprisingly similar to Zorii’s. She almost wished it wasn’t. “You deserve a little piece of happiness, no matter where you find it from.”

Rey nodded, sniffly. “And when it’s over, can I come cry to you and your new girlfriend?”

“Any time.” Snap circled his arm around Rey’s shoulders, pulling her in for a tight hug. “Hell, if I knew all it took was some food and binge-watching TV, I would have done that six months ago and hoped you felt like this about me.” Rey slapped his chest, laughing as she wiped the corners of her eyes. “Ow!”

“Shut up.” There was a knock at the door and they both pulled apart. “Is that her?” Snap nodded, his throat bobbing up and down as he swallowed nervously. “Are you going to answer the door?” Rey asked when he didn’t move.

“Oh!” Snap circled around the back of the sofa. “Kare.” Rey smiled at the obvious excitement in his voice. “Come in. I just need to grab my bag.” He moved back, letting Kare in.

Kare was a gorgeous woman, beautifully golden-brown skin and bright blonde hair that was cut in a pixie style Rey loved. She looked about five or so years older than her, closer to Snap’s age. She wore black skin-tight jeans and a cream jumper that hung off one shoulder. She looked nice. Gorgeous even.

“This is my friend, Rey.” Rey reached over and shook the older woman’s hand.

“I’m just leaving. I had to pop over and make sure he wasn’t wearing that awful striped shirt.” Rey teased.

Kare groaned. “I know the one.” They both laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ve already seen it and I’m still here.”

“Well, then you can only blame yourself.” They laughed again and Rey said a quick goodbye, leaving the adorably awkward couple alone together.

Driving back to her flat, Rey thought on what Snap said. Maybe it was okay to be selfish. Maybe it was okay to let her guard down without guilt or fear. She was a big girl, she was strong willed, when this ended, she would be able to cope with being alone again, she’d coped the past year and a half on her own after all. But why worry about that now? Why not enjoy herself with a man she clearly had fun with?

Deep down, Rey knew the reason why. She didn’t let people in, but when she did… Finn, Han, Leia… she cared deeply and unreservedly. She couldn’t let herself get hurt when Ben Solo inevitably ended this. Whatever this was turning into.

\-----

“Come try these, Princess.”

Leia walked into the kitchen, her hand on her hip when she saw what he was referring to. She sighed, a frown gracing her features but not quite reaching her eyes.

“What did you do now?”

“I didn’t make them. Rey did.” Holding the box out for his wife to pluck one out. She held it up, looking at it carefully before holding it to her nose and sniffing cautiously.

“Oh.” She took a small bite, chewing thoughtfully with narrowed eyes. “Did you give her your recipe?”

“No. She got it from a friend.” Han crossed his arms over his chest. “Strange, right?”

“I could swear they were…” Leia tilted her head, examining the flapjack again. “Very strange.”

Han cleared his throat, offering her to box of sweet treats, his other hand running through his hair before gruffly speaking. “Anyway, I can’t go to that fundraiser dinner next month.”

“Han! It’s been planned for months. Why can’t you go?”

Han groaned. “I don’t like anyone there.”

“You don’t like anyone.” Leia countered. “You promised.” Her glare was stern, Han knew it well.

“I know. Now I’m unpromising. You don’t need me there.”

The room practically buzzed with tension that neither of them wanted to back down from. “With all the publicity from The Millennium Falcon Project, we need your face there.”

“Take Rey.” Han said simply and watched as his wife open her mouth to protest but then paused to think it over. “See. She would be better, and you know it.”

“Fine. If she agrees, you’re off the hook.” Leia huffed.

“Deal. Now eat my apology.” He motioned towards the flapjack.

“You didn’t make them. It doesn’t count.” Leia called over her shoulder, picking up the Tupperware and taking it with her as she left.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you already left kudos? 
> 
> Then feel free to comment instead! 
> 
> I love comments, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) where you will see some of the mood boards I've created for this story. One day, when I figure out how to insert images on AO3, I will go back and put them all in each chapter :-S 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving.

The next few weeks flew by, and before she knew it, her and Ben had fallen into a routine. She went over every Tuesday and Friday evening and they spent every other Saturday together, cooking and eating and watching TV and having sex. Occasionally they went out for groceries or to just take a walk along the beach near his house to get some fresh air after they had spent all morning inside. One day at the beach Ben ran into another doctor from the hospital. He introduced Rey to him as his girlfriend and Rey tried not to ask too many questions when the older man was clearly shocked.

“Dr Solo is a gifted surgeon.” The man said. Was his name Quinn? Rey couldn’t remember, she was too thrown by Ben holding her hand and calling her his _girlfriend_. “You are a very lucky lady to have such a brilliant man as a partner.” Rey smiled politely and thanked him.

It wasn’t until they were out of his earshot that Ben muttered under his breath. “Such a suck up.”

“Really? I just thought he was jealous.” Rey mused.

“Jealous he will never be half as talented as the rest of his team.” Ben grumbled.

“Jealous you’re not his boyfriend.” Rey teased, poking him in the ribs. That was last week, and Rey hadn’t stopped teasing him, asking him how Dr Quinn was with doe eyes every chance she got. It irritated him to no end, but she saw the way his lips quirked up in the corners when she annoyed him. She knew he secretly enjoyed it.

Now it was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and they were curled up in his bed, having baked two batches of flapjacks for their respective Thanksgiving hosts, watching the last LOST episode of Season 1. The screen went black and Rey was left staring at her reflection in the blank screen of his laptop.

“They can’t leave it there! What’s down the hatch?!” Rey grabbed at the laptop, trying to find the next episode. Ben only chuckled next to her.

“You’ll have to wait until Sunday.” He kissed her cheek.

“I can’t wait that long!” Rey groaned.

“I had to wait four months to see what happened next.” Ben countered, his hand sneaking up her top and rubbing her stomach.

“But I don’t have to wait. We can watch one more, come on.” Ben laughed into her neck, his mouth pressing purposeful kisses along her skin. “You are so pleased with yourself. You knew I would get addicted and want to watch more.” She groaned, half from frustration and half from him trailing over that spot behind her ear that always made the hairs on her arms stand up.

“It’s only five days.” Ben reasoned, reaching out with his free hand and closing the laptop, placing it on his bedside table without even looking.

“I don’t think I can last. I’ll miss it.” She lifted her arms, letting him pull her t-shirt off.

“Me too.” They both knew they weren’t talking about LOST anymore. The frustration she felt from the ending and needing more began to shift and make its way to her belly, turning into a need for something else. He lingered behind her ear. “I’ll be thinking of you.” He whispered, his voice low and dripping with desire. “When I’m alone Friday night and not in bed with you.” Rey gasped as he licked the shell of her ear. “Will you be thinking of me?”

Rey imagined herself in one of the spare rooms Han and Leia had let her sleep in before. It seemed wrong, but she couldn’t deny that Ben and his incredible body had occupied a lot of her thoughts recently. “Yes.” She said, breathless.

“Will you touch yourself?” Rey nodded. “Like this?” His giant hand closed around her breast, his thumb stroking the nipple hidden under the thin fabric. Rey nodded again, her hand slipping behind her back to unclasp her bra and let him pull it away. Ben didn’t waste time, his head falling from her neck to between her breasts.

“Please.” She begged, _actually begged_ , him to keep going. Six weeks ago she wouldn’t have believed any amount of attention to her boobs would have made her wet, but Ben was full of surprises and the way he worshipped hers was enough to reduce her to desperately pleading.

He was a little rough, and a sense of urgency that she understood filled the room. Five days wasn’t long, but it would be the longest they hadn’t seen each other since this all began. His teeth grazed over her nipple and she gasped, a shock of pleasure rippling through her.

“Ben…” Her hands are in his hair, his head lowering as Rey relaxed back against the pillows.

With his dexterous hands, all their clothes were soon gone, and it was just them under the duvet.

“Oh…” She moaned as he flattened his tongue on her, the warm firmness of it giving her some relief as he slowly licked her pussy. It was heady and heavy, the brush of his hair on her inner thighs, his hand stroking her calf so adoringly, the other laid flat on her stomach. Being with Ben was always overwhelming. She writhed underneath him, pressing herself into his face, his nose against her clit as he pushed his tongue in as deep as he could, drinking her up. She was biting back so many noises as she pressed her lips together tightly.

“So wet. So pretty.” She loved it when he got like this, acting almost drunk off her. His thumb circled around her clit and she had to force herself to be still, trying to keep her chest from heaving and her back arching as he used his hand on her belly to hold her down and prop himself up so he could watch his work. “Fuck, you are beautiful.” His thumb pressed a little harder before dipping two fingers inside. The groan she made was almost inhuman.

“Shit…” His fingers crooked inside her, reaching just the right spot, and the tip of his tongue now seemed to focus on her clit. Her hands flailed the whole time he was between her legs. Not quite knowing where to go, they finally settled grasping the sheets as his fingers increased their pace, the wet sounds only encouraging him.

Rey cried out his name at her release. She could feel herself clench around his fingers, and he was saying something but she was too busy swept away in the intensity of her orgasm.

“Shit…” She repeated, her stomach and leg muscles still twitching as she came down, his hand still drawing up and down her lazily, causing her to jerk every time he skimmed across the over sensitive bundle of nerves. Her hand was tangled in his dark hair, pulling his smug but gorgeous face up to her.

“Come here.” Fuck, he looked hot as he crawled up the length of her body to reach her. She pressed a hard kiss to his mouth and wrapped her hand around his cock, their eyes caught up in each other’s as she guided him to her entrance. “God, I need you right now.”

He nodded, but instead of giving her what she needed, he clumsily reached out to his bedside drawer, the polar opposite of earlier when he put his laptop over there. He came back with a condom and closed the space between them, holding it out to her mouth. She carefully bit down on the corner as he tugged, ripping the foil. How had she almost forgotten that? Thank goodness Ben wasn’t as dazed in post orgasm bliss as she was. She plucked the round latex out and reached down, expertly putting it on, enjoying the weight of his cock in her hand at the same time. Rey squirmed, knowing that it would soon be inside her, filling her to the brim.

She gave him a few tugs, making sure he was ready, adjusting her hips to line up with his at the same time. She looked up and her breath caught in her throat as their eyes met. He looked… he looked almost reverently down at her; all the urgency from earlier gone. His dark eyes were soft and he… he looked at peace. On instinct, her hand cupped his cheek, stroking gently. “You okay?”

“Perfect.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss her softly before slowly, deliberately pushing himself inside until he was completely wrapped in her. They groaned together as he shifted his hips, grinding against each other. “Rey.” He kissed her, his mouth hungrily taking all it could from her, and he set a fast and needy pace. His thrusts were a little harder than usual, but she understood. He needed to know she was there for him. He grunted, his mouth opening and closing and his eyes catching hers like he needed to say something. Instead, he went down on his elbows, taking long strokes as he pulled nearly all the way out of her, only to roughly push all the way back in, causing Rey to gasp, her body to jolt up on the bed, and white spots to form in her vision at every deliriously lust-filled thrust.

He was muttering again. She didn’t know what exactly, and she was trying her hardest to listen while he fucked into her, but it was difficult when he was scrambling her head with how good this all felt.

“Dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine…” Where they chemicals? She didn’t have any time to think about it as he pounded a particularly interesting angle that caused her brain to short-circuit, her body shake, and her pussy clench on all of him as she swore she wet herself. But she didn’t care; she was floating, or she was so heavy she was sinking into the bed. She didn’t know anymore.

“Fuck! I’m going to come, Rey.” Ben practically roared, his head thrown back. Rey watched all the wonderful muscles on his neck and chest tensed as he bit his lip. On instinct she surged up and sucked on the pale skin of his throat.

She could feel him stop but could still feel his cock pulsating inside her. He collapsed forward, his weight knocking the air out of her, but she didn’t care. She loved the pressure of him. He was there. Their sweaty skin pressed against each other’s as they both came down from a fucking incredible high.

After too short a time, Ben pulled out of her, rolling over and onto his back. Rey whined, feeling a loss with his weight gone. She heard him remove the condom, but he didn’t get up. They both just sank into the mattress, staring at the ceiling as they both caught their breath.

“Come to my parents for Thanksgiving.” He said after a while.

“You don’t want that.” She said, breathlessly. She wanted to roll over and face him but her chest was heaving so much, so wasn’t sure she had the energy to. “That’s the orgasm talking. All those chemicals making you think weird stuff.” She knew from experience men didn’t always mean what they said during or immediately after sex.

“Don’t talk to me about brain chemicals.” Ben groaned, shifting on the mattress to face her. His hand came to rest on her stomach, stroking gently. “I mean it. Don’t go to your bosses. Come to mine. Be my girlfriend. I’ll pay you for every hour you’re there.”

Three and a half days. That was eighty-four hours. Multiply by $200 an hour… Fuck.

“That’s nearly $17,000, Ben. You have money but I doubt you have that kind of money.” His hand stilled on her stomach.

“What if I did?” He asked, the words almost a whisper.

“Even if you did. I made a promise to my boss, and as much as I love what we have, I don’t feel comfortable lying to your parents. And I don’t think you would be either.” She rolled over to face him. “Yeah?” He nodded, staring at her breasts, his unfairly lush lips turned in a pout.

“I know.” He said finally, blowing out a stream of air. “It’s hard, being at theirs. Alone.”

“I know.” She whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have asked.” His fingers were circling her nipples, barely touching, but it was a defensive action, she knew, so he didn’t have to look at her while she said no. “It was unfair of me to ask.”

“It’s okay... Ben?” He looked up at her and she was tempted to change her mind for that pair of pretty eyes. “That was good. Like, _really_ good. You okay?”

She watched him clench and unclench his fists, knowing the first sign of his seizures was stiff arms and hands. “I’m good.” He breathed, waving his fingers at her and she instantly relaxed. It was their little routine now, checking in afterwards, just in case.

“Good.” Rey echoed, leaning over to kiss him. She pulled her body closer to his, curling herself into his side and under his arm. “I’m going to miss you, Ben.” She admitted after a long time.

She felt his lips press into her crown. “I’m going to miss you too, Rey.”

Closing her eyes, she didn’t realise she had fallen asleep until Ben was gently shaking her an hour later.

“Rey, its past midnight.” Ben whispered. “I know you aren’t allowed to stay…”

Rey groaned, stretching and only realising she was still naked when she saw Ben holding out her top and underwear for her. “Maybe…” She muttered sleepily and tried to ignore the look of hope that flashed across his face at the single word. “Maybe I can stay this one time. As it’s so late.”

“It is late.” He repeated as she pulled on her top.

“And I don’t have work tomorrow.” She said after a yawn. She stood up, grabbing her bag which had her toothbrush in and holding it against her chest. She must have looked so silly to him, in her underwear, clutching her brightly coloured watermelon bag in his bedroom. “And if you don’t mind?” She asked, turning to face him.

His smile was soft and almost like he was laughing at himself, but Rey was too tired to be anything but besotted by it. “No, Rey. I don’t mind at all.”

When she returned to the bed, Ben had changed the sheets and was fluffing the pillows on her side of the bed. He was a little too eager and that should have been a red light, this was a line she shouldn’t cross. But she’d crossed so may with him already.

“Goodnight, Ben.” She kissed him slowly, settling into the fresh duvet and sheets.

“Goodnight, Rey.” He switched off the lights, his arm winding around her waist as she drifted back to sleep. A soft smile on her lips.

\-----

Driving to Han and Leia’s was hell. The 10-mile journey to get out of Long Beach towards Rolling Hills usually took her half an hour, but now, nearly an hour later, she was still 2 miles away. Rey was losing her patience.

Her day had been going so well. She had gotten the best night sleep she’d had in months, she supposed the luxurious mattress and not the one she took from outside somebody’s house made all the difference. She had had a wonderful hot shower, stealing Ben’s shampoo and conditioner to wash her body and hair; the fact they came in separate bottles was a new experience for her.

She skipped breakfast with Ben, trying to ignore the wounded look he gave her, but he didn’t push her when she insisted she had to feed her cat and knowing she had already broken one rule by sleeping over. That didn’t stop him from giving her his overnight oats to eat when she got home. Rey had text him to admit they were delicious, and she was grateful that gave her the energy to do all her chores, including two trips to the laundromat to clean all of her dirty clothes.

Not even Plutt could ruin her mood. She had straightened her back and knocked on his door between trips out. She shuddered at the memory of his slimy hands cupping hers unnecessarily when she handed him the rent, but she wasn’t going to let that affected her good mood.

Sighing, Rey pulled on the handbrake for the hundredth time this journey. At least her arm was getting a workout each time she tugged on the stiff lever. Rey smiled as she caught sight of the flapjacks on the passenger seat. Han had told her how much he and Leia enjoyed them last time and she hoped they would be an okay thank-you gift to bring. It wasn’t much, but it would be better than the disastrous apple pie Finn bought the first year they went around to theirs for Thanksgiving. Luke never let them live that down and the corners of her mouth turned up wondering just how many times it would be bought up again over the next 3 days.

Pulling up to the Organa residence at 7:30pm, half an hour later than she had planned, Rey spotted the new car on the drive, a flashy BMW that all the rich men in LA seemed to drive, Ben included. That must be their son’s car, she deduced. She wondered what he would be like as she grabbed her stuff and knocked on the door. What was his name again? Jamie? Jermaine? She hoped Han or Leia would introduce them properly, so she didn’t have to embarrass herself and ask.

Han opened the door, wearing a pair of faded black jeans that were designed to look older than she was, and a loose cream cotton shirt, the top few buttons open. While the whole outfit looked laid back and casual, Rey knew better. Those clothes probably cost more than her rent.

“Hey kiddo.” He wrapped an arm around her in a hug, a beer in his hand, and pulled her into the warm house. “Better late than never.” Chewie plodded over, bumping up against her legs in excitement. She rubbed his head, and satisfied, he walked off.

“Sorry. The traffic was awful.” She explained as she dumped her bag on the hardwood floors with a thud. “I’m not too late, am I?”

“Nah. We’re just having some drinks. Dinner’s still cooking.” Rey was relieved not to have made them wait.

“These are for you.” She said, handing him the flapjacks before taking her shoes off.

“Thanks.” Han looked stunned for a moment. “We can’t get enough of these.” He said, throwing a look towards the kitchen where Rey guessed Leia was.

She spotted Luke in the living room. He was sporting a greeny-brown three-piece tweed suit, the jacket was long removed and thrown on the back of the chair next to him, his sleeves folded up to his elbows. He looked exactly like she remembered him from Han’s summer BBQ. He stood up, straightening out his waistcoat as he walked over to her and enveloping her in a giant hug.

“Luke!” Rey practically squealed as she enthusiastically wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Look at you.” Luke held her out at arms’ length. “You’re wasting away. Does my jackass brother-in-law not pay you enough to eat?” Luke threw Han a dirty look, giving her a quick wink.

“He pays me plenty.” Rey still hadn’t let go of his arm and she continued. “How are you? How’s the writing going?” Luke used to be a doctor, Rey couldn’t remember what kind he was, but he had given it all up long before she had met him, turning his hand to writing instead. Murder mystery novels. Rey loved them, reading every new one at Finn’s bedside. “Please tell me you have a new book I can read to Finn?” She knew she must have looked like a crazed fan, her eyes wide as she looked hopefully at him.

“I have an advanced copy in my bag with your name on it.” Rey hugged him again, gleefully. “How is young Finn?”

Rey nodded, a hint of sadness in her voice. “Still unconscious. But he’s on the waiting list to get some new scans to show if anything’s changed.” She forced a smile. “So, fingers crossed, it will be any day now.”

“Drink?” Han asked, picking up on the fact that Rey wasn’t comfortable talking about it.

“Can I have a white wine, please?” Rey answered, grateful for his change of subject.

“No problem. Luke?” Han’s pointed stare made it clear who would be getting the drink.

“I’ve been told.” The bearded man jested. “I should probably check the kid hasn’t stabbed Leia yet.”

“Still a little tense?” Rey asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Han looked behind her at the kitchen as he deliberated over his answer. “It’s better than last year. Leia’s happy, so that’s something.”

“Was the stabbing a joke, or do I need to be worried?”

“A joke. I think.”

“Well, if it gets violent, I’ll aim for him if you grab Leia, I’m sure I could take him.” She turned around to look at the infamous rogue son and saw Luke instead, heading back with two full wine glasses, one red and one white. “Thank you.” She said, taking hers.

“Han said you’re going to Leia’s Christmas Fundraiser, Rey.”

Rey smiled before taking a gulp of wine. She had been worried about that since Han asked her. “Yes. Han couldn’t go but thought it would be good to have someone there from the charity, given all the good press that happened last month. Are you going?” She asked hopeful at the idea of someone else she knows being there.

“Sadly, I will be out of town, otherwise I could have been your date. Not that you’d say yes to an old fart like me.” Luke teased, playing up to his gruff man image. “I think the kid’s going to be there though. Right, Han?”

“Right.”

“All the more reason for me not to go. He only just puts up with seeing me on Thanksgiving and Christmas, three times in one month might kill him.” Luke rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure that’s not true. If I had a cool uncle like you, I’d want to hang out as much as possible.” Rey assured him.

“You think I’m cool?” Luke placed a hand over his heart tenderly. “That’s it, you’re in the will. He’s out.”

“Come on, let’s go say hi.” Han ushered, her and Luke following him to the kitchen.

Rey always loved their kitchen, it was incredibly modern, with all the counters smooth and shiny white, it reminded her of a spaceship - a spaceship with cupboards full of food. Her and Finn spent their first morning after a Thanksgiving there opening every door just to see what was behind them. It was how Rey discovered what a wine fridge was.

Turning into the room she heard the sound of knives chopping before she saw them, backs turned as they prepped food for dinner.

Leia was as elegant as ever, her grey hair up in an intricate plait perfectly positioned and pinned on the crown of her head. Rey was always envious of how many styles she effortless wore. Her dark grey outfit was flowy, a cardigan almost touching the floor, and looked incredibly comfortable.

The older woman was dwarfed standing next to man that must be their son.

He was big. Broad shouldered and tall, even with his head bent down to focus on chopping. Over six foot, Rey noted. And completely dressed in black. Even his hair was black, Rey noted as he lifted his hand and ran it through the thick waves in a familiar gesture.

Dread filled her. Her stomach clenched. She knew that man.

“Rey’s here.” Han called out to them, and she saw his shoulders tense, the noise of a knife skilfully moving against the chopping board instantly stopping.

She was struck with the sudden urge of fight or flight, instinct telling her to get out of there. But it was too late.

Ben turned around, and it felt like Rey was being forced to watch in slow motion as his brow furrowed and his eyes, first narrowed in suspicion, suddenly went wide with disbelief as he looked directly at her. She couldn’t look away. So many emotions crossed his face and she hated herself for being the cause of all of them. Shock, fear, confusion, anger. But then all sign of emotion vanished from his face as he pressed his lips together, an unreadable mask taking over his features. Suddenly the Ben she knew was gone, and somehow that felt worse.

“Rey!” Leia hugged her. She felt numb as she returned it, her eyes dropping to the floor as she tried to look anywhere but _him_.

She couldn’t understand. There had to be some mistake.

“Rey, this is my son, Benjamin. Ben, this is Rey, she works at the garage with your father.” Leia had guided her close to him and she followed in a daze. So, it was real. Benjamin, not Jamie or Jermaine. Ben.

Ben was _their son,_ she repeated to herself, all the oxygen leaving her. Their son who they had such a tense relationship with until 2 years ago, the same time Ben discovered his tumour and reconnected with his estranged family. Their son who she was sleeping with for money. Their son who knew her secret.

She felt sick. She felt dizzy. Ben held out his hand and said something, and even though she was looking directly at him, she couldn’t absorb what it was he had said.

She had to leave. But then Han and Leia and Luke would know something was wrong. They would ask questions. How was she supposed to lie to them with Ben right there?

“Hi.” She shook his hand, her head dropping to avoid his gaze as cold fear flowed through her veins.

Leia was asking her something, she could tell by the way the older woman was looking at her, but all she could hear was blood in her ears, her heart pounding so loudly in her chest she was sure Ben could hear it.

“I’m glad you two are finally meeting. You see, Ben is-”

“I’m sorry, I need to use the bathroom.” Rey interrupted, putting her wine glass on the counter and somehow, on heavy feet, fleeing upstairs to the furthest bathroom she could and locking the door.

She didn’t know what to do. She paced the tiles that were cold under her thin socks. She stopped to look at her frantic reflection only to jump when she heard a knock.

“Open the door, Rey.” She turned, her hands gripping the edge of the sink as she stared wide eyed at the closed door. “Open the door. You owe me that much.”

She didn’t move, then heard Ben sigh, before watching in horror as he manipulated the lock from the opposite side and twisted the handle.

Closing the door behind him, Rey almost wanted to sob with all the emotions bombarding her and having to face him. She still didn’t believe this was real. Ben seemed to sense that and kept his distance, but even then, he took up more room that he should have considering how big the bathroom was.

Rey wasn’t sure how long the silence between them lasted, but she finally breathed out, letting out a choked noise as she confessed. “I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t know.”

“I assumed so.” His voice, usually so warm and deep and sweet, like melted chocolate, was distinctly cold and sharp, it felt like a knife in her gut. She couldn’t look at him, so focused on his fists instead, clenched tightly at his side, they practically vibrated in repressed anger. “Your boss… The charity you work for…”

“The Millennium Falcon Project.” She confirmed. “I’m… I’m a mechanic.”

“For fuck’s sake.” She could see the tension in his body, like he wanted to flip out and start smashing everything he could. And she wouldn’t have blamed him. “I thought you were in marketing or something. Fuck!” He half laughed at himself, it was a horrible sound. “Does he not pay you enough? That you have to…” The words slipped out between the anger, each one dripping with disdain.

“No. No, I do it… I do it for other reasons.” She said quickly, her voice so quiet by the time she reached the end of her sentence, she didn’t know if Ben had heard.

She could sense how volatile he was getting; he was practically vibrating with rage. Knowing how strained his relationship with his father already was, she felt awful for exacerbating the issues. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I didn’t know,” she repeated, wanting to reach out and grab his hands, to soothe him. “You don’t talk about them, and they don’t talk about you. Fuck, your last names aren’t even the same!” Rey said, just realising it herself as she tried to come up with all the reasons this couldn’t be true.

But it was true. It all made sense. That familiar smirk that she found so endearing, that cheeky swagger that oozed confidence, both completely Han. His quick wit, yet his ability to listen and be so understanding when the time called for it, it screamed Leia. It was so obvious now, standing in front of him, of course he was their son. Not just in behaviour, but in looks. His strong nose and plump mouth were the same as his dads, but those eyes… those expressive eyes are from his mother.

Ben gave another bitter laugh. “He took hers, for political reasons.” That made sense now Rey thought about it. Everyone knew the great Bail Organa, war hero and 39th President of the United States of America. It would make sense that she would keep such an influential surname and get Han to match. “I took my Dad’s, so I wasn’t associated with them.”

She nodded, as if she understood what that would feel like, having the choice of two surnames when she didn’t even have one, her and Finn picking it out themselves.

But with the acceptance came another sudden wave of fear. “Please don’t tell them about the sex work.” She must have looked insane, surely that could be the only reason Ben was distracted from his anger enough to make his fists unclench. “I love my job at the garage. I can’t lose it. I can’t.” Her breathing was getting erratic and she had to force herself to stay calm. “I’ll give you all your money back and leave, you’ll never have to see me again, just don’t tell them. Please don’t.” She had to clench her teeth to stop her chin from shaking.

She couldn’t read him. His eyes held hers and she wanted to look away but couldn’t. This was Ben. The man she had spent weeks with, cooking with, laughing with, having unbelievable sex with. He was kind. He wouldn’t be so cruel to ruin her job. She knew him. And yet she didn’t, not really. This was proof of that.

“I won’t.” He said after a long time.

“Thank you.” She whispered, she wanted him to hug her, to tell her it was okay. But he just stood still by the door. “I’ll leave.”

“No. I should go.” Ben interrupted her.

“This is your family, Ben. You can’t go.” She reasoned with him.

Ben’s jaw was doing that thing where she knew he was thinking an idea over. She quickly wiped her eyes, finding them wet, and sniffed.

“You could stay as well.” He seemed to straighten up a bit, making the room feel smaller again. “Last night… my offer still stands.”

Rey’s eyebrows pinched together, not knowing what he was talking about and then remembering. “I can’t do that. I can’t pretend.” She couldn’t, not with him, not in front of them, the closest thing to a family she had.

“It wouldn’t have-” He started to speak but she cut him off, schooling her features to resemble some sort of composure.

“It wouldn’t be professional.” She finished for him.

She turned to the mirror to check out her reflection, making sure she looked okay enough to make an excuse and leave. It also meant she didn’t have to look at him for a moment, knowing that if he asked her again she wouldn’t be able to say no. Screw the consequences, if that meant she got to pretend for a few days that she had a loving boyfriend and a family that she was part of.

“Right. Right, then perhaps you should leave.” The cold edge to his voice was back. He gave a small nod as he opened the door and stepped away from it.

Rey felt sick as she passed him, choosing to keep her eyes trained on the floor than look up and see the disgust that would be clearly plastered on his face. Disgust of her. “I’ll send you the money back.” Her voice wobbled as she spoke, and she hated herself for it.

“Don’t.” He shut the door, the sound of it echoing in the upstairs of the house.

The finality of it felt appropriate.

That didn’t stop it from hurting.

Going downstairs, she found everyone else in the kitchen, Luke halfway through a story. As she entered, they all stopped talking. God she must have looked a mess.

“I have to go. I just got a phone call from the hospital.” She lied feebly.

“Oh dear,” Leia came and wrapped her in a hug. “What happened? Maybe Ben can-”

“They said it’s fine now.” Rey blurted out, not wanting to speak about Ben in front of them. “But I want to go, just in case.”

“That’s alright.” Leia ran a tender hand down the side of her face, it was soft and warm, and Rey was so tempted to lean into it, but she had to leave. She had to get away from Ben while she still could, her secret still intact.

“You gonna be okay to drive?” Han asked, putting down his beer.

“I’ll be fine, I only had a sip of wine.” She knew that wasn’t what he was asking.

“Okay, well, look after yourself. And call us if you need anything.” Everything sounded like it was going to be alright when Leia said it. “Come back if you can, we’ll save you some food.”

“Thank you. I’m… I’m sorry.”

It was all very rushed. As she turned to leave, Luke followed her, standing quietly as she slipped on her shoes at the front door and grabbed her bag. “Here’s the book.” He handed her a paperback and Rey smiled as best she could. “I hope everything’s okay.”

“Me too. Thank you. I’m sure Finn will love it.” Tucking it into her bag, she opened the door and ran down the drive to her car as fast as she could, not noticing the dark eyes watching her and Luke from the top of the stairs.

She only drove 100 yards away from the house before she broke down in tears.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you already left kudos? 
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> 
> I love comments, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them and it helps motivate me to proofread the next chapter faster! 
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> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
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> Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving Part 2

“ _With a swift flick of his prosthetic hand, the bill was place in front of him. “It isn’t the risk - or if I should take it or not - I care about.” Mark said. “Let me ask you this, and don’t lie to me. This case. This woman. Are they worth it?” There was a sound of a motorcycle engine roaring to life in the distance. Mark looked at the detective sat opposite him. The answer to his question already in her eyes._ ”. End of chapter two.” Rey placed the book down in her lap, keeping her finger between the pages so she didn’t lose her place. “I like it so far, what do you think?” She asked, looking over at Finn.

He looked paler today. A little sadder. Maybe the dull greyness of the sky outside was reflected on his skin. Or perhaps it was her mood he was picking up on. He didn’t answer, not that she expected him to.

Rey had come in at 8am. Visiting hours weren’t for another few hours, but Rose had just started her shift and Rey knew she would let her come and sit.

She was going crazy, needing every distraction she could find. She’d already done a coffee run for the nurses on shift, shaved Finn’s stubble, washed his pyjamas and read to him. But it was still only 10am. Not that she had anywhere else to be. Rey had text Han as soon as was reasonable to say she was going to stay with Finn all day, apologising again. He had understood, but she just needed to keep busy so her mind wasn’t occupied with thoughts of him.

Ben.

Beautiful, funny, incredibly attractive, kind Ben.

What they had had definitely ended, but that didn’t mean it was over. He had promised to not tell the truth to his family, but just because he had kept his mouth shut last night didn’t mean he would not tell Han today, or tomorrow, or next week.

Hell, he didn’t even need to tell them all the details. If he simply told his Dad to fire her or he’ll never see them again… Rey knew they had fought to get their son back once, and they wouldn’t risk losing him again. Who was she to them anyway? Some street rat Han felt sorry for once. She was nothing. She was replaceable.

Her gut told her that Ben wouldn’t do that, that he wasn’t the sort of person to hurt someone callously, he was always so sensitive to her feelings, he seemed to genuinely care about her. But she’d seen it. His anger. The rage simmering under the surface as he glared at her from across that bathroom. It wasn’t easy to admit, but it upset her to see that side of him, his revulsion. It even scared her a little.

She itched to call him, to straighten things out more without having to face him directly. To say it wasn’t all fake. That she enjoyed his company, that she was getting used to having him in her life. And all the little things too, his dry humour; the way he covered his mouth when he had a silent small giggle to himself, as if that would stop her from seeing it; the way he kissed her cheek whenever he answered the door.

Her heart felt like it was about to stumble out of her chest. It wasn’t all pretend. She wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.

“Rey?”

“Yeah Rose?” Rey sniffed and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jumper. “Need me to go grab some more coffee? My treat.” Rose was smiling, her happiness making her glow brighter than the pale pink scrubs she wore.

“I just had an email. The Head of Neurosurgery wasn’t scheduled on but he has come in anyway. He said he can see you and Finn today. Can I email him back?” Rey sat up straight in the chair.

“Oh my god. Yes! Yes of course we’d love to see him.” Her voice full of eagerness.

“Good. I’ll let him know.” Rose beamed. “Lucky for you he came in today, it could have been weeks longer to wait if he hadn’t.” Rose picked up Finn’s chart, tucking it under her arm.

This was the good news Rey needed today.

“Oh! Before I forget. Here are your DVDs.” Rey pulled the boxset out of her bag, holding it out to the short woman.

“Did you watch it all?” Rose’s eyes lit up.

“Yep. Sorry it took so long.”

“It’s not problem. What did you think? Who is your favourite?”

Rey chewed her lip, mulling the question over. “Locke is really interesting. And I like the dynamic between Jack, Kate and Sawyer. But I really like Charlie. He’s probably my favourite so far.”

“Charlie’s great!” Rose practically squealed with excitement, her fingers tightening around the file in her hands. “I love Charlie.”

“No spoilers!” Rey said automatically. Ben was really strict about spoilers, making sure he didn’t give anything away about future episodes when they spoke about the one they just watched.

“I won’t. I swear.” Rose let out another squeal and turned to leave. “I’ll bring Season 2 in tomorrow for you.” It suddenly struck her that she wouldn’t be able to watch Season 2 at Ben’s anymore, which meant she wouldn’t be able to watch Season 2 at all as she didn’t have a TV. Fucking JJ Abrams, getting her addicted to a show she’d never get a satisfying ending to.

“Don’t worry. I think I might invest in the whole boxset. I’m really enjoying it.” She lied.

“Only if you’re sure. I don’t mind lending you mine.” Rose’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m sure.” Rey gave her a tight smile. She didn’t feel like watching the rest of LOST now. Not without Ben.

“Okay. Well, I’ll go email the doctor and it shouldn’t be too long. I think he wants to avoid the ER before it gets busy with carving knife accidents.” Rose rolled her eyes dramatically before heading back to her computer at the nurses’ station.

As soon as Rose was gone, the news sunk in. In a panic, Rey nervously straightened out Finn’s sheets, covering him in an extra blanket in an attempt to make him look less pale, suddenly grateful she gave him a shave this morning. She quickly shoved the book in his bedside table and threw away any bits of rubbish she could find.

Cursing, she tucked her baggy jumper into her jeans in an attempt to look smarter, and pulled out her diary, ready to take notes on everything the doctor had to say.

After five minutes of debating if she should stand or sit, she heard Rose chatting to someone. Standing. Standing was good.

“Just in Bay 6. I’ll introduce you.”

Rey swallowed, her palms sweaty, her breathing too fast for someone just standing around doing nothing. She wiped her hand on her jeans, trying to dry it before holding it out ready.

“Hi.” Rose said cheerily as she rounded the corner, the doctor in tow. “This is our Head of Neurosurgery, Dr Ben Solo.” His was looking at a flipchart in his hand but looked up just as his name registered with her brain.

Ben. It was him. In a white coat. At the end of Finn’s bed.

He looked tired, dark bags under his eyes. He looked surprised as well, a flash of recognition crossing his eyes before he schooled his features and slowly put the flipchart at the end of the bed. Her stomach twisted almost painfully.

Rey stood in shock, staring at him. “No.” Her voice barely a whisper. “This can’t be happening.”

“I’ll take it from here Nurse Tico. Excuse us.” Rose threw her an odd look but left quickly, not wanting to upset anyone. Ben quickly grabbed the curtains and shut them, giving them some small form of privacy, while Rey turned around, her hands covering her eyes as she muttered.

“This can’t be real. This isn’t fair.”

“Rey?” His voice caught her off guard, he was standing right in front of her, his hand stretched out as if to grab her arms but she flinched back. “Rey, you need to calm down.”

“Calm down?” She said, her volume a little loud considering the walls around then were just fabric. “Are you seriously telling me to calm down?” She hissed, adjusting her voice.

“I think we are in need of a serious conversation-” Ben tried to reason but Rey wasn’t listening to reason at the moment, she was too busy being a pawn in the universe’s sick joke.

“How? How are you suddenly in every aspect of my life? How have you suddenly become the person I least expect to see all the time, and yet it’s always you?!” Rey wrung her hands in front of her.

“You knew I was a surgeon.” Ben winced a little at his own lame remark.

“There are hundreds of surgeons here! Why is it my shitty luck that you, the man whose been paying me for sex, happens to also be my boss’s son and the best neurosurgeon in the hospital to help me?” Rey demands. “This isn’t fair!”

“Rey. Let’s go to my office-”

“No. I need to get out of here. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” She grabbed her bag, rushing out of the curtains. Not stopping to say bye to Rose who looked concerned behind the nurses’ station.

She couldn’t remember driving home, her mind too busy refusing to believe how cruel the world was being to her. This had to be some sort of joke she didn’t understand, like some TV host was going to jump out and shout “Gotcha!” at any moment.

Shutting her door, she practically collapsed on the bed.

Ben Solo controlled her life, it dawned on her. In the space of 24 hours, he had ingrained himself into everything she knew, and she couldn’t even be angry at him. He wasn’t the one who had lied. He was just a lonely man who found her email address. She was the one who invaded his home, his family, his work. She was the bad person here.

She looked at her phone to see ten missed calls, all from Ben. The last one was fifteen minutes ago. He must has given up. Chalked it up to one of those fucked up things life throws at you and now probably seeing another patient without a single thought of her. Or Finn.

Finn. She had just run away when the very person that could help him was standing right there. She would now have to move him to another hospital, but that could be so expensive, and a lot of hospitals don’t want long term coma patients taking up a bed. Long Beach was the only hospital big enough to have that luxury.

Maybe she could see if another doctor would take the case. They might not be as good as the Head of the department, but that way she could avoid Ben and hope the new doctor never asked for him to get involved.

Fuck. She had really screwed herself this time.

A knock roused her away from her thoughts.

She slowly pushed herself up and went to open the door. It was probably Plutt wanting to tell her the heating was shut off because he assumed the building would be empty.

Opening it with what little energy she could muster, she was stunned to not see her arsehole landlord, but a very awkward looking Doctor Ben Solo. His white coat still on over his scrubs, his car keys still in his hand.

“Ben.” She breathed, not knowing what was happening. Was this the “gotcha” moment?

He walked past her, straight into her studio flat, leaving her gaping at the door.

“I know, I shouldn’t have come. I know this is a massive breach of privacy, but I had to see you.” Ben declared, an anxious hand running through his hair as he looked around. Rey could only watch in shame as he took in her flat, if you can call a kitchen consisting of only a sink and mini fridge, which was only one step away from her mattress on the floor, a flat. She had a desk and a chair, she tried to reason, but they were currently covered in her freshly washed clothes. “Jesus, Rey. Is this where you live?” His revulsion was evident as he stepped over her mattress to the window before realising it didn’t open and just faced a brick wall. His judgement filled the small space.

“Yeah. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t just step over my stuff.” She crossed her arms over her chest and held her chin out.

“Where is your shower?” He asked, having looked around the entire flat and not finding another door, much to her annoyance.

“There isn’t one. I shower at work.”

“I don’t understand, Rey.” Ben looked around as if this proved his point. “I’m _trying_ to figure it all out, but you… you aren’t what I thought at all.”

“Not all of us can have rich parents.” It felt wrong to sneer at Han and Leia’s money, but he was making her so defensive! She sighed, feeling bad. “All my money pays medical bills.” She explained simply. “So, I rent this shitty place because its half the price of anywhere else, I shower at work because there isn’t a working one here, I get my furniture from the street, and I only buy food from the reduced section. I’m thrifty, because if I wasn’t, then… then I don’t know what I’d do.” She admitted.

“Rey.” Her name fell from his lips with such sadness. No, not sadness. It was pity. “This isn’t thrifty. This is poverty.” Rey just shrugged. “Can’t your parents… what about your family?”

“It’s just me.” She admitted, throwing her hands up. In for a penny… “Finn is my family. _Everything_ I do is for him.”

“Everything.” Ben echoed, slowly crouching down until he sat on the edge of her bed. “I wondered what the reason was.” He continued; his hand worked over his jaw as his eyes zeroed in on the dirty floor. There was only so much cleaning the carpet she could do before she gave up on the stains. “At first I thought maybe you just liked nice things, until I saw your car.” He seemed to laugh to himself, his fingertips lightly tracing over his bottom lip and he lent his elbow on his knee. “Then, I thought maybe you had a kid or were here illegally, saving up to get residency. I couldn’t have… I never expected this.”

Rey fidgeted on the spot. He could judge her, feel ashamed to have been associated with her, but Rey didn’t have to feel humiliated. She did was she had to in order to survive, and as messed up as it was, she was proud of that fact.

Ben rubbed his hand over his face before choosing to stare out her window. She was suddenly struck with how beautiful his profile was. She had admired it before, laying next to him on the sofa, but right now, as the limited light cast shadows over his face, she couldn’t believe that this handsome man had taken an interest in her. She wanted to speak, to comfort him somehow, but didn’t know what words to start with.

“Do my parents know?” He sounded choked up as he asked.

“No. God no. They… they know about Finn, he… he used to work at the garage as well. But they think his bills are covered.” He nodded. “It’s easier to pretend it’s fine. I don’t want them to… lying is easier.”

“And what else is a lie, Rey?” He sounded defeated, his hand dropping from his face. “Because I’m pretty sure you don’t have a cat in here either.”

Rey felt herself deflate. There was no point in hiding from him anymore, he already knew too much and this would allow her to clear some of the air before he went away forever. At least she had the chance now to explain herself.

The floorboards under the carpet creaked as she walked over and sat down a step away from him on the floor, her legs crossed.

“My parents came over here when I was eight, but not for work. I... I don’t know why.” Tugging at her sleeves, twisting the fabric around her fists in a nervous fidget as she spoke. “They left me in a bus depot. I kept waiting for them, hiding from people until they came back. It took me two days to realise they weren’t coming.” The anger outweighed the sadness she felt as she remembered that day nearly fifteen years ago. “So, I did what any eight-year-old would do, lost and alone. I hid. A treehouse, a closed down shop, an abandoned car.” She didn’t realise the tears were falling down her face until she saw one drop on her jeans. “Then I met Finn. He was fourteen, I was twelve. He had run away from an abusive stepfamily a few years earlier because he… because.” She said, bitterness in her voice at what happened to him, it was too painful to even think about, let alone say out loud. “We… we looked out for each other. It was easier with the two of us. He would keep our shelter safe while I went scavenging for food. He would steal the things we needed while I begged for money to buy the things we couldn’t steal.” She let out a wet laugh. “It wasn’t perfect, but we made it work. We were good together.”

She knew Ben was looking at her now, she just didn’t have the strength to look back. She would lose her nerve and she needed to tell him everything. She needed to tell someone.

“A few years later we discovered The Millennium Falcon Project. Han took pity on us, giving us two cars when we only applied for one, then letting us park on the land behind the garage so we could sleep in them.” She remembered that first night, the first time she had put her guard down and slept peacefully stretched across the back seats of Speeder. “He gave us little jobs helping out around and slowly they became full time jobs as he taught me everything I know about cars.” Her hands twisted in her lap. This was the hardest bit. Gulping at air, trying to fill her lungs which felt oxygen starved, she continued. “Then May last year Finn got hit by a car while out for a morning run. They just kept driving.” She sneered at the thought of them. “I got the phone call a few hours later. He was bad. He had swelling on his brain, he had broken ribs, a cracked hip. I thought… I thought he was going to die.”

Ben was on the floor with her now, his legs bumping her as his hand came up to cup her face, wiping away the tears. God, she wished she could collapse into his arms, but she had to keep going. Avoiding his worried gaze, she spoke a little faster just to get all the words out.

“There were so many surgeries, and we had some money saved up, we wanted to buy a flat together, so the first few days were fine. Then… then he didn’t wake up, and the bills kept coming and I didn’t have any money anymore. So… so I got kicked out of our old place, I couldn’t live in my car again, not without Han finding out, so this was the only place I could find. Then one day it all got too much and I… a woman saw me in the hospital café, counting cents just to get a sandwich. She bought me lunch and we got talking; she said she knew of something I could do to get extra cash and… it was so easy.”

Rey almost laughed at the luck of it. “I was good with people, but I didn’t grow up normal. I didn’t have the same physical connections to people regular people do, my body is just something that I needed to keep warm and fed to keep going. It was so easy to separate myself from it all and think of it as a job, to pay the bills.” She tried to justify it to herself, knowing that while that is how she used to think of it, she couldn’t anymore, because of Ben. Ben who was currently listening to her so intently, and watching her, his eyes soft, empathetic, not full of pity that she feared. His hands were in her lap now, covering hers. It would only take a slight movement to close the space between them.

“Then a few weeks ago some arsehole intern suggested Finn get this scan, this MRI.” Ben nodded, finally caught up. “To see if there had been any changes in the last year since his last scan. He implied that if there hadn’t been then… then Finn is an organ donor…” She felt the growl from Ben’s chest more than she heard it. “So, I thought I could get the scan, get the best doctor there was to prove he was improving… and that was you.” She finally let herself catch his eye line.

“Rey…” His voice was barely a whisper, his brown eyes searching hers as if he was reading her like a book. Not that there was anything else to say; she had bared everything to him now. It was strange, she thought, she could stand naked in front of a person and not feel vulnerable at all, yet here, right now, with Ben, she was weak and utterly defenceless. He seemed to be battling with whatever thoughts he was having. She tensed, waiting for the rejection, but it never came. “Of course I’ll help you.”

Rey’s eyes went wide. Did she really just hear that right? “You will? You’ll help Finn?” She missed the fleeting wince that crossed his face, too busy wrapping her arms around his neck, sitting up on her knees to pull her body closer to his. “Thank you, Ben. You have no idea what this means.”

“It’s fine.” He patted her back sharply, making Rey stiffen. Ben never did that, that was what people did when they wanted awkward hugs to end.

She slowly pulled back, his arms falling to his sides instead of lingering like they usually did. It suddenly dawned on her. “I can pay you.”

“That won’t be necessary.” He stood up, brushing down his coat. “I’m allowed a few pro-bono cases a year that I haven’t used. I will fill in the required paperwork.” He was avoiding her now, checking his phone, crossing and uncrossing his arms. Rey slowly pushed herself off the floor.

“Ben...” Rey stepped towards him, causing him to face her. “Finn is my only family. I… I don’t know how to say thank you.”

She watched as his eyes fell to her mouth, his own falling slightly agape. She was struck with the knowledge of how those lips felt on hers, on her skin, between her legs. He sucked in a breath, as if he had heard her thoughts, and straightened, pulling away from her.

“Don’t thank me yet. There might not be anything I can help with once I’ve seen the scans.” He walked past her to the door, suddenly wanting to get away from her. Rey didn’t understand, he had just promised to help. Maybe he was already regretting it, maybe he remembered what she has just told him about her pathetic life and wanted to unwind himself from her chaos.

“I know.” She fell quiet, feeling suddenly so small. She had just told him everything and now he was running off. Not that she should have expected anything more, he was just a client of hers. And now she was just the sister of a patient of his.

Ben paused, his hand on the handle. With his back to her, he muttered. “I think it would be best we pretend we don’t know each other. I won’t- I _can’t_ do this if…” His grip on the handle tightened. “And I don’t think I should see you outside of the hospital environment anymore. Not now...”

“Not know you know.” She finished for him. Her words came out sadder than she anticipated. “I agree.”

“I’ll familiarise myself with your… with Mr Johnson’s case today and tomorrow. Come in on Saturday morning and I can take you through all the paperwork.”

Rey nodded before realising he couldn’t see her. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Goodbye, Mrs Johnson.” He said so quickly and quietly she almost missed it.

“Goodbye, Dr Solo.”

The door shut, Rey bolting it behind him, before she went to the bed and laid down. And for the second time in 24 hours, Rey broke down over Ben Solo.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides* Please don't hate me...
> 
> Have you already left kudos? 
> 
> Then feel free to comment instead! 
> 
> I love comments, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them and it helps motivate me to proofread the next chapter faster! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions run high at the first consultation.

Given how exhausting the last few days had been for her, sleep still alluded Rey. And it must have showed.

“Are you feeling okay?” Rose asked as delicately as she could when Rey arrived Saturday morning for her consultation with Ben. No. He was Dr Solo now. She reminded herself, she had to remember his boundaries. “You don’t look well.”

“I’m fine.” Rey assured her, running a shaky hand through her unwashed hair before twisting it up into a bun, using an elastic band from her wrist to secure it. “Just, anxious about today.” It was half true.

“Yeah… Dr Solo is great, but he doesn’t have a very good bedside manner. I mean the way he didn’t even introduce himself to you before kicking me out the other day. Rude.” Rey was grateful for Rose’s obliviousness to the situation, chalking it up to Ben being a dick and not anything else.

“I guess.” Was Rey’s muttered reply.

“But I saw the paperwork that you’re his pro-bono case for the year. That’s great news! I didn’t even know he did those, but I guess they must be mandatory or something.” Rose babbled on, but Rey wasn’t absorbing any of it.

“Or something.” She echoed, her mind elsewhere. “Excuse me a second.” She darted to the bathroom, splashing cool water on her face before looking at her reflection. “Fuck me.”

No wonder Rose asked if she was alright. She looked rough as hell, her cheeks shallow with dark shadows only making them look gaunt. Deep dark bags circled under her eyes made to look worse against her pale skin. Her lips were dry and cracked. And her hair was beyond greasy. With the garage closed for Thanksgiving, she hadn’t had anywhere to shower in three days.

Rummaging around her bag, she thanked God for the tinted lip balm she managed to find, even going as far to rub some on her cheeks in an attempt to add more colour to her face. There was nothing she could do about the bags, but she took down her hair and redid it as best she could. There, Rey look her reflection in the mirror. She looked… slightly less like shit, she deliberated.

She got back to Finn’s bedside just as she heard him approaching. His low, slightly gravelly, voice was unmistakable.

“Mrs Johnson.” He held out his hand. It was a test. To see if she remembered his instructions.

“Dr Solo.” She didn’t correct him, not knowing why he’d said that, and forced a smile and took his offered hand quickly, giving it one hard shake before dropping it as if it had burned him. Maybe he greeted all patient’s family like that. “Thank you for coming.”

“My pleasure.” He said, on autopilot, and Rey had to stop thinking about how hard her heart was beating and focus.

“This is Finn.” Rey held her breath, her eyes trained on Ben as he observed his new patient. There was a flash of something across his face, was it regret? Annoyance? It felt more like sadness. Maybe she just imagined it. “Finn, this is Dr Ben Solo. He’s your new doctor.” Rey said quietly, leaned towards her brother and squeezed his hand. She never felt foolish speaking to her brother as if he were awake, but Ben made her feel uncomfortable, perhaps because he looked annoyed by the little exchange. She knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but he could at least pretend he didn’t hate her.

“That’s cute. Now you have two Doctor Ben’s.” Rose said, Rey hadn’t even noticed the nurse standing behind Ben.

Her eyes widened in horror as Ben’s narrowed in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Oh! Rey gave Finn this little doctor toy. Show him, Rey.” Rose explained. As if her body didn’t belong to her, she stepped aside and grabbed the stress reliver, wanting to hide it from Ben, but held it out for him to see. Her face turned hot and red as Ben reached out to take it from her hand. “He’s called Ben as well.” The brush of his fingertips against her palm meant nothing, she told herself as he lifted to toy to examine it closer.

“Is he now?” Ben said, an eyebrow quirking up, bitter amusement laced his voice. His eyes flicked from the toy to her, piercing her as she reached out again to grab it off him abruptly.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered, opening a drawer and shoving the toy inside.

“It’s fine.” He said, coolly. “Thank you, Nurse Tico, that will be all.”

Rose rolled her eyes at Rey as she took her cue and left, as if this continued to prove her point that Dr Solo was an arse.

“I’m sure Nurse Tico has already gone over the MRI with you, but legally I need to explain the procedure and get your signature before I can authorise it.” He motioned for her to sit down, pulling up a chair from another bed for himself. “Do you understand?”

Rey nodded and listened as he went over the process, what risks there were, that it was non-invasive and most of the side effects only affected non-comatose patients, that these included claustrophobia and panic attacks from the noises.

Rey made a conscious effort to look at the literature and forms he was showing her, but also at him so it wasn’t too awkward. But being this close to him was bringing back memories she wasn’t expecting. His smell was overwhelming, the cinnamon and woody scent of him was warm and inviting in the usually sterile hospital ward. And his profile was dangerous this close to her. She could lick those beauty marks if she wanted to, as she had done in the past, she could kiss along his jaw and suck those insanely plush lips, all she had to do was lean over…

“I should get the images from the Radiologist within 24 hours, and then within the next 24 I will be in touch with the findings.” Rey nodded, swallowing hard. “Do you feel well-informed and not coerced into agreeing to this procedure?” She nodded again, licking her dry lips. Ben flicked over his clipboard to reveal a form. “Good. Now I need your signature on this form to consent to the MRI,” he said, folding it back to reveal a second form. “And this one needs to be signed as Mr Finn Johnson’s spouse.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she took the forms and a pen from him. Ben stood up quickly, as if he couldn’t stand being that close to her any longer than he had to. “Spouse?” She repeated, reading the form. “I don’t think this is the right form.” She said, looking up at him.

His hand came down to point at it, making Rey jump at the sudden closeness, she tried not to think too hard about those hands. “You just need to tick here and sign.”

“I can’t. I usually fill in a Next of Kin form.” Rey explained, turning the form over to see if there was another side to it. Standing up to hand it back to him.

“No, as Mr Johnson’s wife you need to sign-”

“I’m not Finn’s wife.” Rey interrupted, confused. “I’m his sister.”

Ben opened his mouth to protest, then paused, and Rey could only watch as his mind caught up with what she had said. His furrowed brow relaxing, the downturn in the corner of his mouth disappearing as it morphed into an ‘o’.

“Sister?” He breathed.

“Yes.” Rey nodded. “Not biologically, obviously.” Ben knew what she meant, that they were both street kids, no real parents. “But… but he’s my brother.”

“Right. Well.” Rey saw the moment he threw up his defences, putting on that mask. “I’ll make sure Rose gets you the correct form to fill in.” He nodded then turned to leave and she suddenly realised why he was acting the way he had. Ben thought her and Finn were together. That he had been sleeping with a married woman. She wanted to laugh at the mistake, to comfort him and make him feel less guilty.

“Ben, wait-” He turned on his heel faster than Rey expected, moving towards her with a purpose that almost made Rey stumble as she stepped back.

“Is this some kind of joke to you? Do you find my suffering funny?” Ben snapped at her.

Rey could only gawk at his sudden mood swing. “No.. No, I-”

“I’ve tried to be civil. I’ve tried not to let you get under my skin. But damn it, Rey, I will not be made a fool by you.” Another step closer and she was trapped as his arm came around to open the drawer and pull out that stupid toy. “You weren’t anything special to me, so you can stop acting like the victim here, like you weren’t the one telling all the lies. You’ve done your job, now learn to behave with some fucking decorum while I do mine.” His face loomed over hers as he sneered at her.

“Ben, I-”

“You were just a means to an end. A girl I could use to fuck and be done with before dating someone I actually want. I’ve already forgotten it, so get over yourself, Rey. Let the past die.”

And with that, he left. Leaving Rey speechless and shaking. With rage or fear, she didn’t know.

\-----

He was angry, seething. His hands clenched so tightly he couldn’t feel them. She was infuriating, totally insufferable. Didn’t she realise how difficult this was for him? And yet with every meeting, she revealed a new piece of information that completely disorientated him and ripped any bit of control he had to shreds.

Sister. It almost made it worse.

When he found her standing next to Finn Johnson’s unconsciousness body, his brain only took a second to comprehend the situation.

This was her husband.

That was Rey Johnson’s sad story.

As Finn’s wife she was unobtainable. He could never knowingly be with a married woman, especially when said woman was married to his patient. It didn’t matter how tempting she was, how his body drew itself to her. She was now unequivocally unavailable to him. It would be difficult, but he could do it safe in the knowledge he wasn’t a home wrecker.

But then she had to pull the rug out from under him again. She was his sister. Not in blood, but in her heart. And the peace he had been struggling to come to terms with the last two days shattered.

She could be his, one part of him kept repeating, while another, much louder part screamed that she didn’t want him, that he was just a client and she was mortified how tangled he had become in her life. So he lashed out at her.

White hot anger surged through him and his fists clenched so tightly his arms started to cramp.

“Dr Solo.” Dopheld flinched as the door to the control room slammed open.

“Turn it on.” Ben ordered, pulling off his watch, taking his phone out of his pocket and shoving it on the desk next to young doctor.

“I’m sorry? I don’t-“

“I need you to scan my brain. So, turn on the fucking MRI and do your job!” There it was again. His rage boiling over to the point where all he could see was a bright light. Digging his palms into his eye sockets, Ben tried to school his breathing.

Dr Mitaka nodded and entered the scanning room, Ben behind him. After a few presses of buttons, Bed laid down, eyes closed, as he tried to lay perfectly still, focusing on his breathing and blocking out the loud disorientating noises as the machine started.

It was a lost cause. Every time he closed his eyes it was her he saw. How her nose wrinkled sometimes when she smiled at him. The way she said his name. How she felt curled up in his arms.

He loved her.

And that was the salt in the wound.

He had known for a few weeks now. He had tormented over how he could bring up the subject with her, wanting to take time and make her feel comfortable and not pressured, but also not scare her away. Because he knew she liked him back. He just knew she did. He wasn’t some lovesick fool, he could tell she felt it too.

Then his big mouth had to blurt out that question after sex, when he was blissfully happy and knew she might not take it seriously. When he has asked her to go to his parents and not her bosses, he truly meant it. He wanted her to be with him properly, not just for Thanksgiving, but for however long he could get. Not even in his wildest dreams did he consider that the world would be so cruel to make them end up at the same house anyway.

It had been three days since he saw her standing in his parents’ kitchen, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He would have wrapped his arms around her and stolen her, carried her far away from his family, their responsibilities, if he could have. But she left before either of them had the chance to process this and work it out, together. So, he lied to his parents and left Thursday morning, heading to the hospital to distract himself and think of anything but her… And now… Now they were playing this game he didn’t understand and it was driving him insane.

His moods were erratic, he angered too easily. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Not since…

“It’s done.” Mitaka said, letting Ben out of the machine.

This can’t be right, he thought, looking at the scans on the computer. They were all clear. No signs of any growths, not even a fucking shadow.

It was her then. She was doing this to him.

Good. He realised as he went to his office. If his anger was just because of her, he could control it. He could prepare himself. He could pretend, like she does. Lie like she does. He already had.

Shame filled him at the thought of the cruel things he had said. He called her a girl he could just fuck. It was the furthest thing from the truth, but he had to disconnect from his emotions. He was hurt, and defensive and he had pushed her away so even if he was tempted, she would hate him too much to let anything happen.

He needed to treat her like she was just a member of a patient’s family. And she should respect him and not press him either after the way he snapped at her earlier.

He was the one in control here, Ben kept repeating to himself as he opened his emails. He was the one in control. Looking at the clear scans Dopheld had already sent over, he couldn’t stop the small voice inside his head from mocking him.

Liar.

\-----

_“Can I plait your hair?”_

_“Excuse me?” Ben scoffed, but it was too late, Rey had already climbed up on the back of the sofa, swinging her leg around his shoulders so he was tucked between them._

_“Braid it.” She clarified, using the more American term._

_“Why?”_

_“I just wondered if it was long enough.” She mused, her fingers brushing through the thick dark waves, making Ben shiver in delight. Rey smiled, he loved it when she played with his hair._

_“I don’t think it is.” He jokingly swotted at her, but Rey stayed put._

_“Nah. I’ve seen people with shorter hair have plaits.” Rey giggled as she used her pinky finger to start separating the hair at the front of his head into even sections, her nail dragging over his scalp gently. “Stop moving!”_

_Ben sighed and tried to stay still. “Fine. But can I put the TV on or something?”_

_“Or something.” She hummed. “Tell me something.”_

_“Do you want to be any less vague?” He said drily._

_“Tell me about your childhood, or school, or the first time you got drunk, or broke a bone. I don’t know. Anything.” His hair was so soft._

_“You don’t want to hear about that.” He winced as she tugged at a strand of hair._

_“But I do. Tell me.”_

_“I broke my collarbone when I was fifteen.” He offered, his hand waving out in front of him as if he was unsure if that’s what she wanted._

_“Ouch. How?”_

_“I stole my dad’s car. Crashed it.”_

_“Ben Solo! You stole a car? You cannot say that so casually.” She was shocked, pausing in her movements and leaning forward to catch his eye. “I knew you had a dark side, but I wasn’t expecting that. I want the details.”_

_Ben chuckled, she could feel the vibration in her legs that wrapped around him. “It was just a stupid cry for attention. They were always away, for work, so my uncle was in charge of me. I hated him, we just didn’t get on, we still don’t. Mom says it’s because we’re too similar, too stubborn. I don’t know.” Rey watched as Ben went to run his hand through his hair, only to stop when he remembered what she was doing. It was a nervous habit of his, when he was thinking, or frustrated, and sometimes, very rarely, shy. She wondered which one it was at that moment. “We got in a fight one night. I knew I wanted to be a surgeon, he said I didn’t have the temperament for it. I stormed off, probably proving his point, took dad’s car out.” He shrugged and she could picture his eyes as he spoke. “Hit a tree a few houses away from home on my way back.”_

_“Was he angry?” She twisted a strand of hair expertly, adding a little more before continuing. He was going to look cute with French braids, she just knew it._

_“Surprisingly no. My uncle was angrier than anyone. No, not angry. Disappointed.”_

_She sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, that’s worse.” Rey cringed._

_“We… I was an angry teenager.” Ben’s hand had found her calf muscle and was rubbing it lightly. “I was an even angrier adult.”_

_“You don’t seem it.” Rey said truthfully._

_“I can’t get angry at you.” His hand wrapped around her foot and squeezed. “And if I ever do, you have permission to kick my ass.”_

_Rey laughed, taking the hairband out of her hair and using it to tie his new braids all together at the end, securing them. “Deal. If you are an arse, I get to kick your butt.” She leaned down and kissed him on the neck, enjoying her newfound height over him. “All done. Let me see.”_

_He stood up and Rey instantly missed the feel of his body nestled between her legs, but was quickly rewarded when she saw his new look._

_Pulling the top of his hair away from his face instantly emphasised his strong brow, making his already long face look longer, but uniquely handsome. The sides rested delicately against his cheekbones, highlighting them and while he looked like a hipster douche with essentially a fancy man bun, Rey couldn’t help appreciate how attractive he looked as her eyes examined him. She gave him a small smirk, ideas forming in her head._

_He must have noticed the look in her eyes, raising an eyebrow before going to the hall and checking out his reflection._

_“It’s_ not _actually that bad… Keeps my hair out of my eyes.” He admitted. “I don’t think I’ll wear it out though.”_

_“I like it.” Sitting on the back of the sofa, she could see him out in the entrance way. She chewed on his thumb nail. She liked it a lot. “Don’t take it out just yet.”_

_He looked up at her, catching her as she licked her lips. “I won’t.” Stalking back towards her, he grabbed her by the knees and pulled her down onto the sofa cushions. She gave a small yelp but it soon dissolved into a giggle. “They might come in handy.” His deep voice purred as he undid her jeans and hastily pulled them down her legs with her underwear._

_“What for?” She kind of knew the answer, her laugh turning into a gasp as he got to his knees, positioning his head between her thighs._

_“This.” It was her turn to shiver as his tongue pressed into her cunt, taking a long slow swipe along her entrance before using the tip to expertly circle her clit._

_“Fuck.” Rey leaned her head back, enjoying his attentions. It shouldn’t be fair how good he was at eating her out._

_It wasn’t long before her fingers twisted in his hair as he bought her to the edge and over with just his beautiful, wonderful mouth. His braids were ruined._

“Fuck.” Rey cursed, a buzzer from somewhere else in the ward bringing her out of the memory.

She honestly couldn’t connect the Ben she knew to the Doctor that had stood in front of her an hour ago and basically called her a worthless whore. It just didn’t make sense.

She thought maybe it was because she had hurt him, lied to him, that he had a right to be angry. But the more she thought over his words, how he didn’t care, she was “a means to an end”, she realised he was just being an arse because he could. And Rey knew exactly what she had to do.

“Rose, where is Dr Solo’s office? I want to return these new forms to him.” Rose had gotten her the Next of Kin form to sign with the permission form for the MRI. Rey had tried to carefully read through them, but her thoughts kept getting side-tracked.

“You don’t have to do that. I can just scan them and email them over.”

“No. I-” Rey pursed her lips. “I have a couple more questions as well. He said I could pop by as he’s there all day.” She lied.

“No problem. It’s on the next floor up. You know the weird fake courtyard? With the Astroturf and trees in those big pots? There’s a whole row of offices there. I don’t know which one his is.” Rose explained. Rey thanked her and left. Her mind focused on how out of order he was being, not letting herself second guess herself as she marched along the corridor of varnished wooden doors and found his. She only had to knock once before he shouted enter.

Here goes nothing, she thought wryly.

“You told me I was allowed to call you out when you are being an arse and kick your butt. So, Dr Solo, this is me, calling you out.” Rey dropped her bag by the door and pointed at him. “I have apologised for what has happened and you have refused to accept that apology and now think that gives you the right to treat me like shit. Well it doesn’t.” He opened his mouth to speak but she kept going, not giving him the chance. “I might have been a means to an end for you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect me the same way you’d respect a bus driver or your postman or anyone who provides you with a service. I’m trying to act normal and have some humility, but I don’t think that’s what you really want, is it Ben?” She pointed at him. “You _want_ to be angry, you want the attention, you want to be wounded so you can act all high and mighty and make me the bad guy, and I’m here to tell you that I won’t let you.”

“Rey-”

“No. You don’t get to be angry at me. The same way I don’t get to angry at the world for taking the only family I’ve known away from me. Life deals us shitty hand sometimes and we have to get on with it. We have to be realistic.” She took another step forward, feeling emboldened before continuing.

“I subsidised my income by having sex for money. You wanted sex. You paid me. We had sex. That’s it. I’m not telling anyone, and clearly neither are you if you’re so ashamed of me. So, let’s admit that the sex was great and fun while it lasted, and move on.” She was panting, not realising she hadn’t stopped for a breath yet, but just held up her hand to stop him and kept going. “We don’t have to be friends. Fuck, we can hate each other for the rest of our lives if that’s what you want, but from this point on, I don’t get angry at you, and you sure as hell don’t get angry at me. We’re neutral. We’re Switzerland or Poland, whichever one is neutral.” She was getting confused and rambling. She told herself to wrap this up, and quickly. “To me, you are Finn’s doctor and to you… to you I guess I’m nothing.”

She tried to ignore how unaffected he seemed to be, sitting in his chair, leaning on his desk, one hand over his mouth as he contemplated what she had said. She was trying not to be a hypocrite and get angry at him because she clearly meant so little that he didn’t care.

“Fine.” He said after a painfully long time. “I can agree to those terms. We can pretend.” He stood up abruptly, making Rey start. Walking past her to open his door, his meaning obvious. “We both know we can do that.”

“It can be as if we never met.” Rey nodded as she picked up her bag. He didn’t budge from the door, forcing her to pass so close to him she could feel the heat of his body.

The urge to turn and say one last thing was overwhelming, but as she twisted her upper body to look back at him, she was faced with the heavy door slamming closed.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment! I love reading them, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them and it helps motivate me to proofread the next chapter faster! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReyloo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey attends Leia's fundraiser dinner

The dress was pretty, Rose had been right. Not having to money to justify buying a nice dress she would only wear once, Rey had asked her friend if she had one she could borrow. While Rose had insisted anything she had wouldn’t fit Rey, her sister Paige on the other hand, was around the same height and size, and she had a gorgeous dress from one of the fancy military balls she went to that would be perfect.

Rey thanked God when she went to the hospital that morning to accompany Finn during his scan and Rose handed her a long bag. Opening the zip, a peak of shiny red could be seen.

Now she had it on, her hair down and styled into waves the best she could, a pair of earrings Leia had lent her, and make up completing the look. She looked quite pretty, Rey mused to herself as she looked in the broken mirror in her flat.

It was a one-shouldered dress, the colour of a beautiful ruby or a brand new Ferrari, with slight ruffles all the way down it, cinching at the waist to create curves she knew she didn’t have. It was classy, and more beautiful than Rey deserved. But at least she’d fit in at this dinner.

She got a taxi, Han’s treat as she was covering his arse by going. _Have some drinks, you might need them,_ he’d said as he handed her the money. She ended up arriving at the venue just after 7, when the reception had already started.

It was a gorgeous hotel, the kind Rey drove past but never noticed before because it was tucked way back off of the road, which in the centre of Beverly Hills meant it was expensive. As she walked into the foyer, the art deco style stood out. She took a moment to look up and admire the ceiling before a member of staff approached her and pointed her in the right direction for the dinner.

The hall was busy, buzzing with people dressed in fancy suits and dresses, Rey glanced down at her dress suddenly self-conscious of how she looked, tucking her hair behind one ear and clutching her bag tighter to her side. She thought she had scrubbed up well, but these women were on another level. Their heels higher and shinier, their make up more dramatic and hair more styled. Who was she to pretend she belonged in a room like this? That she could be useful to Leia? Why didn’t she have a tiny bag like all these women had? Of course her regular watermelon handbag wasn’t appropriate! What was she thinking?

Looking around the room, trying to spot a familiar face, she was grateful to see someone she knew, even if it was someone she’d usually avoid.

“Poe.” She greeted, tapping him on the shoulder lightly.

“Rey!” He looked handsome, his curls perfectly fashioned to look effortless, his suit and tie adding an extra air of confidence to his already winning smile. He held out his hands, Rey noted the empty glass of champagne in one of them, and reached for her shoulders, giving her a kiss on both cheeks. His eyes flickered over her and he let out a long exhale. “You look stunning.”

“Thanks. So do you.”

“Here, let’s get you a drink.” As if by magic, a waiter with a tray of full glasses appeared and Poe grabbed two, handing Rey one. “I’m so glad you could make it. I was panicking when Han said he couldn’t come, we’ve had such good feedback since the article, I knew we’d get questions tonight.”

“Questions?” Her eyebrows rose in apprehension.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, it’ll just be small talk, you’ll be fine. Just be yourself.”

Rey gawked at him. “This isn’t really _myself_.” She commented, motioning down at her dress.

“You’ll be fine.” He repeated, although it didn’t make her feel any better. She thought she was just here for Leia to point at during her speech, then keep herself to herself. She didn’t think she’d have to mingle or talk to people. Her palms were getting sweaty. “Admiral Ackbar, how have you been?” Poe shook hands with an older gentleman with medals pinned to his jacket, taking a step to the left to expand the circle they were standing in. “Have you met Rey Johnson?”

And that was how the next hour passed, Poe introducing her to various people whose name she tried to remember, who all asked her the same questions and made the same comments. _Oh, I read that article. What is it like working for Han? You don’t look like you work with cars. How can we help with the good work you do?_ While Rey hated it, she already had six business cards and the promise of a few thousand dollars in various forms of donations. One gentleman even offered his old BMW that was just sat on the drive, gathering dust. Her eyes almost popped out at thought.

“Rey!” A kind voice called, and she turned to see Leia walking over, warmth flooded her only to be doused in ice cold water when she saw who was standing next to her.

Rey knew Ben was going to be here. If Han couldn’t go, Leia needed at least one family member to support her and that left her only one option as Luke was also out of town. But Rey thought she could hide, thought she could tuck into a corner and be ignored by him. She cursed her luck and tried to pretend her raised pulse was because of nerves, not because of Ben being dressed in a perfectly tailored black tux, with matching bowtie. He looked good. Like he belonged. One hand tucked neatly in his trouser pocket while the other held a wine glass. It almost looked comically small in his large hand.

“Look at you. I’m so glad you wore the earrings.” Leia’s hand delicately came up and touched the fragile metal. “How are you, dear?”

Rey gave a tight lipped smiled and nodded a little too eagerly. “Great. I’m meeting so many people.”

“Good. You’re a natural.” Leia grabbed Ben by the arm, pulling him closer. Rey knew Ben well enough to know he wouldn’t have budged unless he allowed it. “Let me properly introduce you to Ben, my son.”

Stay calm. Smile. Rey repeated to herself and she reached out her hand. Ben ignored it, his not shifting from his pocket. She dropped hers quickly.

“I know Miss Johnson.” Ben said offhandedly, as if that wasn’t the exact opposite of how they had planned to behave. He took a sip of his drink before continuing. “I’m treating her brother.”

“That’s wonderful news.” Leia’s eyes sparkled and Rey had to force another smile and try not to glare at him. “I was so upset when you had to leave on Thanksgiving, I wanted to see if Ben could help with Finn, what a wonderful coincidence.”

“It’s great. Ben’s great.” Rey nodded, her smile faltering slightly. She hadn’t prepared for this.

“I haven’t done anything yet.” Ben half scoffed, causing Leia to glare the way Rey wished she could.

“Don’t be like that. Ben is a great doctor, head of his department.” She said, pride in her son clear, then turned her attention back to Rey. “I’m so glad to hear Finn is doing better.” Leia grasped her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“He’s still comatose, Mom.” Rey didn’t stop herself from narrowing her eyes this time. How dare he!

She was tempted to slap that bored look off his face, but Leia’s low, careful tone somehow seemed much more menacing. “Ben. Go sit down.”

“It’s fine-” Rey said, before she could stop herself. He wasn’t wrong, after all.

“No, Rey.” The older woman turned, and despite her short stature, she seemed to loom over Ben. “I know you didn’t want to come, but there is no need for rudeness. Now go sit down and if I hear another impolite, unpleasant comment from you, I will make sure you are sat next to Ackbar and insist he tell you the time his plane was shot down.”

Ben tried to match her stare, but after a few tense moments, gave up. His eyes glancing up to look at Rey before turning and storming away. She did not envy the next person to speak to him.

“I can only apologise, Rey.” Leia sighed, rubbing her temple. “I love him, but he is a difficult one.”

“It’s okay. He’s had a tough few years. I’m just glad he is back in your lives.” Rey watched Leia’s face soften. “Han told me.” Rey lied.

In all honesty, Rey couldn’t comprehend this version of Ben. He was so uncaring and cold, it upset her how different he was acting. And the worst part was, she could tell he was unhappy. His sadness practically came off him in waves. She wanted to comfort him, pull him into a hug and reassure him that he wasn’t alone. But that wasn’t her place anymore. Not when she was the cause of his misery.

“He is a good man. He just doesn’t believe it.” Leia admitted.

“I know.”

“Enough of the blues.” There was a subtle sniff, but Rey noticed as the older woman composed herself. “Have you met Maz yet? She’s a wonderful restaurant owner, I’ve sat you next to her this evening. She runs Takodana. Have you been?” Rey shook her head and let the older woman navigate her though the crowd, introducing her to Maz before leaving to the head table where she was to make her speech.

After the starter - some raw tuna thing with a giant cracker and some green stuff Maz informed her was wasabi mayonnaise - Rey excused herself to find the bathroom. She never usually drank this much and the need to pee was making her uncomfortable in the tight dress.

She had just reached the exit when a voice interrupted her.

“Photo, miss?” Surprised, Rey was about to say no when a large hand tucked around her waist.

“Make it quick.” An unmistakable low voice demanded. She didn’t even get the chance to look up at Ben as she gave the least awkward smile she could muster looking down the lens. What should she do with her hands? Should she wrap one around his waist as well? Was he always so warm? She let them just dangle at her sides and hoped the photos never saw the light of day. A couple of flashes later and she said a small thank you before leaving the room.

“Rey.” Ben was following her. She pushed open the first bathroom door she reached, the access toilet, and tried to shut the door but he was too fast. “Rey.” His hand pushed open the door and he let himself in, shutting it slowly behind him and locking it.

“Why are you doing this?” Her arms crossed over her chest. “What are you playing at?”

“You…” Rey could only stare at him as he struggled to find the right words. “You look nice.”

Her mouth fell open. “Are you serious? You act like a royal dickhead in front of your mother, then dragged me into the bathroom, so you can tell me I look nice!? I don’t get it Ben. I don’t get you.” She went to push past him but paused when she saw his hand jutting out to hold her arm before stopping himself.

“I was wrong.” He said quietly. When Rey stepped back to look at him, he was looking down at his hand as if it held some great mystery. “I can’t pretend I don’t know you, that I don’t…” He trailed off.

Rey sighed. “Things are tense enough with your family, I don’t want to make things worse for you.”

“Rey…” He breathed. “These past few months, you helped me so much, you don’t even realise…” He shook his head, a hand running through that hair and she wished it didn’t affect her the way it did. Did he have to be standing so close when he looked like this?

“It was just sex-”

“No, don’t say that. It wasn’t just sex and you know it.” She could lie, but she just chose to look down at her feet instead. “I was unhappy. So unhappy. I almost didn’t think I’d have the chance to find happiness when… but then I found you. And you make me so… all that anger, all the regret, it just disappeared when I knew I was going to see you. I spoke to my parents more, I started enjoying my job again. I was happy. Fuck, Rey, you numbed all the pain and doubt and the shittiness I felt. I got used to it. To feeling… to feeling loved. And now… now I have to see you, but I can’t talk to you, I can’t touch you, and it hurts more than I thought it would.” He moved close, burning a hole into her. “I want you.”

“You shouldn’t.” A tear fell down her cheek. His admission was everything she wanted to hear but shouldn’t. She knew he was in pain, she just hadn’t realised how much before she knew him, how much he was improving, because of her.

“But I do.” He glanced down at her lips and Rey screamed at herself as she lifted a hand and pressed firmly on his chest. He stopped dead, his head dropping down to look at her pale hand as if she had stabbed him. It almost felt like she had.

“You can’t.” It was her turn to hold his eye. “I can be here for you, Ben. If you need to talk, if you need a friend. But I can’t be with you like that anymore.” Rey thanked God her voice sounded steady.

“A friend.” The grief in his voice was clear.

“I think all you really need is a friend. Someone to be open with.” He nodded but didn’t look at her. “I want to be your friend, Ben. You are a good person and I like you. I don’t want us to be angry at each other anymore. It’s not working.”

“Right.” He turned for a moment, his hand coming up to his face to wipe the tears that threatened to spill away. Rey gave him as much privacy as she could. “Friends.” He muttered, accepting that was all she could offer.

“I’d really like that.” She said, giving him a weak smile he didn’t return. His lips staying pursed together in a firm line and she saw the determination set in his features.

“Rey, I-” He started, and alarms instantly rang in her brain. She didn’t know what he was going to say but she knew that look. Those sad eyes that were impossible to deny. Whatever he was about to say would make her lose her resolve, and she needed that to survive.

“You should go.” She said quickly. “I need to pee.”

Ben looked hurt but slowly recovered before leaving. “I’ll… I’ll see you out there.”

Rey took five more minutes in the bathroom than she needed.

It would be so easy to find Ben and tell him she changed her mind, that they should be together, they would kiss and she would go back to his house. Then a month or two later, Ben would get bored of her, or become disgusted that his girlfriend was a sex worker. That he would have to share her with strangers. They would argue about it and eventually they would break up. It would be ugly, uglier than what they were doing now, and she had no doubt that the truth would come out. Han would find some reason to fire her, or she would quit, not being able to cope with his disappointed looks. And then what would she have?

“Rey?” There was a light tap on the door and Rey recognised the voice. Coming out, she plastered on her best smile and faced Poe. “Woah, Rey. What’s wrong?” He carefully guided her back into the toilet and shut the door. Just her luck.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“I can’t do this tonight, Poe. Not after-” She held up her hands in surrender.

“Not after Ben.” He finished before sighing, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I saw you come out here with him. Ben is a prick, but whatever he said, I will make sure he apologises, I’ll tell Leia-”

“No! It’s fine. I don’t… Please don’t tell Leia.” Rey pleaded.

“Did he…” He raised an eyebrow, his hand awkwardly hovering. “Try to come on to you?”

Rey gasped. “Oh God, No. He…” Rey caught a glimpse of her reflection. She looked tired. She was fucking tired. Tired of all the lies, of all the emotion, tired of not being able to talk to anyone. “You’re a lawyer, right?”

Poe looked confused, understandably. “I was, before I went into politics. Why?” He asked slowly, carefully.

“So, I get some kind of attorney client privilege, right?”

“Rey, I’m not your-”

“Just tell me you can keep a fucking secret, Poe.” She practically yelled at him.

“I work in politics.” He said, as if it was an obvious answer, she just stared at him blankly. “Yes, Rey, I can keep a secret.”

“Right. Good.” She rubbed her hand over her face and sat down on the toilet before deciding against it. “Finn doesn’t have insurance.”

“What does this have to do with Ben?” He inturpted and Rey just shushed him.

“Let me finish. Finn doesn’t have insurance. And I love my job, but it doesn’t pay enough for all his bills.” Poe’s eye widened.

“Fuck Rey, it’s been nearly 2 years, how-”

“Let me finish. I…” She hissed again before she hesitated. This was it, the moment she finally admitted it to someone. And of all the people, it was Poe _fucking_ Dameron. A man she bickered with more times than she could count. “To earn extra money, I have sex with men. Usually men who are disabled or sick or recovering from being sick.” She had to give it to Poe, he took the information in his stride, nodding and not interrupting. “Like amputations or cancer...” She trailed off, hoping he would figure it out.

“And what does this have to do with Ben- No… No, Rey.” He leaned against the door and slowly slid to the floor as he put the pieces together. Trust Poe to be so theatrical when it was her secret, although she followed suit and sat down on the edge of the loo. It was kind of melodramatic, she supposed. “Ben Solo and you… You and Ben Solo…”

“He called me a few months ago. I didn’t know he was Han and Leia’s son. I started seeing him a few times a week. Then last week at Thanksgiving-”

“Jesus Christ.” He looked like he was going to be sick as he paled. Rey knew the feeling.

“Exactly.” She slouched back, grabbing a piece of tissue and folded it carefully between her fingers, giving her something to focus on. “I got out of there as fast as I could. I went to Finn at the hospital-”

“You know he’s a doctor, right?” Poe asked, jumping ahead.

“I didn’t know he was a neurosurgeon!” Rey cried out, defensively. “In retrospect, I really should have asked him more questions about his job. I just didn’t think the world was that small that he would end up being the guy that I need to help Finn.”

“Fuck, Rey.” Poe laughed and Rey would have hated him for it, except the situation was kind of funny at this point. She giggled, sniffing between wet laughs. “Do Han or Leia know?”

“No. Thank God. He… he isn’t going to tell them. But it’s not been easy. He feels betrayed, understandably, I thought he hated me when it all came out last week, but… we’re going to try and be friends.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

“It’s better than pretending what happened didn’t happen. It got ugly, messy.”

“I guess it is difficult after you’ve seen somebody’s dick.” He mused aloud. “How big are we talking by the way? Cause I’ve always wondered.”

“Poe!” Rey laughed. “I’m not answering that.”

“Come on, you can’t tell me all that and not let me ask some questions!” Poe protested.

Rey sighed, giving in. After all, she felt like a weight had finally been lifted and she owed him for that. “One. You get one question.”

“Five.”

“This isn’t a negotiation!”

“Fine. Three.”

“Two.” Rey finally agreed.

“Okay.” Poe stood up, offering his hand to help her stand up, before pulling out a small packet of make-up wipes from an inside pocket of his suit, along with an eyeliner and lipstick. “Here.”

“Do you always keep makeup on you?” Rey raised an eyebrow as she accepted it and started to sort out her face, removing the traces of smudged mascara from under her eyes.

Poe shrugged. “It helps to be prepared in this industry. Okay, so question number one. Was the sex good?”

“I’m not answering that.” Rey huffed, looking at his reflection.

“Come on. I’m not going to tell anyone, just let me have this.”

“Fine. He’s great. Annoyingly great.” Rey paused before putting the lipstick on. “Like, toe curling, hair pulling, can’t breathe but can scream great.” Oh God, it had only been nine days but she already missed the sex.

“Okay.” Poe’s mouth formed a straight line. “I wish I hadn’t asked.” He straightened his jacket and cleared his throat.

Waiting until Rey was done, he tucked the makeup back in his pocket. “Question two.” Rey rolled her eyes. “Do you want me to make it go away?” He said after a while. His tone suddenly serious.

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?” She asked slowly.

“I assume you work off a website. Your name, your photo, your email, your phone number, it’s out there and it always will be. Unless…” Poe held up his phone. “I can make it disappear. All of it. So no one can accidently stumble onto it, or find it on purpose and use it against you.”

Her eyes widened. It was a necessary evil, having to put some things online, knowing the internet is forever. She always planned to stop this when Finn was awake and the bills were paid, but to know that it could all be erased... If she hadn’t just applied eyeline, she would have wept in relief. She would be free of it all.

“You’d do that? For me?” She asked, stunned.

“We’ve all got a past. Doesn’t mean it should define our present or our future.”

Rey stepped forward, catching him off guard as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you, Poe.”

After a moment, his hand came down and patted her back. “Let’s get back. I think the mains were just being served when I left.”

Rey let go of him, nodding as she took one final look at herself before they both left the toilet and went back to their tables.

She could get out of this. If Ben could help Finn, then the bills wouldn’t keep piling up, she could manage them and stop the sex work. She had an escape plan, and now Poe just offered her a golden ticket.

Smiling at Maz, Rey could feel the tension wash away from her shoulder as she saw Poe on the other side of the room, sitting a few spaces from Leia, he held up his glass and winked at her. Rey only laughed and began to each the fish thing that had been put in from of her. Maz began to explain it was a steamed sea bass with a sauce made up of three things Rey had never heard of. All Rey could think of as she ate was how good she felt.

She didn’t notice the pair of dark eyes that watched her and Poe’s interaction. Their hand tightening around their wine glass.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment! I love reading them, so if you wouldn't mind taking a moment to leave a few words, I really appreciate them and it helps motivate me to proofread the next chapter faster! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally gets some answers.

“I love this song!” Poe grabbed Rey’s hand, pulling her to the dance floor and away from the older man she had been speaking to for nearly twenty minutes. “Dance with me.” 

Rey couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face as she apologised to the man who just chuckled and let her go with a quick goodbye. 

The rest of dinner had been nice. Leia had given a lovely speech after dessert, thanking everyone for their donations and support. She briefly mentioned the charity work she was proud to support, mentioning Rey and another lady that was in the dining room, earning them a round of applause. Rey blushed for the rest of the speech, even though she knew no one was looking at her anymore - she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable at the attention. 

There were more drinks after dinner, and lots of mingling. She had managed to avoid Ben, spotting him having a conversation close by at one point and making an effort to give him a small smile. Friends. They could be friends. He didn’t smile back, but he didn’t look away either, which she thought was a step forward. 

Rey soon understood why Han hated these things when she laughed at the same joke for the ninth time that night. She was so grateful when Poe came over to save her. 

She wasn’t very good at dancing, just moving her body from side to side slightly in time with the beat. Poe kept taking her hand, trying to guide her and spin her in moves that showcased how good of a dancer he was. His other hand found her hip and he steered her legs to match his. The steps were easy once she focused on them. Left foot back. Left foot centre. Left foot forward. Left foot centre. Then the same with her right. 

“Ow!” Poe groaned as she stood on his foot. 

“Sorry!” Her features bunched up in a cringe. She really wasn’t the right person for this sort of thing, she thought sadly. She had never been to a dance before, never had a prom. She hadn’t minded missing out of the typical teenage milestones, having been more worried about where she was sleeping the next night, or how she would eat, her priorities weren’t the same as the average sixteen-year olds. But dancing with Poe, if what she was doing could even be called dancing, given how bad she was at it, she felt a pang of regret of what she had missed.

Poe waved her misstep off and pulled her close as a slow song came on. 

“So, Solo.” Rey rolled her eyes. “Is he that much of a prick at home?” 

Pausing, she tried to mull over his question. “He’s completely different. He’s… He’s kind, and funny, and calm.” Blowing out a long stream of air, she shook her head. “It’s like two completely different people.” 

“I can’t picture it. Leia said the tumor was the reason behind the mood swings, but that doesn’t explain why he’s still a dick.” Poe spun her slowly, pulling her close again. 

“He’s not a dick. He… he’s been lonely for so long, it’s hard to suddenly be surrounded by people and let your guard down to let them in. He still feels guilty and pretending everything is okay at events like this is difficult.” She shivered. “He’s a good man, Poe. He’s just… He’s still healing.”

She noticed Poe looking at her, his warm brown eyes soft. Damn him for being so perceptive. “Rey…”

“Don’t.”

“You love him.” 

“I said don’t.” 

“Fuck.” They had stopped swaying now. “I don’t care what you say, he doesn’t deserve you.” 

“Poe, he doesn’t- it’s not like that.” 

“He’s been staring at you all night. Right now, I’m getting a death glare.” As if to prove a point, he spun her, letting her catch a glimpse of Ben standing in a group, he was nodding at something someone said, but his eyes were trained on them. 

“We’re going to try and be friends. He’s probably just looking out for me because you are a known slut.” The lead balloon in her stomach told her differently. 

“Don’t slut shame me.” Rey rolled her eyes as he winked at her. “You know, we could really give him something to look at.” 

“Please. I’m only just starting to find you tolerable.” 

“Likewise. And you’re not really my type, but it was worth a shot.” He admitted with a shrug. 

“Have you always been a whore?” Rey teased, letting him dip her slightly. 

“You’re one to talk.” 

“Well, it takes one to know one-”

They were too busy in their banter to notice the dark figure approaching. 

“Dameron. Rey.” She was startled, almost tripping on her dress as she turned to see Ben standing next to them. 

“Ben.” She said, suddenly breathless. 

“Solo.” Poe said at the same time. 

The tension was thick as the two men stared each other down. Despite Poe’s shorter stature, he didn’t flinch when Ben’s eyes hardened. 

“My mother needs you.” Ben said through gritted teeth and Poe blinked, suddenly remembering he was here for work and not to entertain her. 

“I should go. Are you going to be…?” His hand was warm on her arm, but unnecessary. 

“I’m fine. We’re friends.” Her cheeks were starting to hurt from all the fake smiling, she turned to the taller man as Poe took off. “Want to dance?” Rey offered, the music still that slow and beautiful tune she didn’t know. “I’m not very good at it, but it’s mostly just moving side to side.” 

Ben took her hand, she tried not to stare at how small hers looked in his. How delicate it looked. Which was strange as her hands were anything but, usually covered in oil and dirt. Her mind was snapped out of it when she felt his other hand rest on her waist. 

They fell into a silent sway. 

She was close enough that she could rest her head on his shoulder if she wanted. It was so easy to just place her cheek lightly on the lapel of his jacket. 

His scent was strong as they moved together. It was nice; a comforting mix of woody trees, rain and cinnamon. She tried to forget how it felt to have his body pressed against hers in a different way. 

“Dameron is a scoundrel.” Ben said after a while. His tone was low and soft. He wasn’t looking for an argument. 

“I know.” She replied, matching his gentle tone. “I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve wanted to punch him in his smug face.” She felt rather than heard his brief chuckle. “He’s such a Sawyer.”

“You like Sawyer.” Ben pointed out.

“Nah. He’s fun, but too risky. Jack is better. He’s caring, and smart, and loyal. He lets Kate be vulnerable with him. Who would want the flirty charmer over the trustworthy hero?” Rey knew she wasn’t really talking about LOST anymore. 

“My mother adores Poe.” He admitted. “He’s the son she always wanted.” His grip tightened then relaxed. “He slipped in when I left. I don’t blame them for finding a substitute.”

“Han doesn’t like him.” She offered. 

“Han doesn’t like anyone.” He leaned back, catching her eye as she lifted her head. “Except you.” 

“He loves you. They both do.” Rey sighed, wishing he wasn’t so close, able to read every detail in her face. “There was always something missing when I first met them. A sadness, an air of regret, that always drifted around them. They spoke about you, but not really, Han always… he was lost. That’s why I think he liked me so much. He could make up for his mistakes. Poe may have been your Mum’s substitute, but I was your Dad’s.” His thumb started stroking up and down her side, a small but comforting gesture. “When you came back, they didn’t say much, didn’t tell me or Finn the details. Then Finn… I guess I didn’t care enough to ask, too busy focused on my own problems. But I noticed, that while sadness that followed them was gone, they were still terrified of losing you. They are happier now, now they know you aren’t going to cut them out of your life. They really love you, Ben.” 

Rey guessed it was unfair their closeness meant she could see his emotions as well. His lips trembled, and while he was right in front of her, she could see his mind was somewhere else. 

“You’re all healing.” She continued. “And I’m sorry if I made things difficult, but I’m glad we can be friends. Because I like you too.” She squeezed his hand. “And I need someone to watch Season Two of LOST with.” She teased, and a tender smile broke out over his features. It was nice between them. It felt normal. Maybe they could do this friendship thing. 

“I’d like that.” Ben admitted. 

“Maybe you could bring you laptop to the hospital tomorrow, on your lunch break-” Rey started to suggest. 

“I’ll be busy tomorrow. Finn’s… I’ll have Finn’s scan results tomorrow morning.” 

Rey tensed in his arms and they froze in place on the dance floor. “Tomorrow.” 

His hands dropped away from her. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can confirm things, but if there is something I can do, it might not be until the afternoon before I can organize consultations and order more tests.” 

“I just can’t believe its tomorrow.” She said quietly, then shivered. Ben guided her to a seat, and she had a sudden wave of panic to check her phone in case something was wrong with Finn. Rose would call her, or whatever nurse was on shift. “Do you think… do you think they’ll be any changes? Anything that might help him wake up?” 

“I’m hopeful.” His hand wrapped around hers on the edge of the table. 

“And what if there isn’t?” She asked so quietly she was surprised Ben could hear her over the music. 

“I won’t give up.” 

“I should go home.” Rey said. 

“I’ll call a taxi. We’re heading in the same direction.” He got out his phone, already dialling a number but her hand stopped him. 

“No. That wouldn’t be a good idea.” 

His dark eyes held hers. She knew if they went together there was no way they wouldn’t do something stupid they would regret in the morning. Her head was already spinning from the evening, and it would be so easy to ask him to be together. One last time, a dangerous part of her mind suggested, and it took more effort than she cared to admit to push the thought away. 

It was an odd sort of power, knowing he wouldn’t say no, knowing that he wanted her, and that’s why she could never ask. It didn’t matter that the knowledge of how his lips felt on hers, her breasts, between her legs… Tomorrow she would know more about Finn’s condition, and she had to be prepared for every possible outcome, and none of those involved sleeping with his surgeon. 

But he’s not Finn’s surgeon tonight, her brain reminded her. 

“Yes. You’re right.” Ben nodded, his hand smoothing out his tie in a nervous gesture. “Let me find Leia, she’ll want to say goodbye.” Rey thanked him, ringing the taxi company she used earlier and heading to the foyer. Leia came in a few moments later. 

“My dear, leaving so soon?” She gathered her up in a hug and Rey was struck with the soft floral smell that was Leia’s perfume. It was instantly comforting. 

“Big day tomorrow.” 

“Finn’s results will be back.” Ben explained, making his mother’s eyes widen before she grasped Rey’s hands. While they were soft and warm, her tightening grip showed her concern. 

“You will let me know, won’t you? And if there is anything you need…” Her words drifted off, but her meaning was clear. 

“I’ll let you know.” Rey smiled at Ben over the older woman’s shoulder. “Ben is taking good care of us.” 

“Good. I’m so glad to hear that. He is a good boy.” Leia whispered with a kind smile and glint in her eyes directed at Rey, and she felt dread creep up her spine at the ideas that were probably forming in Leia’s mind as she looked back at her son to make sure he was still close. 

“My taxi’s here.” Rey changed the subject. “Thank you so much Leia, this was lovely. I’m glad you asked me.” 

They hugged again and said goodbye, leaving her to face Ben, unsure of what to do. 

He held out his hand and Rey looked down at it, disappointed. What did she really expect? He wasn’t going to hug her, not in front of his mother. It might be something that friends do, but it would be unprofessional and produce too many questions that neither of them wanted to answer. Not yet. Instead, Rey lifted the hand closest to his, not shaking his but wrapping her fingers around his and squeezing it quickly. It was a small, but reassuring sign of affection, and it felt right. 

“Goodnight, Ben.”

“See you tomorrow, Rey.” They didn’t smile, but the way they looked at each other was comfortable, comforting even. 

\-----

Her phone dinged just as she laid down in bed, make up removed, dress and stockings gone and replaced with comfy pjs. Out of habit, she unlocked her phone and checked her emails to find three new ones, two spam and one from an unfamiliar address. 

From: Kin, Beaumont (b.kin@gmail.com)  
To: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
Subject: Hello?  
Message: 

Hello? 

I’m not sure if this is the right email, or even if I should be doing this, but Snap Wexley gave me your details a few months ago. I hope that’s okay.

Are you taking any new clients? 

Speak soon, 

Beaumont

Rey closed her eyes, pressing the hand with her phone against her forehead. A new client. A recommended new client. Those were rare, and often the easiest to accept, trusting her previous client’s judgement. Glaring at the pile of letter on the kitchen counter, she needed the money now Ben wasn’t a regular anymore. But why did that thought fill her with guilt? 

It was late. Rey locked her phone, plugging it in to charge, she didn’t need to reply straight away. She could think about this in the morning. 

\-----

It was 2pm. Rey had been there since 9. She had helped Rose change Finn’s bedding, along with everyone else’s on the ward, read six chapters of Luke’s new book, and was tempted to start dusting when she pulled out her phone again to distract herself.

She was trying to stay realistic, but last night Ben said it would take him a little white to organise other doctors if there was something and she couldn’t help but feel a little hopeful with every passing hour. The longer she waited, the more likely Ben was forming a plan which meant good news, right? Rose had cautiously agreed when Rey explained her logic. No news was good news. Or at least she could hope that it wasn’t bad news for a few more moments. 

But it was now 2pm and she was slowly letting the doubts creep in. What if there was no change and he was just delaying the awkwardness of the bad news? What if he got caught up in an emergency and hadn’t even had the chance to look at the scans? What if he stayed out late at the dinner and was still asleep, hungover? 

After her stomach rumbled shamefully loud for the fifth time in less than ten minutes, Rey decided she had to get some food. 

There was a cafeteria on the ground and fourth floor. The fourth floor was always quieter, used mostly by staff, but that would mean being on the same floor as Ben’s office. She didn’t want to look like she was loitering, so she took the lift downstairs and queued for an overpriced chicken and kale salad, tapping her foot impatiently as the man in front of her ordered the most complicated coffee she had ever heard. It was a hospital coffee shop, not a freaking Starbucks. 

At least it had killed twenty minutes by the time she returned to Finn’s bedside. 

Settling into the chair, she took a large forkful of kale, smothered in dressing. She wondered how ironic it was to eat something healthy but then cover it in something that contained more calories than a chocolate bar. Not that she minded. In the past few months, her relationship with food had dramatically improved. She supposed it was because of Ben. He was always making her home cooked meals instead of the random food she found in the reduced section, which were usually sandwiches that had spent one too many days in the refrigerator, not so fresh vegetables, and bruised bananas. That was still how she did her food shopping, but she didn’t feel as guilty when she paid for a real meal now and again, and her body seemed grateful for it. 

Her jeans were starting to fit better. The curve of her bottom was filling them out, and the waist no longer hung loose. This morning when she looked in the mirror in just her underwear, she noticed her ribs weren’t as pronounced under the skin and her boobs were a little weightier. She was still too thin, but at least she didn’t look malnourished anymore. She looked healthier. She felt healthier, she realised with astonishment. 

“Rey?” Rose said, politely popping her head around the corner. 

“Yeah?” Rey said, around her last mouthful of chicken. 

“I just got a call. You remember where Dr Solo’s office is, don’t you?” Her heart stopped and she felt dizzy. This was it. She felt sick. Eating was a mistake, she realised as the chicken she was still chewing on turned to chalk in her mouth . “Do you want me to go up with you?” Rose offered gently. 

Rey shook her head. “No. It’s okay. Right now?” 

“Yes. He knows you’ve been waiting, and he has another doctor there, I think.” Rose said, giving her a supportive smile. It was weak, but Rey was thankful for the nurse’s constant support and kindness.

“Right. Right.” Rey threw away the empty packaging and wiped her mouth with a napkin before frantically grabbing her diary. “Okay.” 

“You sure you’re okay, Rey?” 

“Yeah. Well, no. But it’s better to know, isn’t it?” Rey admitted. 

“Definitely. I’ll be here after. Whatever you need.” Rey was tempted to hug the shorter woman, but just squeezed her diary closer to her chest instead. 

“Wish us luck!” Rey tried to sound cheery and failed pathetically, before heading to the lift, her legs feeling like jelly. 

It felt like she waited forever for the elevator to finally arrive. It was only one floor, but it seemed to be moving in slow motion.

Two years. For two years she had been doing everything in her power to get Finn the care he needed. And today could be the answer she had been waiting for, or something she had dreaded. Her mind whirled through all the possibilities she had thought about in the last few months, all the different options each result would give her. She hoped for the best, but life was so rarely kind to her, so she prepared for the worst. And while she hated herself for it, she knew if there hadn’t been any change, or if his brain activity was decreasing… Rey tried not to let the tears sting her eyes as she remembered that intern reminding her that Finn was an organ donor… It was cruel, and completely selfish, but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep afloat if she had to keep supporting him with no signs of improvement. 

She had been so lost in her own thoughts, she hadn’t even realised she had got on the lift until she was suddenly outside Ben’s office door. She numbly bought her fist up to knock. 

There was a shuffling behind it and Ben opened the door. 

He looked… He looked serious. His white coat over a blue shirt and darker blue tie. His hair pushed back but a little messy from where he must have run his hand through it too many times. His nervous habit. 

“Rey. Come in.” He stepped aside and raised his arm up to the other man who stood up as she went inside. “This is Dr Armitage Hux, his is an Attending Oncologist.” 

She knew that name. Rey watched as the ginger man’s eyes widened, stunned, then narrowed as he looked at Ben, as if he was angry but tried to repress it. Badly. Clearly, he didn’t know who Ben’s new client sister was until that moment. 

“Miss Johnson.” He shook her hand and motioned for her to sit one of the empty three chairs that were in a small circle in front of his desk. The arrangement felt loaded. 

“Please, call me Rey. I think you know me well enough already.” She didn’t want to pretend she didn’t know him, or rather, he didn’t know her. 

“Indeed.” Hux seemed to choke on his own voice. 

“Oncologist?” Rey looked between the two men as they all sat down, suddenly confused. Maybe he was here as a witness, her brain supplied, maybe Ben wasn’t allowed to give bad news alone in case she got too upset or tried to sue the hospital or something? 

“Rey, the MRI results came back this morning.” Ben said, maintaining eye contact as she nodded. She knew that. “What is your understanding of the reasons we did the MRI?”

It was an odd question, one that threw her. “Er, it shows his brain?” She said, feeling lame before continuing more decisively. “And the damage from the accident. Finn hasn’t had one in over a year so this new one was so you could compare it and see if the damage has healed, the rate of healing, I… I’m sorry, I’m not explaining it very well.” 

“You’re doing perfectly, Rey.” The corner of Ben’s mouth quirked up in a sympathetic smile and Rey let out a long exhale, her hands shaking in her lap. She didn’t know why, but she was glad he didn’t think she sounded like an idiot. 

“It was to show any changes in the last year.” Rey finally said after taking a moment to collect herself. 

“Exactly.” Ben looked pleased and nodded very subtly and if she didn’t know him and that little gesture so well, she probably would have missed it. He was pleased with her. “Rey. I’m going to need you to stay calm and not panic.” His voice was soft and quiet, yet steady. She found herself nodding numbly, trusting him. “Unfortunately, I've got some bad news to tell you.” 

She stilled. She couldn’t breathe. Her stomach dropped and she instantly felt cold. Her fingers were numb as they clutched at her diary in her lap. This was it. It was bad news. The worst-case scenarios flashed before her mind as the panic started to rise. She was going to lose her brother again. She was going to be alone again. 

“The MRI has revealed some significant changes to Finn’s brain.” His arm came over, holding her hand and loosening it from her tight grip. “And we believe this may be the reason he hasn’t come out of the coma yet.” Rey nodded, biting the inside of her lip, tears welling in her eyes as she tried to stay calm like he asked. “But Rey, before I tell you the details, I want you to know you did a great job by getting this scan. A really great thing for your brother.” He squeezed her hand. It was warm, dwarfing hers. “And I think I can help him.” 

“Help?” She was confused, if he could help that was good news? Looking away from Ben to see Dr Hux’s neutral expression didn’t help her understand what was happening. 

Ben reached over and turned his computer screen around, it had lots of black and white images of what she guessed were Finn’s brain. It looks like an odd art project. 

“This is Finn’s brain on the 29th of June 2018.” He used his right hand to click and a new image appeared, his left hand never leaving hers. “This is Finn’s brain yesterday.” Rey leaned forward. It didn’t look very different. She knew the area where the swelling had been, and it looked the same. 

“This is the medulla oblongata, it’s part of the brainstem.” Rey nodded as he used a pen to point at an area of the image, it was white and looked almost like a bone, not as wiggly as the rest of his brain, but she could make it out. “This is it in the first scan, and now look at the new one.” He clicked and the new image overlaid it, the same part suddenly looking a bit different. There was a bulge in it. Only small, it looked almost like a dent, blackness pressing into the smooth white line. 

“What is that?” She breathed, leaning in closer. 

“This is a Grade 1 Brainstem Glioma. A tumor.” Ben sighed and she realised how close she had moved to him. “I think it was missed in the first scan, it was very small and they were only looking at the damage. They didn’t notice it, or must have thought it was just a shadow. Even I thought it was a shadow when I first saw the old scan.” Ben confessed. “It must have just started forming when the accident happened, and over the past 18 months it has slowly been growing. I think this is why he hasn’t woken up despite the rest of the brain damage healing.” 

“He has a brain tumour.” Rey covered her mouth as she digested the news. It was odd. This felt like good news. Suddenly there was a reason. Something they could do something about. “Can you remove it?” 

Ben glanced at Dr Hux quickly. “Because of their location in the brainstem, which controls many critical functions like breathing, swallowing, and heart rate, treatment for these tumors require certain considerations.” Rey nodded, trying to focus on his words and not him. “Surgery alone is often adequate, but the _most_ effective way to treat this is initially with radiation therapy. Dr Hux?” 

Hux cleared his throat and began to speak. Rey turned and listened to him, completely absorbed in the information and not noticing how hard she was now clutching Ben’s hand. 

“Radiation therapy in cases like these is typically done over a 6-week period, to control tumour growth, and in the best cases, shrink the tumour so it doesn’t impact as much of the brainstem before surgery.” Hux showed her a blank pad of paper and began to draw out a rough timeline. “After the first 2 weeks we will have another MRI and see if there have been any changes in size, then we can adjust treatment. After another 2 weeks we can decide if it is worth continuing. If it isn’t shrinking, or continuing to grow despite the radiotherapy, we go straight to surgery. However, if it is working, we continue for another 2 weeks to give Dr Solo the best chances of successful removal.”

“Removal.” Rey repeated. 

“Do you understand, Rey? What questions do you have?” Ben asked softly. 

“I understand. Best case, six weeks of radiation, the tumour shrinks and then you do surgery. Worst case, the tumour doesn’t shrink in four weeks and then you do surgery.” Rey summarised. 

“Worst case is actually-” 

“Hux.” Ben growled a warning. “There are lots of factors that can impact the results, for example if the tumor cannot be removed completely, it can regrow despite continued treatment, often within a year. The tumor may begin impacting critical body functions like breathing… But that’s just one possibility. It could be everything goes perfectly, but he still doesn’t wake up.” 

“This is good news, Ben, isn’t it?” Rey looked hopefully at him. “He _could_ wake up once it’s removed?”

“Yes, Rey. Yes, I think that is possible. But there are still many risks.” Rey finally closed her eyes, letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. She covered her face and let out a sob. “Are you okay?”

Rey gave a wet laugh as she wiped away the tears. “It’s silly. It’s just… I’m relieved?” Ben offered her a tissue which she gratefully took. “I’ve been sitting around for months, with no plan, no options. Now there’s a plan.” She explained, looking at Hux’s scribbles. “I know it isn’t good news, but it doesn’t feel _bad_ either. Does that make sense?”

“I understand.” 

“Is this what it was like when you found out about your tumor?” She asked, chewing her lip. 

Ben took a moment to answer, she watched as he thought over the words, his gaze focused inwardly as he considered the question. “I was relieved to have an answer, even though it wasn’t a good one.” He finally agreed.

A pager beeped and both men checked their belts, Hux held up his in a silent answer. “Sorry, I have to go. Miss John- Rey. I will be down on Monday morning to see Mr Johnson and brief my residents to start treatment and answer any more questions you have.” He nodded to Ben. “Solo. We’ll talk later.” 

“Thank you, Dr Hux.” Rey said, standing and shaking his hand just before he left. 

And then it was just her and Ben. 

He brushed his hand through his hair, his gorgeously thick dark hair, the waves looking extra soft as his fingers ran through them, and it only made her realise how close they were standing when the edge of his white coat brushed her leg as he stretched. 

She looked up at him, smiling, it felt like she couldn’t stop smiling. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you for what you’ve done.” 

“I haven’t done anything yet, Rey.” His hand fell to his side. 

“But you have!” She insisted, her hand touching his arm as she spoke. “You’ve given me hope.” 

“Rey-” She didn’t let him finish, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling her body tight against his. His hands must have hovered by her side for a moment before something changed within him, deciding to curl them around her. 

“Thank you, Ben.” She whispered, her face pressed into his neck, letting herself relax when she was surrounded by his smell. She slowly loosened her hold on him, but only moving inches from him, her arms still draped lightly between them, her hands on his shoulders. “Thank you.” Her voice was low and laced with something dangerous as her eyes dropped to look at his mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her lips, before looking up to see the same desperate look mirrored in his eyes. 

It would be so easy, she thought, tilting her head a millimetre so it angled towards his. 

“Rey…” He warned, snapping her out of her haze, pulling back. 

“Right. I should go.” She grabbed her diary, holding it to her chest like armour. 

“Take some time to process what we’ve talked about, and if you have questions, I’ll be here on Monday with Hux to start treatment.” Rey nodded along. “I- I printed off some more information about Brainstem Glioma and Radiation Therapy.” His bent over gracelessly, his large hands scrambled at the paperwork on his desk, gathering a pile and holding it out for her. 

“Thank you.” She said, almost inaudibly, as she took them and placed them carefully in her diary. “I’ll read these and write down any questions I have.” She rushed to the door, pausing just as she reached for the handle. “Ben?” 

“Yes, Rey?” He looked so tall and awkward standing in front of his desk, surrounded by empty chairs. 

“I- Nothing. I’ll see you Monday.” Shutting the door behind her, she groaned. 

Fuck. She needed some fresh air. Finn needed her now more than ever. She couldn’t let her feelings get in the way of his best chance. 

Looking at the fake courtyard across the corridor, she pushed open the door and sat down on the artificial grass and began to read the literature he had just given her. She could do it, she just had to keep her attention on Finn, and not the understanding, gentle, and incredibly tall and handsome doctor that made her insides flutter. Just friends, she reminded herself. 

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me :-S
> 
> And please comment! I cannot express how much they mean to me. 
> 
> Also, I'm currently working on a new story, would you rather I post it simultaneously with this one, or wait until this is all done before starting the next one?
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Monday morning came and went quicker than Rey expected. Ben and Dr Hux, along with eight other doctors all came by just after 9am to go over the case and it gave Rey the chance to ask all the questions she had thought of over the weekend. It was fascinating to see Ben in Doctor mode, pointing at eager interns as they tried to answer his and her questions, even if her questions were a lot easier than his. At the end he must have rewarded two of them by putting them on the case. Rey watched as they tried to subtly high five each other as they left.

Ben lingered, checking that she was okay and letting her know that Leia had called him on Sunday. Rey explained she called Han to update them and reduce her hours for the next few weeks so she can spend as much time with Finn as possible.

It was now early afternoon and Finn had gone for his first session of radiotherapy, leaving her alone. A big empty space where his bed usually sat.

Opening her phone, she found the email she had been avoiding.

From: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
To: Kin, Beaumont (b.kin@gmail.com)  
Subject: RE: Hello?  
Message:

Hi Beaumont,

I’d love to see you, but sadly I am in love with my previous client and the idea of having sex with anyone else makes me feel horrible.

Many thanks,

Rey

She frowned bitterly at the words before deleting it all.

From: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
To: Kin, Beaumont (b.kin@gmail.com)  
Subject: RE: Hello?  
Message:

Hi Beaumont,

Are you tall, dark and handsome?

Many thanks,

Rey

She cringed before tapping the back button, each word blinking out of existence.

From: Johnson, Rey (rey.johnson@niimaoutpost.com)  
To: Kin, Beaumont (b.kin@gmail.com)  
Subject: RE: Hello?  
Message:

Hi Beaumont,

Thank you for your interest, sadly I am unable to accept any new clients that the moment.

However, I do recommend my friend Zorii Bliss, zorii.bliss@niimaoutpost.com, she is lovely and I’m sure she will be happy to help you.

Many thanks,

Rey

She hit the send button before she could spend any more time worrying about it, then taking a deep breath, she found a contact in her phone and hitting the little green icon.

He answered after one ring. “Dameron speaking.”

“It’s Rey.”

“Hey Rey, everything okay? Are you after Leia?” He sounded busy but she knew if she didn’t do this now, she never would.

“Can you really do it?” She asked, her grip tight on the small device.

She was grateful that Poe didn’t play dumb. “I’ll need some information, but yes, I can.” He said after a beat.

“Good. Do it.” She let out a shuddered breath. “What do you need?”

“The website address, the name you use, the email, the phone number. Any images for reverse searches.”

“I’ll text you everything.” She thanked God there were only two images she used so she wouldn’t have to send him too many. Just a nice one of her smiling with Finn where she carefully cropped him out, and one Zorii suggested of her in her underwear in a well-lit changing room mirror. She could almost hear her voice as she remembered that conversation. _Make it look like something you’d send your boyfriend, these people don’t want a professional. It’s too intimidating._ “Poe?”

“Yep?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” Poe coughed and she knew it was because he was uncomfortable with people being genuine with him. “To be honest, I don’t want this getting out. It might, you know, hurt Leia’s campaign.” Rey rolled her eyes, knowing he was lying.

“Regardless, I’m really grateful. And… and if you need an interview or anything I can do for the campaign. I want to help.” She offered, a small sacrifice for what he was doing for her.

“I appreciate that, Rey. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

They said bye and she sank back in the chair, finally able to relax. Closing her eyes, she didn’t realise she was so drained until she had already drifted off to sleep.

\-----

_“I can’t remember the last time I had a bath.” Rey admitted, tentatively submerging her foot in the warm water._

_Ben was already in the tub, the bubbly water covering the lower half of his body, his board shoulders relaxed, his pale arms resting on the edges. It was a testament to how spacious it was that Ben could stretch out in it and not look cramped._

_“My flat doesn’t have one.” She explained, letting herself slip down, sitting between his legs, her back resting on his chest. The water rose, sloshing up and down slightly as she settled down._

_“Well, you are more than welcome to use mine any time you like.” His lips brushed over the shell of her ear and she shivered despite the water being perfect temperature. She turned her head, so he had better access to her neck, grateful she had put her hair up in a messy bun so it didn’t get wet, and he placed a few tender kisses along the taut skin before stopping. She groaned softly at the absence as he stretched his arm out to grab his beer, her wine glass and one of those medical journals he sometimes read, resting them on the edge of the tub. It would never cease to amaze her how big and dexterous his hands were._

_She gratefully took the glass and had a small sip as his hand wrapped around the beer bottle, bringing it to his lips and taking a long swig._

_“This is nice.” She sat back contentedly, her hands going under the water and swirling it around them. Ben hummed his agreement as her palms ran up and down his thighs. “This isn’t uncomfortable for you, is it?” She worried for a second her bony shoulder might be poking him painfully, but he just shook his head._

_Rey relaxed, enjoying how peaceful it was, being spooned by Ben. There was soft classical music floated around the room from a Bluetooth speaker, and she drifted between content thoughts and feelings for ages while Ben onehandedly flipped through the pages of the journal. Enjoying just being with him._

_After a while she heard him put his journal down, his mind suddenly focused on something else as his hands tenderly stroked up and down her arms and over her shoulders._

_“Interesting article?” She asked, knowing she wouldn’t understand it even if he told her about it._

_“Very interesting.” He practically purred as his lips traced over where her neck met she shoulder. “Stimulating.” He said, his voice gruff with lust._

_“Did you learn something new?”_

_“It was just a theory.” He explained, his tongue darting out to lick up her neck, reaching just behind her ear, before he closed his lips around the tender spot and sucked. She gasped._

_“Was it- was it a good theory?” With each deep breath she took, her breasts peeked up out of the water, her nipples tightening as the cool air hit them. Ben must have noticed, his head coming to rest next to hers as he looked down at her body cradled by his. The bubbles had started to disappear, leaving a clear view for him._

_“It was well presented.” His voice made her shiver. His feet hooked over her ankles, gently guiding her legs apart and holding them in place under his. “But the sample number of patients in the study was small.” An arm snaked around her ribs, his large hand coming to cup one of her breasts. His thumb and forefinger rolled her nipple around, causing her to arch her back and subconsciously push her chest further into his hand._

_She didn’t know what kind of dirty talk this was, but she was enjoying it. Ben was always full of surprises, weird little kinks and trains of thought she wanted to explore more. “I thought you liked them small.” She quipped, which earned her a generous squeeze as his whole palm covered her boob._

_“I want the research to be thorough.” His other arm went under the water, curling around her hip as his hand found her centre, his fingers dancing over it and finding her sufficiently slick for him._

_“How thorough?” She gasped as his thumbs worked in tandem, circling her nipple and her clit at the same speed, the same maddening pressure._

_“Very in-depth.” A finger plunged into her and she had to hold onto his legs tighter to stop herself from slipping in the water. “I want every possibility explored fully. Every detail noted.” He continued to draw long moans from her as his hand worked their magic until she was shaking against him._

_“That_ is _thorough.” Her breathing spiked as she felt her orgasm grow closer. “Please…” She whimpered._

_“Please what?” Ben’s eyes hungrily looking down at his hands, one now pressed flat against her stomach, holding her body to his, as the other pumped in and out of her. “Do you want to hear the conclusion?”_

_“Yes, please.” Rey rolled her hips instinctive, wanting more of him, wanting of him._

_“It was positive.” His voice was rough in her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe, and it completely overwhelmed her. Rey felt like she was at the edge of a cliff, despite being totally encased in Ben’s arm. She felt trapped, yet completely free. It was a wild sensation and it make her sob, she knew she was only moments away. “Pleasing, even.”_

_“Yes, so pleasing!” She cried out. “Please, please, Ben.” His unyielding fingers kept pressing on and her fingers dug into the meat of his thighs as she came. Her legs trembling under the weight of his, her stomach muscles convulsing, her cunt clenching around his fingers wanting more inside. It was in those frantic orgasming moments she desperately wished he would give her more, shove his cock in her hard and fast just so she could greedily take as much of him as she could. To stretch her to breaking point, so she could then be comforted by him. It was emotional, making her feel vulnerable as she came back down, pulling at his arms so he could hug her sensitive body to him tightly._

_“Fuck.” She tiled her head back and to the side so she could access his mouth._

_“The language was quite blunt.” He mused happily as she pulled away._

_Rey laughed, shifting her body to lean more to the side, her hand reaching down to find him in the water._

_“No.” He stopped her. “I don’t need anything.” She felt her forehead crinkle up but it relaxed when he claimed her mouth again in a lingeringly sweet and captivating kiss. He tasted like beer. “That was all I wanted.” He explained. “This is perfect.” Rey nodded, not fully understanding._

_Ben was still a mystery to her, especially when he did strange things like that, but as she blissfully lathered up a sponge and gently washed them both, she really didn’t mind the curious stuff. He was right. This was perfect. Almost._

\-----

She woke up slowly, her eyes not wanting to open as she dragged herself out of the dream. But she forced herself to rub her eyes; she couldn’t dwell on memories anymore.

Yawning, her hand hit the edge of Finn’s bed as she stretched. “Ow.” She rubbed the banged bone but it made her sit up straight. Finn was back.

She studied his face. He looked just like he had earlier, but there were some marks indented on his skin. They must have been from that awful white mask they said he needed to wear during the sessions. Rey had seen it earlier; it was bulky and covered his features until he looked more like a robot than a person.

She heard a giggle from around the corner, slowly she stretched and went to find Rose.

“They almost made an emergency landing!” She recognised the voice before she saw the ginger doctor leaning against the nurses station. “I swear, it was the size of a _shoe_.”

Rose gasped. “How would a rat even get on a plane?”

“I don’t know. But there were two stewards running up and down the aisles trying to catch it.” He tried to imitate trapping a rat under a box. “It was the funniest thing.” His accent had a hint of something she could almost place as he chuckled along with Rose.

Rey leaned against the wall, just out of sight and watched as Rose nodded enthusiastically, her face a broad smile as Hux told his story.

“No clue! But then I spent the whole flight with the feet of the man sitting next to me in my lap! He was terrified. Wouldn’t put them down.” Rey raised an eyebrow as Rose laughed, throwing her head back and placing her hand on Hux’s arm fleetingly.

She cleared her throat, feeling guilty at breaking up the flirting, but not wanting to get caught staring either. Rose jumped away and tried to look busy by grabbing a file in front of her.

“Miss Johnson.” Hux said at the same time as Rose yelped. “Rey!”

“Did everything go okay?” Hux nodded, glancing back at Rose before making his way over to Finn’s bed.

“For a first session, it went seamlessly.” Rey let out a sigh of relief. “Having never personally given radiotherapy to a comatose patient, I’m going to have Rose- Sorry, Nurse Tico, keep a close eye on all his vitals for the next few days as the usual symptoms may present differently.”

“The nausea?”

“Correct.”

“Thank you for waiting for me to wake up, you didn’t have to do that, but I really appreciate it.” Rey ran a hand through her hair as she sat back down.

“I actually wanted to speak with you, Miss Johnson.”

“Call me Rey.” She said automatically.

“I’d rather not right now.” His tone was clipped and if Rey didn’t know British accents, she might not have been able to detect the hint of disdain. “You are a nice girl, Miss Johnson, but it would be imprudent of me not to discuss your relationship with Dr Solo.”

“There’s nothing to discuss. He’s my friend.”

“And yet, since he has taken on Finn’s case on, he has been pulling favours left, right and centre to ensure your brother is top of every queue, that each Attending signs on pro-bono, and since Saturday he has not left the hospital, doing surgery simulations between shifts and sleeping in his office.”

Rey was shocked to learn this. “I didn’t ask for him to do any of that.” She admitted, feeling silly for not realising exactly how much Ben was doing for her. For Finn, she corrected herself.

Hux looked as if he was chewing a lemon as his bottom lips twisted. “I understand he hired your services-”

“You’re the one who recommended me to him.” Rey hissed.

“And I regret that now. He clearly-” Hux paused, clearing his throat as he tried to control himself before continuing. “Don’t hurt him, Miss Johnson.”

“Good. We can agree that we’re on that same page.”

“What page is that?”

“That last thing I want to do is hurt Ben.” She said, her voice sure. “I- I care about him. And by the looks of things, so do you. So, let’s play nice, you don’t tell anyone about what I used to do, and I won’t tell Ben we had this conversation.” Rey proposed, holding her chin up as she spoke to him. “And as an added bonus, I’ll even put in a good word for you with Rose.” His eyes lit up as he glanced back to the nurses station at the mention of Rose.

“Used to do?” He asked, clearing his throat, his attention back on her.

“I quit.” She kept his eye until he looked away. A small of victory for her. “Because of Ben. Turns out feelings effect a lot of people and their jobs.” She admitted.

Hux’s face fell, his mouth hanging loose before he snapped his jaw shut, clenching it as if to keep it in place. “Right. Good.”

“Good. Now call me Rey.”

“I’m not apologising.”

“I wouldn’t expect you too.”

“For the record, I don’t care about what you do. What you used to do.” Rey gave him a small smile, grateful for his honesty. “My friends call me Armie.” He offered after a moment.

“Does this mean we’re friends?” Rey checked, standing up so she was closer to his height.

“Friends.” He offered his hand. She looked down and considered it for a second before wrapping her arms around his neck instead.

“Friends. Us Brits have got to stick together.” He seemed stunned at her affection but didn’t pull away. She gave him an extra squeeze before letting go.

He took a moment to recover - clearly he didn’t get hugged often. “London?”

Rey nodded. “Oxford?” She guessed.

Hux sighed, his mouth twisting into a sneer as he spoke. “Milton Keynes.” Rey barked out a laugh before covering her mouth.

“I’m sorry. That just… that just explains a lot.” Milton Keynes was an overly designed modern city, however, its meticulously planned design and ridiculous number of roundabouts meant it lacked any kind of charisma or warmth.

“I went to Oxford.” Rey nodded as he tried to defend himself, trying not to laugh.

“How did you cope?” He raised his eyebrow at her. “Oxford doesn’t have any roundabouts!” They both burst out laughing, making fun of England. And that’s how Ben found them half an hour later as they were mocking Loughborough.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this slightly lighter chapter makes up for all the angst I've put you through recently :-S 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comment section! I cannot express how much they mean to me and how much I love reading them! 
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

“I’ll give you a clue. There are no f’s.” Rey took Ben’s pen and crossed out the beautifully penned attempt before carefully writing down how to spell Loughborough. Her handwriting looked like a messy scrawl compared to him perfect script.

“How is that even possible?” Ben’s eyes narrowed as he took it in. “That’s Loo-ga-bo-roo-ga!” Rey nearly fell off her chair as Ben attempted to say the word based solely on its spelling.

“Nope. It’s _Loughborough_.”

“Seriously, how is the ‘ough’ pronounced two different ways in the same word?”

“What, like Arkansaw and Arkansas?” She pointed out with an amused smile.

“If it’s a brough, why is it spelt differently to Middles _brough_? Or even Edin _burgh_!” He exclaimed.

Rey just shrugged. “It’s one of Britain’s biggest mysteries.”

“It’s bullshit.” He determined, screwing up the piece of paper and throwing it away in mock anger that made her laugh.

“Hey! I wrote notes on that.” Rey grabbed it, straightening out the creases as best she could.

Ben peered over the desk to see what she had written. “You can ask me any of these.”

“I know, but I thought I could ask you all the surgery questions and Armie all the radiotherapy ones. I don’t want to pester you too much.” She explained.

Ben gave her a sympathetic look as he leaned his arms on his desk. It had only been one week of Radiotherapy but Rey was getting overwhelmed with all the paperwork that kept getting given to her. Her and Ben had started meeting in his office every other day, where he took the time to go over all the forms with her or distract her when she needed it. If her absence also meant Hux and Rose got to spend a bit more time hanging out alone on the ward together, well that was just a happy coincidence.

“It wouldn’t be a problem.” Ben said softly.

“It’s fine, I have all the timelines figured out, it’s just the little things.”

“Like what?”

“I guess it’s just overwhelming that I’m his only family, so everything is on me. It’s a lot of big decisions.”

Ben reached over and caught her hand in his, his thumb rubbing over the back of her hand lightly. “You’re not alone, Rey.”

“Thanks.” Rey sighed, giving him a weak smile before pulling her hand away and rubbing it over her forehead as if she had an itch, before grabbing a handful of papers from her bag. “It’s a few things - first off, this experimental bit of the surgery you wanted to perform, the stem cell thing, I still don’t really understand it.”

Ben nodded. He had told Rey a few days ago about his idea to use stem cells in Finn’s brain surgery, but all the research she found online was unclear or contradictory, or hidden behind paywalls so she could not access them.

“I’ve been theorising the idea for a while, but it is still a work in progress. There is very little practice of stem cells being used in cases like this.” He admitted. “What do you already know about stem cells?” Rey didn’t go to school, and if she did she was too young to really remember it, but when he asked questions like this, in that interested but formal tone, it made her feel like he was testing her knowledge like a teacher.

“They are cells that can turn into any other type of cells?”

“That’s mostly right. In the lab they will take stem cells and cultivate them into new brain stem cells. The theory is, once as much of the tumor is removed, I will graft the stem cells to the brain stem in hopes they will help repair that area and aid with neuroplasticity during Finn’s recovery.” He spoke slowly but knowledgeably, letting her nod along to the bits she understood but have the chance to ask questions.

“Neuroplasticity is that thing where the brain can adapt, right? Form new pathways and stuff to make up for damaged ones?”

“Exactly.” Ben’s smile was soft, his eyes crinkling around the edges with pride at her understanding. She smiled back, feeling suddenly shy at how much she liked impressing him.

“Okay. I think get it. Kind of.” She looked down at her hand, reminded of the papers. “Oh, and these pro-bono forms got sent to me as well.” She handed them to Ben and he started flicking through them. “I’ve read them all but… there’s one in there about all the short- and long-term side effects from brain surgery, and a malpractice lawsuit thing that’s over 40 pages of all this legal stuff. Rose said she’s never seen one before either. I guess… I guess I just wanted to check I’m doing the right thing, Ben?” She felt so silly, asking the surgeon if the surgery he was performing was actually the best option. “I knew there’d be risks, but I didn’t think it would be this many.”

“You’re doing the best thing for your brother, Rey. With a tumor like this, we can’t leave it to grow any bigger.” Ben’s attention waned, his focus on the forms in his hands, and suddenly he didn’t look impressed. Rey watched in silence as he flipped through the sheets.

Things were good between them. They would never be as comfortable around each other as they used to be, when they kissed and touched each other freely. Both of them now had to keep a close check on their bodies when they were near each other to resist the instinctive urges to be like it was. They both took subconscious precautions, keeping Finn’s bed, or Ben’s desk, between them. It was a little awkward, but that awkwardness always fell away when they started talking. They always stayed on safe topics, other people, other places, other things. Never them, not really, just small talk, which she knew Ben hated.

They were friends. And if she happened to wear a little lip gloss and mascara to the hospital now, no one commented.

“You can sign these, they are standard consent forms for the ongoing treatments, they basically cover all the bases for Hux. He won’t actually do all of these procedures, but it’s easier to get these signed ahead of possibly needing them, then chasing you to sign if the procedures need to be done urgently.” Rey nodded, understanding the logic. Her forehead crinkled as she saw the wedge of paper still in his hand, the intimidating blank cover page except the hospital’s logo let Rey know it was the legal forms.

“What about those?” His knuckles went white as he tightened his grip on them.

“You should never have been asked to sign these.” He opened a drawer and shoved them inside, as if just holding them offended him. “They take away all your rights. You’d essentially be signing away your ability to take legally action against me or the hospital if something went wrong.”

“Isn’t that, sort of, fair though?” Rey asked, confused. “You’re doing all this for free, it makes sense that you shouldn’t have the risk of being sued if something went wrong. The chances of it going right are already so slim.”

“Who gave these to you?” Ben ignored her question, and she could feel the anger radiating off him as he tried to stay calm. It worried her.

“I think I have the envelope. Hang on.” Fishing around in her bag, she pulled out the crumpled white paper and unfolded it. “Return to Dr. Snoke MD. ASAP.” She read off the front.

“He had no right…” Ben muttered to himself, standing up, his fists clenched at his sides.

“I’m sure it’s just standard practice, for pro-bono cases.” Rey offered. “Honestly, its fine. I won’t sign them if you don’t think I should.” He started pacing, Rey would have been tempted to roll her eyes at his protective behaviour, but she was grateful to have him in her corner. “Sit down, Ben.”

He did. “He’s taking advantage of your vulnerability.” Ben explained once he’d calmed down. “Protecting his hospital ahead of its patients.”

“I doubt he even knows who I am.”

Ben caught her eye, his jaw doing that thing as he thinks, clearly wondering how to approach the situation. “Don’t ever sign a form like that, you understand, Rey?”

“I won’t.” She said quietly, nodding. “Thank you.” Now it was her turn to reach across and take his hand. “But I’m not going to sue you. You’ve done more than I could ever have dreamed of. Even if… even if it doesn’t go the way we planned, I won’t blame you.”

She could hear his small intake of air, see his bottom lip quiver as his jaw went slack. “Thank you, Rey.” Slowly, and incredibly cautiously, giving her every opportunity to pull away, Ben lifted their joint hands to his lips, pressing them gently on her skin. Her heart rate increased, and it felt like her face was on fire as he didn’t break eye contact the whole time. It was dangerously intimate, and even with the desk between them, it felt like they were both too close and too far away from each other at the same time.

“Ben…” Her voice was barely a whisper as she turned her hand in his, her fingers grazing over his jaw. It was so easy to slip into these tender moments with him.

A high pitched beeping inturpted them, making her jump, pulling away from him. She held her hands in her lap as if they had been slapped.

“Fuck’s sake.” Ben muttered, finding his beeper and unclipping it from his belt. “Shit.” His eyes widened as he saw the message, jumping out of his chair and grabbing his white coat off the back of it. “I have to go.”

“Is everything okay?” Rey asked, his urgency making her panic.

“Huge accident. ER need me.” He explained as he rushed to the door, pausing as he reached the handle. “I want you to show me every form that you get from now on, okay?” Rey nodded, grabbing her bag. “Even if they say its urgent, you ring me.”

“Okay. Now go!” She shoved his arm, trying to push him out of the door. “Save lives.” He hesitated for a fraction of a second, and she swore his eyes dropped to her mouth, but it was so quick she could have imagined it. “Go!”

A small smirk graced his features as he took off down the corridor, heading to the stairs with purpose.

Rey shut his office door, lingering as she watched his disappearing figure, her own smile on her face.

Shaking herself out of it, she walked over to the lifts, wondering if Hux would still be hanging around the ward despite Finn not even having radiotherapy today.

\-----

Finn got worse the next day. His usually stable, if a little low, body temperature had suddenly spiked. Hux explained it might be a manifestation from the usual side effects from Radiation Therapy and added a new medication to his schedule in an attempt to lower it and increased the frequency of his routine checks.

Rey hadn’t left his side since. Rose insisted on bringing her a pillow and blanket when she stayed the night, only managing a few hours of sleep at a time, waking for every temperature check. It wasn’t getting worse, but it wasn’t getting better.

Sitting back in the chair, she smothered a quiet sob. Hux said if it didn’t get better by the next scheduled treatment then they would have to stop them. It hadn’t even been two weeks. This wasn’t the plan, she thought desperately.

So, she waited, staying the next day, not leaving for food or a change of clothes, curled up in the scratchy blanket, reading Luke’s book to him until she finished it.

“I love Luke, but that man has serious daddy issues. I swear every book has an evil father figure in it.” Rey mused, smiling at her own humour.

“I’ll tell him you said that.” She jolted at the voice, she thought she was alone.

She looked up to see Ben, who looked as exhausted as she felt. He was wearing his scrubs, a dark blue that almost looked black, a stethoscope thrown around his neck. He looked like a character from one of those sexy medical dramas, even with the dark bags under his eyes, a stark contract against his pale skin.

“Oh God. Please don’t.” She placed the book down in her lap.

“I’ve been saying it to him for years, it’s nice to hear someone else thinks it as well.” Ben gave her a lopsided smirk, wrinkles appearing around his eyes.

“It’s so obvious! Was your granddad some kind of dictator or something?” Ben laughed, keeping his voice low in the quiet ward.

“I never met him. He died just after Luke and Leia were born. Luke did a lot of study into their ancestry when he found out who he was. I’m not sure what he found but giving all his stories have at least one asshole father figure… I’m guessing it wasn’t great.” Ben admitted.

“Wow. I guess I shouldn’t judge.” Rey ran her hand over the smooth cover. “I’d love to know more about my parents, but I don’t even know their names.”

“You really want to know the truth about your parents? Even after they abandoned you?” It was a deep topic to be having at 10pm in a hospital, but she just shrugged. It was easy to talk to Ben about these things now. He was always the right level of sympathetic and offered sensible advice. And as much as she hated to admit it, she was getting used to talking to people who listened and cared about her.

“I guess. I want to know why. I can’t fathom how leaving an 8-year-old in a bus station could be the best option they had. Maybe they were forced to leave me. I don’t know.” Rey curled the blanket around her tighter. “What would you do?”

“I’m not the best person to get family advice from.” The regret in his tone was clear. “But I don’t think you need them. You are smart, and funny, and caring, and generous, and you’ve survived long enough already without them.” Ben crossed his arms over his chest, the short sleeves of the scrubs showing off how huge his arms are. “And honestly… I don’t think they deserve you.”

Rey gave him a sad smile, feeling a little overwhelmed by the kindness of his words. “Thanks, Ben.” She blinked the tears out of her eyes. “Ugh. Enough about me. Are you okay?” Ben nodded, walking around the other side of the bed, grabbing an ear thermometer and started taking Finn’s vitals.

“Rose said you haven’t gone home in two days.” He tried to act casual as he began to fix an arm cuff in place to take Finn’s blood pressure, but his eyes gave him away.

“I said enough about me.” She groaned, feeling like a schoolgirl getting reprimanded. “I’d rather be here feeling helpless, then be at home feeling helpless.” Rey admitted. She watched as he rubbed his eyes with his forearm. “You look like shit.”

Ben exhaled a short chuckle. “Thanks.” He pressed his stethoscope to the crook of Finn’s elbow, listening carefully before whipping the earpieces out. He flashed her a smile that would have made her knees weak if she wasn’t sitting down already. “It’s been a busy few days. I wanted to check in on my patient before I went home.”

Rey sat quietly as he wrote down on the chart.

“99.” Ben hooked the file back onto the end of the bed. “Just within normal range.”

Rey fell back into her seat, relief flooding her. “Thank God. Does that mean he can have the radiation again tomorrow?”

Ben tilted his head, walking around to her side of the bed. “I’ll have to check with Hux, but if he stays like this, I don’t see there being a problem.” Rey nodded, she knew it could change again, but this felt like a victory. “It’s gone 10pm. Visiting hours are over. Go home, Rey.”

“If I was home right now, I wouldn’t know that his temperature was 99.” She said stubbornly, justifying her actions. A massive yawn suddenly overtaking her. Her body immediately proving how tired she was the moment she relaxed.

He smiled at her. “Come on. I’ll give you a lift.”

“I’m not leaving, Ben.” Rey curled the blanket around her tighter. “I’m perfectly fine here.” Her stomach grumbled, betraying her.

“When did you last eat?” She didn’t answer, knowing he wouldn’t like it. “Fine. Let’s get you some food, then you can sleep in my office. The couch in there is more comfortable that these chairs. Trust me, I know from experience.” Rey didn’t have the energy to argue, and she knew when to pick her battles with Ben. He was letting her stay, so shouldn’t push her luck any further. Plus, she was starving.

Her brain flashed up her bank balance as she slowly stretched. She was probably going to regret it, but she needed to eat. Ben held out his hand to help her stand, she took it. Her mind drifted to the manila envelope in her handbag. No, now wasn’t the right time.

They walked slowly to the lifts. It was eerily quiet in the hospital corridors this late.

“Did you have surgery today?” Rey asked as they queued to pay, there was only one other person in front of them.

Ben nodded, already taking a bite of the sandwich he had picked up.

“Are they okay?” Rey grabbed a bottle of orange juice from a chill cabinet on a whim.

“They’ll both be fine.” He made an effort to be vague, doctor patient confidentiality she supposed, but he didn’t seem to be lying. “It was long through, going between the two.”

“Sounds like you did a great job.” Rey said softly as they paid and began walking to his office.

By the end of the short walk Ben had already finished eating. “Want some?” She offered her unwrapped chocolate bar, much to his disgust.

“That stuff will rot your teeth.”

“What? Are you a dentist now?” Rey teased as he unlocked his door, switching on the light low and letting her in.

“It’s a fact.” That didn’t stop him from bending down and taking a bite from the corner of the chocolate bar.

“Hey!” She whined, not really meaning it, watching as he went to a cupboard and pulled out a pillow and a blanket, laying them out on the couch.

“Here. Finish eating, then bed.” Just mentioning sleep made him freeze, stifling a yawn.

“You sure you don’t need it?” Rey quirked an eyebrow at him, while popping the last bit of her sandwich in her mouth. “I can sleep on the floor…” She offered, taking a bite of the chocolate bar before wrapping it up carefully and putting it in her bag, saving it for later.

“Don’t be silly. I promised you the couch. I’ll be fine to drive home.” His body didn’t seem to agree, another yawn escaping him.

“You are in no state to drive.” Rey shook her head, waltzing over to him and pushing him to sit down. It was testament to how tired he must have been that he went down with such little force. “Lay down.” His honey coloured eyes shone up at her in the dim light. Her breath caught in her throat at the hunger she saw in them. She tried to distract herself by kneeling and taking his shoes off.

He started to protest but she cut him off. “You need sleep more than I do.”

“I _do_ have surgery in 9 hours.” He muttered, convincing himself as his legs came up to curl on the couch.

“See.” His hand caught hers as she placed the blanket over him.

“Stay.” His voice was low, barely a noise, but rough with sleep.

“Ben.” She suppressed a whimper as his hand let go of hers, the back of his fingers tracing down her leg.

“Please.” He seemed to sense why she hesitated. “It’s just sleep. We’re both tired.” Rey nodded, knowing that wasn’t just what it was.

Crawling onto the sofa cushions, she tucked her body into his. Her back pressed against his front as his arm came over and held her tightly. It was excruciatingly familiar.

God, she missed this. Breathing in deeply, the smell of forests filled her lungs.

Rey didn’t like spooning until Ben. Always feeling too hot and smothered, but the weight of his arm over her ribs, the firmness of his body behind her, it made her feel safe. It made her feel loved, Rey realised.

Her heart clenched and she had to screw her eyes closed tightly as tears began to well up. She missed being loved by Ben Solo.

“I wish we could have met differently.” Rey whispered after a while, her voice full of sorrow. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be awake or not to hear it.

“I know.” He mumbled into her hair. “So do I.” She tried to school her breathing, to match his. “It just wasn’t meant to be.” He said the words as if he had said them a thousand times already. She knew it was true, but that didn’t stop it from feeling so sad.

And a small part of her wanted to argue, maybe it just wasn’t the right time, maybe they did still had a chance, but exhaustion made it too hard to think. Finally letting herself relax, she fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a lighter chapter... I hope... Please feel free to comment! 
> 
> I also have a new story. A bit of a canon role reversal Reylo. You can check it out, here: [The Blessed Unrest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098513/chapters/55262218)
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

After the second week of radiotherapy, the tumour had shrunk by 6%, which Hux said was an incredible outcome. Rey took his word for it but deep down a part of her hoped the number would be higher, like 20 or 30. Ben explained that sometimes it took months to achieve 30% and most of the time that never happened. So, Rey took their expert advice and kept her fingers crossed for the next two weeks of treatment.

Han and Leia visited on a Saturday, bringing flowers and fresh fruit for her and the staff. Rey knew it was to get in the hospital workers good books, the re-election campaign always on the forefront of her mind, but Rey didn’t mind. Leia could throw money at the nice hard workers, God knows Rey couldn’t. Poe had said Leia was going to win it by a landslide anyway, so maybe the fruit baskets were just her being nice.

“How is he, kid?” Han patted her shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.

“Good. The tumour shrunk 6% in the first two weeks, which is only this much in reality, but hopefully another four weeks and it will have shrunk by this much.” Rey held her fingers so close together barely a hair could get though the gap. Leia gave her a kind smile and wrapped her arms around her.

“You are so strong.” The older lady said close to Rey’s ear. Her voice soft and full of wisdom. It made Rey feel better.

“Thanks.” She pulled over two chairs from other bedsides, making room for them. “Ben has been wonderful, so helpful with all the medical jargon and paperwork. I don’t know what I would do without him.” She tried to sound casual, but her feelings for Ben were way past that.

“That’s good to hear. I always knew he was a good doctor.” Leia sat down slowly, rearranging her flowy cardigan and somehow looking elegant in the cheap plastic chair.

“He’s the best. Does he know you’re here?” They nodded. “I’m sure he’ll stop by in a bit.”

Ben visited her during every shift and sometimes even on his days off. He claimed it was mandatory for surgical staff to do a certain number of hours with the simulators, but Hux had let it slip that Ben had been practicing for Finn’s surgery every chance he got, and at roughly 5 hours each time, Rey didn’t know how Ben managed on top of all his usual cases.

“How’s the garage?” Rey asked once they had all settled, Rose bringing them over coffee. “Is everything okay?” She felt awful, having so much time off to spend with Finn. Han had understood, and she wasn’t sure what the story was, but he had been incredibly astute when he told her she would regret the hours she didn’t spend at Finn’s bedside far more than the hours she missed at work.

“It’s calm.” Which Rey knew meant it was slow. With only one of them there, it meant they were only turning around half the usual number of cars, meaning they were helping half the people they could be.

“Did you manage to speak to all those donation leads I got from Leia’s dinner?” Han nodded begrudgingly.

“You did good, kid. Maz must have taken a shining to you, she wants to host a fundraiser at one of her restaurants.”

“You didn’t tell me that.” Leia exclaimed, her eyes full of excitement. “Oh, you will love her food, Rey.”

“Speaking of food. What are you doing for Christmas, kid?” Han asked.

Christmas. It was only 4 days away and she had no plans, well apart from being with Finn and maybe treating herself to the $10 Christmas dinner the canteen downstairs was going to put on.

“I’m going to be here.” Rey said simply, before realising her mistake.

“You can’t spend all day here on Christmas! No excuses, you will come to ours, we’re having dinner at 6, just family so you’ll know everyone.” Leia insisted. Rey started to protest but Han cut her off. Him and Leia suddenly on the same side, which meant she didn’t stand a chance.

“Just say yes, or she won’t stop pestering you.”

“But I don’t have any presents for anyone.” Rey tried to find a reason not to come. Surely, they were just being nice and didn’t really want her there. Christmas was a time for family and she… she wasn’t their family. Besides, Ben was going to be there and while them being friends was going great, this was sure to push things too far. Friends didn’t invade each other’s families’ Christmas dinners.

“Nonsense. We don’t do presents anyway.” Leia assured her.

“Okay. Do you… do you mind if I stay over? I think the landlord of my building is having maintenance done over Christmas as most people are gone.” Rey lied.

“Of course, and that way you can have a few drinks.” Leia winked. “I’ll make sure the usual room is made up.”

Rey just nodded and smiled as they continued to update her on everything, Christmas plans, the garage, Leia’s campaign. After a while, a few of the nurses came over and thanked her for the food, asking for a selfie and promising they would be voting for her. Then some doctors Rey had never seen before turned up. Leia was gracious and seemed genuinely interested in their comments. Han and Rey just looked at each other while they were completely ignored.

“You get used to it.” Han muttered. “You should see some of the men that fawn over her father.” Han made a face. “They’re act like he was John Lennon the way they talk about him.”

Rey laughed. “They mean well.” She said, taking a bite into an apple as one doctor spoke to Leia about universal health care for another 5 minutes.

“Mom, Dad.” A deep voice greeted them. “Dr Ushar.” Ben quirked an eyebrow at the unusual presence of the other man. “Has Mr Johnson suddenly developed arthritis?”

“No, I, er-”

“Forgive me, I’m not sure why a Rheumatologist is on the long-term ICU ward.” Embarrassed at being caught, Dr Ushar made an excuse and left, thanking Leia for her time as he went.

“You didn’t have to make fun of the boy.” Leia swotted Ben on the arm, he didn’t even flinch. “He was perfectly nice.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “He was being a sycophant.” Now it was Leia’s turn at eye rolling and Rey couldn’t believe how undistinguishable their behaviour was.

“Oh, shush.”

Ben leaned against the wall, his eyes landing on Rey. “How are you today, Rey?”

“Good.” She gave him a small smile, which he returned.

“Good.” It only lasted a second, and was subtle, but the slight angle of his mouth, the tiny changes to the wrinkles around his eyes, the hint of dimples, it felt incredibly intimate. Her breath caught in her throat as she couldn’t look away, the rest of the room fading away.

“I told them about the 6%.” She blurted out. Not sure how to behave around him in front of his parents.

His soft smile widened as he blinked slowly. “Yes. The 6% was great news.” His voice was gentle, and completely enamoured. “If we can get another 6% that will make my job a lot easier.”

“I am so glad you are taking care of Finn. He was such a nice boy; it was awful what happened.” Leia grasped her son’s hand in her own, holding it close to her. “Thank goodness he had such good life insurance, otherwise I’m not sure how Rey would have coped these past two years.”

Shame filled her and Rey couldn’t look up at him, fearing his reaction as another one of her lies was discovered.

“Ben, a moment?” Han stood up unexpectantly, a jerk of his head signalling the younger man to follow him.

Rey watched as they left, she could see them leaving the ward, the doors swinging closed behind them.

She wondered what it was about but didn’t get a chance to dwell on it as Leia started speaking.

“Ben is rather handsome, isn’t he?” The older lady said, prying.

Oh God, Rey thought in horror as she began to experience her first ever awkward meddling mother conversation.

\-----

Ben wasn’t sure why his Dad needed to speak to him alone, but he could use the distraction.

Had Rey really lied to his parents for nearly two years about the insurance money? It certainly explained a lot, namely why they didn’t seem to care about her financial problems. They simply didn’t realise there were any problems to begin with.

Fuck. How could he be so blind to think they just didn’t care about her? Of course they cared, she was basically the daughter they never had. Ever since they “met” at Thanksgiving, Leia had been dropping hints about how nice Rey was, how pretty she looked in the red dress at the fundraiser, how it would be a shame if Poe asked her out before her son got the chance. Han had even framed a picture of him and her laughing outside the front of the Millennium Falcon Project and put it above the fireplace, taking down the photo of them with the Obama’s.

They loved her and had just assumed everything was fine, and Rey was too embarrassed to open up and ask for help. After all, she had already admitted she could never pay Han back for giving her that job, how could she have asked for more money to help her brother?

Ben’s anger at his own ignorance flared up, but he focused on his breathing, trying to push it aside so he could listen to his father and whatever he needed to speak to him about.

“I know I’m not as smart as you or your mother, but I have this little theory.” Han started, his hand rubbing his chin as he continued. “A few months ago, Rey bought some flapjacks to work.” Ben’s blood went cold as his mind went blank, apart from one word. Fuck.

Han continued. “Now, Rey has never baked anything in her life, she burns coffee. So, when she brings in these flapjacks, I was surprised. But not as surprised as when I tasted one.” Han smirked at how pale Ben had gotten. “I even took them home and Leia immediately asked me what I’d done wrong. You see, I knew those flapjacks, I’ve made those flapjacks.” He gave a light chuckle. “I asked her about them,” He paused, waving his hand around as if he was thinking back. “She said she had made them with a friend. I chalked it up to a coincidence. But then at Thanksgiving, something weird happened… You were miserable, and not your usual kind of miserable. You were moping about… like someone had kicked your damned puppy.” He smirked before continuing.

“Then Rey walked in, and for a second your face lit up, like the time I first said you could ride on the back of my old motorbike. Then when she left, so did you. I didn’t put it together then, but just now, your face when you two looked at each other. I knew that look. It was the same one I used to give your mother when we first met and she was dating that loser so I couldn’t be with her.” Han put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, a firm pat shook Ben out of his panicked daze. “You love her, don’t you?”

Ben thought about lying, pretending to _another_ person that they were just friends, she was just the sister of a patient, a friend of the family, but he was so sick of all the lying.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” He could feel his chin trembling as he looked at his father, finally admitted it out loud. “But she doesn’t love me, Dad.”

“It’s okay, son.” Han took a fraction of a step closer, his hand tightening its grip on Ben’s shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“I’m being torn apart.” He furiously wiped the tears that formed in his eyes. He had never been this vulnerable and open in front of his father. “We met a few months ago, I… I fell in love so fast. I didn’t even think it was possible, that I could…” He took a shaky breath. “She broke it off after she found out I was your son and Finn’s doctor. She said it was too complicated for us, too painful for her if something went wrong. I thought she was right at first, but… but it hurts. Seeing her, but not being with her… I want to be free of this pain.” He wrapped his arms around the older man, pushing his face into his shoulder as a sob wracked through him. “It’s driving me crazy, seeing her every day, she’s pinning all her hopes on me and… and what if I’m not good enough? Not strong enough?”

“You are strong enough, son. You are the strongest person I know.” Han’s gruff voice was so sure, Ben wanted to believe him. He held onto him until he could get his shuddering breathing back under control. “Now, let’s keep a little optimism here.” Han tried.

“She doesn’t want me like that. I’m not sure what the optimistic take away is here.” Ben gave a weak smile, the self-depreciation clear in his tone.

“Rey is one of the strongest women I have ever known.” Han gave him a pointed look. “And I’ve got experience with strong women, so I think my advice is worth listening to.” Ben let out a short laugh at his father’s attempt at humor. “Rey shuts people out, closes herself off from them to avoid getting hurt, did I ever tell you it took her two weeks to even smile at me after I gave her a job? Trust doesn’t come easy for her.” Ben nodded. “She’s just scared. Not of you, but of opening up, letting her guard down, admitting her feelings, because trust me, she’d got it bad for you too.”

“You really think so?” Ben asked, hating how much like an insecure teenager he sounded.

“I’ve never seen Rey happier then when you two were together. And I’ve never seen her as lost as she does now that you’re not.” Han gave Ben a light punch on the shoulder, clearly awkward about the heart to heart they were having. Solo men were never good with emotions and communicating them. “And that little look back there, yeah, I may be old but I’m not blind. She loves you, kid.”

“Thank you.” Ben nodded slowly, starting to feel uncomfortable. “But I still need to wait until the surgery is done. It’s unprofessional, the hospital has rules-”

“And you don’t want to risk someone else having to do the surgery.”

“Well, I am the best neurosurgeon on the West Coast.” He said with a shrug, as if he wasn’t trying to brag.

“Don’t get cocky.” Han warned with a smirk, patting his son on the back before they started to walk back to the ward slowly. “You know, sometimes I amaze even myself. I was quite proud of putting this all together.” Han mused as they walked.

“I can’t believe it was the flapjacks that gave it away.” Ben groaned. “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Never. Oh.” Han cleared his throat as if he remembered something else. “Rey will be coming over for Christmas dinner. She didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Right. That makes sense.” Ben nodded to himself. “Thanks for inviting her, I’m glad she won’t be alone.”

“Now let’s get back to my wife and my future daughter-in-law. Leia is probably trying to set you two up as we speak.” Ben groaned again, knowing his father was right.

“Please make sure she doesn’t put any mistletoe up. I don’t think that will help, given the situation.”

“No problem.” Han assured him.

As they entered the ward and neared the bed, they heard Leia’s voice chatting determinedly.

“It would just be so nice to have grandkids before I’m too old to play with them…”

They turned the corner, seeing Rey’s blushing, her lips in a tight smile.

“Stop making the girl uncomfortable, Princess.” Han told Leia off, winking at Rey at the same time.

Ben just laughed to himself as Rey gave him an awkward smile, pressing her hands to her heated cheeks.

If, and it was still an if, she liked him back, he could wait. And then he would do everything in his power to get her back.

\-----

Rey sighed, shutting the boot of Speeder carefully. Something was stopping it from properly closing. Opening it up, Rey found the offending object and took it out. What use would she have for a lamp now anyway?

Plutt was standing by the front door of the building, his arms crossed over his bloated stomach. She had already given her key back, so he was just keeping an eye on her now.

One day. She had missed her rent payment by one day and that was enough for him to serve her notice. He gave her a week to pack all her things and get gone.

She knew it wasn’t personal. He was just waiting for an excuse to kick her out so he could get someone else in and charge them more. And judging by the family that were waiting on the other side of the street, their car stuffed full of boxes and clothes as well, it didn’t take a genius to know who that would be.

They had a little girl, probably 5 or 6 judging by her height and the way she clutched her Elsa doll. Rey gave them a small smile and waved. The girl waved back.

“Do you need a lamp?” She called out. The Dad looked at the Mum cautiously before crossing the street.

“Thank you.” He said, graciously, taking the lamp. “Is this all okay to take?” He asked, looking at the mattress and furniture on the sidewalk that Rey couldn’t take with her.

“Sure.” Her smile was a little forced, but at least she was helping people. “Do you need help taking it upstairs?”

“We will be fine, but thank you.”

Rey threw a quick look over to Plutt who didn’t look happy about his old tenant and new one talking to each other.

“Er, Plutt told you about the shower, right?” She checked and the man nodded. “Okay. Well there’s a gym just around the corner, PowerGym, that will let you shower there for a quarter. They’re really nice, and they give away free fruit on Mondays.” He nodded and thanked her again before going back to his family, quickly speaking to the woman. At least they would have a home for Christmas, she didn’t feel as bitter at that thought.

Rey took one last look at the dingy apartment building. It was a shithole, but it worked for her. Driving off, she glanced at the pillow and duvet in the backseat. “Just like old times.” She muttered, driving the familiar route to the hospital.

And just when she thought her shitty day couldn’t get any worse. An old man was waiting in the chair by Finn’s bed when she arrived. A man she didn’t know. She almost didn’t see him at first, checking her texts on her phone, but when she looked up, she knew she would never forget his face.

It was gaunt, cheekbones jutting out under pale, tissue thin skin. His eyes were sunk deep into his head. His jaw thin and pointed and what remained of his white hair was so sparse she could see the liver spots on his scalp. Despite his frail looks, he had an air of entitlement which instantly had her on edge.

“Hello?” Rey greeted tentatively. “Can I help you?”

“Miss Johnson, I presume.” The man stood up, smoothing out his expensive suit before dropping her brothers chart carelessly on the bed onto his unconscious lap, which made Rey’s eyes narrow.

“Yes. Can I help you?” She repeated, her voice no longer cautious. Whoever this man was, she wasn’t going to take any shit today, and he was already rubbing her up the wrong way.

“Dr Snoke, Chief of Surgery.” Rey didn’t know exactly what that meant, but it sounded about as important as a working in a hospital could get. She also knew he was the one who sent those forms Ben didn’t agree with. Quickly closing her text app and pressing a few buttons, she put her phone back into her bag carefully.

“Nice to meet you, Dr Snoke.” Despite her instincts screaming not to like this man, she still had her manners. Holding out a hand to shake his, he just looked down at it as if she offered him a severed limb, his thin lips twisted into an unpleasant sneer.

She dropped her arm back to her side, shifting uncomfortably as his eyes passed over her, the look of disgust never leaving his face as he scrutinised everything he could see.

“Benjamin Solo has been at Long Beach Hospital for over 10 years, and he has taken on exactly one pro-bono case. Yours. I advised him against it, of course, a case like this, the mortality rate is high and he has such a good success rate, the best in his field. It is one of the reasons I made him Head of his department, even after his unfortunate ill health.” Rey frowned at his casual dismissal of Ben’s illness. He wasn’t just rubbing her up the wrong way anymore, he was openly offending her.

“I didn’t want a silly comatose patient affecting his numbers.” His voice was cruel as he continued to speak, and it had a small rasp to it that made her wonder exactly how old he was. “I couldn’t fathom why this case was so special and then I heard about the sister.” Rey felt sick as his eyes once again examined her appearance, she wanted to cross her arms over her chest, wishing she hadn’t taken her cardigan off or had something else to cover her white tee. “You are a pretty young thing aren’t you.”

“Dr Snoke, I don’t think that is appropriate-”

“I’m surprised you know what that word even means, you _pathetic child_.” He barked out, his face distorting in such a way it barely looked human. “Wasting hours of Solo’s precious time, distracting him from his important work, sleeping in his office together.” His voice kept getting louder as he spoke, until he was practically shouting at her. “You are a charlatan and a whore. I know how dangerous little sluts like you can be to man and his career.” He picked up a pile of paper, its cover page familiar, it was the Malpractice Lawsuit Covenant. Her waiver to sue Ben or the hospital if something went wrong. “Sign this, or I will have Solo removed from your case.” He tossed the document on the bed.

Rey stood up straighter, her chin tilting up rebelliously at him. “You can’t do that. You can’t force me to sign anything.”

“Oh, such spunk!” He seemed to enjoy her defiance a little too much for her liking, making her skin crawl. “I can see why he likes you.” He took a step closer, making Rey step back.

“I know my rights.” She didn’t really, but Ben told her not to sign that form and she trusted him. “I think its best if you leave.” She stepped aside, her hip hitting the edge of the bed sharply, a wince fleetingly crossing her face.

“Young fool.” He shoved the papers at her, Rey snatched them out of his hand, hoping she could at least give him a papercut with the violence she used. “You think he would want to go near you and your bewitching little cunt if you sued him and ruined his career? Or perhaps you simply don’t care.” Rey winced as if he had slapped her. He smiled down at her as he passed. “I could almost respect you for using your little body to get what you need, but Solo was, and always will be, my apprentice. One day he will run this hospital, and you…” His hand came up to touch her face, cold fingers brushing over her cheek much more delicately then she would have thought this man was capable of. “And you… you will be on your back moaning for whatever man has what you need next.”

Baring her teeth at him, she snapped them at his fingers, making him pull away fast, shocked at her wild, animalistic behaviour. She knew how to protect herself against disgusting men like him. “Maybe. Or perhaps your little protégé is simply taking advantage of a vulnerable girl, getting his dick wet while he can, before he becomes as writhed, and bitter, and frail as his mentor.” Rey punctuated each insult with a sneer, before snarling at him, an ugly and dangerous noise she knew he would find repulsive coming from someone like her, someone so beneath him. “The only thing you’ve done is cement that not signing these papers was the right choice. Now, get out before I sue you for harassment.”

“You’ll regret this. I can kick you and your braindead brother out of this hospital in a heartbeat.”

Jutting her chin out, she kept her face hard and emotionless. “And yet I don’t think you will.” Her features dropped as she realised why. “You can’t risk losing Ben, can you?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “This hospital needs him. And you… you’re scared.”

She watched as horror flashed in his eyes, his lips forming a tight line that almost made them disappear completely. “Don’t mess with what you could never understand, Miss Johnson.”

He left, a limp she hadn’t noticed before becoming apparent as he walked down the ward.

Once the door swung closed, Rey scrambled to her handbag, grabbing her phone. Her chest heaved as she gasped for oxygen, not realising how much she had held her breath during that confrontation, but breathed a sigh of relief as she looked at the screen and pressed stop. The fluctuating lines on app letting her know the recording had been successful.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rare Ben POV! And the drama continues...
> 
> I also have a new story. A bit of a canon role reversal Reylo. You can check it out, here: [The Blessed Unrest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098513/chapters/55262218)
> 
> You can also find me on Twitter as @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> Thank you for reading! And don't forget to comment :-)


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas

“Merry Christmas!” Luke pulled Rey into a hug, and she tried not to notice how Ben glared at the older man as he did. There was still some tension between them, but did Ben honestly have to make his disdain so noticeable? Rey was tempted to roll her eyes at his childishness.

“You too!” She smiled, taking a seat next to him on the large sofa in Han and Leia’s living room. “I loved the book, by the way.” She said, thanking Ben as he handed her a glass of wine. Taking a small sip, she recognised the flavour. It was her favourite that he used to give her when they were at his home, prepping and eating dinner together. He remembered, she thought, her face softening.

Luke patted her hand, a gentle smile on his bearded face. “You did? You didn’t think the twist was too obvious?”

“No! I loved the twist. I loved that we knew she was the killer before Mark did. It made the ride more fun, reading her being all sneaky and trying to manipulate the case.” Rey insisted. “I actually felt kind of sorry for her by the end, knowing her reasons for doing what she did. And Mark doesn’t even know the truth!” Her hand fell to her chest in sympathy for the fictitious characters.

“Good, good.” Luke stroked his beard, leaning back. “That’s exactly what I want people to feel. That’s why I didn’t kill her off.”

“Are you going to use her again?”

“Most definitely.” Rey wanted to ask more questions, but Luke changed the subject, maybe so he didn’t accidently give anything away about the next book he was planning. “I heard the kid is doing your brother’s surgery next month.”

“The kid is right here.” Ben spoke up from the corner. “And yes, the six weeks of radiotherapy will finish on the January 17th.”

“Ben has the surgery booked for the Monday after.” It was a good thing, Rey kept telling herself, but she couldn’t stop the worry that filled her chest every time she thought of Ben cutting Finn open and operating on such a dangerous part of the brain.

“That’s so soon.” Luke looked at his nephew, his eyebrow raised in a pointed look. “You think you’ll be ready?”

“Ben is the best.” Rey cut in, knowing that Luke’s tone would only annoy Ben. Honestly, they both acted so stubborn with one another, even if she didn’t know their history, it would have been obvious. “I have complete faith in him. If he can’t do it, no one can.” She didn’t see the way he relaxed in his chair, the explosive anger that was building quickly dissolving as she spoke.

Dinner was not as tense as she had imagined. Maybe it was the wine they had all had, maybe it was the Christmas spirit making them all less volatile and more patient with one another, but Rey couldn’t feel any tension as they enjoyed the food, talking about any and everything. It felt completely normal, like the family Christmas dinners on TV. It was perfect, she thought to herself.

She caught Ben looking at her as she sneakily went for a third helping of turkey, throwing her an encouraging wink as she inconspicuously took another roast potato as well. She gave him a small smile in return.

Well, it was almost perfect.

“You and Finn will have to come next year, Rey.” Leia said, dabbing a napkin in the corner of her mouth. “I can’t believe we didn’t think to invite you both before.”

Rey’s gaze dropped down at her plate; suddenly the turkey she had piled up feeling less appealing. “We just did our own thing usually.” McDonald’s was open on Christmas Day. And they would usually chuck in extra fries when they saw their cheesy Christmas jumpers and bright smiles despite their obvious lack of money and family. “But this is delicious. Finn would love this.”

“That’s settled then - next year, you’re both invited to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and any other holiday you want. You are part of the family, Rey.” Han announced, the display of affection and generosity taking everyone at the table by surprise. “You and Finn.”

“Thank- Thank you.” Rey spent the rest of the meal in a daze.

Would Finn even be here next year? Even if the surgery went perfectly, removing the tumour might not make him wake up. He might not even survive the surgery. If Rey was honest with herself, she had been so focused on the treatment and surgery, she hadn’t taken a moment to figure out what would happen next.

She didn’t have a place to live right now. But she was going to go back to work as soon as she could, and she could start saving money again to rent a cheap one bed somewhere where her and Finn could stay when he was released, and still have enough to pay the debt of Finn’s old medical bills. The bigger problem was, if he didn’t wake up quickly. The pro-bono Ben and the other doctors were doing only covered the current treatments and surgery. If he took weeks, even months to wake up, she wouldn’t be able to afford it again on just her wage.

She could always go back to sex work. Or maybe venture into less specialised sex work, as she would get more clients and a steadier stream of income. It would almost mean she wouldn’t have to connect with the clients as much, not be as aware of their history and insecurities. It would be easier to not care and detach herself from it. It would just be sex.

She looked up at Ben. They had all gone back to the spacious living room after dinner and were currently listening to Luke talking about his upcoming book tour. He was spread out on a small cream couch, one arm draped lazily down the side, a beer bottle dangling in it. He had taken Leia’s Christmas dress code to heart, wearing a long sleeved dark red jumper instead of his usual black. It made him look younger, especially when he pressed his fist to his mouth to stop himself from laughing at one of Luke’s stories about Han and Delaware.

No. She couldn’t go back to sex work. She couldn’t betray him like that. Even if logic told her they weren’t together, so she wouldn’t have anything to feel guilty about. Her gut twisted at the idea of being with anyone else but him. Not right now.

Ben Solo had stolen her heart and ruined anyone else for her.

So, she had to hope. Hope that the surgery either went perfectly, or… or hope it went horrible wrong.

Because that was her only other option. If Finn didn’t… Rey took a large swig of her wine, the crisp flavour cutting her dry throat as she tried not to hate herself at the thought about it. If Finn died during surgery, then she wouldn’t have to worry about any new bills she couldn’t afford.

But then what was this all for? Why did she struggle and work so hard and set aside her dignity just to keep them both afloat, for him to go and die in less than three weeks’ time?

No. She wouldn’t allow it. She wouldn’t give Finn the option.

\-----

It was well past midnight when everyone said goodnight and went off to bed.

Rey had gotten changed into her pyjamas and now found herself standing outside of somebody else’s bedroom door.

Taking a deep breath, grateful for the wine that still buzzed in her veins, giving her the courage to do this, she knocked quietly, hoping no one would see her.

Ben opened the door, his eyes wide in surprise that she was on the other side.

“Rey?”

She tried not to think about his bare chest, or the way his dark pyjama bottoms hung low and loose on his hips, showing off those stupid v-hip muscles she didn’t know the name of but made her salivate.

“Can I come in?” Ben nodded quickly, opening the door wider and letting her walk passed him.

Rey walked into the biggest open space she could see in the dim bedroom, turning and standing on the spot. She made a point not to look at the bed, choosing to focus on him and what she came here for.

“Rey, I-” He ran a hand through his hair, showing off his impressive abs and pecs as he took a long breath in and out.

“I know your Mum said no Christmas presents, but I thought now would be as good a time as any.” She pulled the folded beige envelope from her pocket and held it out to him.

“You didn’t have to. Although I got you-” Ben started, his body turning slightly towards the bed, but she cut him off. The whole room smelt like the forest after rain, and she had to stay focused.

“Just take it, please.” She said insistently. At the urgency in her tone, he stopped midturn and stepped forward towards her instead, she noted how he kept a safe distance between them even as he took the envelope. “It’s not really a present, anyway. It’s already yours.”

Ben raised an eyebrow at her comment, but his face immediately dropped when he flipped open the tab and saw the contents. His hand wrapped around the notes inside and pulled them all out, as if checking they weren’t something different, that there wasn’t something other than money tucked inside that would explain what she was doing, that he was misunderstanding what she had given him.

“No. This is yours.” He tried to hand it back, but she made no move to take it, keeping her hands down by her sides.

“I don’t want it.” She said softly, sensing his confusion and trying to keep calm. She said what she had planned earlier. “I am grateful for the opportunity and your kindness-”

“Are you kidding me?” He hissed at her, taking a step closer until there was almost no distance between them. “You earned this.” The sound of the money and envelope crinkling in his hand, his breathing getting erratic as he tried to catch her eye.

“I don’t want it.” She kept her head down, only letting her eyes linger on the waistband of his pants and not an inch higher.

“Fuck, Rey.” He turned away from her, pacing around the room as he looked down at his hands, distress radiating off him. “How much even is this?”

“It’s everything.” She said quickly. “$20,000. 8 weeks, approximately 12 hours a week, plus extra for all the food you… all the times you cooked.” She hated how timid she sounded by the end of her sentence.

He looked like a caged wild animal, walking back and forth. She watched for what felt like forever as he thought over whatever he was thinking, his eyes distressed. He finally stopped and Rey was grateful he was on the other side of the room, terrified of what he might say. “This is your money, Rey. You need it.”

“But I don’t want it.” She repeated. Suddenly, Ben marched towards her, his gait full of determination. Reaching her, he grabbed her hand, shoving the money in it, trying to get her limp fingers to curl around the wad of paper and hold it.

“It’s yours-” He insisted.

“I don’t-” They spoke over each other.

“I need you to have it-”

“I can’t.” She cried out, pushing him and moving away. The tears were welling, and she needed space. His presence was so overwhelming, and right now she needed to be strong and keep her resolve. A resolve that always waivered around him. “I can’t take it anymore, Ben.” She was only half talking about the money.

She slowly walked to the window, looking at the black sky. They were far enough out of the city that she could actually see the stars for once. Turning back to him, he still stood in the same spot, frozen in confusion. “You’re right. I probably need the money a lot more than you, but that’s not the point.”

“Then-”

“Let me talk, please.” She breathed and was grateful he obeyed. It gave her time to catch her breath, to go over her thoughts again. “I like you. You’re my friend. But this has been hanging over me for weeks now.” She gestured weakly at his hand. “It doesn’t feel right anymore to take your money when hanging out with you, eating with you, _being_ with you… it wasn’t work.” She tiled her head back and sighed. “You are helping me in ways I will never be able to thank you enough for. I can never pay you back what you are doing for Finn. So, let me do what I can, let me pay you back the money. It’s the least I can do.”

“Rey, I-” She held up her hand, walking towards him and laying it gently on his chest. She savoured the warmth of his skin, how soft yet strong it was.

“Please. I want to still be your friend when all of this is over. But I can’t knowing that for 8 weeks I charged you nearly $20,000 for my company. It makes me feel sick.” Ben nodded slowly, accepting her reasons, but not saying anything. God, she hoped he understood. “So, please take it back. And be my friend instead.” His hand came up to cover hers, pressing her palm lightly until she could feel his heartbeat. “And if you don’t want to be friends, I’ll take the money and pay off some of Finn’s bills tonight. But, God Ben, I really want to be your friend.”

She knew she looked desperate, staring up at him, her eyes wide and hopeful at the ultimatum she was giving him. But he looked equally as anxious as his eyes flickered over her face, she could practically see him thinking as he licked his lips, his eyes almost black in the dim room. Please Ben, she thought, please do this.

Finally, he nodded. His hand dropping hers as he stood back. “It would be an honor,” He clenched both hands around the wad of money, as if wringing out its history. “To be your friend.”

Rey let out the breath she had been holding, relief flooding her body as she smiled. “Good. I’m glad.” She felt lighter as she walked to the door. “Ben?” She said, looking back at where he was still standing, his arms tense, knuckles white. “It’s an honour to be your friend too.” She quietly opened the door, sneaking out of his room and heading back to hers.

Sleep came easy to her as she laid down in the comfy bed, savouring it.

\-----

Poe stopped by the hospital the next day. She swotted at his hand as he grabbed one half of her leftover turkey sandwich and took a large bite from the corner.

“Hey! That’s mine.”

“I skipped lunch.” He replied, his mouth full. He perched on the side of the bed by Finn’s legs. “Is this your brother?” He asked, still chewing as he spoke. “He’s cute.”

“Poe, this is Finn, my brother. Finn, this is Poe, he’s a giant pain in my arse.” Rey took the remaining half of the sandwich before Poe had the chance to steal it.

“You love me really.” He teased. “How are you holding up?”

Rey’s mouth tilted to the side. “Surprisingly okay. I went to Han and Leia’s last night for dinner. It was nice.”

“Was Solo there?” Rey nodded. “Was that awkward?” She shrugged.

“Kind of. Dinner was fine. I… I kind of gave him all his money back. So that wasn’t fun. But I think we’re good.” It felt good, she really believed it.

“How does paying him back change things?” A bit of meat fell out of the sandwich and onto the bedding, Poe grab it quickly and popped it in his mouth.

“It just does.” It was complicated, but it changed everything for her.

“Are you two gonna start having sex again?”

“Poe!” Rey said in horror looking at Finn as if he could hear them, then covered her mouth when she realised how loud she had been. “No!” She hissed, her volume low. “No. It’s not like that.”

“Why not? You two clearly like having sex, and I bet you’re both great at it and now you’re not charging him… I know I shouldn’t comment, but looking back at it, Solo was a lot easier to talk to when you were together. He actually answered my texts which is unheard of.” Rey knew how much Ben didn’t like being involved with his mother political career, she couldn’t imagine how much trouble Poe had dealing with him and the press or organising events he would actually turn up to.

“I’m not going to sleep with him just to make your job easier. We’re just friends.” Rey told him firmly.

“Right. And I’m a Republican.” Rey rolled her eyes at him, but it didn’t stop her from smiling.

“I’m sure it’s difficult for you to understand, but sometimes men and women can be friends, even after they’ve seen each other naked.”

“That’s my speciality.” Poe smirked, his eyes twinkling as he bragged. “Apart from you, I don’t think I’ve actually ever been friends with a woman I _haven’t_ slept with.” Poe let out a long breath as he shook his head in regret. “Men on the other hand… It’s impossible to go back with men.”

Rey tried not to show her surprise at his openness. His finger was tracing the pattern on the Christmas themed bed sheets absentmindedly. His usual positive and playful energy suddenly gone.

“You okay, Poe?”

“Yeah. The holidays… they can be lonely, you know?” He sniffed and suddenly lit up again. “Anyway, I have a Christmas present for you.” Her forehead crinkled in confusion. “It’s done.”

“It’s done?” She didn’t understand, and then gasped. “It’s done?” She couldn’t stop the hopefulness in her voice.

“You, Rey Johnson, do not exist online.” His smile was blinding, and Rey understood why people fancied him. “Apart from my amazing article about you and the Millennium Falcon Project, you are unGoogleable.” Jumping up, she wrapped her arms around him, taking him by surprise as he had to use his arm to stop them from falling backwards onto Finn’s legs.

“Oh my God, thank you Poe.”

“Just don’t do anything like this again, if this shit got out close enough to election day, it would have been a clusterfuck to clear up.”

She sat back down. “It’s done.” She repeated to herself, her fingers skimming over her lips as she couldn’t stop smiling.

“My guy went over your terms as well, they were pretty impressive. If anyone that signed them came out about your work, you’d have a great legal case.”

“They won’t.” Her clients weren’t like that.

“Rey.” Ben greeted, pushing aside the thin curtain and spotting Poe. “Dameron?” The confusion at his presence was clear.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” He leaned down, kissing her on the cheek before straightening up. He gave them both a look, pointing at them in turn. “Behave. Oh, and Rey, if the surgery works, give Finn my number!” He called over his shoulder as he left.

“He’s insufferable.” She muttered, shaking her head.

“What was that about?” Ben asked when Poe was out of earshot.

“Nothing. Just, a loose end.” She shook her head lightly in disbelief. She was free. She couldn’t believe it. That life was behind her. And with Finn’s surgery in the near future, it really felt like everything was working out for her. Looking up at Ben, she beamed, knowing she probably looked crazy. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Well, er, no, actually.” He held up some familiar looking papers. “These were on my desk.” He held up a memo, a rip from where it had been stapled in the corner. “With this.”

Rey have to tilt her head and squint her eyes to read it.

_Give these to Miss Johnson._

_She knows what she has to do._

_Snoke_

“What’s this about?” His voice was low, and she could tell he was trying had to stay calm.

“It’s nothing.”

“Rey.” He said warningly, obviously not believing her. “What happened?”

“Snoke came by a few days ago.” She admitted with a shrug, trying to make it less dramatic that it was. “He… He said some not very nice things, and then threatened me to sign these or… or he’d take you off Finn’s case.”

The anger that crossed his face was upsetting. His neck muscles tensing. Rey held her hand up to grab the paper off him.

“Rey, I would never-” He was taking time and care to speak each word, trying to make himself not spit them out in anger, but the low rumble of them made his contempt clear.

“I know. I’m not going to sign them.” She threw them in the closest bin. “You told me not to.”

“He had no right…”

“I think he was just trying to protect you. He doesn’t know I would never sue you anyway.” Rey placed her hands on his forearms, letting them gently rub over the tense muscles until she reached his fists. She wrapped her fingers around them, her thumbs stroking his white knuckles softly until they started to relax.

His lips shined after his tongue darted out to wet them. His irritated breaths making his lower lip pout out. “Don’t say that. What if-”

“There’s no what ifs, Ben.” His hands loosened and Rey took advantage, entwining her fingers in between his. “Friends don’t sue friends. But I might sue Snoke.” She half joked.

His eyes darkened, his fingers squeezing hers supportively. “Why? What did he say to you?”

“Just the usual arsehole stuff. Once I realised who he was, he freaked me out, so I recorded the conversation. I don’t want to listen to it again. Just…” She shuddered at the memory, the feel of his fingers ghosting over her cheeks. “You know he’s a horrible man, right?”

“He was my mentor when I did my residency here. He… he could be cruel, but I learnt a lot from him.” He almost seemed sad to admit it.

Rey tugged on his arm, forcing him to look her in the eye. “He’s more than cruel. He wants you to follow in his footsteps, Ben. If you ever become like him, I don’t even want to think about it.”

“I won’t. I used to be obsessed with pleasing him. I idolized him, worshipped him. But…” Ben sighed, bringing their hands together in between them. “When I got ill, I realized he was the reason I pushed my family away. His toxicity had infected me, but not anymore.”

“I’m proud of you.” She bought their hands up to her mouth and lightly pressed her lips to his knuckles.

“Send me the recording, please. I need to hear what he said.” Rey gazed up at him, worry etched on her face.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I need to be prepared. If you don’t sign these, he might try and reassign your case, Finn’s case. I can’t let that happen.” Ben assured her and she found herself nodding, forgetting the painful comments Snoke had said momentarily and that Ben would now hear them as well.

“Okay. But… but promise me you won’t do anything stupid. I can’t have you getting fired, not when the surgery is less than three weeks away.” She teased.

“I won’t.” He reluctantly pulled his hands away from hers, carding them through his hair before covering his face. “Fuck, Rey.” He groaned into his palms.

“I know.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I’m such a pain. More hassle than I’m worth.” She laughed drily.

“No, Rey. You aren’t… You are perfect.”

She tried to pretend not to see his eyes glance down at her mouth before coming back up to meet hers. She tried to pretend her gaze didn’t do exactly the same thing.

“I should go.” He whispered, not moving.

“Yeah.” Her muscles didn’t listen as she leaned slightly closer.

She thought for a second he tilted his head slightly to align their mouths. She thought she saw his pupils dilate. She thought he was going to kiss her as her breath caught in her throat. But something changed and suddenly he pulled away.

“I should really go.” He repeated. Dazed, Rey nodded.

“Okay.” She said weakly. “See you tomorrow.”

He nodded, clearing his throat, lingering for a moment more before making up his mind and leaving.

Rey sat down, feeling dizzy. After a while, she looked down at the bin. Reaching down she fished out the forms and Snoke’s note. Tucking it into her bag.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this week has been quite tough for me. I work in the arts, in a theatre, and because of COVID-19 it has been shut down until the end of April. And because I work of a zero hour, I basically don't have a job for the next few weeks, possibly longer. The good news is, this means I will be able to write more and update my stories faster. The bad is... I'm struggling finacially and mentally quite a lot this week. Which is where all the amazing comments you guys make come in. They had helped me get through this sad week, and I am so incredibly grateful. So thank you, each and every one of you. You truly don't know how much you have helped me this week. And a huge thank you to those who have supported me by buying me ko fi. I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of this community from day one. 
> 
> Sorry to vent, but I felt like I had to say something. And if you follow me on twitter you may already know a lot of this already. And if you want to help, I do have a ko fi, if you are able to, but no pressure! 
> 
> Anyway! Come say hi on twitter. I'm @[LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo).
> 
> And I also have a new story. A bit of a canon Dark Rey/Jedi Ben Reylo. You can check it out, here: [The Blessed Unrest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098513/chapters/55262218)
> 
> Thank you again for all your support and love. I needed it this week. And thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Rey loved Speeder. It didn’t matter that the red paint was so worn and covered in rust that you couldn’t even see what colour it was before the burnt reddish brown it now was, or that the right window didn’t open, or that the driver’s seat was actually from a different car. This car saved her life and for that she was eternally grateful.

But right now, as she stood outside it, stretching her back and legs out, the prospect of another night sleep in its cramped back seats made her want to cry.

Finn’s surgery was in two days, and nearly three weeks of bad, cold nights sleep were catching up with her.

Rose wasn’t working nights at the moment, which meant Rey might get kicked out by the other nurse on shift, but it was a risk she was willing to take. And no one would raise an eyebrow when her brother’s operation was so close. She would just be the caring sister wanting to be at his side as much as possible, not the poor, homeless, living out of her car, sleep deprived person she was trying to hide.

The hospital was quiet as she moved around quietly, her bag thrown over her shoulder. Only staff walked the halls this close to midnight. She had only been to work five days in the past month, and that was because Ben forced her to leave during radiation sessions, saying sitting in the ward next to the empty space where Finn’s bed usually was would be pointless.

Han had been grateful for the help as well. And kind. At one point during the day he walked over with his phone, Ben having called him for some reason, and handed it to her. She was grateful for the quick update on Finn, even if was a bit awkward to talk to Ben in front of his dad, who was also her boss, who had pretended not to care but was secretly listening to everything they had said to each other. 

Settling into her usual chair, she covered herself in her oversized cardigan, resting her head on the wall.

Two days. Well, technically his surgery was scheduled in 32 hours from now, so less than two days. She had waited too long for this to let herself feel overwhelmed, so denial of her stress was her constant companion at the moment. And a huge smile that hurt her cheeks. Every time Rose checked in on her, the times Hux popped by, when Han asked her how she was coping as they worked on a car. This is what she wanted, so she shouldn’t let her emotions gets the better of her and panic.

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to think of anything that wasn’t a hospital, a difficult task when machines were constantly beeping around her. 

With the image of her hands fixing a dashboard, she finally drifted to sleep.

The next day was harder to keep her smile fixed in place. It was around 4 in the afternoon when Hux came by to give the final radiotherapy measurements. Ben was there as well having already been informed of the results, which Rey knew wasn’t a good sign.

“Unfortunately, despite the increase of radiation, the last two weeks treatment hasn’t changed the size of the tumour.” Hux explained, genuine empathy on his face as she sat back in her chair and looked over at her brother’s sleeping face, her hand dragging slowly over her mouth. This wasn’t the news she wanted to hear the day before his surgery. “But I’m still really pleased with the results, 6% then 4% is very good shrinkage in this short amount of time.” Not good enough. Some part of her let her believe that this last batch of sessions would kick start something and Hux would tell her that the tumour has miraculously disappeared, or halved in size. But 5 more treatments and for what? No change. Her resolve was wearing thin as her eyes started to get watery. 

Ben seemed to notice her struggle, squatting down so he was her eye level. “10% is still great news, Rey.” His hand squeezed her knee and Rey nodded, not meaning it. “It’s going to make my job easier tomorrow.”

She finally looked at him, really looked at him. Ben. His liquid honey eyes glistened in the hospital lights, making them look lighter than usual. His soft lips were pulled into a gentle, encouraging smile. He was trying to generate strength in her. Before she could think about it, her hand rested on top of his. “I know. It’s just... I really hoped it...” She sighed.

“I know.” He said. “Hux, can you...?” The ginger man nodded and left, heading towards Rose who was trying not to look like she was looking at him. Rey would have smiled at their awkwardness if she had the energy.

“Rey, when was the last time you went home and slept?” Rey let out a dry laugh. Of course that’s what he would ask first.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Rey. I saw your car this morning. All the stuff inside it...”

Fuck. She really couldn’t handle this today.

“It’s not what it looks like-” She started to lie.

“Don’t lie. Not to me.” They locked eyes, his full of concern, hers weak and tired.

“Then don’t ask.” She begged.

Ben sighed, frustrated at her stubbornness. “Take my keys. Eat, have a bath, sleep. I have some meals prepped in the fridge.” There was a little sound of metal jingling as he took out his keys and removed one from the ring, holding it out for her to take. It looked so small in his large hands.

There was no point resisting. She knew him well enough that if she pushed back on this he would push back on something worse.

She held out her hand, letting him press it into her palm and wrap her fingers around it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. We’re going to talk about this later.” She wanted to glare at him, wanted to tell him it was none of his business, but she was so tired and she needed to get a decent night’s sleep before tomorrow. She just nodded.

He walked her down to her car, and she knew it was so he could check the she actually left. She tried to ignore the way his jaw clenched when he looked in the back and spotted her pillow and blanket, but shame flooded her. Anyone but him. She was used to the judgement, the pity, she didn’t live 10 years on the street without growing a thick skin to people’s looks or comments. But Ben... she cared about his opinion of her, more than she should have.

He must be so embarrassed to be her friend. Her life was such a mess.

She promised to text him when she got to his, thanking him one last time before turning on her engine and making the short drive to his house.

Opening the door, she breathed in. His smell was everywhere. She ran her fingers over the breakfast bar before grabbing one of the Tupperware containers that had different dinner and lunches pre-prepared for his work.

God, she missed this place.

She knew she only had a couple of hours before he came home, so she quickly ate. Taking advantage of the washer and dryer he had in his utility room, she put a load of laundry on. It wasn’t like he didn’t already know, she might as well get some clean clothes out of it. Then she got in his en-suite shower, letting the warm water wash away the tension in her shoulders.

Her hair was still damp when she heard the front door open.

“Rey?” Ben’s deep voice called out, vibrating through the house.

“Upstairs.” Standing in his bedroom, towel drying her hair, she tried to pretend it didn’t affect her. And by the way his perplexed eyes got darker when he saw her standing by the end of his bed, she knew it was bringing back memories for him too.

“Did you eat?” She nodded.

Slowly, he walked to the edge of the bed, his frame sitting down heavily as he ran a hand through his hair.

“You once said we should feel comfortable enough to communicate with each other at any point.” Rey stared at him, he sounded so grave. Like he was breaking up with her. Oh God. Was he going to tell her to leave? Or that he couldn’t do the surgery? Fear coursed through her veins, frozen as he continued. “At our first appointment, you said it was the most important thing. You know I’m not good at the...” His hand motioned between them. “Communicating thing. But I can’t, in good conscious, not say something, Rey.”

She nodded silently.

“If everything goes perfectly tomorrow, Finn could be released from the hospital in as little as a two weeks.” Her heart strained, she knew all the possibilities, and while that was one, she knew it was unlikely. “Where will he go, Rey?”

She couldn’t answer. Her guilt at not being able to provide for her brother ran deep, but her pride made her maintain eye contact.

“You’re sleeping in your car, you can’t deny it. What happened to your flat?”

“I got kicked out.” Her voice was quiet, but she knew he heard. “I missed a payment by a couple of days, he... he wanted me gone anyway, he had a new family he could charge more, so he was just looking for an excuse.”

“When?” He sounded hoarse, like he was choking on anger, and Rey could tell by the strained tendons in his neck that he was.

“Just before Christmas.”

“Fuck.” He stood up, his fist lifting to punch the wall before stopping. He knew he couldn’t risk hurting his hand, no matter how angry he was. Frustrated with his inability to express it, he bent down and swore louder, causing her to flinch. “FUCK!”

She waited for him to calm down, wanting to reach out and comfort him, but knowing that it would only make things worse, and this was a conversation he needed to finish.

“Three weeks?” She nodded.

“I’ve been saving money for a rental deposit, Han has still been paying me despite all the time off, but it’s been difficult without...” In for a penny, she thought as she took a deep breath. “I’m not doing sex work anymore, so all my wages pay off the outstanding medical bills, I... I don’t have much left over.”

“Why didn’t you keep the money I gave you?”

“You know why.” Because it made her feel sick. Because he was never a job to her. Because she loved him. “I’ll find a place before Finn is out of hospital. The car thing is always just temporary, a way to save money quickly.”

Ben tilted his head, approaching her carefully, like she was a nervous animal, ready to run at anything unexpected. “Why do you always act like you’re alone, Rey? That there aren’t people that love you and would help if you just gave them the chance.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, wishing she wasn’t in her pyjamas as he came close. She could almost feel the heat of his body through the thin cotton. “It’s how I’ve always done it.”

“You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you.” She whispered. The urge to close the tiny space between them was too tempting, so she brushed past him, needing to create more distance so she could think straight.

“It’s not just you now, Rey. Finn is my patient and I can’t release him if you don’t have stable accommodation. The risk of infection, the rate of healing, physical rehabilitation, all of this are dramatically affected if the home environment isn’t clean, accessible and safe.” Ben undid the buttons on his sleeves, giving his hands something to do, pushing them up his forearms. “If I disclosed what I now know, the hospital wouldn’t let Finn leave under your care.”

Shit. How could she be so blind? “I... I didn’t know...”

“Move in here.” Rey swore she heard fear in his voice. “I’m Finn’s Doctor, I can keep an eye on him. I have two spare rooms that are almost never used. You know it makes sense, Rey.”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t invade your home-“

“Just until you find somewhere else.” He insisted.

“You’ve already done so much-”

“Damn it, Rey!” His breathing was ragged, his hands in front of him, she knew she was infuriating sometimes, but she hadn’t meant to annoy him. “Give people the chance to help. Stop pretending you are on your own!”

She knew she was staring at him, her eyes wide in shock.

He was right. She never allowed herself to rely on someone that wasn’t herself or Finn. Because she couldn’t cope if she did. What if she let herself live with Ben, letting him cook and take care of her, what if she let her guard down and then he kicked her out? It would happen sooner or later, he would fall in love with somebody and then she would be alone again. Only she would have gotten used to being in love with him by then.

No. She would have to distance herself from him. If she was going to agree to this and survive, she would have to set some ground rules.

“You won’t cook for me. I’ll cook. And I’ll clean. And I’ll pay you, obviously.”

“You can cook whenever you want. But I’m not going to take your money or make you clean.” Ben almost groaned at the idea. “You’ll be a guest, both of you. Besides, I already have a cleaner.”

“You have a cleaner?”

Ben shrugged. “I work 80 hours a week. I don’t have time to clean. You’ll like Albrekh, he’s funny.”

“Then I can help him.” She insisted. “Or I can do your shopping, or the gardening or maybe redecorate?”

“Is there something wrong with how I decorated?” He teased, laughing as her eyes widened in horror at offending him. “Rey, you won’t have to do anything.” Ben reached out for her, but she jerked away.

“No. I have to do something.” She snapped at him before growling, getting frustrated. Why didn’t he understand?

“And I won’t let you.”

“Why?” She asked, desperate to figure him out. Why did he find this so funny? There was that lopsided smirk on his face, it was maddening!

“Because I can’t let the woman I love act like a slave in my own home.”

There was a beat as her mind processed what he had just said. “What did you say?” She asked, breathlessly.

“You heard me.” That smirk was getting wider, cockier, as he took a step closer to her, than another. “I love you, Rey.”

She shook her head. He was wrong. He didn’t love her. He couldn’t. That would just be... it would be so unfair.

“You can’t.”

“I’m crazy about you.” He reached for her hand, catching it and pulling it closer to him, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. He bent down his head so all she could see was him, loose strands of his hair falling and framing their faces. “I have been since I first met you.” He licked his lips subconsciously and her eyes glanced down then up again to watch him studying her. “I wasn’t going to tell you until after the surgery. I know you don’t love me, so I’m not telling you to hear you say it back. I’m telling you because I need you to know that there are more people that love you then you think. That you are not alone. I will be anything you need me to be, your doctor, your landlord, your friend, your lover, because you are everything to me. And you deserve everything in return.”

“I... I...” She couldn’t handle this. She’s spent the last few weeks utterly overwhelmed, by Finn, by money, by her feelings for Ben. Her brain was at its limit and she didn’t know what to do or say. So she did the only thing she could think of.

Her fingers ghosted over his cheekbone, as if scared that touching him would prove he wasn’t really there, before pushing herself forward, their lips crashing together. 

Ben’s arms were around her instantly, and she realised hers were as well, in his hair, gripping his shoulders, pulling his chest closer to her.

This is how she could express herself. Pouring all the love and desperation she felt into this and hoping he understood. She wanted to say it, she really did, but she couldn’t. Not right now. She was so close to gaining everything she wanted and letting her guard down, only to lose everything tomorrow would break her. 

His fingers were digging into her scalp, her hips, her thighs. His mouth hungry as their teeth clashed, his tongue dancing with hers. He lifted her onto the bed, his body coming down to cover hers. He hovered for a moment, giving her time to search his eyes. A slow smile formed on his face, his eyes crinkling as he gazed down at her, he was so in awe of her, it was overwhelming. 

Her thumb stroked his cheek, he instinctually leaned into her palm. “Rey, I-” His voice cracked.

“I know.” She smiled back, all teeth and contentment. “I know.” She repeated and pulled him down to her. 

This kiss was different. It lacked the urgency the previous one had. They took their time, relishing in the slow movement of their lips against each other. It felt peaceful, like they knew they were together so nothing else mattered. All the stress and worry from weeks of tension and doubt suddenly gone, and now they could just enjoy being in each other’s arms. 

Her fingers gradually popped open the buttons on his shirt, and Ben broke the kiss to tug the fabric off of his shoulders and arms, throwing it across the room before covering her body again. She opened her legs at accommodate his, their hips pressing together, causing Rey to shift so she could find the best angle.

His lips moved across her jaw, leading to the spot tucked behind her ear that made her squirm, and he groaned as her hips bucked into his. “Fuck, I’ve missed this.” His voice was husky as he nipped at her ear. She laughed lightly as they sat up, her arms pulling off her pyjama top, so glad she didn’t have to mess about with her bra. 

“I’ve missed you too.” His hands and mouth found her breasts, and tenderly sucked and rubbed and licked at them while her hand tangled in his hair, stroking it softly as she let him do what he wanted. He was being too gentle for her to really relish in his attentions, but she knew he loved her breasts, no matter how small they were, and fuck she loved the heated look in his eyes as he gazed up at her from between them. 

He crawled down her body, his fingers hooking around her pyjama pants and pulling them down her legs. He took time to kiss every inch he exposed, his hand curling around her ankle and pressing a soft kiss to the side of her foot before making his way back up. 

“You are so wet.” He breathed when his head reached her centre, the air he exhaled making her shiver as it hit her skin. 

“Come here.” She urged him, not wanting to wait any longer. “I need you.” He nodded, hurriedly unbuckling his trousers and shoving them down his thighs with his boxers. 

And then he was there. With her. 

Panting, Rey surged up to kiss him, more hastily than before, her arms wrapping around his neck, not wanting to ever let go. Her legs fell apart more, as his hand trailed down, guiding him to her entrance. “Shit.” He tenses, his forehead falling to her collarbone as he looked down at where they were so close to joining. “Condom.” 

Rey’s arm loosened their hold, but didn’t move away. “I’m on the pill.” She volunteered, causing him to lift his head and meet her eyes, his forehead crinkled, gaze serious. “And… I’m clean. I mean, I was last time I got tested. And there’s…. it’s only been you since.” She didn’t know why she was so embarrassed to say it, but she supposed it was like confessing he had affected her long before she admitted it even to herself. That being with someone else would have felt like a betrayal. 

“Fuck, Rey.” He captured her mouth, his tongue battling with hers. “I’m clean.” He panted between heady kisses. 

“Okay.” Rey nodded, shifting her hips. “Okay.” She had never been with a man without a condom before. The risk, even with the pill, had seemed too silly to take. But with Ben, she needed him, all of him, and it was dizzying. In the moment it felt like the right thing to do, and as he ran the blunt head of himself over her wet slit, she knew why. It was trust. She was giving him something she had never given anyone else before, letting him be with her, completely defenceless, unprotected. “I’ve never…” She bit her lip for a second, worried that she was being silly to tell him. “I’ve never not used a condom.” 

“I can get one…” 

“No. I want to. Please.” He seemed to understand the gravity of her need, his eyes softening, coming down to kiss her as his hips pushed forward. 

The delirious stretch she felt as he entered her made her groan. She loved his girth and how it affected her. He paused at the sound, making sure she was okay, before slowly moving deeper and deeper until he was fully seated inside her. Rey whined, her hands grasping at his hips, pulling him in as close as she could. It felt so good to be filled by him. 

“Fuck, Rey.” He stole another heated kiss before pulling his pelvis back and snapping it forward. The sound of their flesh drowned out by his groan. His hand came down between them, searching for her clit and rubbing it through the hood as he switched between kissing her desperately and uncontrollably moaning with his head pressed into her neck. 

She gasped as his fingertips found the perfect rhythm and his thrusting pushed on something inside her. “Ben…” The tempo was speeding up and she knew he wouldn’t last long, his emotions coming off him in waves. And she wasn’t any better. 

She felt breathless, her heart racing as he slammed into her, her hips coming up to meet his every movement. She was gasping now and begging him to go faster, harder, to keep going. She could feel how sensitive she was, tension building in her inner walls. 

“Please, Ben. Please.” 

“I know.” He ground harder, teasing the sensitive flesh on her neck with hot open-mouthed kisses. She tilted her head back to give him better access. “I love you, Rey.” He slammed into her, hitting so deep it made her vision go white and she gasped for breath. “I love you so much.” It only took another thrust and she fell apart, clenching around him, her hands fisting the bed sheets as her muscles tensed to the point of pain. 

“Fuck!” He cursed, his movements becoming erratic. Suddenly his arms were snaking around her, pulling their bodies so close it was almost smothering. Every muscle strained as his hips froze, his cock buried as far as it could go, spilling his seed deep inside her with an almost pained groan, before collapsing into a pile of tired limbs on the bed.

He kept holding her close to him, like he was afraid if he loosened his grip around her, she would run away, and a little bit of her wanted to. A tiny bit of self-preservation telling her she could run away and avoid getting hurt too badly. It was easy to ignore. 

“I love you.” He repeated, placing lazy kisses on every bit of skin he could reach as they caught their breath, their chests pressed together. She felt a spot of wetness on her shoulder and knew he had shed a tear or two. Weeks of stress and heightened emotions taking its toll on both of them. 

Rey laid there, stunned. His post-orgasm affections were just as overwhelming as the sex. She didn’t know what to do. She had never been with anyone that she loved, or that actually loved her back. Not knowing what to do, she kept her hands busy, stroking his hair, his back, his arms. Listening to his sniffs as he buried his head in her hair. 

“Fuck, sorry.” He pushed himself off her, realising his body weight must have been crushing her. The satisfying fullness she felt vanished as he pulled out of her, replaced with a slight chill. She instantly missed it. He exhaled, a long slow breath, as he sat up, running his hand through his hair. “That was…” He stood up, almost panicked, grabbing the towel she had used earlier for her hair and handed it to her. Rey took it, using it to carefully clean herself, covering bare chest with a sheet. Why was he acting so scatter-brained? “This isn’t how it was meant to happen.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“I meant to take you for dinner or something first.” He sat on the edge of the bed on her side. “I wanted to wait, make it special.” 

Rey sat up. “It was special. It is special.” She corrected herself. “I… We both needed that.” Her fingers entwined with his, bringing them to her lips. He stared at her, a little line appearing between his eyebrows as he realised something, his lips pressing together as if he was trying to stop himself from saying something. His body tensed. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” She watched as his eyes glazed over, his breathing laboured, lost in thought or… Shit. She clutched at his hands, too scared to say their safe word. “Ben?” 

He snapped out of the dazed and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay. It wasn’t… Rey swallowed with difficulty at the thought, it wasn’t a seizure. She felt silly for even thinking it now. 

“You didn’t say-” His eyes are dark, only a sliver of the bright honey could be seen around the edge of his pupils. He licked his lips before speaking. “I know you don’t want a relationship.” Her eyebrows shot up. Had she said that? She supposed it was an easy assumption based on her life and how she didn’t let people in. “I’m not asking you for that, right now.” He reached out for her hand, his fingers curling around it, Rey pulled it to her chest, wanting him to be closer to her. He inched closer. “But I need to know, Rey, and if the answer is no then just tell me, and whatever you need me to be, I will be it.” She had to remind herself to breathe as he continued. 

“I didn’t think about the future, unless it was to do with my career, where the best opportunities were, what I had to do to get the next promotion. And then I got ill and suddenly the future wasn’t a given.” His eyes shone in the dim room, the sun having set and only moonlight coming in through the windows. “I was so angry at the world; at all the things I’d miss out on if I died. Then I got better and… and I realised I was the reason I missed out on these things, not because I didn’t have the time, but because I was too focused on my job, forging a legacy I didn’t even want, and not focusing on if I was actually happy or not.” His other hand came up to cradle her face. “I felt trapped, miserable. The future didn’t feel any brighter now that I had the chance to have one again, so I didn’t think about it. Then I met you.” He pressed his lips to her forehead before pressing them together. 

“You made me realise what I was missing, and fuck I fell in love with you so quickly, it was almost pathetic how fast it happened. And in those 8 weeks together… I started thinking about the future again. And you were in every single future I could think of.” Rey had to close her eyes as he pulled back to look at her, not having the strength to look at him. His confession was so beautiful, it broke her heart for him. “So, I need to know, Rey, because I love you and I want to make you happy. But I also need to manage my expectations here so I don’t get completely crushed if I’m wrong.” 

Her eyelids flew open at his words, and she got caught in his face. His eyes were fierce, practically glowing with passion. His lips were trembling. His cheeks puffing in and out slightly as he tried to control his breathing. 

“Is there any version of your future where we are together? It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or even next week or month. Fuck, I would wait a year right now if you asked me to… I just need to know. Could you love me? Will you let me love you?”

Her heart clenched, as if the hand held against her chest had suddenly pushed inside her ribs and wrapped around it. Who was she to make him feel like this? She felt horrified with herself. She had no right to reduce him to begging her to let him love her. How had she been so blind and cruel to make him feel like this for so long? Rey blinked away the tears, but it didn’t help. Her hand flew up to wipe them away before it brushed a strand of his hair behind his ear. 

“Ben. I’m crazy about you.” She repeated his words from earlier, it was such a relief to admit, she wanted to smile at him, chase away all the doubts he had, but first she had to answer him. “And I’m sorry I gave you the impression I never wanted a relationship, that must have been really difficult for you to think while you felt this way. I’m sorry I caused that hurt and confusion.” 

He tensed. His bright eyes hardening, the shine vanishing. “But?”

“My brothers’ surgery is _tomorrow_.” She said slowly, clearly, her chest deflating in defeat. “And you’re his doctor. That is the only future I can think of right now.” He made to get up, to pull his hand from hers but she held it tight. “I can’t promise you a future today, but I want to. I really want to and I fucking hate myself that I can’t say yes _right now_.” She looked at him pleadingly. “Because I want to say yes, Ben, desperately. Do you understand?” He nodded sombrely and she continued. 

“I want to tell you everything, I want to let you in, I want to say I love you.” Because she does, her brain supplied. “But tomorrow these hands are going to be inside the brain of the only family I’ve ever known, and as much as I can promise you something now, everything could change tomorrow.” 

His jaw clenched, twitched to one side in the way she knew he did when he was thinking over a problem. His nostrils flared and he sharply pulled away from her, standing up, unashamed of his nakedness as he paced the room. “Let me get this straight.” Rage was simmering from him as she watched him move, stunned. His fists are back, itching to hit something but knowing better. “You’ll only be with me, _really_ be with me, if I manage to save his life, right?” He almost scoffed, so many emotions flickering across his face, anger, hurt, guilt, a twisted humour, everything she wanted to avoid ever making him feel. 

“That’s not what I said.” She objected. 

“But it’s true.” He almost seemed enlightened by it. Every trace of the negative feelings vanished without a trace. “You could never love me if he dies tomorrow.” 

Rey couldn’t bear to think about that. 

“This isn’t some sick ultimatum.” She pulled the blankets away from her, finding her top and pants and pulling them back on. “I’m not trying to motivate you as if my love is some kind of reward, Ben.” Now it was her turn to feel annoyed. “You aren’t listening. I’m saying _not now_. That’s doesn’t mean _not ever_.” She grabbed the rest of her stuff and headed to the door, holding her hand up to stop him as he approached. “I knew I shouldn’t have come here, but you always get your way. You always make me the villain when all I’m doing is trying to survive. Tomorrow might just be another day at work for you, but it’s going to be the hardest day of my life.” Her heart was thrashing in her chest, her stomach in knots as she continued. “You should have taken a moment to consider how much shit I have on my plate right now, without throwing your insecurities and confessions of love at me, making me feel guiltier than I already do.” She fumbled with the door handle, causing her to growl at it before she managed to turn it properly. “Because you’re right. I don’t know how I’ll cope if Finn dies tomorrow. I don’t know how I’ll survive losing him, and being in love with the man who couldn’t save him-”

“Rey-” 

“No. I’m leaving. I shouldn’t have come. You need to focus- You should get a good night’s sleep or something.” 

“Rey, wait!” He followed her down the stairs. As she slipped her shoes onto bare feet, he grabbed her arms gently, moving himself to face her. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless of me. I didn’t think. Please don’t go, I’ll leave. Just stay here tonight, please.” She avoided eye contact, reaching behind him to grab her coat. “Please stay.” 

“Let me go.” His hands were instantly off of her, even when fighting, he respected her wishes. She paused at the front door. She couldn’t leave like this. 

Her head tilted slightly to look back at him, but she couldn’t open her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she finally let the tears well, spilling out despite how tightly she had them closed. She whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You made me forget who I am. I was happy… and the thought of losing that terrified me. Then I lost you. And I still had to see you every day, and you dangled hope in front of me… I thought we could have a shot, a real shot after… It’s why I gave you the money back. I guess I was trying to pretend I wasn’t who I was…” She sobbed, taking a shuddered breath in before she kept going. “I’m sorry I can’t promise you a future, Ben. You deserved better. You deserved so much more than me.” 

She left, rushing as fast as she could to her car before she collapsed, her hand coming out to support her on the old dented hood. It wasn’t until then that she realised, she hadn’t said she loved him back. Not really. 

It wouldn’t have changed anything, she told herself, not fully believing it. 

Fishing out her keys from her coat pocket, she got in and drove as far as she could until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. Pulling into a side street, she switched off the engine and crawled into the back seat. Pulling the blanket over her face, she cried until she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*
> 
> Please don't hate me... Thank you for reading! I promise it won't be angsty for much longer! 
> 
> And thank you to everyone who reached out this past few days. Your support and kindness, either in comments or in ko-fi donations, has been so incredible and I am so so grateful. I am overwhelmed and cannot thank you all enough. Being in this fandom has helped me so much in this difficult week, I am so happy to be part of such an amazing community. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter here: [LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo).
> 
> And I also have a new story. A bit of a canon Dark Rey/Jedi Ben Reylo. You can check it out, here: [The Blessed Unrest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098513/chapters/55262218)


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn's surgery

Eight hours. Finn had been in surgery for eight hours. She checked her phone quickly, _eight hours and nine minutes now_ , she corrected herself.

Hours spent pacing around the room thinking of everything that could go wrong, of everything that had gone wrong with Ben…

He loved her. His words last night had been exactly what she wanted to hear and yet exactly what she feared. He had put too much pressure on her, and she had panicked, pushing him away and hurting him. She hated herself for all the pain she had consistently caused him. How could he really love her? After everything she had done to make his life harder?

And yet she found herself in the same position. Ben had entered her life and made a home in her heart. And despite everything, him making desperate demands, having expectations she could never live up to, she couldn’t be angry or upset with him, not when she felt the same way. She loved him so much, it hurt to know that everything could change with one wrong move of a scalpel…

“Miss Johnson?”

“Yes?” She looked up, dread rushing through her as she stood up. An attending that Rey found vaguely familiar came over and broke her away from her thoughts. Finally, she would get an update of how the surgery went. She supposed it would have been unfair to expect Ben to come and tell her after just working for eight hours straight. Maybe this was for the best.

“I’m Dr Trudgen, I’m the attending neurologist that assisted Dr Solo today.” Shaking the man’s hand, he seemed nice, it made her hopeful.

“Where’s Dr Solo?” Despite knowing he wasn’t there, should couldn’t help but look down the hallway for him.

“He’s still with Mr Johnson downstairs in Recovery.” Rey nodded. “I’m pleased to say the surgery went better than expected. Dr Solo managed to remove all of the tumor that was attached to the brainstem.”

“Are you serious?” Her heart skipped a beat. “All of it?”

“Dr Solo is the best. Obviously, we have no idea how long it will take Mr Johnson to wake up, or if he even will, but as far as the removal goes, it was-”

“Perfect.” Rey whispered, a slight smile on her lips. It was Ben’s odd way of describing surgeries that went well.

“Yes.” Trudgen smiled. “It will still be an hour or so before Mr Johnson is moved out of recovery into the ICU, I recommend getting something to eat, making any phone calls you may have.” Rey nodded, his words becoming a drowned-out hum in her ear.

He had done it.

Despite the odds and the drama and the hurt, Ben Solo had worked some kind of miracle and performed the impossible.

She walked around the hospital in a daze, stopping by the café to grab a cheese sandwich for dinner, she didn’t realise she was crying until the woman behind the register asked if she was okay. She smiled, wiping away the tears. “Yeah. Everything's great.” She said.

Rey was escorted to Finn’s new room in the ICU not long after. It was nicer, bigger. An actual room, with walls and a door, not just a curtain to maintain privacy. Finn was waiting in the room already, Ben at his side dressed in his dark scrubs, shining a little torch pen in his patients’ unconscious eyes.

“Ben.” He straightened immediately.

“Rey.” He breathed.

“You did it.” He nodded. It was small, if she had blinked she would have missed it. “Thank you.” She rushed over to him, dropping her bag and the cheap sandwich on the floor. “Thank you.” She pushed herself up and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was a few moments before he returned the hug, his hands holding onto her tightly.

“I did my best.” His voice was muffled by her hair.

“You did everything.” She said as she pulled back.

“We still need to wait.”

“I know.”

They stood in silence, the quite steady beeping of the heart monitor the only noise in the room.

“Rey-” He started just as she said his name. “I wanted to apologise.”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for.” She insisted, turning so she could hold Finn’s hand, being careful to avoid the new wires and tubes.

“Last night, I never should have taken advantage of you like that.” She could practically picture the regret etched on his face.

Her heart ached. “You didn’t, Ben.” She bent down to kiss Finn’s hand gently before turning to face him. “Last night was amazing, until it wasn’t.” She wanted to reach out and hold his hand as well but stopped herself. “I should be the one apologising. I was stressed, that’s no excuse for what I said. I know today wasn’t just regular day for you. I know how hard you’ve been working for this, for me.”

“How about we call it even?” Ben suggested, his hands tucking into his pockets, that slight Solo smirk making itself known.

“That… that sounds good.” She smiled back at him, unable to stop the swell of happiness in her chest. They were going to be okay. “Shit.” She remembered her dropped food, picking it up and offering one half to Ben, an eyebrow raised in a silent question. He chuckled to himself, taking it and biting it in half almost immediately.

They ate in silence. Then sat in silence. Perfectly content.

It was strange how easily they had defused all the drama from the night before. She thought he would get frustrated again and yell, that she would be stubborn and shut him out. Instead, he was understanding and gentle, and she was calm and open-minded. It felt like a big step for them. Compassion. Clemency.

It made her hopeful.

It wasn’t until the attending from before, Dr Trudgen, Rey recalled, came in to check on Finn that she realised Ben had fallen asleep. She held her finger up to her lips before pointing to the exhausted doctor. Trudgen’s confusion was obvious, but he left without a word.

Rey smiled. Was there such a thing as a calm _after_ the storm? She wondered, looking at the two most important men in her life, both sleeping, their faces relaxed.

Closing her eyes, she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

\-----

Eight days. Finn’s surgery had been eight days ago. And he still hadn’t woken up.

Rey had stayed by his side as much as she could, but the nurses on the ICU ward were much stricter than Rose, so she had been kicked out during non-visiting hours now, much to her dismay.

She supposed it was a good thing, it meant she was back at work with Han, having already had so much time off. And fixing engines was a good distraction, from Finn and Ben. Han was letting her leave early so she could be at the ward the minute visiting hours started at 4pm.

Ben had text her on her lunch saying he had just been with Finn as he got a new MRI and that he was still stable. She appreciated him checking in with her now that Rose couldn’t.

They - or rather she, without him protesting - had decided it wasn’t a good idea for her to stay at his until Finn had woken up. She wasn’t in the right state of mind and it was dangerous to sleep one room away from him every night.

She did however take advantage of his office. At the weekend, when she didn’t have anywhere else to go, Ben let her stay in his office when the nurses chased her out. He had set a pillow and blanket on the sofa for her and she couldn’t help but notice the array of vending machine snacks that were suddenly on his desk, a post-it note stuck on a bag of chips telling her to help herself.

Rey had asked for Ben to text her his schedule so she knew when he would be working, but also when he wouldn’t be in, not that she needed to check tonight. He always had Tuesday evenings off. They used to be one of their nights, she thought, sorrow tinging her mood.

After outstaying her welcome with Finn, she headed upstairs in the hospital. Locking herself in a bathroom, she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She might be taking the piss, but the offer of an empty room with a comfy couch was too good to pass up. She locked Ben’s door and tucked herself under the blanket.

She snuck out before Ben started work the next morning. Folding the blanket back into a cupboard carefully as if she hadn’t been there, then driving to work.

And then she did it again on Wednesday after Ben had stopped by on the ward and said he was leaving for the day.

And again two days later because he always had Friday evenings off.

That was her mistake.

She sat next to Finn, the young man unmoving in the bed. He looked so fragile, even more so with the bandages around his head, the white a stark contract against his skin. It had been eleven days since the surgery now and Rey was starting to feel her hope wavering. Surely if he was going to wake up, he would have done so by now. But Ben had assured her the brain knows what it’s doing, and it will take as long as it needs to heal.

Ben had been so considerate the last eleven days. It was almost cruel, the sympathetic looks, the kind smiles, the gentle words that told her just what she needed to hear at exactly the right time. He was too good, too generous to her.

“I’m in trouble, Finn.” Rey said, her voice weak in the quiet room. And just like that, all the weariness from the past few weeks came crushing down on her, the walls she had been keeping up to separate everything cracked. “I really need you right now, I don’t know what to do.” The room became blurry as tears began to form. “I’ve been so stupid.” She said, taking a deep breath, her hands swiping at the tears as they fell hotly on her cheeks.

“I’m such a mess.” Rey laughed wetly, looking at the moisture on her hands. “You wouldn’t even believe it all if I told you, you’d be so angry with me.” They were always so strong with each other, for each other. And now she felt so weak. “I fell in love with the worst possible person. And by some weird miracle, he loves me back... I know you’d be happy that I finally let someone else work their way into my heart, but it hurts so much, Finn.” The tears were coming so fast now she didn’t bother to wipe them away. “He is too good for me, although I bet you’d say no one is good enough. You’re always so nice like that, but I guess that’s what big brothers are for.” She mused. Now the words were coming out, she couldn’t seem to stop them. “But I’ve caused him so much pain already, I’ve lied, I’ve pushed him away, I’ve pulled him back, I’m not sure he could ever trust me not to hurt him again…”

“But I want- I need him to trust me.” Rey corrected herself. “I need him to… I need him.” She said, the realisation making the tears stop. “Fuck. I need him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” Her hand covered her mouth, a smile on her lips making her look crazy as she became certain. “I need to get him back, I can’t lose him. How do I get him back, Finn?” She asked.

There was no reply.

“God, I wish you were awake. You wouldn’t have let me get in this mess.” She wiped her hands on her jeans before leaning forward and holding his gently. “I should talk to him. I should tell him I love him. I should let him know. And then, if he still loves me back after everything, or if he hates me... At least I’ll have told him.” Rey looked at her brother, his chest rising and falling slowly, it had a calming effect on her. “He deserves to know how I feel, doesn’t he?”

The silence mocked her.

“After all he’s done for me – for _us_ – I can at least be honest with him, even if it hurts.” She decided. “But then I need you to wake up, Finn. I don’t think I can do this on my own anymore.” She took in a shaky breath. “I’m so scared. I can’t be alone anymore. Please, please come back to me.” She begged, the tears coming back at the idea of her being alone again, heartbroken and not even having Ben to comfort her anymore.

“Please wake up.” She pressed her forehead into their joined hands, her eyes squeezing shut. “I miss you so much.” Her voice trailed off, only the sound of her sniffs as her tears subsided keeping her company.

It wasn’t long before the nurse came around, ushering all the visitors out of the rooms.

Rey wandered the hall for a bit, not wanting to leave, not when she felt so fragile. She remembered it was Friday, the night Ben had off, so she went to Ben’s office and dumped her bag. She sat at his desk, taking some long breaths, trying to calm her lingering fears, trying to ignore the smell of Ben in the enclosed space. Forests. Rain. Cinnamon.

It only took a few more deep breaths and a huge amount of effort to lock away those feelings for the night. Dwelling on Ben wouldn’t help her sleep.

It was around ten minutes later, when she was scavenging the various chocolate bars in the snack stash, when she heard the door opening, a bag of chocolate covered Flipz in her hand.

Head snapping up, she was already preparing what lie she could say, when she saw it was Ben. Her eyebrows pinched together in confusion.

“I thought you said you didn’t like chocolate.” She teased, holding up some Reese’s Pieces and waving them at him.

“Rey.” He didn’t hide his surprise as well as she did. He glanced out into the hallway before shutting the door behind him. “What are you doing here?”

His was acting weird. “I just wanted to grab some food after I got kicked out of Finn’s room.” It was a half-truth. “What are you doing here? Don’t you usually have Friday nights off?”

He ran a hand through his hair, avoiding her gaze and that’s when she noticed his outfit. He had a black suit on, and a crisp white shirt, the neck held together with a thin black tie. He looked… He looked good. _Great_ even. She couldn’t see his shoes from where she stood behind his desk, but she would bet Speedy they were perfectly shined with not a single scuff on them.

“Are you going out somewhere?” She asked, almost singing as she pestered him, the corners of her mouth tilting up. “Did Poe twist your arm into attending something for Leia?” It put her on edge when he didn’t answer. Instead, he looked around at anything but her.

“Were you planning on sleeping here?” He asked, pointing at the pillow, finally making eye contact.

“Yeah.” She winced. She had forgotten she had put those out already. She shrugged, trying to downplay it. “Is that okay?”

“Rey, I told you, you can stay at mine whenever you need.”

“This is closer.” Rounding the desk, she sat down on the couch and opened the sweet wrapper, pouring some of the little chocolates in her palm before popping them in her mouth. “You’re avoiding my question, why are you dressed up all fancy? Got a hot date?” She winked, knowing she was being cheeky with him, but their friendship had gotten more relaxed recently and it was nice to have that back again. It was like before. Except he didn’t return her smile. No, he was looking down at his shoes uncomfortably.

 _They are shiny_ , Rey thought absentmindedly as her brain slowly realised what was happening.

“You do have a date?” She whispered, shocked at how distressing it felt.

“It’s not what you think-”

“No, no, it’s fine.” She stood up, the chocolate forgotten. “Of course, you were going to go on a date, dates even. Wasn’t that what it was all about anyway?” She was rambling, but it was because she felt sick and she needed to talk or she’d throw up, or worse, cry. “And you’re this brilliant, handsome doctor, of course women would be falling over themselves to ask you out.” She continued before Ben could speak. “And now you know you’re fine…”

How could this be happening? She thought he was going to wait for her. A week, a month, a year, he had said, and that was only 12 days ago. What had changed? What had she done to ruin her chance with him this time? Perhaps he hadn’t gotten over the anger from their argument and forgiven her like she thought he had. Maybe the pain of her rejecting him again was the last straw.

 _But he promised he’d wait_ , a small voice said pitifully. Was she silly for thinking he actually meant it? That she was worth him waiting for? Looking at him now, his pristine suit, his hair perfectly styled to look effortless tousled, his gorgeously complex face… Why would he wait for her? A homeless, poor girl who had to fight for everything she’d ever had.

Maybe he was just fed up with all her drama. She had to admit, it hadn’t been easy for them and he was probably just bored of it, wanting someone will less issues, less history. Someone who wasn’t as damaged.

Fuck. She’d missed her chance, Rey thought hopelessly. She should have told him she loved him…

“Is she nice? Does she- Does she work here?” She swallowed, regretting eating the peanut butter as her throat felt too dry. “Or did Leia set you two up? She’s been itching for you to get married and have babies.” She tried to joke.

“Rey. Stop.” Was she pacing? She forced herself to stand still. “It’s with Hux.” He said slowly.

“What?” Confusion overcame her again. “Your date is with Hux?”

“Yes.” He breathed before realising his mistake. “Well, no. Hux and Rose are going on a date, but it’s a double date with her sister, and he needed… he needed someone else to go with him.” He clarified, crossing the room to stand in front of her.

“So, you volunteered?”

His finger touched her chin lightly, tilting it up so she would look at him. “I owed him a favor.” He explained. His eyes darted between hers, searching for something she didn’t know. “I’m going just to support him. I don’t even know her name.”

“Paige. Her name is Paige.” Rey supplied. “She’s nice. She lent me a dress once.” Closing her eyes, she shook her head, stepping back from him.

“I’ll cancel-”

“No. She doesn’t deserve that.” Rey laughed dryly as she wiped furiously at her face, telling her jaw to unclench. “Besides, this is Hux and Rose’s first date. You can’t cancel on them.”

“Rey-” His voice was low and wary.

Turning to face him, she plastered on as big of a smile as she could muster. “Go. Have fun. I mean it.” She wasn’t sure why she did it, maybe it was her lack of self-preservation when it came to Ben, but she reached over and straightened his tie. Her eyes fixed on her hands pressing the soft fabric down over his shirt, smoothing it. “There you go. Perfect.”

“It should be you.” She felt his words rumble in his chest, her hands still lingering, not ready to let go.

“I know.” She whispered; her thumb stroked over the thin black material one last time before she moved to smooth his jacket of invisible wrinkles. She was proud of how nice he had dressed for his date. It was such a Ben Solo thing to do, going all out for a blind date. “I’m sorry.”

“I wish you’d stop being scared.” His words stunned her. Looking up he caught her eye, her mouth parting in surprise at the intensity she found there. “Scared of me, scared of us, scared of how you feel.”

“Please don’t do this.” She begged. She couldn’t talk to him now, couldn’t tell him all her hopes and fears and how she adored him and couldn’t lose him, not when he was about to go on a date. That wouldn’t be fair for either of them.

“You are the strongest woman I know, Rey.” His conviction was weighty. His hand covered hers, stopping her actions and pressing it to his chest. She didn’t know how to react. He always said the most perfectly beautiful and kind things about her, it was overwhelming. “Yet you are so afraid to let yourself be happy.”

“I’m not afraid.” She lied, but he continued as if he hadn’t heard.

“I could make you so happy, if you would just give me the chance.” He slowly, but firmly, guided her body closer to him, until his arms could wrap around her.

“I am happy.”

“Liar.” He growled, a smirk on his lips before he tugged her into a searing kiss. All his frustration was pouring into the way his mouth moved against hers, and she returned his desire with her own.

“Ben.” She panted as he pulled away, completely breathless. “We can’t.” He ignored her, spinning her so the backs of her thighs were pressed to the edge of his desk. Instinct made her hop up and sit down, her legs parting to make room for him.

“We can.” He bit at her lip, taking advantage of her gasp to get his tongue inside her mouth, deepening the kiss.

By the time he pulled back, they were both panting.

“You’ve got a date.” Despite her words, her arms didn’t let go of him.

“I know.” He breathed against her mouth, and then they were kissing again. His hands raking over her body, fingers biting into the flesh under her shirt.

“You shouldn’t miss it because of me.” Rey groaned, his mouth moving to her neck, nipping at the skin, making her thoughts go fuzzy.

“I won’t.” It sounded like it pained him to say, but that could have been because she had pushed her hips into his at the same time, needing the friction she knew he could give her.

“How long do you have?” This was stupid of them. It was reckless and unfair, for both of them, but when his fingers popped open the button on her jeans and pushed aside the material as much as the zip would allow, she found herself not caring.

“Fifteen, twenty tops.” She nodded, her hand pulling his head back to meet hers. His warm eyes were burning. Those beautiful honey brown tones now just a thin ring around the enlarged pupils. She tugged at his tie, loosening it clumsy, her hands hastily working to undo as many buttons of his shirt as she could before her lips found his pulse point. She alternated between hot wet kisses and little nips before sucking hard. She knew it would leave a mark, and subconsciously, maybe that was the point. The knowledge that later, when he was sitting across the table from his date, proof of Rey’s claim on him would be sat hidden under his collar. Their little secret.

“Shirt.” His rough with desire voice demanded. Rey quickly pulled it off and over her head. She watched with anticipation as his dark eyes trailed over her body, taking an avid interest in the straps of her bra.

A hand came up to push one off her shoulder, giving him total access to her collarbone. His lips danced over it, tracing it with his tongue, and that is when he pushed his hand into her trousers.

His fingers deftly pressed between her folds, finding her already wet for him, before focusing on her clit.

“Oh God.” She groaned, shifting on the desk, needing more.

He started stroking back and forth, over and over, drawing inhuman noises from Rey’s throat as he worked attentively to get her on the edge of orgasm.

“Fuck.” He leaned back, watching her chest heave as he pushed her closer and closer to her climax. “You’re so beautiful.” His free hand cupped one of her breasts through her bra, his hands working at the same pace. “How could I ever be with someone else when I know you exist? You’ve ruined me.”

Rey’s head lulled back, and it took her more effort than it should have to lift it to look at him. He was making her dizzy, her muscles tense yet restless as he rubbed her just the right way. It was fast, and lacked his usual finesse, and she would probably be sore tomorrow, but it was exactly what she needed.

“You’ve ruined me, as well.” She replied. “All I can think about is you, your hands, your mouth, your cock. I want you so much, it drives me crazy.” She let out a strangled cry as his fingers reacted to her words, pinching her clit. Her hand grabbed his wrist, slowing him as she began to wriggle out of her jeans. Letting him pull them off her legs along with her shoes and underwear, dumping them in a pile on the floor.

He made quick work of his belt and trousers, pushing them halfway down on his thighs before wrapping his hand around his cock. He palmed it a few times as his lined up with her, hooking his elbow under her knee and pushing her leg up to get better access.

Rey wrapped her arms securely around his neck, knowing this was going to be fast, and needing to hold onto him. Her other leg curled around his hip, the heel of her foot digging into his behind, pushing him closer. It was the only encouragement he needed, he thrust into her completely, causing Rey to cry out at the stretch.

“Fuck, Ben.” His mouth stole a hungry kiss from her as she adjusted.

“So perfect.” He mumbled into her mouth between kisses. “Like you were made for me.” She slowly moved her hips, letting him know he could continue. His pace started slow but quickly sped up and soon he was relentlessly pounding into her. Rey used her leverage on his shoulders to meet every drive of his hips into hers, the desk shaking underneath them. “Going to make you feel me for the rest of the night.” He growled, the slap of their skin and their panting getting louder.

Rey whined; she was so close, she could feel herself on the edge and Ben noticed.

“Not without me.” His said, then his cock pushed deeper, stilling when it reached as far inside her as he could go, before pulling nearly all the way out and repeating his movements. It was almost unbearable, his cock sliding in and out, but she needed it, and the way he was staring down at her, his eyes shining with hope and want, he needed it too.

The arm wrapped around her leg tightened, and she knew it would leave a bruise, but he needed the purchase as he drove harder and faster. His other hand dropped between them, rubbing her clit.

A few moments later Rey cried out as she came. Her legs tensing more somehow, clamping down around him and it only took one more unfathomable deep pump of his cock inside her before he grunted, joining her and coming roughly.

Aftershocks ran through him, making his grip on her tighten for a second as a shudder ran through him. If she stayed still, she could feel him still pulsating inside her. It was nice, she mused, to feel so full of him.

He pressed his lips to her forehead, and Rey could have cried at how right it felt.

After a moment, he slowly laid them back on his desk, his hand quickly swiping whatever was on it to the floor as he gently lowered her. He was so considerate, Rey smiled hazily up at him, her mind fuzzy from her orgasm. She was sure he couldn’t be comfortable, propped up on one elbow over her, but he didn’t seem to mind as they kissed.

It was a bit sloppy, but in her blissed-out state, it was exactly what she needed.

“That was… Fuck, Rey.” Ben exhaled, a smile breaking out over his features. She hummed in agreement.

“You should probably leave soon.” Rey reminded him a few minutes later, her hand absentmindedly stroking up and down his arm.

“I’m going to cancel on Hux.” He said after a moment. “I don’t know why I thought I could go through with it.” He admitted, his voice soft and low, his hand tracing patterns on her body delicately.

At some point they shifted, him easing out of her, and she dreaded to think of the mess they had left on his nice polished desk. He had tugged up his trousers and was now curled on his side, her on her back, head turned to the side, so they were both facing each other. They must have looked silly, her only in her bra and him in a wrinkled suit and half undone tie.

“Okay.” Her hand came up to trace his bottom lip. God, she loved that mouth. She wasn’t sure if it was the fuzziness, or maybe it was just because she had gotten scared earlier and came to her senses, but Rey took a long slow breath in, needing to clear to the air. “Ben, maybe we could-”

A high-pitched beeping interrupted her, making her jump.

“Shit, sorry.” Ben awkwardly sat up as he scrambled in his pocket for his beeper to stop its endless noise. “Fuck!” He pushed himself off the desk, the colour draining from his face as he hurriedly fastened his belt.

“What is it? Is there an emergency?” He went to a cupboard, pulling off his jacket and grabbing his white medical coat. Picking up her jeans and underwear, handing them to her, he swore again as he tried to find her shirt.

“You need to get dressed.”

“Ben, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

He found her shirt just as she tugged on her jeans, wincing at the rough fabric against her tender skin.

“Rey. It’s Finn. He’s awake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peaks out from behind my laptop*
> 
> Please don't hate me... I'm sorry for that cliffhanger! 
> 
> Make sure you follow me on twitter here: [LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo).
> 
> And check out my other story, here: [The Blessed Unrest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23098513/chapters/55262218)
> 
> Thank you for reading! I should post the next update by the end of the weekend, so you won't have too long to wait.
> 
> And as always, don't forget to comment!


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn wakes up

They ran through the halls, Ben shouting at people to get out of the way until they reached the ICU. He only slowed his pace when they reached the ward, catching his breath.

Opening the door to Finn’s room, Ben quickly and calmly introduced himself to Finn and thanked the nurse who had paged him.

“Mr Johnson, it is wonderful to see you awake. I am Dr Ben Solo. I understand this must be very confusing right now, but I need you to stay calm.”

Rey lingered at the door, Finn’s face hidden from view by Ben’s back, suddenly afraid to step inside. It had all happened so quickly. A minute ago it was just her and Ben and now… everything was going to change and she was terrified.

She could see his feet moving under the sheets. It was an odd thing to focus on, but she couldn’t look away. There was a small noise followed by a cough.

“Nurse, can you get some water?” Ben instructed. “It’s alright, you have been unconscious for a while, your throat will be sore.”

She watched as the nurse helped Finn hold the plastic cup and she assumed bring it towards his mouth. Ben’s back was still blocking them.

She couldn’t breathe. She was shaking.

Finn was awake, but what if something wasn’t right? What if he wasn’t the same? Her racing heart clenched in fear. All the worries she had tried not to think about, rushing and knocking the wind out of her. She suddenly felt like that lost child after her parents had left her, peering out behind a doorway at the other people in the bus station as she waited for them to return, shy and scared.

After a few moments, she heard him clear his throat.

It was croaky, and quiet, but she heard it.

“Rey… Where’s Rey?” Relief flooded her. Her knees wobbled and she had to grasp the doorway to stop her from falling.

“She’s here.” Ben answered, turning to look at her, concern written on his features when he saw her, trembling, eyes wide and frightened, clutching to the door.

She looked at desperately at him, pleading him to help her, to give her the strength she needed. He was there in an instant, his gentle hand placed on the small of her back and helped guided her to the bed. To her brother.

Tears immediately burst from her eyes when she saw his face. He was no longer peacefully sleeping, but his eyes were open, his mouth tense with unanswered questions, his forehead wrinkled with confusion.

“Rey?” A sob escaped her lips as she reached out to touch his hand, finding the strength to be with him without Ben’s help.

“I’m here, Finn. I’m here.” She was unable to stop smiling, holding his hand to her mouth, pressing it to his skin firmly as her other stroked the side of his face. “You’re awake.” She whispered. “You came back to me.”

“You had some serious brain trauma.” Ben stepped forward and she was grateful as he explained everything with a sense of calm and proficiency that she wouldn’t have been able to. “There was swelling on your brain, but the surgeon was able to fix it. However, you remained comatose for some time.” Finn’s eyes flickered between her and Ben, his mouth parted with confusion. “That is when your sister, hired me. We discovered the reason behind your prolonged coma was a tumor on your brainstem that must have already been growing at the time of the accident but was missed.”

“Rey-” Finn’s grip was still weak, but it tightened in her hand, the fear in his voice was clear.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Rey soothed him. “Ben- Dr Solo removed it.”

“Rey is right. A few days ago I successfully removed the tumor.”

“And now you’re awake.” Rey finished, leaning down to hug him, being careful of the wires. When she pulled back, he looked stunned. It wasn’t surprising, it was a lot of information to take in. It had taken her weeks to believe it was true when the accident first happened, and he had only had minutes.

“How- How long?” Finn’s forehead creased. “How long was I in a coma for?”

Rey swallowed, feebly she wanted to look at Ben for help again, but she pursed her lips, steadying herself. “Nearly two years.”

Finn blanched. “Two- Rey, please tell me your joking?” She shook her head, Finn watched her carefully, reading her sorrow and knowing it was serious. It took him a while to absorb everything, but he finally nodded slowly. “Thank you, Doctor. Would you mind giving me a moment alone with my sister?”

“Of course, but I will need to do some examinations soon.” Ben said, she wasn’t used to seeing him in Doctor mood like this. His voice was soft and calm, polar opposite of how he had been ten minutes earlier when they were grunting together. Rey blushed, knowing her underwear was currently soaked with his cum. “I’ll be right outside.”

As soon as the door shut, Finn turned his body towards her, it took great effort, the pain clear on his face. He yanked off the O2 reader from his finger. “Finn, what are you doing?” Rey asked frantically as he started grabbing wires and tugging. “Stop that!”

“We have to get out of here, Rey.” Finn mumbled, trying to swing his legs around but Rey’s hands stopped him.

“You can’t! You just woke up, you’re in no state-”

“We don’t do hospitals, Rey. They are too white, too infectious, too expensive.” Finn hissed.

“I know, I know. But you just had major brain surgery. You need to calm down.” Rey insisted, wincing as he moved his legs again, pulling at his catheter. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Rey-”

“No!” She practically screamed at him. “I’ve been by your side every day for nearly two years, you are not doing something stupid like leaving and risking everything just because you don’t like hospitals.” A few angry tears streamed down her face. “So, you better lay your arse down or I swear I will get Dr Solo and as many nurses as it takes to _strap_ you down.”

“Woah, woah. Okay. Calm down.” Finn tried to hold up his hands, but they quickly fell weakly to the bed.

“I will not calm down.” She glared at him, her gaze softening when she saw his eye. She had almost forgotten how deep and expressive his dark eyes were. “I just got you back.” She said, her voice quiet, exhaustion taking over her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She nodded, he always knew how to calm her down. “Come ‘ere.” He scooted on the bed, making room for her. Rey carefully climbed onto the bed, curling up to his side, his arm loosely wrapping around her shoulders as hers draped over his chest. “I’m sorry. I’ll stay.” He muttered, kissing the top of her head before letting his slowly fall back on the pillow.

“You came back.” Rey closed her eyes, letting her head rest on him shoulder. “You came back to me.”

Within minutes, they had both fallen asleep.

\-----

“Stop moving!” Rey gently slapped at Finn’s shoulder in exasperation. She had a towel draped over her shoulder and a razor in her hand. “This was a lot easier when you were in a coma.” She teased as he winced for the ninth time at his shaving cream covered faces reflection in the little mirror set up on the table.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… you sure you know how to use that thing?” He asked as she started to stroke the blade alone his jaw.

“I did this three times a week for nearly two years and I never got any complaints before today.” Rey commented.

Finn huffed before realising what she had said. “Hey! I was in a coma. No complaints doesn’t count if I was unconscious.” Finn’s humour was one of the first things to recovery, which pleased Rey immensely.

“I got really good at it. After the first month or so.” She teased, pulling her jaw to the side for him to copy. “Soon you’ll have enough strength to do this yourself, so let me do this while I still can.”

It had been a week since Finn had woken up, and he was improving everyday with daily physical and mental exercises from his physiotherapist and neurologist. Ben had been surprised at the almost complete lack of apparent brain damage from the original accident or the subsequent tumour removal, the only odd thing was Finn’s sudden dislike for cheese, something he used to love eating before.

Rey had decided it was the stem cells that must have helped the speedy recovery, Ben’s miracle idea. She still didn’t completely understand how they worked, but she liked to think Ben’s experimental surgery was the reason Finn’s brain was healing so quickly and adapting almost seamlessly.

The physiotherapy was going well, despite his initial frustrations at not being able to walk or lift anything heavier than a cup of water, Finn was now walking again with almost no help. The doctor, a lovely woman called Jannah, had said it was a combination of how fit and healthy he had been before the coma, and how young he still was that aided his speedy recovery. But it still meant Rey could take care of him for a little while longer. She knew it was selfish, but she liked that he relied on her, it made her feel useful.

“Solo said I could be discharged by the end of next week.” Finn said when she had finished and was rinsing off the last spots of shaving cream with the towel.

“His name is Ben.”

“I’m not calling him that.” Rey sighed. “I don’t like him. The way he keeps looking at you, pulling you off to the side for little chats. I don’t like it.”

She hadn’t told Finn anything about her and Ben, only that he was his doctor, who also happened to be Han and Leia’s son and had offered his house to them while they sourced a flat. Because they were family friends and no other reason, she had lied when Finn questioned her about this apparent stranger’s kindness.

“Stop it. He’s just doing his job. Besides, you two have a lot in common. Brain tumours and all that.”

The truth is, her and Ben hadn’t spoken about what they were since they had sex in his office. She had wanted to, having made her mind up that she was going to tell him about her feelings and talk about their future, but Finn waking up changed everything and Ben was giving her space so she could spend much needed time with her brother, which she was grateful for.

And not to mention that she suddenly had a new set of worries and distractions, not that she could complain. Flat hunting for a place her and Finn could move into that was access friendly and in her price range was hard, but she was grateful because of what the task meant. Finn would be home with her soon.

And yet every time she pictured home, it was Ben’s house she thought of. Shaking herself out of that train of thought, she went to a drawer and pulled out some clothes.

“Do you want the black or the white?” She asked, holding up two t-shirts for him to choose from and hopefully distracting him from his suspicion of Ben.

“Black. If I wear more white, I might disappear.” He looked down at the white sheets as if to prove his point.

She tossed it to him. “I’ll get you some nice sheets. You should have seen the ones I got you for Thanksgiving.” She showed him a picture on her phone after he got dressed.

“Those are awesome.” He laughed appreciatively, and Rey was delighted she had got them even if he hadn’t known it at the time.

“Knock Knock.” They both turned as Poe entered.

“Hey man.” Finn called out, straightening in his bed and quickly running a hand over his freshly shaved chin self-consciously. Rey’s eyebrow quirked up but she didn’t say anything.

Poe had stopped by earlier in the week to meet her brother and bring her supplies, and since then he and Finn had been texting. Finn claimed it was out of boredom when she wasn’t around, but seeing they both glance at each other at the same time before Finn quickly looked away, a slight tint gracing his cheeks, Rey realised her brother might have developed a little crush. Not that she blamed him, Poe was a nice, attractive man, even if he was an arse sometimes.

“Great timing. I was going to nip down to the café and get some more snacks. Any requests?” Rey announced, before grabbing her colourful bag and leaving them alone together. Neither of them protested.

She smiled to herself as she stocked up. She was as surprised as anyone that Poe and her were now friends, having bonded the last few weeks over such unusual circumstances. But she liked him and it would be nice if Finn could find a decent boyfriend, she mused as she paid for the sugary snacks.

He had always punished himself for his sexual orientation, admitting to Rey when they first met that his foster family had tried to beat it out of him until he couldn’t take it anymore and ran away. But as him and Rey grew up together, he had slowly accepted that it wasn’t bad to be gay, and that his foster parents had been the ones in the wrong, not him. It didn’t make the scars on his back disappear, but it made him more determined to find love and be happy.

Her phone rang as she left the café, her purse unable to close with all the sweets inside. She frowned as she saw the number.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Rey Johnson I’m speaking to?” The woman’s voice had a slight southern drawl, kind but professional.

“Speaking.”

“Hello Miss Johnson, my name is Ciena, apologies for calling on a Saturday but we at Long Beach Hospital wanted to thank you for your payment personally.” Rey’s forehead scrunched up. They had never called her before.

“I’m sorry, I think there’s been some confusion. My next payment isn’t scheduled until Monday.” She walked back to the café and putting her bag on the closest table she could find, fishing out her diary which she knew had the latest payment details letter inside. Candy wrappers rustling loudly as she pulled it out.

“I can assure you, Miss Johnson, I’m looking at it right now. $132,280.45 received yesterday evening into your account, full payment of the outstanding debt.” Rey looked at the letter, the dollars matched perfectly to what was written down. But _she_ hadn’t paid it.

“Are you able to confirm that in writing?” Rey asked cautiously.

“I’ll send a receipt acknowledging the payment right now.” The friendly voice told her.

“I’m actually in the hospital right now, am I able to come and collect it? Save you the postage.” Rey offered, wanting to see it in person before she really believed it.

“Of course, we’re on fifth floor, follow the signs for Accounting when you get out of the lift.”

Rey found it easily, clearly they were an important department for the hospital, with their own individual offices and a little waiting area.

Ciena was a beautiful woman with caramel skin, perfectly curly black hair and a stunning royal blue work dress that made Rey feel immediately self-conscious of her ripped jeans and messy bun.

“Miss Johnson, come in.” Her smile was like one from a toothpaste advert.

“I was wondering if you were able to tell me which bank account the payment came from?” Rey asked as they sat down.

Concern flickered across the other woman’s face. “Do you think there was a mistake?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. I just wanted to double check it came from the right account.” She lied. In all honesty, Rey already had a good idea who had made the payment.

Ciena pulled up the details and turned the screen around. “Here you are.” Perfectly manicured nails pointed at the bank number and the name of the account holder.

_B. Solo_

“Thank you. That’s perfect.” Rey nodded, sitting back in the chair and letting out a long shaky breath.

“Thank you, Miss Johnson. And here is your confirmation.” Rey took the envelope with trembling hands and left.

She felt numb as she walked to Ben’s office. Had he really paid off her whole debt? Why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he tell her?

Knocking, she was so lost in her own thoughts, she nearly missed him call out for her to come in.

He was sitting behind his desk, staring at his computer in deep concentration, a pair of thick rimmed glasses she didn’t know he wore sitting on his nose, it almost made her forget why she was there, her mind flashing up images of him between her legs, looking up at her with those glasses on and not much else. Focus! She scolded herself.

“Did you pay off Finn’s bills?” She held up the letter, her hand still shaking.

Ben sighed, pushing his glasses onto the top of his head as he sat back in her chair, they almost vanished in his thick hair. “You found out about that fast.”

“They called me. To say thanks.” She explained and Ben swore under his breath. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he gestured for her to come sit down. She tried to ignore looking at the spot on his desk they had had sex on, but her cheeks heated at the memory.

“You aren’t mad?” He asked, his tone perplexed, like he was expecting an argument.

“Not really. More curious.” She answered. It had been weeks now since their last heated fight, their emotions volatile and dangerous. Rey was grateful for their change in pace, the calmer conversations, them just being generally better at communicating with each other. It made her hopeful.

“I was going to ask you out for dinner.” Ben began to explain, annoyance tinged his voice at his plan being ruined.

“You paid 132 grand to ask me out for dinner?” Rey asked, confused.

“No. No, of course not.” He fumbled with his hands on his desk, nearly knocking his water bottle over. “I wouldn’t- It was to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?” One eyebrow quirked up.

“Finn’s surgery. Remember the stem cell trial I did?” Rey nodded. “Well, I sent The American Association of Neurological Surgeons a proposal based on my research and they commissioned a paper.”

“Wow, that’s great news, Ben!” Rey’s face lit up, she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I’m so happy for you. That sounds like a big deal.”

Ben nodded, his thumb stroking her knuckles lightly. She tried not to pay too much attention to the little unconscious display of affection, but her heart clenched at how small and easy it was for him to do. “It is. I’ve published with them before, mostly open research for free, but this is my first big paid article.”

“That’s wonderful. We totally need to go out and celebrate.” Rey agreed with his earlier idea, beaming at him before remembering why she was here. “But, what does that have to do with paying off my medical bills?”

Ben kept stroking her hand, his eyes never straying from hers. “It was the commission. I… I thought the best way to spend it would be on the person that made it possible.”

“Ben… I…” Rey struggled to find the right words. “I will pay you back.”

“I won’t let you. Rey, I don’t need the money. Even if I didn’t get paid more than enough here, you know my family, you know I don’t need it.” It was true. Being the daughter of a President and a Senator in her own right, Leia Organa had more money than she probably knew what to do with.

“But it’s your money. You did all the work…” Her objections trailed off as he lifted their joint hands, pressing a kiss to her wrist, letting his lips linger delicately over her skin.

“For you.” Despite his quiet volume, his tone was full of conviction. “I did it all for you. You saved me, Rey.” She started to protest but he kept going. “It’s true. I was miserable. Angry, alone, I was being destructive, constantly working. The only reason I spoke to my family in over ten years was because I thought I could to die during one of my seizures, and I needed people around.” He sighed, his regret obvious. “I was alive, but I wasn’t living. Then you came in, like an actual ray of sunshine, and you changed everything.” He pressed her hand into his cheek. It was slightly rough from where had hadn’t shaved that morning. “Let me do this for you. I can’t bear to see you struggling, living out of your car, eating shit junk food.”

“I don’t just eat junk food.” Ben eyed her handbag where the chocolate bars and candy wrappers poked out.

“When was the last time you had a homecooked meal?” Ben smirked into her palm. “I know you are strong and can take care of yourself. I know you find it hard to lower your defences and let people in. I’m probably overstepping the boundaries of _whatever_ this is, but let me help you. Please.”

Rey found herself nodding, having taken in everything he said. Slowly, she pulled her hand away, tucking it in her lap as she thought over everything. “Okay.”

She thought it would be difficult to accept his help, to let her guard down over something as sensitive to her as money, but with him… with him it was easy to be okay with it.

“Okay?” She almost felt bad for the desperation she had caused in his voice.

“Okay. I accept. If you don’t need the money, and Finn’s case is the reason that got you this money in the first place, then…” Rey mulled over her thoughts before nodded again to herself. “Then I think that would be okay.” The smile that lit up Ben’s face made Rey know she had made the right choice. He was happy, thrilled even, at her decision to let him help her. He understood that this was a big step for her. “But I will pay you back. One day. Somehow.”

Ben laughed, it was a beautiful sound. It gave her confidence.

“Hey, Ben?” Their eyes met.

“Yes?”

The energy around them turning electric at the importance of her next sentence. It felt significant. “Have dinner with me tonight.” It wasn’t a question, her resolve making him nod regardless. She smiled, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Good. I’ll meet you at yours at 8.”

She walked to the door, pausing and turning to look at him before she left.

“Oh, and wear that nice suit.” She couldn’t help but smile as Ben’s eyes widened, his jaw going slack at the memory of what had happened the last time he’d worn it.

Shutting the door behind her before she changed her mind and jumped him in his chair, Rey couldn’t stop smiling all the way back to Finn’s room. Poe raised his eyebrow as he raided the sweets, but didn’t say anything. The same way Rey didn’t say anything when she saw Poe reach over and hold Finn’s hand a few minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it as we're nearing the end of the story now... 
> 
> I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you to everyone who has followed this story, especially those who have been here since Chapter 1! It's been an emotional few weeks, writing again and all the positive comments from this, losing my job and being quarantined... But all the love and support and donations you have all given me has been incredible. So thank you. I cannot tell you how much it all means to me. I'm not sure what I would have done without this wonderful community being around me these last few weeks. 
> 
> Anyway! Follow me on twitter here: [LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo).
> 
> Thank you for reading! And don't forget to comment!


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go on a date

“I hope you don’t mind, but I called in a favour.” Rey said as the taxi pulled up outside Takodana.

Ben stepped out of the car, holding his hand for Rey to take as she struggled to keep her dignity climbing across the seats and standing up straight on the sidewalk. Her only dress was better suited for summer and not the chilly February evenings in California, while her cardigan stopped her from getting cold, it didn’t help with the length of the skirt.

“I don’t mind at all.” Ben straightened his tie, buttoning his jacket before offering Rey his arm. “Mom and Maz go way back, I’ve been meaning to come here for years.” He admitted.

“You know Maz?” Rey tilted her head to look up at him.

“Oh yeah.” He said remorsefully, and Rey realised why when they entered the restaurant, Maz appearing out of nowhere and walking towards them with purpose.

“Ben Solo, you naughty boy!” The older woman scolded as she wrapped her arms around Ben’s hips and tried to pick him up off his feet. “You don’t come see me for years, then you get your girlfriend to call me up for a reservation!” Ben laughed, his hand coming out to grab the wall so he didn’t trip over as she continued to squeeze his thighs and lift his despite his giant size and her small stature.

“It’s great to see you, Maz.” Ben laughed, looking at Rey pleadingly. The amusement on her face making him worried she wouldn’t help.

Rey laughed, putting her hand on Maz’s shoulder, gently distracting her attention. “Thank you so much for sorting this out.”

“No problem, dear. I knew you two would call me sooner or later. He spent the whole of Leia’s Christmas fundraiser staring at you in that pretty dress.” Rey blushed and the way Ben quickly avoiding her eyes to readjust his suit told Rey that Maz wasn’t making things up.

“Did he, now?” Rey teased before they were shown to their table.

“I wasn’t staring all night.” Ben defended himself when Maz left. “You just didn’t make it easy.”

“I thought you hated me.” Rey exclaimed, taking a sip of the water the waiter had poured for them after taking their drinks orders.

“I thought you hated me.” He admitted. “I hated what you were doing to me. I wanted to be with you, I was angry, then I saw you with Poe… I got jealous. That evening was not one of my proudest moments.”

“Me either. Anyway, let’s forget about the past.” Rey said just as the waiting returned with their bottle of wine. “To the future.” She held up her glass to toast his, but he didn’t move. She looked at him, concerned crossing her features and was surprised to see him staring intently at her.

“I don’t want to forget about the past.” Ben said seriously. “I don’t want to pretend we weren’t together before.” Rey was stunned, slowly lowering her glass back to the table. “I loved every moment with you, they were the happiest I think I’ve ever been, and if people ask how we met, I’m not going to lie and say it was because you were my patient’s sister.”

“You’re going to tell the truth?” Her eyebrow quirked up at him.

“No. Not the whole truth.” Ben said, the lopsided smirk breaking out on his face. “I’m going to say we met online.” Rey laughed, but his words meant more to her than she made out. It was nice to know they didn’t have to keep the memories of their time together before a secret, like it was a shameful affair. It was odd how pleasing it was to know that he wanted to tell people about them.

“Okay.” Rey breathed, squeezing his hand before letting go. “I’d like that too.”

“Well, then here’s to the past, the present, and the future.” They clinked their glasses then took a sip of the tart wine.

“Poe knows by the way.” Rey remembered, the words spilling out before she really thought about them. Ben choked, his hand coming up to pound on his chest and clear his throat.

“What?” He wheezed.

“I’m sorry, it was the Christmas thing. I was upset, he came to check up on me, I told him everything.” She quickly explained, not really explaining it at all. “Anyway, he’s fine, he’ll keep it secret. He actually helped me erase all the stuff online when I quit the whole sex work thing.”

Ben’s eyebrows were nearing his hairline, but he didn’t question her. “Okay...” He said slowly. “If we’re admitting things, then I told Han. Well, he figured it out.” It was Rey’s turn to choke, this time on nothing as she panicked. Ben realised his mistake and continued. “He doesn’t know everything, just that I knew you before we met at Thanksgiving.”

“He figured it out?” Rey asked, her voice going up an octave or two, not understanding how that was even possible. Ben just nodded, taking a long sip of his drink. “That’s going to make work a bit awkward. How long has he known?”

“Just before Christmas.”

“Oh God, he knew at Christmas?” Rey groaned, covering her face with her hands. “It’s fine.” She said, swiftly straightening up and resting her hands on the table. “Hit me. Anything else I need to know about? Is Leia already planning our wedding? Did you promise Hux our first born? Come on.”

Ben smiled at her, obviously finding it amusing that she was acting like she was warming up for a fistfight. “Nope. That’s it.”

“Thank God.” She took a large gulp of wine in relief.

Dinner was amazing. Rey almost couldn’t believe how good the food tasted, even the bread they bought to the table was heavenly; the crust perfectly flaky, the inside soft and warm, the hand-made whipped salted butter melting deliciously on it.

They talked about everything and nothing at the same time until the waiter came up to ask if they needed anything else. Rey, realising the time and how the restaurant had emptied, she asked for the bill and insisted on paying.

When Ben tried to argue, putting his card on the table, Rey snatched it, hiding it in her bra just before the waiter returned, getting her own card out. She thanked him and paid, leaving a sizable tip as she felt guilt for how long they had taken.

“You know I’m going to go in there and get that back, don’t you?” Ben said, his voice low and husky, referring to his credit card as he eyed her bra.

“I was planning on it.” She teased, her foot coming up to stroke up his calf under the table.

“Really Rey, you didn’t have to do that.” Ben said as they left the restaurant, having said goodbye to Maz, waiting for the cab they ordered.

“Shush. This was to celebrate you and your article, I couldn’t let you pay.” Rey winked, grabbing his hand and swinging it between them. She was a little tipsy. They both were. “Besides, I have a lot more spare cash now I don’t have to pay those killer medical bills each month.”

“Maybe I should charge you rent.” Ben joked, causing Rey’s arm to tense for a second.

“About that…” Rey winced. “I think maybe Finn and I should get our own place.” She said nervously. “Finn isn’t that comfortably with the idea, he doesn’t know you enough to accept the help, and… if I’m honest. I’m not sure we should live together right away if we’re going to give this a shot.” Her hand rested on his chest as she spoke.

“Rey-”

“This is your own fault!” She poked him with her finger lightly. “If you didn’t pay off the bills, I wouldn’t suddenly have these saving and extra cash, which means I wouldn’t have had the choice but to live with you.” Her hand worked its way up to his jaw, cupping it as her thumb stroked his cheek. “But now I have the choice, and I think maybe I should be with Finn for a little while, just until I know he’s completely better and readjusted. Then… then I would love to live with you. Just us.”

“Just us?” The hope in his voice made her chest fill with happiness. She nodded, his head moving down towards hers.

The taxi honking inturpted them, causing Ben to sigh as he rested his forehead against hers.

The ride home felt like forever. Ben kept her hand held tightly in his lap, or against his mouth as he kissed it, not wanting to let it go, and soon he was practically dragging her to his front porch.

Locking it behind them, he quickly spun Rey around and pressed her back into the door. His mouth was on hers, hot and heavy as his almost attacked her mouth. His hands were everywhere and yet she needed more, whimpering when he pulled away, his hand coming up to show his card held between two large fingers. She hadn’t even noticed him steal it away from her.

“Fuck, that’s hot.” She groaned, throwing herself at him, glad his fast reactions and strength meant he caught her, hoisting her up on his waist. He began carrying them upstairs, her legs wrapped around him, one hand curling around her bottom as the other supported her back.

It was a stark contract, the way his kicked open his bedroom door with urgency, yet slowly, gently lowered her onto his bed, his knees placed either side of her legs as he half straddled her, both their feet dangling over the edge of the massive bed. He drew back, his face gazing down tenderly, dark chocolate eyes swirling with emotion as the flickered between hers in awe, the corners of his eyes crinkling and his mouth turned up in a bliss-filled smile.

Lust. Happiness. Love. It all radiated off him. Rey bit her lip as she shivered. She had almost forgotten how intense he was during sex. Almost.

Her hand flew up into his hair, pushing it out of his face so she could see all of his face. She wanted to see him completely. Smiling up, her thumb dancing over his moles, tracing his bottom lip. He looked confused for a moment but let her tenderly trace his face with familiarity.

“I love you, Ben Solo.” Her voice barely above a whisper, but so full of joy it caused a toothy grin to take over her face. He tensed and Rey had a fleeting panic that she had done it wrong, but the fear quickly disappeared when he closed the gap between them, giving her an agonisingly sweet kiss.

She could feel him smiling just before he pulled away, both of them serene.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He quipped, making Rey laugh and smack his arm. “Ow!” He cried out, his face scrunching up as he knelt on the bed over her, then rubbed at his arm as if she had actually hurt him.

“You are an arse.” She marvelled. “I just said I love you and you mock me. Unbelievable.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He placed a quick peck on her lips as he bent down to her again. “But I think I already said I love you around five times first, so you have some making up to do.” Rey threw her head back on the duvet, laughing.

“Seriously?” She asked when she tilted her head to look at him again.

Ben loomed over her, his hair falling down to curtain their faces. “Completely.” He took a searing kiss from her mouth, leaving them both breathless when he pulled back.

“I love you.” She peppered increasingly passionate kisses on his mouth. “I love you.” Her hand pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders. “I love you.” Tugging at his tie to bring him back down to her level as she uttered it one last time. “I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Rey.” He whispered and didn’t wait any longer, surging forward, his hand cupping the back of her head, angling her so he could kiss her deeply, his fingers tangled in her hair.

She leaned into his mouth, her tongue delving into it, licking the roof and earning a groan from him as a reward. Her fingers loosened his tie and undid buttons, pushing her hands under the expensive white shirt to find a tee. She growled in frustration making him laugh. Ben sat back and took off the shirt before lifting the t-shirt over his head. Rey was greeted with his glorious chest, her hands immediately seizing him by his ribs, stroking the thick muscles under his skin.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” She admitted. Sex with Ben was great, but the last time had been hasty and he had stayed almost fully clothed during it, depriving Rey of this sight. His body was seriously impressive and she honestly didn’t know how he maintained his sheer mass with the crazy hours he worked, but she appreciated it. God, she appreciated it, she almost growled as her short nails raked over his pectoral muscles, down his powerful abs, her eyes hungrily taking him in as he leaned over her.

Her hands dropped lower, tugging on his belt for a moment before pushing his trousers down, hooking her fingers into his underwear and carefully dragging it down as far as she could, his cock jutting out. Ben got off the bed, as gracefully as he could with his pants around his thighs, kicking them aside. Rey sat up, leaning back on her elbows as she took in his completely naked body. Biting her lips, she shrieked playfully when he attacked her, his hands lifting her dress over her head and throwing it clean across the room.

Her bra was the next thing to go, his mouth pressing hot, wet kisses on her nipples as soon as they were revealed. His teeth grazing them lightly before nipping at them harder making her gasp. But his tongue always circled them immediately after, soothing the overly sensitive skin. Trailing kissed down her body, he crawled lower until he was kneeling on the floor. His hands dragged slowly over every inch of skin they found, his fingers taking extra time on the slight curve of her breasts and her stomach.

Rey lifted her hips, his hands gently tugging down her underwear, following the small piece of fabrics journey with more kisses. Rey giggled when he plucked them off her foot, holding her leg by the ankle, he licked a stripe along the arch of her foot before pressing his swollen lips to it. It tickled, making her squirm, but she found it surprising sexy.

His eyes, almost black with want, stared at her laying out for him. She watched with bated breath as his hands slowly stroked up the inside of her thighs, pushing them apart and kneeling between them.

“Fuck. I’ve missed this.” He sighed, echoing her earlier words, as he looked directly at her cunt. She wanted to wriggle under his gaze, but his hands wrapped under her legs. His large hands curling around to hold her hips steady as he took a long drag of his tongue over her. Rey trembled, groaning shamelessly. “Perfect.” He muttered as his nose sought out her clit, his tongue busying itself circling her entrance.

Rey was grateful for his strong hands, fearing she would have bucked her hips violently, hurting him, if he hadn’t been holding her down so securely. God, that mouth was sinful, she thought as he drew a loud moan from her chest. His tongue pushed deeper and Rey had to fist her hands in his hair to stop him from ending it too soon for her. Her toes curled, her calves tensing at the strain.

“Hang on. Hang on.” She babbled, finding the strength to lift her head and look down at the magnificent sight of Ben’s head between her legs, his mouth glistening because of her, before it dropped back onto the duvet. He was too much sometimes, and she could overdose on that image alone. “I’m close, but I want you…” She explained, her chest heaving uncontrollably, hoping he understood.

He was instantly back on top of her, their faces level as their mouth battled again. She could taste herself on his tongue.

Reaching between them, she curled her hand around his cock, lining him up. She was almost embarrassed at how wet she was, but she also knew this was going to be fast, and she probably needed it.

The warm press of him easing into her made her groan, and it seemed to have the same effect on Ben, his hair falling into his face as he looked down with concentration and wonder at where they were joined.

Her groan morphed into a grunt when he was fully inside her. Her hands clawed at his shoulders to help her keep her grasp on reality as the delirious stretch of him made her see stars.

“Fuck, I love this.” She hissed and he started moving his hips, slowly at first, pulling all the way back, before pushing forward at an alarmingly leisurely pace. She watched him as he watched where they joined in fascination, as if each thrust was utterly implausible to him, and she supposed it was.

Them being together again like this had felt impossible just 12 hours ago. She had too many issues to work through, truly believing he would come to his senses that he deserved better. He had been still hurt from her rejection, not understanding the reasons for wanting to protect herself from him and his overwhelming love for her. But that had all changed.

She supposed it had been a long time coming. Lowering her walls to let someone in. She had always wanted to love and be loved, so shutting the possibility out was always hard, but she had gotten so good at it that it almost felt natural.

Then Ben started exposing her to everything she wanted, fake dates that never felt fake, sex that was always something more meaningful, proving time and time again that she could trust him, that he genuinely cared about her. He had forced her guard down with his patience, his understanding and his friendship.

So, when the time came for her take the leap and commit to this, to them, it wasn’t a leap at all. More like a step. A step forward into something new and exciting, and not at all scary.

Ben lifted his head, bending down to kiss her tenderly, her thumbs came up and brushed the wetness out of the corner of his eyes. She smiled softly as their eyes met.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed her again, more hurriedly, his hips increasing in pace.

Her mouth fell open in a silent cry as he pushed deeper until she was overwhelmingly full of him. Her arms flung around his chest, her fingers clutching his back, a leg hooked around his waist as she needed more, begged for more.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” He grunted, his forehead pressing into her collarbone, his breath hot and wet on her skin. He rocked in and out, his pubic bone hitting her in exactly the right spot, grinding perfectly making her vision almost white out as she moaned in pleasure. Her walls were clenching down on him, her body shaking. It was enough to push him over the edge as well, his hips shuddered, slamming into her a few more uneven times as he came with several gasps.

Collapsing on top of her, Rey wrapped her arms around him as completely as she could and squeezed blissfully. This was perfection.

After a few moments, or several minutes, she didn’t know, she turned her head and kissed his forehead. “Can you?” She asked and Ben quickly shifted his weight off of her, rolling to his side so she could breathe again. “Thank you.”

His fingers danced over her breasts and belly. She watched as he drew patterns she couldn’t see on her skin.

“Are you sure you don’t want to move in?” He panted, sounding almost dejected if it wasn’t for the way he kissed her temple. “We could do this every night.”

“Something tells me I won’t be sleeping alone most nights anyway.” Rey teased. Maybe her and Finn could get a nice flat, somewhere Ben wouldn’t mind staying over at. “And it will just be for a little while, I promise.” Her hand stroked his hair, her nails dragging lightly over his scalp.

“Until Finn is okay on his own.”

She said, trying not to feel guilty about how she wanted that day to be sooner rather than later. She had only just gotten Finn back and she was already wanting him to be okay without her. “Exactly. Until Finn is okay on his own.” Rey repeated quietly before they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Only one short chapter left...
> 
> Don't forget to follow me on twitter: [LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo) to keep updated with the new AU I am currently working on :-)


	22. Epilogue

“Let me get this straight.” Leia said, pointing her wooden spoon at her husband. “You’re telling me, you knew about them since last Thanksgiving?”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you, Princess.” Han walked around the kitchen, two bottles of beer in his hand, and placed a kiss on the top of his wife’s head as he passed.

“He only suspected, Mom.” Ben remarked, taking a beer from Han and twisting off the top. “And we weren’t really together then anyway.”

“Don’t defend him.” Leia warned. “We’re married, we’re supposed to share everything, including secrets.” Han chuckled, taking a large swig of his drink.

“Mom-”

“Don’t you start. I’m still angry you kept your relationship secret for as long as you did. All those hints I kept dropping at poor Rey, I felt so foolish when I found out you had already been dating and broken up.” Leia huffed and Ben was tempted to roll his eyes at his mother dramatics. She was never going to let that go.

Ben and Rey waited until Finn was released from hospital until they told everyone they were together. Rey had found a great little apartment for her and her brother halfway between her work at the garage and Ben’s house. It only had one bedroom, but it was a great find and she couldn’t let it go. Besides, it had a large living room where she sectioned off a corner and set up a bed for her to sleep on. Ben had been mad when she first showed him the place online and told him her plan. He didn’t want her to compromise anymore, but he calmed down when she softly kissed him and explained it was just temporary and soon, they would be living together.

Finn went back to work at the Millennium Falcon Project, only a few days a week to start with as he was still tiring really quickly, but he had really embraced the charity’s new social media presence. He even organised a charity dinner at Maz’s restaurant and started running more fundraising events. With Poe’s help.

It had been an awkward evening for Rey when her and Finn got home from work together to find Poe waiting in the living room, more takeaway pizza than they could eat in one day lining the kitchen counters. Finn walked over to him and held his hand, both turning to face her. Turns out Finn didn’t want to live alone, but he didn’t want to live with her forever either.

She had called him that evening, wanting to feel upset but was secretly relieved. And so was he.

He came over the next morning, flat packed cardboard boxes and tape in his arms.

That weekend, she moved out and Poe moved in. As a moving in present, Ben finally gave her the Christmas present he hadn’t been able to give her, the entire box set of LOST, and they started watching Season Two that night. Their first night living together.

It was hard to think that was over six months ago now. Ben’s eyes fixed on Rey when she entered the kitchen, following her as she walked around and helped Leia start chopping vegetables. Her hair was a little shorter now, but so was his, and her curves had filled out a little more, not enough for her to still be considered anything but thin, but it made her look healthier. Happier.

He came up behind her, leaning down to brush his lips over her neck.

“I didn’t mind you trying to set us up.” Rey said to the older woman when they told her what they were talking about. “I already knew how great Ben was.” She tilted her head back and let him lightly kiss her lips.

“Do you have to do that in front of me?” Luke grumbled as he walked into the kitchen, Han having just let him in. Rey stuck her tongue out at him in response.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” She replied cheerily, defiantly pecking another kiss on Ben’s mouth, making him smile softly at her easy and loving displays of affection.

“You too.” Luke put down his bag, pulling out an expensive looking bottle of champagne. He hovered for a second before making up his mind, stepped towards Ben, holding out his hand. “And congratulations, kid.” Ben shook the older man’s hand firmly, genuinely grateful.

“Thank you.” He smiled and he knew Rey would be thrilled as she watched the little interaction. Things were still tense between them, all that teenage resentment and bitterness, and Luke’s stubbornness was hard to erase, but they were both making an effort.

“Chief of Surgery at 36.” Leia almost squealed with excitement. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Rey and Ben shared a little look before he bought the champagne over for her to have a look at, his hand drawn to her lower back like it was always meant to be there. “Me either.” Rey patted his cheek affectionately before putting the bottle in the fridge for later.

The truth was, once Finn had been discharged, Rey had complained to the Dean of Medicine and told him what Snoke had done, intimidating her, insulting her, and threatening her. When Snoke had completely denied ever doing such things, Rey produced the recording she had made along with the note he had written to Ben.

With the evidence she had, Snoke’s lies were discovered and his credibility was ruined. The Dean had encouraged him to retire a few years early. And off the back of the fantastic publicity Ben’s paper, _‘stem cells and their use increasing neuroplasticity after brain surgery in long term coma patient recovery’_ , had gotten and his incredible surgery success rate, he was promoted to Chief of Surgery.

The doorbell went off and Leia rushed off to answer it.

“Rey.” Luke came up and hugged her. “How are you, my dear? Is my nephew treating you right?” Rey laughed, looking at Ben apologetically, he knew his uncle was only half joking.

“He’s wonderful.” She assured him.

There were more hugs as Finn and Poe entered.

“How much did you pay for that?” Rey teased, looking at the apple pie Finn was carrying.

“Shush. We baked it ourselves.” Finn replied, swotting her arm playfully.

“Well, I baked it. Finn mostly watched.” Poe corrected before wrapping his arms around Rey as she laughed.

“Hey!” Finn cried out, playfully offended at his boyfriend’s comment.

“Congratulations on the successful re-election campaign,” Ben said quietly as he shook the shorter man’s hand. He was starting to like Poe, but his mother didn’t have to know that.

“I’m sure the pie will be lovely. Thank you both.” Leia said diplomatically. “Now, would you all kindly get out of my kitchen. There are far too many people in here and something is bound to catch fire.” Everyone went to leave but she quickly called out. “Not you, Ben. I need your help with this jar.”

Ben lingered, raising an eyebrow when Leia pointed at an obviously already open jar of cranberry sauce, before he comprehended the real reason she had asked him to stay back.

“You have it?” His voice was a mixture of anxiety and anticipation, as he quickly looked back to make sure they were alone.

“Yes.” Leia held up a small wooden box. “You’ll have to get it cleaned first. And resized.” She informed him as she handed it over. It was a little deep green velvet box. Ben was surprised at how light it was when it was in his palm.

Opening the little lid, which creaked slightly from age, he was greeted with the sight of a matching green gem, surrounded by sparkling diamonds on a thin gold band. His fingers threaded through his hair, before running down the back of his neck.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Leia said, wistfully.

“Are you’re sure you’re okay with this?” He asked, his hand covering his mouth

“This ring is the only thing I have from my birth mother.” Leia spoke softly. It was no secret she was adopted when Bail and Breha couldn’t have their own children. It was one of the many reasons the public were so endeared to them when he was President. Leia and Luke reconnected in their twenties when a nasty news story about their birth father had been uncovered in the press in an attempt to ruin Bail’s re-election. But with the upsetting news of their father came the wonderful history of their mother, Padme.

“I’ve been waiting for you to find a woman as strong, and confident, and beautiful as her to wear this.” Leia wiped a stray tear from the corner of her eye. “I know it wasn’t easy, but I am so happy you and Rey found each other.” Her hand wrapped around his and the box, closing the lid carefully, before pulling him into a hug.

Ben pocketed it carefully before placing his arms about the small woman, squeezing her securely. “So am I, Mom.” He whispered. “So am I.”

After a moment, they joined the rest of the party in the living room, where Han and Luke were arguing about whose fault the car crash in Vancouver was years and years ago. It was a story Ben had heard hundreds of times, but Rey was enthralled, her eyes bright as she laughed as the two older men delivered the scripted punchlines.

He nestled next to her on the arm of the sofa, grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles, letting her know he was there without interrupting. She gasped as Han went over the bit about the windshield wipers, their joined hands resting on his thigh as she leaned back into his body. Ben couldn’t help but smile at her, his thumb rubbing over the fourth finger on her left hand, knowing that the little circular band of metal in his pocket would soon be wrapped around that very spot.

His mother was right, their relationship hadn’t had the easiest of starts, and she didn’t even know the whole truth of it all, but Ben wouldn’t have changed anything.

“You okay?” Rey asked quietly, tilting her head towards him. It was always how she checked in on him, ever since the beginning.

He was calm, he was happy, he was loved. Words couldn’t explain just how okay he was. More than okay. Bending down, his lips brushed over hers. She tasted like honey and crisp green apples.

He smiled before whispering back.

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> Thank you everyone who took the time to read my story, I hope you enjoyed it and I didn't let you down with the HEA. This story has meant so much to me, it welcomed me into this wonderful community, it kept me sane during the stress of losing my job due to this awful pandemic, it introduced me to so many wonderful people that have supported and cheered me on. I cannot thank you all enough. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter and other platforms: [LadyReyio](https://il.ink/LadyReylo)
> 
> And don't forget to subscribe as I will be posting my brand new AU soon, with some previews going on Twitter first :-)
> 
> See you all soon!


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